She was my best friend and the only girl best friend I had. I’ve known her since we were 6 years old. We were neighbours and practically, we grew up together.

When we were 13 years old, we went to the same school. However at school; we didn’t really talk to each other. Well at school, we had separate friends. She would be with her girl friends and I would be with my buddies. When we got home, we would spend hours talking to each other about school and stuffs. At times, I felt really comfortable around her.  One day, I went home feeling a bit devastated with my history test. I was really not in the mood; however she gave me some strength. She cracked some immature jokes and I ended up laughing hard.

 “Myungsoo ah. Don’t worry too much. You can always do better next time.” She said with a smile curling on her peaches and cream complexion.

To me, she was like my personal cheerleader.

When both of us turned 16, nothing really changed besides the fact that she grew a lot prettier and feminine. She rarely wore shorts like she used to, instead she started to wear some beautiful dresses with floral pattern on, which I thought was a bit too odd for her. Maybe because I haven’t seen her wearing one before. “You look great in that.” She blushed.

Slowly, I started to fall for her little by little. Every little things she did, kept my heart racing wildly. The things I liked the most about her is her overwhelming smile. A slight curl on her face could send shiver down my spine. It was alluring and I swore I’ve never seen such beautiful smile.

One fine autumn she told me that a guy she had a crush on asked her out. She said she was happy that she kept bouncing in joy the whole day. Not wanting to show her my disappointment I kept my smile on my face hiding the sadness behind. Only God knew how shattering I was at that time.

I was actually dying to tell her how I felt. The feeling I had inside my heart kept struggling to get out. But due to the fine friendship we’ve been holding for almost 10 years, I tried to prevent myself from telling her how I felt, afraid that it might ruin the friendship.

Few weeks after the first date, they finally became a couple. Again, I was crushed.  I kept the joy mask on my face, hiding the despondency inside.

“I wish you all the best with him.” I reluctantly told her.

Everyday she would come home and told me how amazing he is. How he sweetly made her feel better, how he showered her with gifts and unending love. And everyday also, I lent my ears to listen to all of her heartbreaking story. It was hard but I forced myself to bear with it.

And it went on for almost 2 years. 2 years I suffered, listening to her fairy-tale.  Finally we were 18 years old. This time, she grew even more gorgeous than previously.  Her peaches- cream complexion seemed more flawless and gentle that you felt like pinching it.

“Myungsoo ah~~~ he dumped me!” She went home crying.  Her dazzling eyes welled up with tears. Not to sound mean, but at that time, I swore a wave of relief flooded me. She leaned on my shoulder, crying. Again, all I could do was to console and mend her broken heart.  I wiped her tears and told her, “Don’t cry for the guy who didn’t fully appreciate you.”

*Now is my chance* I thought. I must make this confession. I have to tell her how I felt. But again, everytime I faced her, those words never wanted to come up.”I...hmm...I...” At last, I ended up with. “Ohh nothing, I think your hair look great today.” I even thought that sometimes, I can be kind of useless. I’ve got the chance, but I lost it. I then decided to make the first move by inviting her to the prom. Yes the prom was my only chance.

And yet again, I let it slipped. She was asked by another guy first.

I hate myself for being too slow. “Do you think I should go to the prom with him?” She asked me. *No…No…No* I screamed inside. “Just go. “ while forcing a smile.

Deciding not to go to the prom wasn’t really a wise way of running away. But this heart can’t stand watching her dancing in another guy’s arm. At around midnight, I went out sitting at the veranda of my house staring blankly at the dark sky. Just then she came in her red velvet dress. “It was no fun without you.” She said as she joined me.

I stared at her. She looked magnificently outstanding tonight in her red dress. “Do you want to dance?” I invited her. She laughed a bit. “There’s no music…” Gently I held her hand and led her under the open sky. I started humming to an unknown melody and led the dance.

As I stared deep into her beautiful eyes, I knew that I had already fallen in love with my own best friend. I wanted so bad to tell her, but I don’t know why, those words refused to come out.

“I’m moving away next week.” She said in a low tone.

I wasn’t really good with goodbye so I didn’t go and sent her off.

Now, I regret it so much.

Regret for not telling her my feeling and regret for not seeing her for the last time. Who would’ve thought, the night I last danced with her, was the last time I’ve ever seen her beautiful face.  Few weeks after she moved away, she met with a fatal accident that took away her life.

I regret for letting those chances slipped away. If only I told her how I felt. 

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sorry if it's too short -.- or not to your liking..