Prompt #7

“Better than if they made us cry.” Junmyeon made that face - that think about it, you know I am right face.

“Even better, we can laugh and cry and it doesn’t have anything to do with some antiquated notion.” Luhan took a bite of his apple, chewing loudly as he waited for Junmyeon’s comeback.

As far as Luhan could reason, there was absolutely no benefit to the way things were now.

“How is it antiquated when it is true? Perhaps the explanation is antiquated, but it is a fact. You won’t laugh until you meet your soulmate. No one ever has laughed before that point and no one ever will.”

“That is the part that is antiquated!” Luhan let a chunk of apple fly out of his mouth as he protested. “How do we know it has anything to do with soulmates?! What if it is about friendship or maybe just some genetic thing? Why does it have to be about love?”

“Fine, then come up with a theory that explains all of the happy relationships made when people finally laugh.” Junmyeon leaned back in the cheap plastic cafeteria chair. He folded his arms together and challenged his co-worker.

“So you want me to find people who are miserable after they laugh? Fine, challenge accepted.” Luhan was never one to back down, especially not when Junmyeon was the one challenging him. The pair had been co-workers, both tenured professors in the sociology, for the last seven years.

“I can’t wait to see what you find. No one even bothers to try to disprove it anymore, Luhan. There is a reason for that.”

“Prepare to have all your theories turned upside down.” Luhan grabbed his lunch tray, ignoring the students who were looking his way. They should be used to heated words between the two professors, it happened at least once a week.

“Luhan, if you prove centuries - no, thousands of years of belief wrong - I will be the first one to throw you a party.”

Luhan would take him up on that offer, with bells on.

Luhan hated the sound of laughter. Shrill cackles, frivolous giggles, deep and booming chuckles - all of it was annoying to him. The only people who laughed were the same ones that bought into what they had been told from birth. And people said happiness and laughter were related. Pfft, more like laughter and being ignorant were related.

He announced his new project at the next department meeting. Zhang Yixing, the department head, gave it the green light as long as Luhan kept up with his classroom responsibilities. With the approval he needed to begin work, Luhan sat down and formulated a strategy. He needed test subjects, the more the merrier.

Two months later Luhan had located exactly zero people that had begun to laugh and not married the person who had prompted the original fit of hilarity. The societal belief was so strong it almost seemed like an impossible task, so he decided to go about it a different way. Instead of actively searching for those who did not end up with the source of their laughter he found those who did and sat them down for a very thorough interview.

The only problem with this new approach was the sheer volume of people willing to be interviewed. Luhan was only one person, plus he had classes to teach. He was a control freak by nature so it was hard to consider asking someone to help him. He was adamantly against finding a research assistant until he overheard Junmyeon telling Jongdae, another professor at the school, how little Luhan had accomplished in the last few months. Luhan was fuming and more determined than ever.

Bizarrely enough, he found his assistant in one of Junmyeon’s classes. The graduate students were all given a chance to apply if they wished. Three students showed interest, two were when they threw out more than one excuse when faced with late night hours and coming in on weekends. That left one candidate, who promptly became Luhan’s assistant.

His name was Kim Minseok and he was in his last year of graduate school. He was a few years younger than Luhan, an academic late starter, but carried himself like he was older. Quiet, unassuming, and amazing at following directions, Minseok was everything Luhan could have hoped for in an assistant.

Most importantly, perhaps, of all was that he shared Luhan’s belief. “I don’t think people should get married because they laugh. If you approach the situation analytically it is perhaps the least data supported model of social behavior known.”

Needless to say, Luhan really liked Minseok.

They spent four months gathering interview from people of all walks of life. Truck drivers, stay at home parents, executives, gas station attendants, small business owners, and a couple of people with net worth over a million dollars. Each interview question was carefully selected to elicit a quick response in an effort to mitigate planned answers.

“I think we have a good sample size,” Luhan announced one Saturday afternoon. “We should stratify the answers and analyze the patterns.”

Minseok nodded enthusiastically. He was tasked with inputting the answers into a statistical software program. He went to work, entering the last few interview that they had finished up earlier in the day.

Luhan sat at his desk, listening to the plunk plunk plunk of the keyboard as Minseok typed. It was an even rhythm, in some strange way soothing to hear. Much better sounding than when most people typed, Luhan thought.

Luhan hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep lately, with keeping up with his classes on top of working on his research project. Sure Minseok helped him but Luhan insisted on checking and rechecking everything. Perhaps it was his exhaustion that made him say it.

“Minseok?”

Minseok stopped typing. Spinning in the office chair he turned around to face the professor.

“I like the way you type.” Luhan paused. “I guess you could say you are my type.”

Luhan gasped as a strange thing happened to him, a physical reaction that made him instantly fear that he was in the midst of a heart attack. His face felt oddly tight as his mouth opened. Something - was it air - was leaving him as an unholy sound escaped his lips. He clasped his hands over his mouth and doubled over, but it wouldn’t stop.

It took him a few seconds to realize he wasn’t alone. Minseok was making a noise, a terrifyingly...delightful noise.

Luhan sat up with a start. He stared into his assistant’s eyes, the man stared back.

“Did you just-”

“I think so.” Minseok looked completely dumbfounded.  “Does that mean -”

“No! Back to looking at the data. Let’s pretend it never happened!” Luhan whirled around and buried his head in the nearest book. He hoped it would never happen again.

They began avoiding each other. Minseok would come in right after class while Luhan made a point to never show up until he was certain the other man had left. They communicated through email, Luhan petrified that someday he might see a smiley emoji or something horrendous that would remind him of that day. But he didn’t, everything was professional, no mention of “the incident”.

They worked like that though the summer, doing more interviews, compiling more data, unhappy with their earlier results.

As autumn and a new school year rolled around Luhan found himself staring at pages of results that went against everything he thought possible. People who laughed were happy, and people only laughed after they met what they thought was their soulmate.

“Professor, I hate to admit it, but I believe our hypothesis has been proven false.”

Luhan deleted the email from Minseok and pounded his fist on his desk. Never would he let Junmyeon win! Never!

The next day Luhan entered his office, and just like he had for months he did so at a time he knew Minseok would be absent. It had worked like that for a while. Perhaps Luhan had started to let his guard down, had started to get sloppy, because when he walked into his office and saw Minseok seated at his desk he cried out in alarm.

“Hello professor.” Minseok didn’t seem as upset to see him. Luhan composed himself.

“Minseok, what did you need to see me fo-”

Luhan turned around to see Junmyeon standing in the doorway. They exchanged a tense look.

“Right on time! Professor, as part of our study I wanted to personally ask you, have you ever laughed?” Minseok titled his head, the picture of an inquisitive student.

Junmyeon’s expression soured. “No, I- have never laughed before.”

“That is too bad. I wonder if your laugh would be as nice as Luhan’s.”

Junmyeon widened his eyes. “You have laughed?!”

Luhan’s mouth had dropped open. He flashed Minseok a puzzled look. Why would he admit Luhan laughed, especially to Junmyeon?

“I am jealous, truly.” Junmyeon sounded dead serious.

“Well, I didn’t want to brag or anything.” Luhan puffed out his chest.

“Who was it that made you laugh?” Junmyeon prodded.

“No one. If you recall, I do not believe in such nonsense as soulmates.”

Junmyeon asked about how it felt, how wonderful it was, and how it affected Luhan’s project - rambling on for twenty minutes. He only left when Luhan told him that he had to discuss something private with Minseok.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because you are happy when you one up Junmyeon.” Minseok shrugged.

“That is true.” Luhan narrowed his eyes at his assistant. “Why do you care what makes me happy?”

“Hm, well, judging by the eight bazillion words I entered in this software, you are my soul mate. Or at least someone who will make me very happy. I thought it was best I do the same. Professor, all of the data is supporting this conclusion.”

“I don’t want to give up the research!” Luhan wasn’t going to give in, not now, not ever.

“Oh, well, suit yourself.” Minseok grabbed his jacket and laptop bag.

Luhan blurted it out. “I already am.”

Minseok stopped. Bag hanging off his arm he gave Luhan a confused look.

“I- am already suited, as you can see.”  Luhan gestured to his brown tweed suit. “So I don’t need to do it again.”

Minseok burst out laughing, and Luhan – as much as he fought it – did the same.

“Professor, is it true that they got married the day the article was published?” The student held up Junmyeon’s least favorite issue of The Journal of Sociology.

“Yes, that is true.” Junmyeon sighed.

“And it is true that they were the first people to definitely link happiness to laughter, correct? And Professor Lu used to teach here?!” The student gestured towards the magazine.

“Yes, that is also true.”

“Wow, how amazing!”

Junmyeon held his tongue. He didn’t see anything amazing about it. What was so great about laughter anyway? Lately he was of the firm opinion he could go the rest of his life without it.