I wake up greeted by a light coming from the slightly open door, not on myself my fret drags me toward the door. With hesitation I open the door and I was dazzled by the room which only have lights. I cover my arms in my face and I tried to close my eyes and I did.

As I open mg eyes I was in a room of white. At the end was a black chair backfacing me. There was a silhouette of a man. I am pretty sure who he was. Never in my life I will forgit or even have mistake on knowing his silhouette. I know he is my lover. Kim Dongjun.

"Dongjun" i mumbled. I can see the chair where his silhouette was coming closer to me. In a matter of seconds here he is standing a meter away from me. He was in her pure white polo long sleeves, white pants and shoes. He smiles at me.

That was the killer smile he always gives me which sent me in cloud nine. My body trembling. I miss this man. I want to hug him and never let him go again. I want to feel his touch, his lips, I want to talk to him like there is no tomorrow . My feet want to walk near to him, but firce was forbidding me to do so.

I tried to reach him, but I can't. No words was coming out from my mouth. There was no any changes in Dongjun's reaction he was still smiling at me. It was all the same dream I always had about him all this three years of him being gone. He never talks to me.

"I miss you." I heard myself says. He smile to me and I feel his warm hand in my face. I was shock that for the long time I will be able to feel his touch again.

I close my eyes to feel him. Wishing that when I open my eyes he was still there. "I miss tou baby, why you left me?" I asked.

"I never did." I hear him answer with his manly voice. I open my eyes and I see him staring back at me.

Then I notice he was able to touch me while I can't. "I always stay with you Jessica." He told me. I skile, but I feel tears running on my cheeks.

"I always watching over you. I am always beside you." 

"But why you left? Where are the promises we had?" I asked him.

"Everything happens for a purpose. One day you will see that me leaving you will be a big gift." I was about to protest on what he says, but he fades away.

How can he tell those words to me? When on the first place he was my reason for living. How can he leaving me be a gift? When since the day he died I feel dying to.

Do feel like losing yourself and feel like dying was a gift now?

I open my eyes and see my room. I wish you are still alive. I wish you are. 

I walk down the kitchen and see you are there with my sister lauging. I shook my head, no way! How cone that I see Yoona as you? Why I see you to her?

I shook my head and walk closer to them I see how close they are. I hate myself fir not being aware on the first love of my sister. I feel like here, but akone.

I was thinking if it just me or they are? Is it me who distance myself from them? Sometimes I wish I could talk to Krystal like the old times. I wish I will am not this Jessica Jung anymore.

I think it is my fault that I let my world only spin for you and now it is me who feel dizzy. You left me hanging out of nowhere, but this isn't your fault, this is mine. 

If ever I meet that person who kills you. I will really kill them with my hands.

I want to hug my sister and told her that I am still her unnie that she can talk with, but how can that thing happens if I am the one who breaks that beliefs my sister have for me.

"Unnie? Why are you still standing there?" I hear Yoona asked me. I just smile to them and look at my sister. I know she wants me to stay away from her girlfriend, so I shook my head and ready myself to leave.

"Unnie have breakfast with us." I hear Krystal told me. I don't know, but I feel my heart jumping in happiness hearing her called me unnie. I miss my suster.

I smile and sit beside her. It was an awkward breakfast for me. I feel a big gap between my relationship with my sister. It suddenly hits me that since I lost Dongjun I also lost all the people I have. So what the heck did Dongjun telling me that he leaving me was a big gift??

I look at Yoona and Krystal, and I see something in them that only their hearts can say what that stating means.

"Can we talk?" I was in the balcony when Krystal came. I look at her back wondering if Yoona was here too.

Krystal look at her back and sit beside me. "She was in my room cleaning." 

I nodded as understanding. I sigh and started to speak up. "I miss having conversation with you." I told her. 

I know there was shock on her face, but I just shrugged it off. "I remember the two of us running here in the backyard, you once told me that I will be the first one to know your first girlfriend or boyfriend, but I think those years are way too far from today."

Krystal just look at me and I hear her sigh.
"We never know that it will be goes like this, but believe me unnie I mean what I said." Krystal told me. I know she is.

"Are you happy with her?" I asked.

She nod and I see smile in her face. I understand those smiles. I know why she is being possessive.

"I wish we can ho back to the time, where you and I -"

"We can always be unnie, it was just you who distant yourself from me. You know I was always here for you. I will always lend you my ear even you have yours. I will never be tire hearing your dramas and tantrums. That's how I love you unnie."

I was touched by that simple words from my sister. In this time I feel loved, this was the feeling I am longing for years ago. Tears escape my eyes and I feel ky sister wiping it from me.

"When you think the whole world was against you, always remember there is one Krystal Jung who will always be on your side." Krystal tell me. I hug her. We goes into a long silent before I speak again.

"I want to know your girl more."

Krystal look at me and another silent.
"No you can't." I was shock on her words. I sigh and give my whole guts to ask again.

"Why?"

Krystal look at me.
"Not all the things are meant to be know unnie. Not all the truths can set as free, sometimes it just gave more pain to us. Some hugger mugger is needed to be left in the deep ocean. Some things are meant to hide with the shadow and never be put on light."

Those words are full of meaning. I don't know why Krystal was telling this to me, but I know she have reasons and it makes me curious.

"Sometimes curiousity can lead us to something bad that can also be the reason of our death." Krystal told me. I was talen aback by her words.

She stand from the seat and smile to me. 
"Don't worry unnie I am still the Krystal you know. Knock on my door if you need someone to talk with." Krystal walks to the door and stop again. She look back at me.

"When I say stay away fron Yoona in some time, just do it."

I enter the door and was about to run to my room when a two old man and woman surpised me.

"Where have you been dear?" The old woman asked me. Yeah she is my grandma. She was an American  who marry my granpa who was a Korean. They are the parents if my father.

"Where is the Jessica we used to know?" My granpa asked.

"Did she burried to death the way her man did?" My grandma asked. This is what I hate about them. They downgraded me. They think the