Ryan unlocked the door to her apartment. Dull light creeped into the hallway. The TV was running. Ryan got a little scared, since she had never turned the TV on that day. Someone must have been inside the apartment. Ryan blinked a few times. Something was odd. Something inside of her already told her who was sitting on the couch with no lights except for the TV screen.

„Ya, Kim Heechul?“, she yelled while taking off her coat and jacket.

„Oh you’re home.“, he yelled back.

„What are you doing in my apartment?“, Ryan wanted to know while strolling over to the living room.

Heechul was on the couch, a familiar picture, playing video games.

„I was bored at home.“, he simply stated.

„So you came here?“, Ryan furrowed. „How did you even get in?“

„Leeteuk had the other key.“, he replied.

The situation was confusing her. It felt as if she was living with him. Although he always left late at night and only returned at night. So maybe he was a vampire after all, who slept all day somewhere safe. 

Ryan laughed the weird thoughts away and went to the small kitchen place, to get some water. She opened the fridge and stared at all sorts of food and drinks.

„Did you buy all this?“, she breathed and glanced over to Heechul, who was hiding in the dark.

„I also brought something else. It’s in the freezer.“, he said.

Ryan closed the fridge just to open the freezer and looked at a cup of ice cream from the ice cream parlor they had been to together. 

„I went there earlier and had to think of you.“, he said.

Ryan took the ice cream out and went over to the couch. This was exactly what she needed right now. Some good video games and ice cream.

„How was your date?“, Heechul asked her.

„I can’t tell you.“, Ryan refused to answer.

„Why? Because we slept together?“, he grinned in the creepy light.

„Ya!“, Ryan slapped his arm. 

„What? It’s the truth.“, he laughed.

„Don’t ever say that again. It never happened, okay?!“, she yelled and got a little angry.

„How rude of you to just deny our night.“, Heechul said and Ryan couldn’t tell if he was actually hurt or just faking it.

„As if it meant something to you.“, she barked.

Heechul remained silent. Her words had indeed hurt him. He was the one who told her it was a one-off. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. But how was he supposed to know that there might be more between them. Usually that’s how he rolled. He could get every girl he wanted, why would he stay with one girl for longer. That sounded too boring to him. But when he told her it was a one-off, he pushed her away from him. And maybe it was the distance between them, that made her throw an eye on Donghae.

„You want some too?“, Ryan then asked, because she couldn’t stand the silence. Maybe she went too far with her comment, but there was no way she would apologize. Not to Heechul, who was the most arrogant person she had ever met. Well maybe he was sharing first place with Kimberly.

Heechul put the controller aside and looked at Ryan. was covered with ice cream, which made him grin.

„I take some.“, he said and leaned over, one hand on Ryan’s chin, his lips off the ice cream.

Ryan’s eyes went huge as she froze.

„Cheese cake. My favorite.“, a deja-vu went through Ryan’s head. „Now tell me about your date.“, he changed topics and brought Ryan back. „What did you guys do?“, he placed himself facing Ryan with his legs crossed and his chin resting inside of his palm.

„We went to Hangang and watched a movie on his laptop.“, Ryan told him.

„Outside? Wasn’t this really cold?“, Heechul rose his eyebrows. 

Ryan stared into his dark eyes, that were only lit by the blue light coming from the paused game on the TV. Of course Heechul looked stunning. And of course her heart was racing like crazy again.

„No.“, she said. „He brought blankets and everything to keep us warm.“

„Sounds romantic.“, Heechul fluted.

„It was.“, Ryan agreed. She felt awkward talking to Heechul about her date.

„Did he kiss you?“, he asked and his gaze intensified. His own heart was now pounding as if it was about to burst. He didn’t want to hear the answer, if it was a yes. He wanted to be the only one who had kissed Ryan. 

Ryan was unable to speak. She was caught by his chocolate fudge eyes. His smell went into her nose and made her dizzy. 

„Did he?“, Heechul asked further, as Ryan didn’t reply.

She tried hard to snap out of it. Slowly she shook her head.

This took a load of Heechul’s mind. Maybe he hadn’t lost her completely. 

„What sort of date is that, if you don’t get to be kissed.“, Heechul purred and a smile played on his lips. 

Still Ryan had no words. She was breathing heavily and fighting against the numb feeling that sneaked from her hands up her arms and started to capture her entire body.

Heechul’s hands cupped Ryan’s face. He pulled her close and let his lips sink on hers. Ryan automatically closed her eyes, her arms went around Heechul’s body and grabbed his jacket. A deep laughter grumbled in Heechul’s throat. He ran his hands into her brown, soft hair, in her kisses and let himself fall. Ryan replied by letting herself down on the couch, while pulling Heechul on top of her. He found the sparse area on her neck, carefully bit her white skin and left deep purple bruises. 

Ryan suppressed a moan. 

Suddenly she opened her eyes, realizing what she was doing.

„Kim Heechul.“, she said and used her arms to shove him away. Though Heechul didn’t want to let go of her.

„Please stop.“, she whimpered. „We can’t do this.“

„Why?“, he breathed. His eyes piercing her.

„I went on a date with Donghae and…“, she said. She couldn’t finish the sentence. But she didn’t even have to. Mentioning Donghae was enough to make Heechul back off. 

 

Again Ryan had fallen asleep. After they had stopped kissing, Ryan had finished her ice cream and watched while Heechul was playing. 

Heechul had hoped she would’ve stayed awake a little longer. He didn’t want to leave so soon. 

With a sigh he picked her up from the couch and brought her over into the bedroom, carefully placing her on the bed.

„Kim Heechul?“, Ryan quietly said.

„Hm?“, Heechul went and kneed down next to her.

A small smile went over Ryan’s lips when she looked at him with her tired eyes. „I think I broke our agreement.“, she whispered.

„What agreement?“, Heechul wanted to know.

„I said I won’t get used to anything you do. But I think I’m used to you taking me to bed now.“, she said and sounded rather sad.

„That’s okay.“, Heechul grinned and showed his dimple.

„Kim Heechul.“, she said again.

„Yes?“, he asked with his soft and melodic voice.

„I can’t go to bed like this.“, Ryan stated. „I still have make-up on and normal clothes.“

„It would be a pleasure for me to undress you.“, he smirked.

Ryan responded with an amused smile. 

„Heechul-ah!“, she said after a pause. „Don’t go.“, she added.

Heechul looked at her in confusion.

Ryan shoved herself out of bed and almost lost her balance because she was so tired.

Heechul quickly held her and so Ryan let her head sink onto his . 

„You should really get some sleep.“, he said. „Just go get ready and I wait to wish you a good night, okay?!“, he suggested.

Ryan nodded and then wavered her way over to the small bathroom.

     When she came back Heechul wasn’t there anymore.

„Heechul-ah.“, she whimpered.

„I’ll be right there.“, he yelled from the living room where he had saved the game and turned the TV off.

Ryan threw herself on the bed and closed her eyes.

„Why aren’t you wearing that black night gown you bought the other day.“, Heechul joked.

„Can you stay here?“, Ryan asked, ignoring his teasing.

„What?“, Heechul gasped.

„I don’t want to be alone.“, she said and snuggled herself under the blanket. „Come here.“, she added and patted on the empty space next to her.

But Heechul didn’t move an inch. He was somewhat startled and didn’t know if Ryan meant what she said or if she was talking nonsense.

Ryan threw back the blanket and sighed. She crawled out of bed again, went straight to Heechul and started to his jacket.

„What are you doing?“, he asked and tried to remove her hands.

„I’m taking your jacket off so you can go to bed.“, she whispered. 

„I really should leave now.“, Heechul said and grabbed Ryan’s wrists. 

Ryan looked at him with her dark eyes. „Heechul-ah.“, she said teary. „Please don’t go.“ 

„Fine.“, he sighed by staring at her. Not that he actually wanted to leave. But somewhat it was hurtful staying with her. Why would she want him to stay anyway? 

     „Good night.“, he said when they both lay in Ryan’s bed under her blanket. 

„Good night.“, Ryan said and turned to face him, but she could barely see him in the dark.

Heechul grazed his fingers up and down her side and Ryan closed her eyes to enjoy his touch.

 

Ryan woke up with her leg and arm spread over Heechul. When she opened her eyes, his black hair tickled her cheeks.

It was Sunday, but Ryan had to go to work again. She started to really hate her work, though it came in handy to escape from this weird situation.

Carefully she removed herself from Heechul and hurried into the bathroom. She quickly washed her face and got dressed. She wanted to be gone when Heechul would wake up.

     Ryan arrived with a sigh at the office. Yoon-ji was already preparing her desk and carried two steaming cups of coffee in her hands.

„Ah, is that for me?“, Ryan asked. She threw her jacket over her chair and let herself fall onto it. She was tired and stressed out about Heechul. Maybe it hasn’t been a good idea to ask him to stay at her apartment.

„This is what I need right now.“, Ryan said and grabbed the coffee.

„What are you all fuzzy about?“, Yoon-ji giggled. „Was your date that horrible?“, she wanted to know.

„What?“, Ryan turned her head. „Date?“ She had completely forgotten about it.

„Well…“, Yoon-ji danced with her eyebrows. „Your neck tells me otherwise.“

Now Ryan remembered Heechul her neck and she immediately tried to cover the spot with her hand.

„Don’t even try to hide it. I’ve already seen it.“, Yoon-ji grinned. „Seemed like you had some fun with that guy, huh?!“

Ryan faced the table in front of her. „It wasn’t him.“, she quietly mumbled. 

„It wasn’t him?“, Yoon-ji screamed. 

Ryan smiled at her apologetically. 

„Then who was it?“, Yoon-ji asked. But when she saw Ryan’s look, she knew right away. „Himchan?!“, she breathed in disbelief. 

Ryan slowly nodded.

„I thought you don’t like him. What about that other guy then? But you went on the date, didn’t you?“, she asked question over question.

„Stop asking me all that. I don’t know either. I’m confused.“, Ryan said.

„Confused?“, Yoon-ji’s mouth went open. „What is there to be confused about. Either you like Himchan or not. And if you like him, you shouldn’t go on dates with other guys.“, she summed up.

Basically it was as easy as Yoon-ji said. But still for Ryan it wasn’t. 

„We should start our work.“, Ryan said.

Yoon-ji nodded. „But one last question.“

Ryan rolled her eyes.

„You did go on the date, right?“

„Yes.“, Ryan stated.

„Then how did that thing on your neck happen?“

„That’s another question.“, Ryan furrowed.

„But I want to know.“, Yoon-ji pouted.

„If you ever meet any guy, you have to give me mega details.“, Ryan squinted her eyes at her.

„Of course, of course.“, Yoon-ji gleamed.

„When I came home from my date, Hee…Himchan was at my place.“, she said and almost spilled his real name.

„He was there? How was he able to get in? Did he break in?“, Yoon-ji’s eyes went big.

„He had the key from a friend.“, Ryan said. 

„So he was just there and then?“, Yoon-ji questioned.

„He brought me ice cream and then it just happened.“

„What happened?“

Ryan hated that Yoon-ji was really bad in counting one and one together. Or maybe she just acted as if she was too stupid, because she wanted Ryan to tell her the exact happenings.

„He just kissed me.“

„You know that’s not exactly an excuse.“, Yoon-ji said. „You could’ve pushed him away. But it seems like you wanted to kiss him, or else this…“, she pointed onto Ryan’s hickey, „…wouldn’t have happened.“

Ryan knew she was right but she didn’t want to admit it. 

„Just admit that you like him already.“, Yoon-ji grinned as if she could read her mind.

 

Ryan was called into the editor in chief’s office. Her hands were sweating and she was a little nervous about what Kee-yeun would want to discuss with her.

She nervously knocked on the door and then entered when she heard a strong „come in“ from the inside.

„Ah Song Rina-ssi.“, Kee-yeun said and a short smile flashed over her lips.

„You asked to see me?!“, Ryan stuttered and moved towards Kee-yeun’s desk.

„I need to talk to you about something.“, she grinned with her fake face.

Ryan sat down on the empty chair.

„We will have our anniversary special coming up this May.“, Kee-yeun began. „And we wanted something really special to be featured in that issue.“

„Okay.“, Ryan carefully said.

„We looked through a bunch of celebrities that would be good to feature and since it’s the comeback of Super Junior D&E in May as well, we thought that it would be a great opportunity. What do you think?!“, she finished with her awful grin. Ryan didn’t know if Kee-yeun had always looked that scary or if it was just now. 

„Sounds like you thought of this well.“, she then stated, her voice almost cracking.

„So this is when you come in handy.“, Kee-yeun folded her hands on the table in front of her and stretched her back to sit even straighter than before. „I would like you to ask your friends if they would do the issue.“

„Why me?“, Ryan gasped.

Kee-yeun squinted her eyes. „We already wanted to work with them in the past, but we’ve always been denied by their management or whatsoever…“, she rolled her eyes but then focused back on Ryan. „Since they are your friends, I guess you can arrange that?!“, she rose her eyebrows.

Ryan was speechless. She should’ve known something like this would come when she first got the job because of her connection to Eunhyuk. 

„Do you need to think about it?“, Kee-yeun asked, her voice sounded rather threatening now.

Ryan looked at her with her dark, scared eyes, unable to speak.

„I will give you a few days to decide whether you will do your best to support this magazine or not. You will report your decision to me then.“, she stated and waved her hand to symbolize Ryan she should leave now.

Ryan stood up, bowed and quickly headed to the door.

„Song Rina-ssi.“, Kee-yeun stopped her. „Don’t disappoint me.“, she glared.

     Luckily Ryan didn’t have to work anymore but could head straight home. Her thoughts were messed up inside of her head. What was there to do now?! 

The desperation pushed tears into her eyes. She didn’t want to lose her job but she didn’t want to ask Eunhyuk and Donghae that much of a favor. If Super Junior hadn’t worked with the magazine before, there must’ve been reasons…

When Ryan finally reached her train station and got to her exit, she pressed the green button next to Donghae’s name on her phone to call him.

‚Ryan?‘, he asked when he picked up.

Ryan breathed heavily while rushing to her apartment. „Hey.“, she said and again the tears wanted to find their way out of her eyes. She tried to swallow down the lump inside of , but it didn’t work as she wanted.

‚What’s wrong?‘, Donghae asked and sounded worried.

„Nothing really.“, she answered but her voice was shaky and she was about to start crying. The sound of him speaking made shivers run down her back. It was a sudden comfort and seemed to calm her down and made her stiffened body a little bit more relaxed. 

„Are you free right now?“, she wanted to know.

‚Sure.‘, Donghae quickly said. 

„Do you mind…“, she started her sentence, but couldn’t finish it. Maybe it was too much to ask him to come to her apartment to comfort her. She really wanted to see him right now, but it seemed to be so awfully selfish of her.

‚Should I stop by?’, Donghae then asked. 

Ryan stopped walking. She stood in front of her apartment building, startled by his question.

‚I’m done for now and Eunhyuk and I just wanted to head back to the dorm, but I can come to your place instead.‘, he added because Ryan kept quiet.

„Is that okay?“, she asked.

‚Of course.’, he said and almost smiled. Eunhyuk put on his jacket and looked at him from a little distance. He knew that smile and he knew Donghae was talking to Ryan.

„I… would like that.“, she carefully replied.

‚Okay.‘, he stated. ‚I’ll be there in a bit then. I’ll hurry.‘, he added and hung up.

     „Is everything okay?“, Eunhyuk asked, who had suddenly appeared behind Donghae.

Donghae looked at his Hyung with surprised eyes. „Yes.“, he said.

„Was that Ryan?“, Eunhyuk asked and pointed onto Donghae’s phone. He couldn’t help but feel the sudden bitterness he tasted on his tongue.

„Yes.“, Donghae repeated.

Eunhyuk squinted his eyes at him. „Okay.“, he said and then turned around to leave.

 

Ryan went up to her apartment, the TV and pulled her knees to her chest while resting on the couch. The apartment felt empty without Heechul here. But she quickly shoved the thoughts of him away. Donghae was on his way to her and she would feel better in no time.

The gloomy light coming from the TV made her tired but her thoughts were racing around inside of her head and didn’t let her close her eyes.

It felt like ages until Donghae finally showed up in front of the door. 

Ryan clasped her arms around him as soon as he had entered the hallway to her apartment and dug her head into his shoulder.

Donghae lurched back but at the same time his arms went to Ryan’s back to hold her.

It was then that Ryan couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. It probably wasn’t as bad as she made it seem, but for some reason her chief’s request was depressing her.

„Ryan, what happened?“, he asked and hugged her tighter. 

The two remained like that for a while. Ryan sobbing and Donghae feeling somewhat helpless in this situation.

„I’m sorry.“, Ryan mumbled into Donghae’s jacket. She gently pushed him away, but she couldn’t look him in the eye.

„It’s okay. But what is wrong?“, he wanted to know. 

Ryan didn’t answer. She had balled her hands into fists and stared onto the ground.

Donghae put his hand on Ryan’s back and guided her over to the couch, were the TV was still running. He placed her on the sofa and spread a blanket over her body. Then he switched on the small lamp that was resting next to the sofa, to get a warm light that would overtone the blue from the TV.

Ryan snuggled herself into the warmth of the blanket and watched Donghae as he bend down to put a DVD into the player and started a movie for Ryan to watch. After that he went to the small kitchen space and boiled some water to make some tea for her. He didn’t know what was wrong with her and what had made her cry. Even though she didn’t seem to want to talk about it, he wanted to comfort her and make her feel better.

Donghae handed her the cup of tea and placed himself next to her. Ryan’s eyes were fixed on Donghae, not on the film that was running. Donghae returned her gaze with a gentle smile on his lips.

„Thank you.“, Ryan whispered.

„Don’t you want to watch the film?“, Donghae whispered back.

Ryan held their gaze for a minute longer until she nodded and arranged her position to sit comfortable. The next second Donghae scooted closer, pulling her into his embrace and resting his chin on her shoulder. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment of being that close to her, feeling her heartbeat going faster and an even brighter smile appeared on his lips.

He sighed, loosened his grip a little bit and turned his head to also face the TV.

     It was perfect. It almost felt as if all the struggles fell off of her. And yet Donghae didn’t even do much. He had just been there for her, without asking. Ryan let herself sink into the moment, she felt Donghae’s warm body next to her, heard him breathing while listening to the plot of Titanic and she forgot that the rest of the world around her even existed.

 

 

It was finally the day of Ryan’s birthday. Even though she had said she didn’t want Eunhyuk to arrange something, he of course planned a birthday dinner for her.

„We weren’t sure if we should invite some of your friends.“, Siwon noted when they were all gathered inside a private room in a restaurant.
„No, no. It’s totally fine.“, Ryan quickly said. She felt a little uncomfortable. She sat next to Donghae, their arms were touching and she noticed the looks the others gave her.

„Are they a couple now?“, Kyuhyun whispered to Eunhyuk, who arranged the setting of the table.

„Ask them.“, Eunhyuk replied. He didn’t want to sound so sharp, but he still couldn’t control himself when the conversation was about Ryan and Donghae.

„I think this would be a little inappropriate.“, Kyuhyun remarked. He wore a black suit and looked most formal of every one. Well except for Siwon, who rocked the party with his expensive looking suit and fancy hair. 

Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders, threw a glance at Donghae, who was staring at Ryan and tried to calm himself down.

Yesung was the last one to arrive. He entered with a huge smile on his lips. Ryan immediately stood up from her seat on the ground and the next moment Yesung threw his arms around her to wish her a happy birthday. 

„I’m sorry I’m late.“, he apologized. 

„Finally.“, Eunhyuk went and also rose from the ground. 

„We still have a little time before dinner.“, Leeteuk said. „I will just go outside and…“, he continued speaking. „Eunhyuk and Yesung can you come with me?“, Leeteuk asked.

„Let’s go.“, Eunhyuk said quickly and escaped outside the room. Yesung was a little startled though Leeteuks glances and his dancing eyebrows made him follow the two.

„Can I turn on some music?“, Kyuhyun asked and started to play with the stereo. While the music began to fill the room and Kyuhyun teetered through the room, Ryan watched Heechul. He wore a huge baby pink sweater and stood near the door leading to the backyard of the restaurant. He caught Ryan’s gaze, held it for a second and then vanished into the darkness. 

Ryan balled her hands into fists and clenched her teeth. She wanted to go after him right away, but it would’ve been way too obvious.

She took a deep breath and turned to face Donghae with a smile.

Ryan hadn’t talked to Heechul since he had spent the night after her date with Donghae. He never came after that and it gave Ryan a feeling of uncertainty. She couldn’t really explain but his sudden absence made her feel lonely, even though there was Donghae, who filled a lot of that loneliness.

„I just go for some fresh air, it’s so stuffy in here.“, Ryan said and awkwardly smiled into the round.

„Siwon dance with me.“, Kyuhyun said and ignored Ryan. Since Siwon and Donghae were both paying attention to Kyuhyun that moment, Ryan used this chance to quickly slip outside.

Her heart stopped when she saw Heechul leaning against the wall, his hands buried into his pockets. A light breeze through his hair and it was like a scene from a movie, when he suddenly turned his head, flipping his hair out of his face and his chocolate fudge eyes pierced her.

Ryan was unsure what to do. If she should go straight back in or if she should join Heechul out here. It didn’t seem right, but there was something inside of her that wanted her to at least stand next to him for a little while. Maybe it would help against that weird feeling that she had.

„Happy Birthday.“, Heechul said with a soft sigh.

„Thanks.“, Ryan quietly replied. She leaned against the wall next to Heechul and stared, just like him, into the dark sky, covered with clouds.

A moment passed and suddenly Ryan felt that Heechul was looking at her. 

„Can I ask you something?“, he went.

Ryan nodded. Her hands started sweating and she swallowed down the lump inside of .

„Do you like him?“, Heechul asked.

Ryan was surprised by that question. She looked at him with huge eyes and tried to evaluate what this conversation was going to be about.

„Do you like Donghae?“, he asked again and his voice almost seemed to crack. „Are you dating now?“, he went further.

Ryan was in shock. Still, or maybe even again, because his questions kept hitting her.

„I just need to know, Ryan.“, Heechul explained, his voice started to get softer.

„Why?“, Ryan breathed.

„Don’t pretend like you don’t know.“, Heechul sadly said. Or possibly, Ryan was only imagining his change of voice.

All of the sudden Heechul pushed himself off the wall and turned around to lock Ryan between him and the building.

„Kim Heechul.“, she breathed again. 

„You just need to answer.“, he said, his deep eyes focusing her. 

Ryan wanted to back away, but she was caught by him. 

Heechul’s hands wandered over the sides of her body, traveling from her shoulders down to her waist and her hips. 

„What are you doing?“, Ryan gasped. 

„I’m waiting for my answer.“, Heechul smiled at her. An evil grin that she knew all too well.

Ryan finally pulled herself together and pushed Heechul away from her. „You’re way too close.“, she said.

„Ryan, I mean it.“, Heechul then said, now sounding rather serious. It was a voice Ryan hasn’t heard often, or even never.

He approached again, he cupped Ryan’s face and leaned in for a kiss, waiting only inches away from her lips for Ryan to close the gap.

„Stop that, before anyone sees us.“, Ryan slapped him, though Heechul didn’t move.

„Do you want me to stop because you don’t want me to kiss you, or because you don’t want them to find out?“, he then went and confused Ryan once again.

     „Where’s Ryan?“, Eunhyuk said when he came back with Leeteuk and Yesung. They had prepared a huge birthday cake for Ryan with blue and green frosting and all sorts of decorations on it.

„She went outside.“, Kyuhyun said, still dancing waltz on his own when throwing mad glances at Siwon once in a while.

„I’ll go get her.“, Donghae said and only now noticed that Heechul was missing too.

     „Ryan?“, Donghae yelled, but already saw her when he stepped outside.

Heechul quickly backed off and shoved his hands back into his pockets.

„What’s going on out here?“, Donghae asked and his puppy eyes seemed confused and scared at the same time. 

„Nothing.“, Heechul shrugged his shoulders. „We were just talking about stuff.“

„You should come back inside.“, Donghae said. He felt that something was awfully wrong and his entire body stiffened as he watched Ryan walk away from Heechul. It was Heechul’s eyes that made him worry. The way he looked at Ryan was different from normal. 

Donghae reached his hand into Ryan’s direction, but when she was about to take it, Heechul suddenly grabbed Ryan’s wrist.

„Ryan!“, he said sharply. Heechul stared into Ryan’s eyes and ignored the fact that Donghae was looking at him, his mouth wide open and disbelief written all over his face.

„Is that your answer?“, Heechul asked.

Ryan felt like crying. She had never believed she would end in a situation like this. She now had both guys in front of her and it was her turn to choose. But was there really something to choose? It didn’t seem like Donghae and Heechul were on the same page as she was.

The only thing Ryan knew was that she couldn’t break Donghae’s heart. So the one thing she could do right now, was to let Heechul go. She pulled her hand from his grip, not able to look him in the eye.

Something inside of him shattered into thousand pieces and he wasn’t able to think straight anymore. He shook his head and rushed into the room again, to find the others waiting for Ryan’s birthday surprise. 

He looked a bit taken aback, blinking into the bright lights and staring into the surprised faces.

„Heechul?“, Leeteuk went. 

Then Donghae and Ryan followed to enter the room and made everyone wonder what might have happened. Donghae looked as pale as he probably never looked before and Ryan didn’t seem to be enjoying herself much either.

„What’s wrong all of the sudden?“, Siwon wanted to know.
„Happy birthday?“, Kyuhyun asked and made jazz hands, pointing on the delicious looking cake.

Heechul stormed through them to reach the door.

„Why is Heechul like that?“, Yesung asked and everybody followed him with their eyes.

„I’m sorry.“, Ryan whispered.

It was completely silent apart from the classical music that was running in the background.

„Can somebody tell me what happened already?“, Eunhyuk yelled. „This is freaking me out.“, he then turned to Heechul and grabbed him by the shoulders. „Where do you think you’re going?“

„I’m leaving.“, Heechul said with a sudden bitterness inside of his voice that made shivers run down Ryan’s back. But not the good kind of shivers.

„Heechul!“, Donghae said and he sounded a lot stronger than he thought he would. „I think you owe me an explanation.“, he added.
Ryan looked on the ground and tried to be invisible as hard as she could. Why was this happening? Why now and why in front of everyone?

„Why are you behaving like this and why are you treating Ryan like that?“, he asked and every word was like a needle poking into her skin. He was totally misunderstanding everything and Ryan was afraid Heechul would flip when Donghae continued to provoke him.

„Was he rude to Ryan?“, Leeteuk gasped and looked from Donghae to Heechul and back. 

Donghae frowned and waited for Heechul to say something.

„No.“, Heechul simply said.

„Then what’s this all about?“, Leeteuk wanted to know.

Eunhyuk had enough of this. „Seriously, what is all this about? Heechul just tell everyone what you did.“, he said but didn’t actually thought about what he was saying. He quickly covered his mouth with his hands, but it was too late.

„Fine.“, Heechul said and rose his eyebrows. He now had everyone’s attention. „I slept with Ryan.“, he spat. Then he turned around and left everyone speechless.

Tears started to push against Ryan’s eyes and she was too afraid to look up. But she already knew everyone was facing her. 

Donghae let go of her hand. He was probably most shocked and seemed to lose his balance. Siwon was quickly by his side and supported him.

Ryan felt horrible, though she knew it was her own fault. She looked up to first find Eunhyuk’s gaze. He seemed disappointed but he also seemed hurt. Something inside of his face though, told her, that he had already known.

„Is that true?“, Donghae whispered.

„I’m sorry, but can you please let me explain…“, she went and already started crying.

Leeteuk crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head. „Maybe we should end this gathering here.“, he suggested. 

„I’ll take Donghae to the car.“, Siwon said and guided him outside.

„But…“, Ryan went, though Leeteuk signalized her to be quiet.

„Just go home.“, Leeteuk said and then he left with Kyuhyun.

Eunhyuk and Ryan remained in the room. 

„I’m sorry Ryan.“, Eunhyuk said and approached. 

Ryan looked at him and there was a sparkle of hope that arose in her eyes, though it got killed the next moment, when Eunhyuk grabbed the back of her head and pushed her down into the cake.

„You don’t deserve us as your friends.“, he stated and went after the others.

Ryan wiped the cake from her face and immediately followed Eunhyuk. 

„Hyukie!“, she yelled. She grabbed him and wanted to stop him from leaving. She at least wanted to apologize to him, she wanted to explain everything.

„Just leave me alone.“, Eunhyuk spat.
„Please just let me explain.“, she whimpered.

„What is there to explain?“, Eunhyuk bursted. „Not only did you put my band members into a difficult situation, you also broke my brothers heart.“, he raged.

„I never…“, Ryan started but got cut off again.

„Just shut up. I don’t want to hear your stupid explanations and excuses. I knew it from the beginning Ryan.“, he said. „I knew there was something going on between you and Heechul but I seriously hoped I was wrong. Or at least I was hoping you two would have ended it for the sake of Donghae. Do you ever think about what you’re doing? Do you always just take what you want, without considering the consequences?!“

„But I…“, Ryan tried again to explain.

„I’m so sick of you.“, Eunhyuk said. He seemed to have calmed down a little, since he wasn’t yelling anymore. Though there was a serious anger inside of his eyes and he felt the urge to hit Ryan in the face so she would finally notice the amount of damage she had caused. „I’d wish you would’ve never come to Seoul. Ever since you arrived you only made my life miserable. So please just do me the favor and leave. I don’t want to see you again and I don’t want to see you around anyone of my friends.“, he said and faced the ground because he knew how hurtful it must’ve been what he just said. But he had to do it. He had to throw Ryan away. Once and for good.

„Hyukie…“, Ryan whispered. She was unable to say something. She was deeply hurt. It felt like her entire body was ripped into pieces and she just wanted to melt to the ground and leave this world. Right now it felt like everything was over. She had destroyed everything and she had hurt people with her selfishness. It was only now that she realized how wrong her doings had been. And Eunhyuk was right - there were no explanations and so excuses. She had screwed up and there was no chance in turning back time.

Ryan nodded and then left Eunhyuk behind inside the restaurant. A few worried waitresses looked confused but started with their work again.

Ryan passed the parking lot, ignored the van that was still waiting for Eunhyuk and went home.

She was covered in cake, but she didn’t care. It was what she deserved. 

Ryan wasn’t even able to cry right now. She felt empty and as if the time was standing still. She was trapped inside of this horrible moment and she had to endure the endless pain that had captured her body and slowly pulled her into a state of apathy.

     Ryan opened the door to her apartment. She first went to take a shower. Actually to clear her head, but it wasn’t working. She wrapped herself into her bathrobe. She didn’t know what to do. Should she go to bed, or watch a movie or play a game?! Everything felt wrong. Doing something felt like the wrong thing.

A small package on the kitchen counter got her attention. It seemed to be a present.

Ryan unwrapped the small box and opened it. Inside she found a charm bracelet with a single charm on it - a tiny glass slipper. 

She unfolded the little paper that was also in the box. ‚I found this shoe and believe it’s yours. Though I’m Cinderella and you have to be the prince.‘, was written on it. 

A sudden pain went through Ryan and her knees gave up, she fell to the ground and bursted into tears. She clutched the bracelet and the paper in her hands and let all of the sadness and hate out. She hated herself for everything she did and she hated herself for coming back to Seoul.