Foreword

“How it's going between you and Yunho?”

JJ face darkens. ”Thanks for ruining my mood, Yoochun,” he gritted through his teeth and whirled around, ignoring the sounds of complaint as he pushed one or two out his way. Changmin sighed. Another quest begun. Junsu raised his eyebrow. ”Trouble in paradise?” he asked. It was kinda obvious. But it was Junsu they were talking about. Changmin had given up on trying to grow some intelligence in his head.

Yoochun sighed. “Don't. It's exhausting. If it goes on they'll break up.”

Changmin frowned. “Did Jaejoong ...“

Yoochun shook his head and let out a humourless laugh. “Funny thing it's not Jae but Yunho who caused their trouble.”

That astonished both Junsu and Changmin. They exchanged short glances. “Are you saying Yunho cheated?” Junsu dared to question the shadow-leader's clean reputation. “On Jaejoong?”

Now Yoochun looked surprised. “What? No! How the hell did you get to that conclusion? Yunho can't lie, let alone cheat. The thought already would kill him.”

“Sweet and innocent Jung Yunho,” Changmin grinned. The thought was entertaining. Especially, when he imagined the soccer player's expression if he ever heard about the dirty thoughts of his admirers. Maybe he should mention one or two things at the next family gathering. That would make the usual boring meetings light up.

“Then what's the reason?” Junsu looked upset. He was the kind of guy who hated disharmony and anger. At the same time he was drawn to those who'd experienced it. What paradox. Changmin couldn't figure him out, much too his own dismay. No analysis presented him the missing puzzle pieces he needed. Junsu was a mystery to him. Jaejoong, too. And there was a third fitting the category. Someone his nights were spent on. Thoughts of a beautiful person with a sharp mouth plagued his dreams, to come closer only to push him away. Push and pull. That belonged in geography studies, damn! Not in his life. To his dismay a certain stripper didn't care in the least about it. Well, what did he expect from someone who was used to people crouching at his feet - literally - and begging for his attention? It was his own fault and he had to deal with it. As if the problems in his friends' circle wasn't enough already...

“Typical teenage feelings,” Yoochun waved it off. “Ah, whatever. I've had enough for today. Shall they figure it out themselves." He tipped his chin and then gazed at Junsu who looked expectant. "Up for a round of soccer, Junsu?” Said boy beamed and the next second Changmin was left behind. Thanks, he thought and clicked his tongue in deprecation. Now he looked like a pitiful puppy left outside a shop in the rain, with the exception that he was dry and not wet. At least something positive, he mused. There was the urge to visit a certain person in a famous nightclub. If he was lucky he wouldn't have to wait for long to get inside and enjoy the show with some good food.

Loving someone means to commit yourself to that person. Committing yourself to someone means to give that person your all. There are those who can commit others but can't commit themselves.

 

Main

What the heck was going on?

That one phrase circled continuously in Changmin's head for more than a week now. He wasn't sure what exactly happened in his four days of absence because of sickness. He wasn't sure either why he hadn't been informed about the strange behaviour in his circle of friends. His informants clearly needed a scolding to the maximum. How dare did they forget to mention this important piece of information? To withhold it?

The first thing he noticed was that Jaejoong wasn't sitting in Yunho's lap on lunch time. He still sent every living female who dared to look in Yunho's direction – or was courageous enough to sent him a flirtatious smile – a intimidating back-off-he's-mine-glare. But he wasn't seating in Yunho's freaking lap! And if that wasn't strange enough already Yunho took special caution as to not touch the raven haired boy. Whenever their bodies came too close for his liking he shrunk away. Normally his hands were all over the other one's body! What was wrong with them? A lover dispute? Did Jaejoong carry some health endangering virus in his body? Why wasn't he informed? For what reason did he have those idiotic morons as informants?!

The second thing that was completely out of his calculations were Junsu and Yoochun. Okay, he may or not had suspicions about them but they were void. He even listed arguments against any thoughts involving romantic interest, overrode them – in high intellectual standard phrases of course. His younger sister had laughed at him and told him aual beings won't be able to ever gasp the mirth complex love was. Whatever she tried to tell him with that. Anyway, the two boys closeness bothered him. Negative or positive he had yet to decide. They didn't harm anyone except his eyes. The sappy looks were too much. Ignore the fact Junsu and Yoochun sat one arm length away from each other and mischief gleamed in their eyes. Changmin's viewing angle was kinda different from an objective one. And so was his behaviour in hairy situations. While their friends tended to stay out of any sort of disharmony – at least Eunhyuk and Donghae – and let time manage everything, Changmin couldn't stand stupid actions and told said people off. Like know.

“Could you stop this awkwardness?” he snapped at Yunho who once again avoided Jaejoong's touch when the boy reached over to snatch an apple piece from Kangin's lunch box. “I'm trying to eat here.”

When Yunho sent him a blank but somehow offended look Changmin gestured wildly with his chopsticks between Jaejoong and him back and forth. “This. It's hella disturbing if you ask me and don't come me with excuses like 'we're trying to be considerate of you'. We all know there exists no thing as consideration concerning you two. This avoiding bothers everyone here. So get a grip and act normally. Both of you! This idiocy is giving me a headache.”

Yunho pressed his lips in a thin line. He looked less cooperating than a grumpy prisoner being told to wear a clown's costume. Eunhyuk shuffled uncomfortably with his feet under the table, eyes darting around the table. Donghae was surprising unaffected and continued to eat his meal. Kangin cleared his throat in order to end the sudden and heavy silence that loomed over them after Changmin's outburst. Not that he cared. Why should he suffer at his most favourite time because of the idiocy two of his hyungs seemed to be fond of? Not on his watch. Junsu and Yoochun weren't even concerned in a bit and continued to whisper. Whatever boring conversation they've lead. At least they followed the example of the whole cafeteria which chattered loudly. Modesty and thoughtfulness wasn't exactly teenagers most outstanding talents. Not even chopsticks chuck away to the side helped. Only the loud sound of someone banging his fist on a table made them pause in their pointless talks. Grabbed their attention. Typical.

“Idiocy?” Jaejoong repeated loudly. He was almost screaming. His whole body shook. The anger was clear. He didn't seem to care everyone was watching him. “What the do you know, huh? Don't insult others because their IQ is lower than yours! You're not the one cooped up with a stick-shoved-up-his--boyfriend who's too posh to talk to you! Or better, acts as if you're a disease. It's not funny, I tell you. Scold Yunho, not me! I didn't do anything wrong. He's the idiot here!”

“Jaejoong-”

“Shut up!” Jaejoong snarled and Yunho did as he was told. The dangerous glint in the other's eyes gave everyone chills down the spine. “You good for nothing twit. I don't even know why I grapple with you. Damn it. I'm sick of your hostility. And you stop earwig,” he spit at the rest. Embarrassed the other occupants turned away and continued. “And you,” he addressed everyone at the table, “if you wanna be called friends you shouldn't act all mighty and pretend nothing is going on. If you're scared of me to go for the jugular you may stop mingle with me. Take Yunho as your role model. The past few days he gotten really good at it.” Changmin saw said man wince at the bitterness in the raven haired boy's voice. “Now, excuse me. I'm fed up with hanging around hypocrites. See you in class.” With that Jaejoong stomped away and glared at any poor soul standing in his way. Changmin watched him vanish around the corner and wondered if the boy minded if he ate the rest of his lunch.

“Could the day get any worse?” Donghae mumbled more to himself than the others. They stayed quiet. The awkwardness before was nothing compared to the atmosphere now. Nobody dared to say something. Afraid to worsen the mood, especially Yunho's. Nobody except Yoochun. He, who acted oblivious the whole time took now action. “Let's talk,” he said so nonchalant it was scary. It was obvious who he meant. Yunho stared at him silently. Yoochun returned his gaze and stood up. Without another word he walked out the cafeteria. Some classmates shot him curious and even worried looks. Changmin snorted. Did they expect the boy would meet his ex-boyfriend? They should mind their own business. Would do them good.

“You should go.”

Surprised, everyone looked at Junsu who wore an unreadable mask. Eunhyuk joined his best friend's advice and nodded fervently. Yunho looked torn between following and staying stubborn. But when even Kangin sent him a reprimanded look his resistance crumbled and he left the hall with a frown. “I'm gonna search for Jaejoong,” Junsu announced and walked off, leaving the rest dumbfounded.

“Since when are those two so close?” Kangin asked. Eunhyuk shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows. I don't understand Junsu either. And we're childhood friends.”

Changmin tipped with his right index on the table surface. A new mission had arisen.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I've seen you yesterday,” Junsu said nonchalantly as they trotted down the floors, past empty or half-filled classrooms and bored students teachers alike. They were in search of Jaejoong.

Once again.

It seemed to have become a ritual: Yunho doing something wrong again in the raven haired boy's eyes and he would leave with nothing more than a dramatic huff. Changmin got irritated by both of them. His speech days ago hadn't succeed. And worse, the heavy atmosphere caused him to get an upset stomach. “In front of this famous nightclub,” the annoyance beside him continued, attentive eyes on him. Changmin said nothing. Stay quiet and sooner or later the other would, too. His devise worked with almost everyone. Sadly, Junsu didn't belong to them. He always had to say something, most of the time nonsense. Only this time it wasn't as nonsensical as Changmin wished it would be.

 

“Ah, the gossip is probably fuelling,” Jaejoong replied darkly. “'Karma bites the cheat in his '. How entertaining. God, how I wanna strangle Yunho.”

They were outside in the big garden in the back of the school yard. It was nice weather, the complete opposite as one of them felt. Jaejoong sat cross-legged on the ground and ripped angrily at the innocent grass. Changmin felt sorry for it.

“You do know that brings you in prison?” Junsu warned and patted the agitated boy's shoulder. Changmin wondered when they got so close. There was no common interest connection them, was there?

Jaejoong huffed. “Do I look like I care?”

“Yes, you do.”

That answer made Changmin receive a glare. Well, it was the truth. If the other wasn't affected by it he wouldn't act the way he did and be annoyed by Yunho's behaviour. Changmin felt the same, too. His cousin could sometimes be the most idiotic and stupid person on earth. And he had to endure his endless whines how his life which affected his own mood and then a certain person will be the receiver of all the mess.

“Can we talk?”

All three turned quiet and looked at the nervous figure. Speak of the devil. The newcomer's clothes and hair definitely had seen better days. There were even dark circle's under his eyes. In the end Jaejoong stood up and walked out of ear range. Changmin watched him gesture Yunho to start talking and decided it was time to be filled in. Junsu clicked his tongue in disapproval and left. That wasn't his style.

“Listen, Jaejoong,” Yunho started and paused. “I don't know how to say this... I mean it's pretty difficult and if there were another way it would be great and all but -”

“You wanna break up with me,” Jaejoong cut him short and left Yunho surprised. He stared speechless at his boyfriend. Had he been that obvious?

“You know... if I was a nice and considerate person I'd probably agree to your stupid suggestion. If we can even call it that.” Jaejoong' voice was still calm. It made Yunho edgy. “Fortunately I'm not nice and will definitely never be considerate so my answer is 'No'. I'm not breaking up with you,” Jaejoong announced, eyes flashing. ”I don't ing care what stupid reasons you have or why you suddenly act like a chicken.” Indigence flashed over Yunho's face. How dare the other insulted him! To stop a relationship wasn't cowardly. Especially the one they were in. But before he had the chance to protest the raven continued. “You knew what you'd got yourself into when I asked you to play a little game with me. You knew at that time I was still in a relationship and you know the reason why I wanted us apart. So don't start whining-”

“Not really.” The words were put before Yunho thought about it. Jaejoong stopped mid-sentence and stared at him. “What?”

“I don't know why you wanted Yoochun to leave you,” Yunho explained. ”The only thing you ever said was 'help me to make Yoochun break up with me'. Nothing else. So tell me, why did you ruin that relationship. And why do you want to keep ours?”

Astonishment was written all over Yunho's face as he watched Jaejoong laugh. It wasn't the normal hearty laughter with sparkling eyes he liked. It was humourless with hurt filled eyes. “You know what, Yunho? Sometimes you're stupid. So very stupid.” He looked pitifully at the soccer player. “It makes you almost pitiful. If you can't even answer that than all hope is gone for you.”

“Would you stop treating me like a dump kid?!” Yunho snapped and grabbed Jaejoong's collar. “Do you find it funny to make me look like an idiot? I may be slow in some things but I ain't stupid!”

“Then be faster!” Jaejoong hissed and pushed him back. “Goddammit. Why do you have to be so difficult?” With that he stomped away and left Yunho more confused and angry than before.

Changmin shook his head. Yeah, his relative was the most stupid person on earth.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“He was nothing but honest with you,” Yoochun said matter-of-factly. “Give him that much credit, Yunho. And I know for sure you love him, don't you?” Yunho chose to stay silent. “That's why you're so insecure. You fear to lose him.”

“How can I lose him when I feel like I never had him?” Yunho shouted exasperatedly.

“That's it?” Yoochun shook his head in disbelieve. “You're serious telling me the whole drama is because you doubt your relationship? I really wanna smack you right now, Jung Yunho.”

The deadly glare sent in his direction made addressed boy step back to bring a safe distance between them. Then, the scary expression vanished and was replaced by sympathy. “I can't say he loves you, too,” Yoochun admitted. “For that, you have to ask him yourself. So stop whatever you're trying to archive with the I-can't-trust-you-because-of-your-cheating-nature behaviour.” Yoochun sternly stared at him. “I forgave Jaejoong because I knew you were a better person for him than I could ever be. The right person. And I dare you to ruin it. If you shove him away because of a sudden decrease in self-confidence I'm gonna make your life hell. He tries, haven't you noticed? He tries so hard to be good enough for you. He doesn't hang out with those es, doesn't flirt with whoever makes hearty eyes at him. In fact, the only person he stares at is you. So please appreciate the effort Jaejoong makes. I'm not going to say this twice: confess and wait. Jaejoong may have ugly sides but he never finds malicious joy in others' misfortune. He's too nice for that.” With that Yoochun turned and went back to the classroom, leaving an agitated Yunho behind. Not that he was alone for long.

“Need advice from a friend, Yunho?”

He looked up and sent the newcomer a strained smile. Yoochun's words had left him without energy. “What advice can you give I didn't already hear, Kangin?” he asked flatly.

His friend sighed. “Now now. Since when is our lovely and bright shadow-leader so depressive?”

“Since the day I woke up and ed everything up.”

“And what did you up?”

Yunho snorted. “You really wanna see me suffer, don't you?” Kangin stayed silent. And the football player puffed out his cheeks. “I know I'm unfair. Jaejoong didn't do anything – yet. And that's my problem. I'm so ing insecure when it comes to him! I always ask myself why he stays at my side, why he chose me. I'm not outstanding handsome nor high intelligent. I'm good at sports but so is Junsu. I'm good at dancing but so is Eunhyuk. Every second of the day I wonder when the fateful moment is he'll dump me and move on to the next person.” Yunho buried his head in his arms. “I'm so pathetic. I hate myself for hurting him. But I don't know what to do. I thought distance would help but both of us know where that led to.” Kangin smiled in sympathy. Jaejoong's outburst in the cafeteria a while ago wasn't something easy to forget.

“Jaejoong's right. I'm an idiot.”

Kangin wanted to oppose but the other cut him off. “Don't try to sweet-talk me. It's the truth. An idiot and a sissy. I don't have the guts to tell my own boyfriend what I feel. Boyfriend. It sounds absurd and right at the same time. I don't wanna lose him, Kangin. God, the thought scares me. And that scares me, too. I'm too attached and it grows and grow. I can't do anything against it. It's crazy and stupid.”

“No,” Kangin objected. He pushed the black object back in his jeans pocket and grinned. “It's not. And you're not stupid either. You're just hopeless in love. A smitten idiot.”

Yunho looked up and searched in his friend's eyes for a sign he was getting fooled. But all he found was sincerity. He bit his lips and stared down again. “I must be, huh..?” he mumbled. “Yoochun told me something similar. It's incomprehensible. I just can't believe I fell in love. And that hard. That wasn't the plan.”

“Love doesn't go after any plan,” Kangin said and stood up. “How about you man up and go find Jaejoong?”

“And what am I gonna tell him?”

“The same thing you told me. Honesty is the best policy. And let me tell you, Yunho. If Jaejoong hates one thing than it's others' cowardice. His own is enough for him.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I've never had my first kiss,” Heechul confessed, embarrassed. They stood outside the club. Heechul's shift was over and Changmin decided to do the job properly. No embarrassing lurking around and flounder in words. So he charged in rather aggressive just to be brought to an abrupt hold at those words. He stared at the man with disbelief. He may acted foolish when it came to this man but he wasn't stupid to believe Heechul hadn't kissed before. Hell, he knew the other's occupation. He was a damn stripper! He'd given people s and kisses the way others spent money. No way in hell would he believe that false confession.

“You've got to be kidding me,” Changmin growled. He felt offended. “You're trying to tell me you haven't kissed before? You?” He couldn't help but laugh. It sounded even more ridiculous when he said it out loud. The stripper was crazy at times but this was a whole new level.

“Maybe I should rephrase it,” Heechul suggested.

“That would be better.”

“I've kissed before. Yet, I've never had my first kiss.”

“You really wanna make me angry, don't you?” Changmin hissed, getting pissed off. What made him think he was that easy to fool? He had brains! More than half of his class combined. Just because he couldn't find a solution for his cousin's mess he was degraded like that?

“Having kissed before doesn't equals the first kiss,” Heechul stated. “Many say they want to save their first kiss. It's called romantic and lovely. But for me the first kiss isn't the time you press your lips together with another pair for the first time. It's not the act itself that's important. It's the person you want to experience it with. So, I never had my first kiss.”

Changmin blinked. And then the light bulb appeared over his head. “Why didn't you say so earlier?” he asked embarrassed and exasperated ruffled his hair. “I made a fool out of myself for nothing.”

Heechul shook his head. “Not for nothing. For me.” He grabbed Changmin's hand and squeezed it. “I'm thankful for your devotion towards me. It's something I haven't experienced for a long while. I'm truly grateful.”

Changmin stared down at their intertwined hands, wondering if that was what he wanted. Or if he tried to escape. “I need to go,” he said quietly and slipped out of Heechul's grip. The other nodded, lips pressed in a thin line, eyes apologetic. “I didn't lie, Min.”

He was already a few steps ahead when those words reached him. He turned halfway back and smiled thinly before continuing his way. “I know. I wish you good luck.”

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“What's with you and Yoochun, duckbutt?”

Junsu squeaked, suddenly looking nervous. “Wh-What do you mean, Kangin? What should be there? There's nothing. We just get along well.”

Changmin snorted. It was easy to read the other. “Come on. If Kangin discovered an abnormality between the two of you there has to be something,” he stated and imaginary patted his shoulder for making an insult sound like a praise. He got better and better. A career as a cabaret artist became more and more likely.

“We're friends, what else?” Junsu tried to brush it off. The nervousness in his voice betrayed his nonchalance though. Changmin and Kangin raised an eyebrow. “You're a bad liar. Almost as bad as Yunho. Who knew you were alike.”

“Oh, really?” Suddenly Junsu looked pissed off. Have they been too offensive? “For someone who's supposed to tell only the truth he puts on a great charade,” the soccer player scoffed.”Or is he a coward who tries to back out now that he realises he's deep in? Let me tell you something: I stay true to myself and the people around me. You wanna know what's going on between me and Yoochun? Earn the right to know. Or think of what he experienced.”

He walked away, every step brooding with anger. “What was that?” Kangin wondered.

Changmin narrowed his eyes. “He insulted my cousin. Bitter thing, he's right. Damn, never was I more embarrassed to be related to Yunho than the last few weeks.” He shook his head and broke out in a new direction. Who'd guess that duckbutt would give him,Shim Changmin, a teaching of life. These days were strange for sure.

The night proved it. He ended up in a bar. Not the usual one. Something made him avoid it. A customer who made Heechul smile he himself wasn't able to. So he frequented another one and drank himself almost into unconsciousness. Why? Because he realised his sister was right all along and in the end he couldn't get what others got. Damn those committed people!

And now? Changmin felt awful. Never in his life did he regret something as much as the bottle of whiskey he downed. Damn, what was he thinking? Ah, right. The though of that damn stripper. And the man's subtle rejection. my life, he thought as another wave of nausea hit him.

“What am I gonna do? Jaejoong will have a fit if he finds out.”

“Chill, Yoochun. He'll get better before anyone knows.”

“As happy as I am about your new found optimism it isn't appreciated in the moment,” Yoochun snapped. “Why don't you focus it on another issue?”

“What do you mean?” Yunho clearly sounded confused. Not that Changmin was in any state to judge. His head pounded and his stomach made one loop after another. Why couldn't he just throw up? He'd heard after that you'll feel refreshed.

“Don't give me that , Yunho,” Yoochun warned. Changmin heard some rustling and then he felt a hand on his forehead. There was inaudible mumbling before the hand retreated itself. “You're both hurting and it's getting worse. I told you before to get a grip on your insecurities. Do you really wanna ruin what you have with Jaejoong?”

“What I have?” Yunho repeated. “What exactly do I have, Yoochun? Tell me. You seem to have always wise words when it comes to our relationship. Because I can't tell you if Jaejoong and I still have something.”

The sound of a hand connecting with skin echoed around the room. So Yoochun was the slapping kind, Changmin mused. What happened to the good ol' punch? Maybe too prominent. Prompts questions. What a hassle. As my tummy, he thought and groaned when another wave of nausea hit him. Damn alcohol. Toxic.

“I dare you to question your relationship with Jaejoong,” Yoochun threatened. He sounded unfamiliar dangerous. “Are you really that low to degrade him because of your sulking? I thought better of you, Yunho.”

“I'm not sulking!”

“Don't shout or you'll wake Changmin!”

I'm awake, Changmin wanted to say but a especially hard wave of nausea beat him to it. He only whimpered. And seconds later was pushed on his side and a hand massaging his belly. It calmed the tumult and his thoughts became more clear. Right, his cousin was sulking. Because the discussion with his boyfriend didn't go the direction it was supposed to. Changmin wasn't even sure how it turned out that way since Yunho looked very determined to make things right. Or even more wrong if the words he used were anything to go by...

“Since you brought up your worry about the chance of me cheating why not putting in the fact that I endanger your popularity also?” Jaejoong suggested. The sarcasm dripping from his tongue. “Two arguments instead of one. Isn't that much better and oh so much more understandable? And everything will fall on me since I don't wanna break up. What a bad person I am. So horrible. With my selfishness I destroy your reputation. The brunette wasn't that far from the truth,” Jaejoong mocked Yunho, a provoking smile on his lips. But Changmin could see the hurt in his eyes. Yunho's increasing distrust hurt him. “Ah, that's a perfect feed for the gossip in our school: Selfish Kim Jaejoong ruins kind Jung Yunho. Has a nice sound, hasn't it? ...You know,” the raven continued. ”I'm so short on saying screw this. Breaking up is real easy to avoid the problem. Avoid, not solve it. And it goes against my pride to let that happen. So have fun finding new arguments to persuade me. Till then don't even try to bring something up related to breakups. See you in class.”

He left Yunho and Changmin and crossed the school yard with his head held high, ignoring one or two flirtatious innuendos on his looks.

“Never thought you would be so stupid, Yunho,” Changmin commented. On purpose he left the respectful 'hyung' out. This time his cousin went too far. “Have fun torturing yourself.”

His cousin was stupid to the max. Changmin didn't know what to do anymore. He wanted to give up but something stopped him from doing so. The same as Jaejoong. Though in the raven haired boy's case he knew the reason. And wondered why Yunho didn't see it. Or didn't he wanted to? Because it was as clear as the blue sky had been today. Even Junsu discovered it. Could it be more obvious? Maybe that idiocy furthered his alcohol adventure. His own complicated love life coupled with his cousin's complex one was too much to handle. Ah, who was he kidding? His love life ended hours ago before it could even start. Talk about infuriation.

“You're a bad liar,” Changmin rasped. His whole throat was dry. He needed water. “And blind. Even Junsu and Kangin see what you can't see, hyung.”

His words were met with Yoochun's relieved “You're better?” and Yunho's “already throwing insults?”

Changmin pried his eyes open to find Yoochun hovering over him, worry in his eyes. He didn't ask anything and only patted the youngest shoulder. “Ain't helping at all, right?” was all he commented and Changmin nodded. The other's wide forehead seemed to store more wisdom and wits than he thought. Yunho, of course, stared at them blankly. “Did I miss something?”

“Yeah, one thing,” Changmin said dryly. “And I don't know how to make it clear to you, hyung. Because it feels like you put a blindfold on your eyes and earplugs in your ears so everything that happens around you is blocked.”

Yunho caught his gaze. He frowned. “What do you want from me, Min?” he asked and sounded utterly lost.

“What I want you to do is to make your mind up,” Changmin breathed out..” Yes or no? Committed or not? Is it that hard?”

Yunho bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze. “I know what everyone of you want to make me understand. What I don't understand is why? Why does everyone of you want Jaejoong and I making up?”

Changmin exchanged a glance with Yoochun who looked surprisingly calm and gestured for him to speak, one hand on his phone, typing to someone. So Changmin did. He explained which reasons Yoochun had which weren't that hard to find when one recalled all his words he mentioned regarding this one big mess. Why Junsu glared at the shadow leader every time cause the dolphin couldn't stand the lies Yunho created for nothing and why their friends tried to help cause they saw that the darkness in Jaejoong vanished more and more which every second he spent with Yunho. “And what's your reason?” Yunho wondered.

Changmin grimaced. “I don't wanna see two people who are destined to be committed to each other torn apart by stupid reasons that make no sense. I haven't found the one to commit myself to. Yoochun left his for valid reason. But you, Yunho?” Changmin grabbed his cousin by his shoulders. “It seems I have to spell it out for you to make it clear. Why do you think Jaejoong refuses to break up with you despite the arguments you brought up? Why do you think he's upset and has this pained look in his eyes? You're not another prey he managed to hunt down. You've become important to him, Yunho. That's why he started to hurt about your distrust. He has fallen in love with you. Jaejoong.loves.you,” Changmin repeated and shook Yunho who looked shocked. “He loves you as much as you love him. Don't try to deny it. Kangin told you the truth. Yoochun, too. Right?”

Yoochun nodded. “How about you face the truth,Yunho, hm?”

The other slumped down. “I know,” he replied. “I love him. God, it's crazy how much I do. But I'm scared. What if my love isn't enough?”

Yoochun grinned when the door opened and a raven haired boy appeared. “I think you finally need to tell him, Jaejoong. Else Yunho won't believe it,“ he mused.

Jaejoong squinted his eyes and turned to said man who stared at him as if he was a ghost. The raven looked pretty unsure what to do and even took a step back. That snapped Yunho out his unresponsive state. He jumped up and gave the newcomer an almost bone-crushing hug. Jaejoong froze. Changmin and Yoochun watched the whole thing quietly.

“I'm sorry,” Yunho whispered and pressed his face in the other's hair. “I'm sorry for all the things I said to you. They weren't true. I was just desperate to find an escape route only to realise the more I push you away the more I craved you. And my feelings for you scared me. I didn't want you to break up with me if you found out my feelings for you have changed.” Yunho looked in Jaejoong's eyes. “I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it out loud. And I'm sorry I accepted your love for me only now. My insecurities were a wall hard to overcome.”

Jaejoong stayed silent. The atmosphere tensed up and Changmin feared his plan had failed when Jaejoong pulled Yunho down and kissed him. “Glad you finally realised it,” he whispered and leaned his forehead against Yunho's. “You successfully committed me to you. And I don't intend to leave this commitment.”

Yunho tightened his embrace. “Neither do I,” he answered and intertwined their fingers. “Ready to give the gossip school some statement tomorrow?”

Jaejoong smiled. The brightness had returned in his eyes. “Don't we always?”

Changmin and Yoochun didn't hear the answer to that but it didn't matter. They fulfilled their roles and that was all that mattered. They said goodbye to each other and took different directions.

Yoochun dialled a number as he headed to the sports ground. He smiled to himself when a sleepy yet cheerful voice answered him. “Hey, Junsu. How about a soccer date?”

Changmin walked back home and passed the infamous nightclub Heechul worked in. His steps lowed down only a little as he saw his crush walking side by side with another man. But his heart didn't hurt. The sight even sketched a smile on his face. He continued his way back home with light steps. He'd chosen his path.

 

Loving someone means to commit yourself to that person. Committing yourself to someone means to give that person your all. There are those who can commit others but can't commit themselves. And those who chose not to be committed.