Jiyong’s POV

“Jonghoon!”, Seungri almost squeaks out as all of us continued to stare mutely at the person who interrupted our happy bubble.

“Uhm. I’m really sorry to interrupt but Dennis’ dad insisted to come with him so they’re both here tonight. He’s been looking for you ever since he arrived. David’s been trying but he’s having a hard time entertaining the old man. You know he likes you the most so he’s already asked for you a couple of times. And – “ Jonghoon hurriedly says before being cut by Seungri.

“The old man’s here? Geesh. Why didn’t Dennis warn me in advance? Okay. Okay. Go ahead, I’ll follow you. I’ll just –“, Seungri stops awkwardly as he gestures towards us.

“I really don’t wanna go there without you because he’ll keep hounding me as to where you are”, Jonghoon whines. I could see Seungri raising an eyebrow at him, and Jonghoon sighs and nods. “I’ll just wait for you near the counter then. Good bye sunbaes. Have a good night!”

Jonghoon then bows and leaves the lounge, ever so often looking back to stare at Ri, as though they were having a mental conversation of some sort.

Resentment flared up in my chest. So they were still close then. Seungri and Jonghoon. The Jonghoon that started the downhill spiral of my relationship with Seungri. I felt my hand unconsciously clench into a fist and sense vein throbbing in my head. I look away from Seungri, as a swirl of emotions threatened to take over and cloud my judgment.

“Who’s Dennis? And what’s up with his dad”, Daesung asks, breaking the awkward silence that descended on the table upon Jonghoon’s departure.

“Oh, right. You guys haven’t met Dennis yet. Dennis is a friend of mine from Vietnam. His dad is a Vietnamese tycoon who’s setting up a real estate branch here in South Korea. I’m planning to charm him enough to get him to make me a partner in the venture.”, Seungri smugly says at Daesung.

“That’s our Maknae! Always the shrewd businessman with a plan!” Top says as he attempts to ruffle Seungri’s hair.

“Yah Hyung! It took Jieun-Unnie hours to style this! Don’t ruin it!”, Seungri laughs, as he scoots farther away from Top, trying to escape the latter’s hands.

He scoots too far that he eventually bumps into me. I was forced to look back at him and he too turned around to face me, probably to say sorry. But his words and his smile freeze in his face as we stared at each other. I don’t know what my expression was at that moment, but it must have reflected the bubbling anger in my heart.

Seungri visibly gulps and flinches as though he was electrocuted by our eye contact. He then tried to subtlely put distance between me and him. It would have been comical if only I weren’t angry right now. With a shaky voice he then says: “So, I gotta go now. Yeah. Need to clinch that deal you know. Wish me luck hyungs!”.

He then hurriedly stands up, does a quick wave at us, and walks over to Jonghoon, my eyes following his every movement. I could feel my body getting more and more heated with every step Seungri took towards that guy. A glimpse of the night Seungri first cheated on me flashed through my head, catalyzing the fury I was feeling.

An outburst of thoughts flooded my head: “How dare he still talk with that guy? I broke off all contact with the guy I accidentally cheated on Ri with. So all of our fights about Jonghoon did not even affect their friendship? Did I really mean that little to Seungri? Does he love Jonghoon more than he ever did me?  Was this a show of how happy he was? Was this to prove how he was so much better off now than he ever was with me? I was miserable without him, damn it. I pined after him for all these months when I couldn’t see him. I thought about him each and every day and secretly stalked all the news I could get about his activities in Japan. I missed him so ing much that I often cried myself to sleep while looking at our photos when we were still together. It feels like a huge slap in the face that he was probably super happy all this time probably ing Jonghoon and who knows who else. Jonghoon for having Ri and Ri for not even considering how I’d feel if I see that guy here and if - ”

It was only when I felt a rush of pain in my hand and heard the shocked gasps of Top, Daesung and Youngbae that I realized that I was grasping my wine glass too hard to the point that it completely shattered in my hand. I was then distracted by the blood dripping down my arm, my eyes religiously following their path until they blended with the expensive red wine that was now rapidly spreading out and tainting the tiles. I wanted to laugh as I thought that this must have been a sign from the universe, a wake up call of some sort. A reminder that maybe if I continued down this path, I’d end up looking at a pool of my own blood someday, spreading out and staining  the floors, draining the life out of me like how my happiness was taken away from me the day when I technically first lost Seungri.

“Are you okay hyung?”, a quiet voice cuts through my inner monologue, and I mechanically raised my head, meeting Daesung’s worried gaze.

I nodded, complying with the urge to avert my eyes from Daesung’s searching ones. I could see pity forming there, and I did not want nor deserve it. The silence continued as both Daesung and Top continued just looking at me, their stares with such obvious intensity that I felt as though they were boring holes into my head. I think they were waiting for me to expound or explain myself, but I honestly did not want to talk to anybody at the moment, so I ignored their silent pleas for me to acknowledge their presence and continued staring at the floor.

It then dawned upon me that Youngbae was not sitting by my side anymore. I didn’t even know that he left. I was so caught up in all my rage at seeing Jonghoon tonight that I was clearly oblivious to my surroundings after that.

“Here”, I heard Youngbae’s voice a few moments later as a wet towel and a bandaid were placed in my line of sight. “I asked the waiters for a bucket of clean water so you can clean your wound more thoroughly. It’ll be here in a minute”

“Thank you” I said as I grabbed the towel, grateful for the opportunity to do something to dispel the uneasy tension permeating the air between us 4 members of Bigbang. 

The silence dragged on until I heard Top ask Daesung, in a small voice, apparently trying but failing to be as quiet as possible: “Are Ri and Jonghoon together?”

“I wanna know too”, I say, finally meeting their eyes head on. I needed to know if I was the only one still hung up on us. I needed to know if Seungri had really moved on from me. I needed to know if our chapter has been fully closed on his side. I needed to know if this has become an unrequited love. I needed to know, it’s true, but a little voice inside my heart is urging me to put my hands up and block my ears, very afraid of being forced to face the possibility that Seungri might now be  gone beyond my reach, never having the possibility of returning to me.

I squashed down the urge to not listen to what Daesung could say, and instead focused all my attention to him. Daesung squirmed in his seat, obviously uncomfortable that the spotlight was on him. After a few second he sighs, seemingly accepting the fact that he cannot just not answer my query. He then shook his head while saying: “I’m not sure. I’ve observed nothing new between them. They’ve been acting as they have always acted since they became friends in 2010. I’ve never seen them alone together. If they do go out it was always with the company of their other friends. Jonghoon did visit Ri when we were both in Japan but Jung Joon Young and David were also there. They really don’t act as though they’re together though. That’s all I know hyung. I’m sorry. ”

“It’s not that bad though, if they’re just friends”, says Top, apparently at an attempt to diffuse the situation.

“Them being just friends didn’t stop them last time from ing though.”, I retort almost immediately, letting all the bitterness I currently feel flow out to every syllable of what I was saying.

My three members just stared at me, apparently unable to reply to my words.

I could feel my head starting to throb along with the sensation of an obstruction seemingly blocking the passageway in my throat. It was only when I started to feel a sudden wetness on my cheek that I realized that tears were pooling in my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to stop them from falling.

I was then distracted from what I was doing when I felt a hand wrap itself around my lower body to carress my forearm, apparently in an attempt to comfort me.

“I’m sorry Ji”, Youngbae softly says.

“You did nothing wrong so there’s nothing to be sorry about.  Everything about this mess was caused by both Seungri and I. I should be the one apologizing. Guys, I’m sorry it’s come to this”, I choked out, feeling guilty that Youngbae, Daesung, and Top were also affected by my actions.

The urge to continue crying was great, but I was so well-trained that despite the searing ache in my chest, I knew I had to hold it in. It would be bad not only for my reputation but for the group as a whole if a moment like this would be caught on camera and spread out into the world. If there’s a lesson I’ve learned from early on, it was the fact that cameras were always trained on me wherever I may go. If a video of me crying were to be leaked, it would only lead to people inquiring about me and hounding me for the reason for my sadness, which would eventually lead to baseless speculations and rumors that were almost always worse than the truth, and these applied to the people who like me. The haters would eventually spin it into something that could be used against me, hatred blinding their eyes to everything, even reason. Such was already normal in our messed-up life. Such was a burden I have and will always be facing.

Top and Daesung were already at work, standing up to shield me from the view of other people. I’m so proud that we’ve come to the point that no words were needed to be spoken when one of us needed the others. They’d always have my back no matter what I do and no matter what happens. I knew that, and I will be forever grateful for that.

“Are you going to leave or can you stay?” Top then asked in the most serious tone he’s had all night.

“I’m leaving. I can’t stay here”, I say, as my eyes unconsciously moved towards the cause of my pain right now. He was with his friends, an arm around Jonghoon and David’s waists as he talked to an old man who might be Dennis’ father. I  looked away, but the image was already imprinted in my mind.

“We understand hyung. We’ll cover for you”, Daesung says kindly. And I nod at him, a silent thank you for what they were about to do.

“Do you want me to come with you?”, Youngbae asks retrieving his arms from around my shoulders, to enable him to start collecting his own belongings.

“No. Don’t come with me. It will be suspicious if 2 members are missing. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.”, I say, trying to come up with a smile to match my words.

“Where will you go?”, Daesung asks, his voice laced with the worry he was obviously feeling.

“I have friends outside of Bigbang and YG you know. I’m quite popular.”, I try to joke, a way of  reassuring them that I’d eventually be fine. Fervently hoping that if they’d believe my words, I’d believe my own words too in due time.

“Okay then. Just be careful, okay?”, Top says in a very unsure voice, reflecting his evident confusion as to how the situation should be handled.

I stand up, breathing deeply, trying to steady myself. I look at each of my 3 members in turn, and smiled at them. “Thanks. I’m going now”. They just look back at me silently as I turned my back on them. I then started walking fast, almost dashing in my haste to get out of this place. I needed to get out of here or else I might lose the fragile control I still had over myself. I reached the other end of the club in record time, not caring that I bumped into a lot of people on the way there. When I finally reached the door of the club, I could not resist the temptation to have at least one last look at the man that I still loved despite my anger at him.

I found him standing near the stage, still surrounded by his friends, a cheeky smile on his face. What I found more interesting though was the fact that his eyes were listlessly roaming around as though he was searching for something. Time stood still as I patiently waited to see if maybe who he was searching for was actually me. When his eyes actually did meet mine, I saw a series of emotions flash through his face: joy, pain, and guilt. It told me all that I needed to know. I started to turn my back at him, catching him nodding at me as I broke our eye contact. I did not look back, knowing that it’s best to not acknowledge the moment we just had. I pushed the club door as strongly as I could and defiantly took a step to the outside world,  a physical manifestation of what my heart wanted to do right now: leave him. If only it really could.

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Seungri’s POV

This night was turning out to be a disaster. It’s my birthday today and all I wanted was to have a nice night out to celebrate the fact of my existence. But of course, I don’t get my birthday wish. I have always been, and apparently always will be, unlucky.

Sure the night started out very well. I was surrounded by most of my family, friends, and acquaintances who took time out of their busy schedules to see me. I felt so loved and appreciated, something I usually don’t feel. But of course, the best part of today was seeing all my members in one place, altogether after months of separation. My family was complete. Of course, to be completely honest with myself, Jiyong’s presence was the icing on the cake, an unexpected but very much appreciated gift from the universe.

But of course, disaster just had to strike. The worst thing that could happen did happen. During that time, I wanted to pull out my hair in frustration, only stopped by the the knowledge that I was in public and was thus still subject to the scrutiny of everyone present tonight. True, most of the people here were my friends and acquaintances, but honestly, I could count on my fingers the people I could really trust with my secrets and not be judged. People whom I knew loved me and really accepted me for who I am. I’m usually very grateful for them, and I still am, but right now, at this very moment, I’m fuming mad at one of them.

As I walk towards my destination, I tug on the pendant of Jiyong’s present, my mind immersed in believing it as a sort of round-about  way of apologizing to its owner who I just left at the lounge with our other members a mere few moments ago . Right now, I’m trying to reach Jonghoon as fast as I could without making it look obvious and unnatural. When I finally do reach him, I immediately smacked his arm while also blurting out: “Why the hell were you the one who went there?”

“Ouch”, he whined, rolling his eyes at me while soothing the area I just hit, a flash of irritation in his voice. “I told you, David’s too busy with Dennis’ father and nobody else is quite comfortable marching up to Bigbang. Your group is INTMIDATING you know. Heck I’m also uncomfortable meeting them too. Our friends just forced me because I was the only idol with them and by their logic, I’ll be able to deal with the Bigbang members without getting too starstruck”.

“Aish. You know Jiyong was gonna be there”, I say irritably, still in disbelief and in denial of what happened. God. They could have sent anyone but Jonghoon.

“I thought you have already told them the truth. It’s been months Ri!”, Jonghoon says, frowning at me. “I thought by now they would know about what really happened. But apparently they still don’t, do they?”

I just shook my head, looking straight ahead to where David and the rest of my squad were. I didn’t really want to explain myself, even when Jonghoon was actually involved in my problem.

“If I’d known that they still didn’t know, I wouldn’t have dared to go. Seriously, if looks could kill, I’d have been dead 4x over Ri!”, said Jonghoon, a dramatic flourish in the end.

“If it were true and it did happen, I promise that I’ll make your funeral as grand as possible. It will be a 5-day concert and you’ll be encased and buried in a gold coffin”, I say, trying to lighten the mood between Jonghoon and I.

He just sighs then says: “I love you and I owe you a lot, but not enough to willingly die for you. I still have a lot to live for”.

I laugh, putting my arms around his shoulder, and pout at him: “And here I thought I’d dazzled you with my overwhelming good looks enough for you to follow me to the grave”.

He vehemently shakes his head. “I’ve proven to be resistant to your charms even when you were above me!”, he says, waggling his eyebrows, treating everything as a joke.

I laugh at his words but my mind became tumultuous as a picture of that night then flashed through my mind.  That was such a bad memory, one that could taint not only my birthday celebration but might cause my depression in the days to come. I physically shake my head, trying my utmost to stop my mind from further reviewing that scene. My almost-reverie was then destroyed by Jonghoon saying: “When will you tell them though?”

“I honestly don’t know”, I say, refusing to talk further about it. I then grabbed Jonghoon’s hands to drag him along the crowded room, a ploy to stop him from making further questions.

After a while, we finally reached the place where Dennis’ father was waiting for me. After the exchange of pleasantries, Dennis’ father started talking to me about the real estate venture he was planning and asked me on my opinion about it. I welcomed the distraction eagerly, trying to keep all the conflicting thoughts in my head at bay. It worked for a while, business and all its complexities have always fascinated me beyond belief. I remember Jiyong considering it one of my oddest yet brilliant traits.

With that reminder about him, my eyes unconsciously strayed to the lounge where I left my band members.  I frowned when I could only count 3 figures in the distance. I searched for the vibrant red hair of the person that was missing from our pack, confident that I’ll find him, knowing that wherever he might be and no matter what happened between us, he has always and will always stand out of the crowd for me.

I first saw his shocking red hair, its color contrasting heavily with the dull brown color of the club door. I next saw his eyes, undecipherable and cold, the way it had looked earlier when I accidentally tumbled unto him while avoiding Top-hyung’s teases. The feeling of guilt returned full-force as our eyes continued to meet. I nodded at him, an attempt to communicate with him, but he just turned his back from me and left without looking back even once. I felt a cold breeze surrounding me as he stepped out of the club, as though the closing of the door beckoned the shattering of my heart. 

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A/N: 

I apparently completely misjudged just how long this scenario was going to last. Mianhe. So now the story of the start of  Jiyong and Soojoo's fake relationship is going to be in 3 chapters. 

I just reread the fic from the start and I have to say, I'm sorry for ruining the feel of the first 2 chapters with my later chapters. Jiyong and Seungri were very serious and angsty in their opening POV's, and I honestly wanted to continue that mood but it's really hard to maintain that tone as the story progresses. So I hope you're not too disappointed about the mood shifts. 

Please don't be mad at Ri. Everything will be clearer in the later chapters. If you feel as though the details of the past aren't clear yet, it's because I just introduced the ideas now, but the full events will be disclosed at the later chapters. 

Thank you so much for the comments that were left in the last chapter. I honestly felt really encouraged by them and it made me really strive to be able to deliver an update this weekend. I can't say when the next update will be, but don't worry. I promise not to abandon the fic. Hope everyone will have a good day. Til the next chapter! <3