“Jiyong, are you sure you’re ready?”, Youngbae says and a moment later I feel his glance focus on me. I do not turn to face him though. We’ve been friends for too long that niceties weren’t necessary nor favored.  I continue staring out the window, trying not to think of the queasy feeling in my stomach, nor how  sweaty my palms are, and especially not on how abnormally fast the beating of my heart is. 

 “I have to be”, I eventually say, doing my best to not let my voice crack, still turned away from him. My whole night was going to be spent pretending anyway, so why not start now?

“Look, I know you said that it’s your duty as a leader, but ALL of Seungri’s friends are going to be there and they might be less than friendly with you… because, you know… you guys are broken up and haven’t really talked to each other since then”, Youngbae says hurriedly. As if the sting of his words might be less if he almost garbles the words together. It stings though. Every reminder that Seungri is not mine anymore will always hurt.

“I know. But people might start gossiping if I’m not there and yet all the other members of Bigbang are present”, I say, trying to sound unaffected.

“If you’re sure”, Youngbae sighs. He then shifts his body away from me and I feel my shoulder relax as I release the tension I've been unconsciously holding. The silence continues, enveloping the entire car. It's a comfortable silence though, reflective of the effect of Youngbae's presence. I'm going to need his steady support and calming aura for what I'm about to face tonight. I feel both dread and excitement warring within me. I know it will be worse later though. Especially when I see him.

As much as I want to be as calm as I portrayed myself to be, my emotions are at its most chaotic. It’s been months since I last saw him. The last time was during one of my sporadic “visits” to him. I remember everything from that night though. The way his hair fanned out in his bed. His scent permeating through every cell in my body. The way his sweat clung to both him and me as we in turn clung to each other. The feel of his mouth on my skin and the way his hot breath rendered me helpless and needy. His eyes, almost feral, as he ed himself into me. The desperation clearly oozing through our bodies. Everything that happened that night was done knowing that we wouldn’t see each other for a while. He was being shipped to Japan the following day for work, and I wanted to have a memory of him that could keep me sane during the dry spell that was sure to follow. However, no word was spoken that night but a “hello” and a “goodbye”. But it’s always been like this after our break-up.

Would he be happy that I was going there tonight? Or would he frown upon seeing me? I conjure up both scenarios in my mind and I feel my hands unconsciously wringing together, reflecting my worried thoughts. I’m sure Soonhoc already told him that I was attending. Although no rumors of a rift within Bigbang have went beyond the YG employees and artists, we could not risk any speculations about our group. Or at least, that was what I told my management to make them allow me to go to the event. To be honest, I just wanted to see him. It’s only been a few months but I already feel as though I were a man alone in the desert, dying of thirst, and he was the only water to quench my parched throat. Even just a sip of his presence would be enough to satiate me.

I continued to worry about his reaction to my presence until I heard the tires of our car screech to a halt. Youngbae must have thought that I was in too deep a thought to realize that we have arrived at our intended destination because he sharply prodded my side. I looked at him and nodded, hoping he got the indication for him to get out first. He did and I was left alone in the car for a few precious seconds. I tried to take several calming breaths but my heart was pounding like crazy and I could feel adrenaline rushing through my system, giving me a new sense of vigor, and reflecting my anticipation at what was about to come.

I slid out of my seat and out of the car. There were a few paparazzi standing outside the club. Of course, it couldn’t be helped. He had so many friends that every party he attended would always reach the media. And the media loved him for all the scandals they could concoct out of his escapades, even if in reality most of them were innocent in nature. I tried to act coolly in front of the paparazzi, trying to make it seem as if everything was all right in the world, when in reality everything was very unsettled. I could hear them shouting my name, urging me to look at their direction, but I ignored them and focused on my target: the door of the club.

Even from outside I could hear the booming bass of a recent dance track that’s been trending in Korea. Flashes of neon light seeped through the crack of the door. Garbled voices of people inside mixed with the music, showing just how many people might be inside already. Each step towards the door increased both my exhilaration at our prospective meeting and my apprehension at his probable reaction to me. I could walk neither fast nor slow enough. Half of me wanted to rush right in, the other half wanted me to almost tiptoe, trying to prolong the inevitable confrontation. I eventually reach the door. The bouncer recognizes me and opens it without even uttering a single word. And all my senses are drowned out by the sounds and the lights of the place. I take a few tentative steps, just enough to get me out of people’s way. My head was already looking left and right, looking for the person who my heart yearns for every minute of every single day. A mop of blonde hair catches my eye. There he was. Finally.

He looked so handsome right now, dressed in a black tux that contrasted nicely with the shocking whiteness of his hair. He was blooming, as he always does when he comes back from Japan, a place where he feels appreciated and loved the most. But then Seungri has always been radiant, his brilliance overshadowing everything else in my eyes.

He was talking to Youngbae, his hands gesturing widely, conveying his enthusiasm at the topic of whatever they were conversing about. Youngbae nods and laughs, playfully punching the younger man in the arms. Youngbae’s eyes meet mine then and he nods at me too, almost imperceptibly. He then puts on a more serious expression and says something to Seungri. I could almost hear the words spoken as if I were near them, even if in reality, I was across a very crowded room from them. I almost shiver when I make out my name, focusing on Ri’s lips as he enunciates “Ji-yong”. Youngbae nods again, prompting Ri to start looking from left to right, seemingly searching for someone.

I patiently wait until he spots me, a smile growing automatically as he continues his search, seeming more and more like a lost puppy looking for his owner. After several more seconds, our eyes finally meet, and when they did, I feel the familiar jolt from the intensity of his stares. His eyes were like magnets, drawing me in, slowly focusing towards only him, blurring the crowd between us, until it was only him and me in my line of sight. A small smile escapes his lips, and he nods. I make it out as an invitation to go near him.  I walk briskly, not caring whether I may hit people along the way. What mattered was only him and him alone. We both did not break eye contact until I was within reaching distance to him. He then looked at Youngbae, drawing my eyes to my bestfriend. Youngbae was smiling too but his eyes reflected the nervousness I was feeling before that was just wiped away because of my eye contact with Seungri. Because of the reminder, my nerves came back full force and manifested itself when I stuttered when I said: “Ha-happy birthday Ri!”

Seungri stared back at me when I spoke up, the shy smile growing deeper once I was done. He then said: “Thanks hyung!”.  I involuntarily took a step towards him, my free arm raising up as if I were to hug him, a fairly common action when we were still together. However, he takes a step back and panic registers across his face. Humiliated, I immediately took hold of Youngbae’s drink, pretending as if I were reaching for it all along.

Seungri smiles uncertainly at me, while Youngbae first looks shocked, then pissed as I empty his drink. Full of annoyance, he grabs the erstwhile full glass, and says: “If you were so thirsty, there’s a bar counter that’s literally just within 10 meters of you. Aurgh. Now I have to get another drink, Ri, excuse me.”

Youngbae then leaves me and Seungri alone. We both just stare at each other, looking away awkwardly every so often. Several more uneasy seconds elapsed, the silence between us only exacerbated by the loud music and noises of the people surrounding us. Never one for silence when we’re in a public place, Ri breaks it.

“Is that for me?” he asks, looking down at my hands. I then remembered that I was holding on to a box that contained his present. I actually bought it when we were still together but we broke up not long after that. I never really had an opportunity to give it to him because this was supposed to be an anniversary present, so at the very least, I wanted to give it to him only during a special occasion.

I nodded while handing it over to him. He smiles a small smile while receiving the box, a side of him that people seldom see. He usually laughs or guffaws really loudly in public in a way that the fans have termed his “hyena laugh”. But what people don’t know is that he actually smiles demurely when he’s truly pleased.

He unties the ribbon carefully. He then opens up the box and gasps when he sees what’s inside. His head jerks up almost immediately and he says: “Isn’t this..”.

“Yes it is. Do you want me to put it on you?”, I ask him and he nods. He turns around as I clasp the ends of my gift together. His milky white neck glowing along with the silver metal now wrapped it. I had to fight down the urge to kiss him, knowing that it’s one of the spots in his body that makes him melt almost instantly. But we are in public. And we’re not even together anymore. So I fought down the urge and just settled for one last touch of his skin before I let go completely.

He then turns back to face me, but his eyes and hands are focused on the pendant of the necklace he now wears.

“Is it because of the story I told you?” he asks, while still looking down at the necklace. A tinge of blush now flooding his cheeks.

“Yes”, I reply not really knowing what else to say.

“But what does this…”

He gets cut off in the middle of his question as a booming voice calls out: “Young Master!”. Both Seungri and I turn to the source of the noise: our childish hyung in Bigbang has finally arrived with our angel. Both of them are smiling wildly at us, but I could see a tension in Daesung’s eyes as he looks at both Seungri and I.

Top, as usual has no filter as he says: “So the old lovebirds are getting along. Nice to know. Anyway, I bought you this awesome wine…” and Top goes on as  Seungri and I awkwardly looked at each other. Daesung just smiles encouragingly at us, poking Top Hyung when the latter said “old lovebirds”. We listened indulgingly as he went on with an explanation of why he chose that particular wine (it had something to do with Ri’s birth apparently), and his efforts to procure it, and when should Ri drink it.

After a long-winded explanation, Top pinches Seungri’s cheeks and says: “Arraso, Maknae?”.

Ri looks at him and smirks: “Hai!”.

Top fake glares at him. “Are you making fun of me for my Japanese again?!?”

Seungri continues to smirk and wraps his arm around Daeusung’s shoulder as he suddenly spoke longer phrases in Japanese to Daesung. I could not understand half of what they were talking about and Top and I could only look on as the two who are most fluent in Japanese in our group indulge in their own conversation, one that was apparently funny as they both ended up in laughter. I knew it was about Top though because his name was dropped a lot of times.

Top pushes both of them, Ri not so much as the latter might drop Top’s precious wine. This was when Youngbae returns.

“Glad to see that we’re all here now”, Youngbae says as he hands me a glass. “Here, so you won’t drink mine anymore!”.

“Ah. Hyungs. I actually reserved a lounge for you so you don’t have to interact much with the people here unless you want to. It’s got the best spot in the club. It’s further away from the speakers so you can talk normally. You’re always in the line of sight of the waiters and you can look at the dance floor as it’s elevated”, Seungri says as he motions the rest of us to follow him.

He then led us to this spot. We all sat down and not even 5 seconds later a slew of waiters come in with different types of alcohol and wine and finger foods, apparently all of them only for us 5. We do not talk until the waiters leave, all of us now conscious about whatever we say in public. 10 years in the industry makes one very cautious.

“Impressive service!”, Daesung  says looking around in awe.

“It’s not usually like this. It’s just because I’m here”, Seungri says while smirking.

“Still using your I’m a celebrity, treat me better routine then”, Youngbae says while rolling his eyes.

“You’re just jealous cause you're not treated well!”, Seungri says while laughing.

"That's because I'm humble and you don't even try to show a bit of humility!", Youngbae counters. 

They bicker some more while Daesung, Top, and I interject some statements, usually against the Maknae. I felt happier as the moments went by. Bigbang was like this before Seungri and I were fighting all the time: fun, uncomplicated, and light-hearted. It has been a long time since we were all together having fun like this though. Tension always filled the room when Seungri and I were together with the others: them being cautious around us, trying their best not to provoke us into fighting, me and Seungri doing our best to seem unaffected but it was so obvious that our heads and our hearts were still b with anger and frustration from the last fight we had. Tonight was different though, and it made me hope that there were better times ahead. There were a few awkward moments between Seungri and I but this night was turning out great, so much better than what I expected. What could go wrong, I ask myself as I look at all of my members laughing at each other.

Fate answered my question when a soft "Seungri" breaks through our quiet little bubble. All of us turned our heads at the same time, only to see the sole guy Seungri and I have ever fought consistently about. The guy he cheated with to get back at me was apparently here tonight. 

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A/N: This chapter lays down the start of why Jiyong and Soojoo started their fake relationship.

This was supposed to be a longer chapter, but I just couldn't write well today. It's one of my very rare breaks so I decided to at least finish the chapter but I couldn't do it. My writing muse is leaving me but if there's one thing I will promise, it's this:  no matter how unfrequent I update, I will never abandon this story and will do my best to finish it.