“Helloo Junsu!!”

Yoochun greets the lack of sleep Junsu. Strangely he can’t sleep that well last night. Jaejoong invades his place for numerous of time but none ever disturb his night sleep like now. Junsu looks back, finding the one that call him with big goofy smile. Junsu never saw Yoochun in a hangover state even after he gets his wildest party at night.

“Is Jae late? He didn’t come for our morning session today. Is he good?” Yoochun cringes a bit.

Junsu looks up and at the same time picking out some books to be return into the library, some students ask him for return. “He did have a bad hangover this morning. What were you doing?” Junsu eyed the wide forehead.

“Errr.. usual drinking?”

“From what I could see, that’s not like the same drinking session..” Junsu looks curiously.

“It is LIKE always Junsu. Don’t worry too much, kay?” Yoochun taps his shoulder.

“He might not come to school today.” Junsu clutches five books on his chest. “He still slept on my bed when I went out. Why don’t you call him?”

“Alright.” Yoochun fishes his cellphone. “Let’s ask Changmin.”

Hearing the name, like automatically, Junsu’s body reaction does its work. He flinched for a second before controlling his emotion to get back into his own. “Then, find him for me too, ne.” And leaves for the library.

---

“Hey Su!”

Whatever Junsu is doing at the moment are stopped. He knows this voice so well by now. He almost immediately recognize the owner. The one he doesn’t want to see the most at the moment because of yesterday. They are too close and Junsu’s heart growing into erratic pulse that he’s so scared off. He was Jaejoong’s boyfriend. They are a couple. Junsu is have no place between them. He doesn’t want to break his childhood bestfriend relationship. Better for his heart to break alone and none know.

Junsu doesn’t need to look behind to know as he immediately walks away from there, looking for a place to hide. He doesn’t want to look at Changmin. He afraid what his chest will play now if he meets him.

And Junsu find the right spot at the right corner on the library. It’s his personal sanctuary. None come at the secluded place of politics books. Almost no one. He blocked himself with the tall shelves and books, not to let himself to be seen. Junsu can only hope he can’t find him here.

“Junsu?”

What?! Junsu’s tadpole eyes widen as someone enters the corner. He almost stops his breath. He can’t be found, especially with Changmin. He doesn’t want to hear any word. Sorry or anything. He wants to cut down all his relation with him at the moment. His friendship with Jaejoong will also marred if he knows what he’s feeling stand for his boyfriend. He can’t face Jaejoong.

“I accept that as you don’t want to see me Su.”

What is he doing here? Is he know I’m here?

“I.. just want to say Jaejoong is fine. He took his class this morning.” A brief pause. “Eventhough he was late.”

Junsu controls his breath slower and calmer. He can’t risk himself to be caught. Changmin definitely knows he’s there.

“And about yesterday.”

Stop! Junsu doesn’t want to know about that! He will keep it as a part of his memories about person named Shim Changmin. But no more else. Junsu will hate himself if he said sorry or apologizing for doing that. Because it will feel like the biggest sin to be done behind Jaejoong’s back. He and his bestfriend’s boyfriend.

“I don’t want to apologize. I did that with my fullest consent and awareness.”

Eh?

“I did it because it was you.”

W-what? Just what are you talking about Shim Changmin??

“If you don’t want to see me, that’s fine.” He sounds like defeated. “I will see you when you’re better.”

A couple of minutes are passed and Junsu’s leg gave up like a jelly. He’s slump down and all forces leave his body away. Except for his unconscious heartbeat that keeps palpitating incoherently. He can almost heard his own pulse from his ears. His palms getting sweat all over. His breathing pace becoming a gasp. Junsu isn’t sure of what he was heard. Changmin just said something impossible. Why did he do that? He’s playing on Junsu or what? Doesn’t he likes Jaejoong? Junsu is sure the person named Shim Changmin are dating Kim Jaejoong, and he heard it right too, last month is when Jaejoong introduced the tall latter as his boyfriend. He will never heard it wrong because that word almost stabs his chest like millions of needles nested there. His feelings rejected immediately with announcement.

And from that day onwards, Junsu swore not to let his deepest heart known by anyone.

---

What should he do?

He can’t ever meet Jaejoong with this mess. He can’t bare himself to look at Changmin beside Jaejoong. His heart doesn’t allow to accept that. But he can never hate Jaejoong. He loves him, cares for him. He can’t possibly ask Jaejoong to over this matter. He knows how much of differences standing for Junsu and Jaejoong yet they are best friend. They know each other for years, and Junsu doesn’t have any heart to break that. He will never tell anyone about this. He doesn’t want to be selfish. Changmin has Jaejoong and he must accept that.

Just like usual, Junsu is waiting for Jaejoong. They will going home together when both side are not occupied with school projects or teachers assignment. Initially, Junsu wants to go home first. He can’t possibly looking at Jaejoong and Changmin right now, he doesn’t sure he will act like his usual self or not. But, running away will cause more question and curious eyes from Jaejoong, and even from Changmin. So Junsu decides that he will stay like nothing really happened between them. Everything is fine and Junsu never heard any of Changmin’s sentences. It’s just his hopeful imagination. He likes the tall latter too much. He has too lessen it, buried it, making it disappeared.

Isn’t Jaejoong is too late? He doesn’t call or text whether he had another class or plan on leaving him from school earlier. Junsu walks to Jaejoong class, takes any chance to find his childhood friend.

“…wait Changmin!”

Junsu notices that voice he’s been looking for. It’s Jaejoong.

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t have any heart to hurt him again.”

Junsu choices the most hidden spot outside the class. He also notices the other voice owner.

“But you can’t! If I say no, that means you’re still my boyfriend!” Jaejoong argues back.

“You might said that. But we know why we are on this relationship. I like someone else Jae and I don’t like to look him sad.”

What? Changmin likes someone else? He d-doesn’t like Jaejoong?

“You just don’t want to try right? You think I won’t be able to change that.”

Junsu looks at how Jaejoong desperate much that Changmin asked for a break up. Jaejoong must be liking Changmin a lot.

“We had it tried for a month but nothing change! I don’t do this anymore. I can’t keep going. I love him.”

Junsu surprises with how open Changmin announces his discomfort over their relationship. But it is not only affected Jaejoong at the moment. Knowing Changmin is liking someone else so much deeper. Of course he knew he won’t be or can be ever with Changmin. What a foolish mind he had. But still, it cuts so much pain on him.

“Still you can’t leave me just like this Shim Changmin!” Jaejoong still persuades Changmin the best he can do. “How about Junsu?!”

Junsu’s teary eyes snap hearing his name called out.

“What?” Changmin looks back without fear to Jaejoong. “What about him?”

Why is Jaejoong bring up his name out of nowhere?

“Put him away. He doesn’t has any relation with our problem.”

Changmin’s last words cuts deeper than any knives. Junsu can bare to hear any more about this. That’s enough. It’s painful. He takes his leave, unknowing about the trash can he accidentally hits which make a big sound on the empty hall. He leaves it at that. He doesn’t want to bother about anything than leaving that place. Junsu leaves with more tears glistening his eyes.

“Junsu!!”

The calls that made for him are abandoned. Junsu can only think about going back and having the time alone for him to sort of things.

---

“Junsu..” Mama is cooing his youngest son to come out. He’s been locking himself since his return from campus. He didn’t say anything whatever bother his mind. Maybe Jaejoong’s arrival might succeed to bring out his dolphin son. “Jaejoong is coming. He wants to meet you.”

The hiccups sound from the room is stopped immediately, but what replies her is surprised her.

“Tell him to go home. I don’t want to see him.”

Eh? Are they fighting?

The two kids Mama kim known so well since they are toddler were never fought. Junsu is not an active one with new people. He struggles a lot to make a friend. But Jaejoong is the opposite. He has this charm to attract people liking him. Instead playing with new friend, Jaejoong always came back for Junsu. He never left him alone. Mama kim secretly grateful Jaejoong is a very good boy. He took care of Junsu and never left him alone. He helped him made friend, played with him, asked Junsu for a lunch, Junsu is never alone. He almost mistook Jaejoong as his brother, not Junho. Well, Junho had a quite big gap of age with Junsu. Their talk almost mismatch. Mama kim had Junsu when Junho is seven. They got Junsu with so much effort on having the seco