Summary: Jonghyun thinks Key betrayed him and is hurt more than angry, so he breaks up not letting Key know why. Both are heartbroken until Jonghyun learns the truth and begs forgiveness. Key is hesitant due to Jonghyun's lack of trust, but true love wins.

This is a fill for the prompt from skeletonfruitcake! I hope you enjoy, and I'm very very sorry for the delay :( 

Warnings: Angst, Jonghyun has some minor suicidal thoughts, cussing

Jonghyun couldn’t recall a time where he had ever been so…numb. Sure, there was the underlying anger, the gut-wrenching heartbreak, but presently all of it seemed to fade into the background in favor of a quiet absence of emotion. It was as if someone had walked up to the anguished 23 year old and had sapped the will to live right out of him, bottling it up and setting it off to the side for him to deal with later. For now he was just content with staying where he had been for the last 36 hours, snuggled under the baby blue comforter on his twin sized bed at his Mother’s house, seeking what meager comfort he could get. The blinds in his room were drawn, shutting out whatever sunlight would’ve normally crept through, casting his life in shadows. Poignant, considering how he was feeling at the moment.

Jonghyun exhaled slowly, breath slightly stuttered over the lump continuously present in his throat. He could feel the next rack of sobs coming like a wave, causing his face to scrunch up as warm, salty tears leaked down his skin, staining the white pillowcase underneath his head as he rubbed his face in it to quiet the sounds of his crying. His fingers clenched painfully at his clothed chest, scratching his blunt nails through the soft cotton of his tee and likely leaving trails of angry red lines across his chest. The pain helped, oddly enough. It grounded Jonghyun, kept him from sinking into a depression that he didn’t know how to get out of. As the round of sobs past, leaving Jonghyun’s breath stuttering once more, he couldn’t help letting his mind wander back to two days prior. Back when everything was still okay, and his heart was happy and light, not crumbling to ash. 

———

Kibum’s smile was like the sun. It was radiant, warming Jonghyun’s entire being whenever it shone on him (as it often did). It was one of the things that Jonghyun loved most about Kibum; the way the younger boy would shut himself off to the rest of the world, building up a tough exterior that wouldn’t take from anyone ever. And yet, Kibum decided to let Jonghyun traipse behind that exterior, slipping through Kibum’s defenses and making his home in the younger boy’s heart. 

Or so he thought.

He hadn’t meant to snoop in Kibum’s phone, he really hadn’t. But he wanted to see the new pictures Kibum took of the two of them together at the aquarium from the weekend before, because the younger boy had forgotten to text it to him that evening. Jonghyun was sprawled out on Kibum’s bed that afternoon, Kibum having slipped out of the room to grab some snacks for the two of them during their anime marathon at the younger’s apartment. Jonghyun had picked up Kibum’s cell from the bedside table, easily typing in the password and unlocking it (his password was Jonghyun’s birthday, something that always made the elder’s heart flutter). Among the few pictures from the aquarium (which were adorable if he had to say so himself), there were unfamiliar photos of Kibum with some other good-looking man. That made Jonghyun furrow his brows in confusion—  he had never seen this guy before, nor heard of Kibum mentioning him. Jonghyun had felt his chest seize up, hand shaking slightly as he swiped to the side to see if there were any more pictures of the two together. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions yet however, he was probably reading too much into it. He had to be…

There was only one more picture:  in it, the stranger had his arms wrapped around Kibum’s waist from behind, his lips pressing a kiss on Kibum’s cheek. Kibum was caught mid-laugh, eyes crinkled up in the way that only happened when he was in the presence of people he was comfortable with, and that perhaps was what killed Jonghyun the most. 

All Jonghyun remembers after that was dropping the phone on the bed, his stomach lurching as he felt like he was on the verge of throwing up. He had brushed by Kibum without a word in the hallway, vaguely hearing the younger boy yelling after him worriedly as Jonghyun stormed out the house and retreated home to sulk in peace. 

Jonghyun had turned off his cell as soon as he got to his own room, not feeling up to seeing Kibum beg for them to talk this out. He didn’t want to talk it out, there was obviously nothing to discuss since Kibum was so keen on keeping secrets anyways. 

Jonghyun shuffled further under his blankets, feeling the tears threatening to spill over once again from reliving those memories. He wished he could just fade away, feeling nothing must be better than this pain. Jonghyun’s gaze flickered over to the bottle of melatonin next to his bed, something he had prescribed to him for his insomnia. The sudden urge to just…reach out and grab the bottle frightened Jonghyun. He had never thought about something so brash but…

He sighed. Not yet, at least. For now he would sleep. 

— — — 

Jonghyun woke to the sound of knocking at his door, the sight of his mother peaking her head in making him sit up and quickly rub at his cheeks as a last ditch effort to hide his obvious crying. His mother grimaced, staring at her heartbroken son with the kind of care only a parent can manage. 

“I know you’re not up to talking right now,” She started softly, “…but there is someone here who you need to speak to. I’m not letting you leave your room until you two work this out, got it?” Jonghyun’s mother stared at him sternly, backing away from the door with one last meaningful look thrown his way. Jonghyun already had a feeling who was here to see him, so it didn’t really surprise him to see Kibum’s slender figure slipping into the room and closing the door behind him. What did surprise him was the hurt look on the younger’s face. Why was Kibum so upset? It was he who cheated and destroyed their relationship together, not Jonghyun.

Kibum navigated the dark room slowly before sitting on the edge of Jonghyun’s bed, only the dim light of a candle on Jonghyun’s dresser providing any illumination in the room. Jonghyun refused to look Kibum in the eye, drawing his knees up to his chest and pressing closer to the wall behind him, as far away from the younger as possible. 

“I don’t know how you manage in the dark like this Jjong, it’s completely ridiculous.” Kibum huffed and reached across the bed to grab the edges of his curtains, drawing them back and bathing the room with early morning sunlight. Jonghyun winced and blinked his eyes a few times, trying to get acclimated to the new brightness. He couldn’t help but peer over at the blonde, breaking his self-vow of being as stubborn as possible and acknowledging his presence. “Why are you here,” he muttered, doing his best to mask the turmoil of emotions inside of him with a blank expression.

“I know you looked through my phone, Jonghyun,” Kibum said after a tense minute of silence, confirming Jonghyun’s question of whether or not the boy knew why he was upset. Jonghyun could tell what was coming next, mentally preparing himself for the inevitable ’It’s not you, it’s me’ lecture. 

“That was my cousin, jackass. The kiss was nothing more than familial skinship. So stop playing victim and let’s talk this out, because obviously you don’t trust me as much as I thought you did, otherwise you would’ve simply asked who he was instead of assuming I’d cheated on you and walked out without a word.” 

Okay, Jonghyun had not seen that one coming. 

As the truth of the situation finally hit Jonghyun his previous heartbreak was replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt, because it was true. He had jumped to the conclusion that Kibum had cheated on him, instead of just asking what the picture was like a normal, responsible adult. Oh god, he ed up. He ed up big time. 

 Jonghyun sat up and leaned forward a bit, taking a good long look at Kibum’s face. He hadn’t noticed when the younger had first walked in, but now he could just barely make out the dark rings under his eyes that matched Jonghyun’s own, Kibum’s lips were chapped and cracked unlike their usual supple smoothness. Jonghyun felt a different kind of hurt now, because he knew that he was the reason Kibum was so upset, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He didnt know if he could fix it. This was much deeper than their usual tiffs of who would do the laundry that week, or why Jonghyun was so inept at making the bed in the morning. This was an issue of trust, and without trust there couldn’t be a relationship. For the first time since they got together in their senior year of high school, Jonghyun found himself doubting whether Kibum deserved him. Kibum was an honest, amazing, beautiful person, and Jonghyun was just…Jonghyun. Who obviously had more problems than he realized. 

“I-I didn’t know Kibum-ah, I’m so so sorry.. I didn’t mean…” Jonghyun was lost for words, not knowing how to possibly remedy the situation. Kibum smiled, a bit bitterly but the smile was there.

“I know Jjong, I know. But the fact is, you don’t trust me. You can’t be in a relationship without trust.” Kibum reached out and gently grasped Jonghyun’s hand, the older boy feeling himself getting choked up as the younger threaded their fingers together. He didn’t like hearing this, ironically this hurt more than when he thought Kibum had cheated on him. “Maybe we should take a break. You should give yourself time to be more open and trusting. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers Jjong, I know you better than you know yourself. I know your insecurities, and you know what, that’s okay. It’s okay to be insecure, but it’s not okay to lash out because of it. You need time.”

“I don’t need time, I need you!” Jonghyun was in anguish, the thought of breaking up was so much more daunting when he knew it was his fault. “I know I should’ve just asked, but I let my emotions get the best of me and I just ran because I didn’t know how to deal with the thought of you moving on to someone more deserving of you.” 

Kibum frowned. “More deserving? Jonghyun, what about you isn’t deserving? Where are you even coming up with this, you should know you mean the world to me.”

“But I shouldn’t, that’s the thing. You deserve so much better than I could ever hope to be. I love you more than anything but you’re like the Sun and I’m just… I’m just Pluto!” 

If there was ever a time for laughing, Jonghyun would have said this was most definitely not it. Yet no less than five seconds after his, what he thought was brilliant, comparison of their personalities to the cosmic universe, Kibum was doing just that. Possibly even more dramatic than necessary, but that was how Kibum tended to roll in life anyways: always just a little extra. Jonghyun sulked even more as Kibum curled into a ball on his bed, torso still shaking as his boisterous laughter pinged around the room. Once the younger boy sat up and managed to reduce his laughter to a few giggles here and there, he started to speak. 

“You compared yourself to Pluto. Pluto! I have never heard anything more cliche or ridiculous come out of your mouth, and trust me there has been a lot to choose from,” Kibum chuckled and wiped a few stray tears from his eyes, finally settling down. 

“C’mere.” Kibum crawled towards where Jonghyun was still huddled in the corner, gently prying him away from cocoon of outdated teenage angst and pulling him to his chest. “I’m still hurt you didn’t trust me, I’ll be honest. And we’re obviously going to have to have some more serious conversations about this in the future. But,” Kibum sighed and brushed some of Jonghyun’s bangs out of his eyes, causing the older to unconsciously lean into the touch, warming at the familiar sensation. “I suppose it’d be harder to work things out if we broke up.” Jonghyun couldn’t help visibly perking up at this, his usual dorky smile lightning up his tired eyes. 

“Are you serious?”

Kibum nodded tentatively, but smiled back anyways. “Yeah, I am.”

Jonghyun wrapped his arms around the blonde’s waist, drawing him in for a tight hug that he wasn’t willing to let go of yet. “Can we just cuddle for today?” He asked quietly, feeling rather emotionally drained from the past two days. He knew he couldn't avoid the 'talks' but for now he just wanted to hold Kibum close, after being so near to losing him for good.

“You’re so needy,” Kibum complained, but slipped under the covers and curled up against his boyfriend anyways. 

Yes, they had issues to be resolved, but for now Jonghyun was content with the thought that maybe, he was the Sun to Kibum too. 

A/N: That was interesting to write, tbh I think Jong would be very emotional when it comes to relationships and maybe think a little too much with his heart instead of his head, but hey that's just me. I adore him all the same :P

And remember If you'd like to request a pairing/prompt, feel free to message me on here or leave a comment down below! Thank you for reading, and comments are always appreciated, even if it's just constructive criticism :) Have a nice week everyone!