“I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you.” 

— Jonathan Safran Foer

Chapter 12: Jeon Jungkook

“What have you guys been up to, really? I know what I heard, and something weird is definitely going on.”

Jimin was standing in front of them with a concerned look on his face, an unusual expression from his usual bright demeanor.

Jungkook could feel Seulgi slide just a bit closer to him. He stole a glance at her and noticed immediately how she cradled her head gingerly, no matter how subtly she was trying to do it.

They were in Jimin’s special-star room, which was nearly identical to his own room, which only meant that there was definitely still a lot of space just for a single person. Jungkook made Seulgi sit on the bed with him, deaf to her complaints about her being well enough to stand. Now, he would never underestimate his noona, but if she could sit rather than stand, why not take the better option? 

He could tell she was now grateful for his persistence—she was starting to slightly lean on him, and he could tell she was having a hard time focusing on what Jimin was saying.

“What has the high school principal been doing to you, Seulgi-yah?” Jimin approached her, and in that second Jungkook felt a distinct ache echo in his heart as he witnessed the look on his hyung’s face as he spoke to her. 

Jungkook envied his hyung. He wished it was easy to view the high school principal as evil, he really did. The things his grace has done to him, and most especially to Seulgi… and yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to look at him without a sort of affection as well. His grace had effectively raised him, Seulgi, and Taeyong, and although his traitor hyung might have lost all his affection towards the principal, he and Seulgi certainly have not.

But all his eyes could see at the moment was how genuinely concerned Jimin was for Seulgi. Was it really that simple all along? “It’s… it’s nothing, really.” She blushed as she looked away from his hyung’s deeply concerned eyes.

Jungkook imagined a vast meadow, with him in the middle of it. He could feel the breeze lightly pass by his face as he inhaled the fresh scent of grass and wildflowers. It was just him in solitude; but it was the kind that he knew would bring him eternal peace. He wished he could be there instead of witnessing what was in front of him.

“Don’t lie to me, Seulgi, please,” Jimin crouched so that there was no avoiding his eyes. “I want to help you. Please let me.”

Jungkook stared at his fists, slowly opening then closing them. Nothing was amiss; he was beside Seulgi, so there was no chance of him having an appearance. But, still, there was a disquiet slowly building in his mind, and he had no idea what it was. He glanced at the two.

Well, maybe he did.

It started happening ever since he fainted in the hospital room. It was only for a couple of seconds, but when he woke up, his brain felt a bit fuzzy, like a thin film of something was wrapped on the entirety of his brain.

At that moment, the white noise in his brain was getting louder and louder the more he saw his hyung and noona talk to each other. He didn’t like what he was seeing, but he didn’t like what he was feeling, either, so he was in a bit of a conundrum.

He breathed a sigh of relief when someone started knocking on the door.

“Oh, good, that must be them,” Jimin quickly stood up then opened the door to greet whoever his other visitors were.

Perhaps finally remembering that he was there, Seulgi turned towards him. “What are we going to do, Kookie-yah? I mean, we don’t know how much he knows, but it’s all still sensitive information.”

He returned her gaze, always so innocent and clueless even after everything she’s been through. Why has it that he’s changed so much when his noona, who’s been through far worse, could still keep her heart ripe and open for picking? She was always like this, even back then with Taeyong, he bitterly thought.

“Noona,” He spoke quietly. Lately, he found that speaking in a low volume is best when you really want the other person to listen. It was as if everything he had to say was of grave importance. “Do you still like Taeyong?”

Seulgi slightly flinched at the mention of his name. “We already talked about this, Kookie-yah,” she found herself speaking in low volumes as well. 

“Do you like someone else, then?” He couldn’t help it; he needed to know. Seulgi was more than just a noona to him; she was his closest friend, his partner-in-crime, his first and only love. It has always been her, even back when she couldn’t take her eyes off Taeyong, or when she could look at no one else after his surprising betrayal. She was more than just a person to him; she was his anchor to this world. To his sanity, even.

He needed to know.

And to see her cheeks slowly turn red as she looks away in avoidance to his question, he could feel another part of him slowly rotting away, as if her Alice got ahold of the most tender part of his heart. 

“Why—why would you even…” She looked flustered, with her ears even turning red in embarrassment. She stole a glance towards the door which gave him all the confirmation he needed.

Jungkook wondered whether he became the catalyst of her new awareness of affection towards Jimin. If so, he would like to just let him take over his body because at least he wouldn’t do such an idiotic thing.

He grabbed her hand suddenly and tightened his grip. “Seulgi-yah,” Jungkook stared at her hard. “We need to talk after this.”

She tilted her head in confusion. “Okay, but about what?” Jungkook just shook his head then smiled. 

“Seulgi-yah! Omo, I didn’t even know you were getting released today!” Wendy shouted as she came running towards her. Irene, Joy, and Yeri followed behind her, all with equally concerned yet angry looks on their faces.

Jungkook stood up to give them all space. Besides, he needed to get some air, anyway. There was so much going on within the academy recently, but all he could wrap his head around was the knowledge that Seulgi had moved on from Taeyong with someone else that wasn’t him. 

He went towards the window and opened it to let the breeze in as he leaned his elbows on the window frame. He was looking at the forest, but not really. All his focus was on rapidly beating heart, as he did his best to calm it down.

Maybe this was for the best, Jungkook reasoned out. He did wonder what would happen if he took complete control over him, which he knew had a complete possibility of happening, and Jungkook was certain that Seulgi would be his first target. Maybe, maybe.

“Yah, let’s talk about this later! Look at the poor thing, she needs to rest!” Irene’s voice cut through his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. He turned back to everyone, and saw Irene shielding Seulgi from the others.

“That’s fair. I’ll bring her to her room,” Jimin offered. Before he knew what he was doing, Jungkook went over to them and took Seulgi’s hand before he did.

“I’ll do it, hyung,” Jungkook smiled. Jimin stepped back, a bit surprised, then nodded.

“Everyone, come back at my room later after dinner, alright?” And with that, everyone dispersed.

Jungkook still held Seulgi’s hand as they left the room first whil