Sehun had loved.

And he thought, he hoped, that he was loved too.

Not just by the nanny and his grandparents, but by his husband as well. Eventually, arranged marriage couples fall in love right? At least that’s what his mother had assured him.

Sehun had been slightly excited, the only thing that had brought him down were the two invites, sitting in his drawer, ones he should’ve sent out long ago and the disappointment that at the altar, the one who would be holding out his hand for him was taller and fairer than the one he had envisioned in his mind.

Sehun’s hopes soared the sky when he felt his husband wrap and arm around his waist and smile lovingly at him after the ceremony. He was so happy, he had sent out the invites with an apology letter, lying, that it had been a shotgun wedding and that was why he was late in sending them out (it made Sehun smile a bit, the anticipation of his future as a Park.)

But of course, their first night together should’ve been an indicator of his real future. He should’ve known when Chanyeol left their room and slept in the guestroom that he didn’t do it for Sehun’s sake, but for his own. But Sehun shook off the feeling of dissapoinment and hoped maybe Chanyeol wanted to wait till they fell in love to sleep with him.

But it had been three years, and Sehun was still sleeping alone.

He should’ve realised that Chanyeol’s long absences from their house wasn’t all business when he walked in on him and his PA Baekhyun ing in the kitchen.

Hell he should’ve realised the 3 years he spent waiting for this man to love him back was a waste when he heard the whispered confessions he had been longing for from their guestroom, for a man that was not him.

But Sehun was used to supressing his feelings, he was used to being not wanted. So he buried all the hurt deep insid his heart and walked around like it was normal to see you husband cuddling with his PA on the couch. He still cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for his husband, he still went to business parties with him, which he attended with a dashing smile, just like the perfect husband he was. He helped Chanyeol’s and his shared company whenever Chanyeol asked. He still pretended everything was fine.

In more ways than one, Chanyeol saw him more like a friend than a husband. But Sehun was used to the friend zone, he had been there all his life. He just envied the blush on Baekhyun’s cheeks whenever Chanyeol looks ar him. At nights when the two lovers would forget that he too lived in the house, he would quietly slip out and close the door to the lewd moans and just walk away. And more times than one, he woke up in a house he was sure was not his, with adull ache running up his back. 

But of course Chanyeol never noticed that, he was too pr-occupied with Baekhyun to even spare his husband, by the law, a glace. Chanyeol hadn’t even noticed that he dyed his hair back to black three months ago or that Sehun had lost more weight than what was healthy within that time. He didn't notice that Sehun would cry himself to sleep most of the night he brought Baekhyun home.

Sehun wanted to hate Baekhyun, but he couldn't. The shorter male, in his guilt of ruining their marriage would do anything and everything for Sehun. Sehun was sure that if he asked him to stay away from his husband, he would do so. But Sehun wasn't cold, he was bitter, bbut not cold. So he did othing but watch Baekhyun experience everything he had ever wanted.

And Sehun still smiles in welcome when his husband comes home with Baekhyun’s scent all over his body. He smiles when the two reveal that Baekhyun was pregnant. He smiles when he hands over the signed divorce papers to a guilt ridden Baekhyun and and ecstatic Chanyeol. He smiles as he watches the two say their marriage vows. He smiles when the photographer clicks a picture of him between the two newlyweds, a picture Baekhyun had put up in the living room, replacing Sehun's and Chanyeol's wedding photo.

But, he laughs when he receives the invitation to Jongin’s and Kyungsoo’s wedding, which soon lay half burnt in the fire place.

Another news of pregnancy, another new marriage invitation.

Sehun is still numb, he doesn’t care anymore. That’s what he tells himself.

Yet bitter laughs continue fill his old penthouse, the one he had before he got married, with a melancholic sadness as he watches the flames burn the last shred of the torn up invitation. Taking with it, Jongin’s name into the ashes that are now going up the chimney. And out of his life, forever unreachable.

 He laughs so hard, tears drip down his eyes.

Sehun swears he it isn’t affected by the news of his two old friends, the ones he last met 5 years ago, getting married, no.

It was in the happiness that they had found what he had always wanted right next to them; that Kyungsoo had found what he had always wanted right next to him.

Years later, he finds himself staring at the old dilapidated house he used to call home until 8 years ago. So much has changed. It couldn’t recognise the places where he and the other two frequented. The little town was now a little city. There were so many new additions to the square. Sehun didn't know if he liked the change or not.

The house smelt old and rusty. He couldn’t believe his father hadn’t sold this place of. He pulled off the white cloth covering the couch and sat down carefully, wincing at the horrid creeks it made at his action.

He didn’t know his father hadn’t sold this place off until few minutes before his death. Oh Seojun told his son how much he loved him and cherished him and how much he cherished him. He told Sehun to not make the same mistakes that he did. He told Sehun to live for himself and not for the sake of proving others wrong.

For the first time, in a long while, Sehun had cried because he felt the weight of his life, the pathetic life he called his, fall on his shoulders. He cried, and this time, Jongin was not around to hold him while he broke down. Even through the years, the first name he thought of while breaking down was his, Sehun felt pathetic.

But Chanyeol and Baekhyun were around. As much as he tried to avoid the two, they wriggled their way into his life, especially Baekhyun. He had snapped at them a million times, but they always took it with a smile. The shorter would always, somehow find him and bring him back home, he even made him baby sit their ‘kids’. Yes, kids as in more than one, i.e; multiple.

Sehun couldn’t deny, their kids made him smile, the genuine kind. They just seemed to have adapted to Sehun to the point where they actually preferred him to their own father, much to Chanyeol’s disdain. But it also made him wistful. He would never have what his two friends did.

He was alone and people around him had someone to go back to. Just like, at the end of the day Baekhyun would rush back home to prepare dinner for his family and his maid would finish up her chores and leave in a hurry to catch the last bus home so she could eat with her family. 

They all had families, a familiar warmth to look forward to at the end of the day, while Sehun had nothing but the cold fog to accompany me to his death bed.

Somewhere along the way, Sehun had begun to write; to record himself, his raw self. It began as random poems, but then developed into short stories and novels. They were his secret outlet until Baekhyun discovered them. He still remembered the crystalline tears that marred Baekhyun’s face when he had walked in on the latter in his personal office back at home.

He hadn’t bothered to ask the reason, he wasn’t the type to ask. He would just let the other cry and listen to his problems. But then he saw his notebooks stacked beside the shorter and he had snapped. Baekhyun stayed quiet and listened for a long while before standing up and slapping Sehun in the face. The ruckus that followed only broke free when Chanyeol came rushing in from the kitchen to pull his frenzied husband away from Sehun's bloody face.

Baekhyun cried, he cried so hard. While Sehun continued to smile through my bloodied lips. He was numb already, the broken lip didn't even make him wince, infact it made him feel more alive.

“How dare you hide all these feelings to yourself you !!!” Baekhyun had screamed at him a few days later, after having calmed down enough to not hit him. Chanyeol had stood a few feet back, ready to jump in and pull the then, 4th time pregnant diva away from him. “”We feel hurt to. Seeing you like this, it hurts people around you most. Don’t you dare deny! I read them all Sehun. God, I feel so stupid right now! I should’ve known…it’s all my fault.”

Of course he eventually convinced me to publish my work. They did better than I had expected, apparently people around the globe get high from read other people bare themselves, their sufferings, to the world.

Sehun chuckled darkly, letting his back sink against the old leather couch. He was tired. So tired. The must be flipping the table since he hadn’t told them he leaving.

He wasn’t sure what triggered it, but it probably had something to with the ‘Kimchi spaghetti’ the shorter claimed he had invented and the subsequent dream he had of his childhood. He suddenly was yearning for a glimpse of his former friends; mostly the tanned male. Just a small glimpse, to see how happy he was while Sehun was rotting in hell. Just one glimpse of his smile would be enough for him.

No Sehun was not bitter anymore. He was lonely, but not bitter.

The sound of muffled giggles from the window, forced Sehun to the present. He opened one eye right in time to catch a mop of black duck low and out of his sight. He got up with a sigh, cringing again at the annoying creeks of the couch, and walked to the milky window, making sure to peep from the side. He had enough experience with kids to know just how to tackle them

He found two boys huddled up under the window, giggling as the whispered how they would tease the ‘old man’ inside the haunted house.

Haunted house. Is that what his home had become?

He was about to give the kids his own version of scare when he heard someone call out to them, he is assuming it was for them since the boys then scrambled away, shouting incoherent things at the male standing on the other side of the fence, look at the boys with a mock frown with his hands on his hips.

He knew that frown, he makes that face whenever he was trying to be angry but just couldn’t help burst out laughing. Sehun guessed somethings never change. His heart beat faster as the frown directed towards the kids shifted into a loving smile. The one Sehun had wanted to see. His heart beat faster and a weird feeling pooled in his stomach when he realised.

These were his kids. His and Kyungsoo's kids.

Jongin bent down to his kids’ level.

“…but daddy there’s a lost old man in the haunted house!!” the taller one mentioned. “…we were just trying to help him get out…” what a bunch of liars, Sehun scoffed, but kept himself concealed.

Sehun watched, still hidden to the others, as Jongin’s body tensed. He watched as the tanned male slowly turned towards the house, eyes almost as wide as his husbands. He had probably just noticed the car parked out front. He watched as Jongin’s still somehow silky hair kept getting caught in the wind when he turned back to his kids and walked away.

Sehun looked away.

Sehun smiled bitterly, what else had he expected? A tearful reunion? Jongin running to him and taking him into his arms and whispering into his ears about how much he missed him?

He had learnt the hard way that life doesn’t work like that. It takes your dreams and aspirations and sets things up in a manner what you never get the one thing that you held more precious than even your life.

He was back on the couch, wondering yet again what had made him return when the front door banged open.

Sehun was shocked. It had happened, Jongin had come in, and he had burst through the doors, panting as if he had run and engulfed him into the tightest hugs ever. And he did whisper a million times into his ear that he had missed him.

Sehun hugged the boy, no man, back. Not having the strength to tighten it around the tanned male, but doing so when he felt hot liquid drip down his face and his neck. Jongin was crying too. A tearful reunion. His body was still tingling with the high of things happening just the way he had hoped it would.

“Dinner.” Jongin had sniffed into his shoulder, minutes later, his arms still around me. “My place. I’m not letting you run away again.”

Sehun hadn’t been sure why he had come.

But he was sure he wouldn’t have stayed as long as he had ended up staying.

Maybe it was because of the wonderful food Jongin made him, or the endless tales he had to share with the Sehun, or maybe even the way his kids just accepted him lurking around their house for days, with a bright smile and open hands.

"Daddy never has his friends over." Jongdae, the elder twin explained. Minseok was 5 minutes younger.

Or maybe it was the silent beckoning from the picture hanging on the wall, right above the television. Those wide owl like eyes just challenged him to stay, and maybe it was their absence that made him accept it.

Kyungsoo was gone a while now, and Sehun hadn’t even known. Sehun couldn’t even cry when Jongin told him the news, but he cried when Jongin waved of my condolences like he would that of a stranger. But the pulled Sehun into a hug when he noticed him crying.

“You were going through your divorce, I didn’t want to add to the pain.”

“That’s a bull excuse.”

“I know.”

Baekhyun and his platoon arrived two months into his stay. Huffing his 6 month old bump as he glared daggers at Sehun. Jongin, Chanyeol and the kids cowered in fear, while Sehun just stood rooted on his spot, looking blankly at the fuming pregnant. And then he smiled.

“You’re happy.” Baekhyun mused. Immediately stopping his rants mid-ways when he noticed Sehun's glowing face.

And that was it. Sehun had never questioned how Baekhyun knew, because he himself found h