In rare circumstances, feelings were simple. Being enraged to the blood, being overjoyed with delight, fearing for one’s life. Those were all-consuming states of mind. But ninety-nine percent of the time, people had these foggy mess inside them, mixing a dozen – sometimes contradictory – emotions and very few of those were easily expressed.

So Ren had researched other languages and salvaged anything useful to make sense of the chaos.

It was a routine day at the headquarters and he leaned against a wall in the cafeteria, waiting for a table to empty, pretending to read a trashy sci-fi novel from a tablet.

Three men – guards on break – were engaged in a card game and they were betting real money. All had constantly rising levels of pleonexia – the insatiable desire to acquire what belongs to others. But there was so much more.

The one with the scar on his cheek had a tendency to analyze his happiness until it turned to misery. Every now and then he would try to take part in the conversation but was quickly struck by exulansis – a tendency to give up on reciting one’s experience to others because they never related.

Opposite him was a tall and lanky one who seemed to be playing the most risk averse. Monachopsis – the elusive but persistent feeling of not belonging. Baekho had felt like that for a long time until it got better fast recently. Ren assumed the tall guy was relatively new and hadn’t found his role but perhaps he just never learned how to fit in.

Thirdly there was an old man who wore the badge of a general, putting him in the highest rank inside the compound. The ranks were purely a matter of internal structure. The organization wasn’t the military. The man had a bad case of rückkehrunruhe – coming back from a great trip but soon beginning to forget everything about it, even the best parts slipping from awareness.

It was strange to know that the general had been on vacation recently and was probably on the verge of developing Alzheimer’s without having spoken to him once.

Ren wasn’t too keen on digging into other people’s lives. Especially because it gave him a sense of sonder – the realization that every passer-by has a complex and vivid inner life and the full range of human experiences. Or maybe it was occhiolism – being aware of one’s smallness in the grand scheme of things.

Hard to say. Ren couldn’t read his own emotions. He had to do it the old fashioned way, by actually feeling them and exercising some introspection. With wasn’t too satisfying. Therefore he spent a lot of time reading other’s despite not caring about them.

That was maybe also something he felt. Liberosis – the desire to care less.

But there was a practical reason as well. He had to learn how to use less coherent feelings for combat. Even from subtle ones something useful could be made, if he kept his own panic under control. Perhaps not yet an entire Conmote, but more than nothing.

***

Ren felt Junior approach before the boy had even reached the doorframe. As Junior strolled into the room he forgot what he had been planning to do. That happened to people a lot more than they let on.

Ren couldn’t help but chuckle. Seeing someone forget stuff always gave him a little bit of schadenfreude – pleasure derived from other’s misfortune. Especially if they tried to confidently play over it the way Junior did.

When Junior laid eyes on Ren he made his way across the room and plopped down next to him, looking up. For a second Ren toyed with the idea of feigning business and leaving the boy alone on the ground.

But the crush Junior had on him was annoyingly persistent. And being able to sense how he was so honestly adored made Ren feel a tiny bit responsible. There was that liberosis again.

“So,“ Junior began what was no doubt his next transparent attempt at flirting. “I got some new games.”

“Oh, please.”

“We could go to my room and-“

Ren huffed. “Is that the ‘I’ll show you my stamp collection’ of the modern age? Come on now. You’re not the only one who gets boners around me. A few pretty high ranking operative here have-“

He trailed off with a vague hand gesture, not actually willing to get specific.

There was an emotion he didn’t sense very often. Andronitis – frustration about how long it takes to get to know someone. Junior had a deep and innocent desire to know more about Ren. Not to project some ideal picture and get mad when Ren didn’t turn out ‘submissive and always cutesy’ like his suitors over the years had expected him to be because of his looks.

Bitterness was another thing Ren probably felt a lot.

Junior was not deterred. “If you really don’t like gaming, we could… um, uh… erm”

It was adorable how the usually confident leader struggled. Pathetic, yes. But also adorable. Maybe if Ren just indulged him he’d get over that little crush of his. There was a chance it would ruin their work relationship but whatever. Ren decided not to care. Looking into the future was Junior’s domain after all.

“Fine.”

“Wha-“ Junior looked up.

“Let’s go to your place.”

“Yes? Yes! I mean, good, sure. Let’s go.”

A whirlwind of excitement swept through the slender boy. He tried to get up, holding out his hand so Ren could help him get off the floor. But the empath decided a demonstration of power was necessary and walked off without so much as looking back.

***

“Shouldn’t you have known my answer beforehand?”

They were making their way into the part of the complex where all the boys had their dorms. They were alone since Aron was on a mission to capture more agents of the void while Minhyun was teaching Baekho how to meditate down in the gym.

Junior shrugged. “The chances fluctuated wildly before you answered. Remember, I can only see your decision ahead of time once you made it. I see actions, not thoughts like you.”

“What? I don’t see thoughts either.”

“I saw you wow a bunch of people with what you knew about them.”

Now it was on Ren to shrug. “I make educated guesses. And I really only do it to creep out anyone I want to stay away from me.”

“You’ve never done it to me.”

“I… guess not.”