The Secret
I Thought of You
"I wanted to tell you all of my secrets, but you became one of them instead."
Eunhyuk watched with a smile as Victoria awoke with much pain the next morning.
“Ah…ow…” she reached an arm to the back of her neck.
“Morning,” he greeted sitting on the bed cross legged.
“Since when did you get up?” she asked yawning.
“Before you, obviously.”
She reached a finger forward and pressed against one of his cuts.
Shouting, he slapped her hand away, “It hurts!”
“You’re so ugly! No wonder you’re Kyuhyun’s pet.”
He reached a hand forward and pushed her head back.
“Ow! My neck!” she screamed.
“I’m hungry,” Eunhyuk whined.
“You’re looking at me to get you food?” Victoria questioned with a tight glare.
Minutes later Victoria found herself digging into the food she’d brought back for Eunhyuk from the cafeteria.
“Don’t take all of it!” Eunhyuk shouted reaching into the bowl for some more jello.
Victoria tossed a square into and chewed.
The next few days she brought him food, helped him carry around his books, and even did some of his homework.
A week later while watching a show on the TV together, Eunhyuk asked, “I get my cast off tomorrow, want to accompany me?”
“Tomorrow? When?”
“Mid afternoon.”
Victoria quieted, “I actually promised another date with Donghae since I ran out on him after I heard about the accident.”
“Ah…” Eunhyuk tried to smile, “is that so? Then go have fun.”
She slightly glanced at him and hesitated. The urge to ask him about if he’d had an eye on her before becoming friends really bugged her. Was it just a thought from the sudden moment, or was Eunhyuk’s side profile suddenly becoming more handsome?
“What?” he asked turning back to her. “Something on my face?”
Victoria smiled and leaned back into the couch.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing,” he imitated her.
Victoria glanced at him with a smirk and when he turned back to the TV, she couldn’t help but turn back to look at him.
~.~.~.~.~
“A date…with Donghae, huh?”
Eunhyuk to his side. A dreadful feeling tugged him from inside. For some reason he didn’t want tomorrow to come.
“Hyuk, what should I wear?” asked Donghae over the phone. “Does a black cardigan go with a blue shirt?”
“Just wear whatever you have.”
“But black is like death. What’s Victoria’s favorite color?”
“A date isn’t about favorite colors.”
“Well…duh!” Donghae replied. “But I might look good in her favorite color. Might make me look more astounding. And if I knew, I wouldn’t bother to ask you.”
“And is it my fault that I know? Just wear whatever, or you might as well just go .”
“Tsh,” he snorted from the other end of the line, “isn’t someone upset, now?”
“Not upset,” Eunhyuk stated.
“Sure.” Donghae opposed. “So, do you know if Victoria’s had her first kiss yet?”
“Kiss?!!” Eunhyuk literally shouted. “Yah…”
Donghae laughed from the other side of the phone, “Don’t get so worked up, dude. It’s not like Victoria’s your sister or girlfriend. I’ve known her since middle school.”
Eunhyuk didn’t reply.
“If I didn’t think you liked her back in high school, I would’ve asked her out, but you were always in the way,” Donghae told, “so, Eunhyuk, do you have any strings attached?”
Eunhyuk opened his mouth to retort but clamped it shut.
“Donghae-ah,” Eunhyuk began, “be good to her.”
“I know,” Donghae answered, “I’m going to hang up now.”
When the phone line went dead, Eunhyuk found himself staring at the ground. A part of him hurt.
~.~.~.~.~
After slipping into a long sleeved white shirt she pulled on her short boots. She could hear Eunhyuk chiding her from behind to dress warmly for the cold weather and almost laughed at herself. Reaching out her arm to close the closet nearby, she paused when a silver dress stuck out from among the others.
Reopening the door, she pulled the dress out. It was the dress she’d worn to the school social back at the end of the year in high school when the students had decided to throw a party for the semester. The dress she’d worn to the social with a boy who had a crush on her.
A smile from the memory should have climbed upon her face, but the dress held disappointment she’d secretly hid that day. She’d wanted to have fun and make the night special by going with Eunhyuk. She’d been so excited for it and they’d even talked out plans to go have some food afterward, but Eunhyuk had bailed out the last minute. He’d encouraged her to go with that boy who had a crush on her.
The fact that she’d wanted to go with Eunhyuk so much still lingered in her memory. Had he known that he’d hurt her that night by suddenly calling their night off?
The knock at the door made her turn around. Replacing the dress, she grabbed her bag, and headed out of her bedroom. When the door opened, Donghae smiled. He was clutching onto a bouquet of roses with both hands.
“Hi,” he greeted, “am I early?”
“Maybe I’m the one that’s late,” Victoria smiled.
“For you,” he handed her the roses. “Shall we go?”
She took the roses from him and glanced at the hand he held out.
They had lunch together at a nice fancy restaurant and he entertained her with a few jokes. Afterward, they’d gone out for a walk and stopped beside a jogging trail to sit down.
“You’re very pretty today,” he complimented.
It felt weird hearing it from a friend of her friend.
“Do you like me?” Victoria questioned.
He looked surprised before smiling, “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Do I need a reason?” he asked. “Then, since I answered your question, answer mine. Eunhyuk, is he really just a friend?”
She froze at his question.
“Yes.”
“Then,” he started, “why do you seem to always reject other men and go for Eunhyuk’s comfort? Is it just because he’s a friend?”
“Why are you asking me this?” Victoria asked unable to soak in his question.
“I think, you’re becoming uncomfortable with this topic,” Donghae told, “sorry. I’ll send you back home.”
And why had she become uncomfortable? It was just a topic of Eunhyuk being her friend. Right?
Sitting on the front doorsteps, Victoria tucked her chin into the palm of her hand and stared out among the street. The only thing she could think of was Eunhyuk. What was he doing? Did he get his cast off yet? There was no problem with his arm, right? He was all and well as should be, right?
Victoria glanced at her phone which she’d set beside her. She wanted to contact him. She wanted to talk to him and tell him about the date with Donghae. She just wanted to hear his voice and talk to him. But if she called first, would it mean anything?
There shouldn’t be any silly thought. They were just friends. Before she realized it, her fingers were already at work. Eunhyuk’s phone was ringing and all he needed to do was pick up.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“And?”
“Just wondering if you got your cast off alright.”
“I’m fine. You’re back home already? I thought you would have stayed out all night.”
“Well, go figures. I’m not the type to stay up all night anymore.”
“You’re getting old, ahjumma, what are you going to do if you can’t get married?”
“I’ll marry myself.”
Eunhyuk chuckled and Victoria was suddenly feeling better.
“Want to go out for some drinks?” she asked.
“Don’t drink so much,” Eunhyuk told her later when they met up at the soju tent. “You should eat some more. So, how did the date with Donghae go?”
She shrugged, “He’s interesting, but I’m not interested.”
“You don’t like him?”
“I like him,” Victoria nodded. “But I can’t do it that way.”
Eunhyuk smiled as he tilted his head down to stare into his soup. Victoria watched him curiously. Eunhyuk was a friend. They just happened to always be there for each other. She didn’t want their friendship to change because she loved it the way it was. Eunhyuk was the best friend she’d met and she wouldn’t lose him for anything.
If she caved in to the thoughts Donghae had put into her head, things would never be the same. If she liked Eunhyuk, he would become uncomfortable and drift away. She’d lose the friend she had in him. She would rather repress all thoughts, keep everything to herself…
So…why does it have to be him?
Victoria’s thoughts collapsed and she felt herself crumbling into a deep water. She looked up at Eunhyuk. The thoughts…where had they come from? What had she just been thinking?
“Eunhyuk, do you like anyone?” Victoria asked.
He glanced at her, “I think I do.”
“Who?”
Her heart was thudding. Whether from pain or curiosity she was in a state where she couldn’t differentiate. Was she almost drunk?
“I’m not going to tell you,” he replied with a silly smile.
She looked at him and snorted.
That night she dragged Eunhyuk back into his empty home and dropped him onto the couch. He moaned and moved around before suddenly knocking out. Victoria stared down at him feeling her heartbeat quicken. Whether it was in pain, she didn’t know.
Getting down so that she could look at him, she ran a hand over his face with a drunken smile.
She’d never tell him she had a crush on him that year. Victoria had wanted to go with Eunhyuk to the dance just so she could dance with him. That when Eunhyuk first started dating, she felt hurt, but hid it because she was happy he’d found someone who could enlighten him. And in return, she started dating as well.
When she took first place in her class, Eunhyuk was first to congratulate her. When it was her birthday, he’d be the first to tell her, “Happy Birthday”. And when she cried because of stress, he’d tell her cold jokes to get her mad instead. When Eunhyuk was on stage, he was the brightest star out there, and she wouldn’t be embarrassed of her face that would blush from watching him. After the first talent show in university, she hugged him for the first time.
Maybe, she’d known all along, and hadn’t said anything.
Leaning closer to him she could feel her breath bounce off his face. For a long moment as silence buzzed in the air she hesitated before brushing her lips against his face. Getting up, she shot out the door and ran back home.
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