It was a cold day in Korea.

Or somehow it had become cold in the minutes since Sehun left his apartment and headed to the Han River, buttocks still smarting from Chanyeol's blows.

It was still summer, though.

News analysts on the television said this appeared to be freak weather.

Sehun agreed.

Or at least, he acknowleged that he did not have the meteorological expertise to comment upon weather patterns and whether or not they were freakish. 

---

Sehun dipped his toes into the cold water of the Han River, disappointed that his adventure would come to an end so soon. He had not even progressed past the foreword, he reflected. Perhaps he would have had better success if the main character had been more good-looking. He resolved to pick Kyuhyun as the story's protagonist next time, even if he was a bit old and had a shrinking fanbase. 

"Goodbye, cruel world," he muttered as he waded deeper into the depths of the Han River, shooing away a few ducks who appeared to be trying to prevent his suicide. "You just don't understand!" he yelled at the birds, who fluttered their wings but really swam away, being of a flightless species. They were more used to bread being hurled at them, instead of abuse. They were, for all intents and purposes, Korean birds. 

As he reached the point of no return (i.e. water level past the knees), he realised his greatest regret would be never finding out what lay in the basement at Shiganshina District. With his dying breath, he cursed Hajime, thinking it was something stupid like "love".

Yeah, the titans could be defeated by "love". That was totally a Hajime storyline. And Mikasa had, like, zero character development. Thinking it over, he was somewhat glad to be dead (soon, anyway).

As the torrential waves of the Han River grazed Sehun's kneecaps, a voice cried out in the darkness of the morning (due to the clouds. As mentioned before, freak weather). 

"I will subscribe!" 

Sehun stopped what he was currently doing, which was humming the EXO Christmas Day song. It was a particular favourite of his. It helped him get through the tough times, like Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, December 27th, December 28th, December 29th, and so on. "Everyday holds a new challenge," went the saying, which Sehun took very literally. He believed that killing himself was definitely a tough time, and so justified the humming in his mind.

All of a sudden the clouds subsided.

"Who are you?" Sehun called out, still unable to see where the voice came from.

"I am redbunnies!" the voice replied. It sounded a bit like Morgan Freeman, to Sehun's ears. Which were of course Korean.

In a flash a thick haze settled over the surroundings, like there was a bush fire nearby, or an overenthusiastic barbeque, which may or may not have been Korean in nature.

"What is your gender?" Sehun ventured, hoping to know if the strange character was Morgan Freeman or not.

"Female!"

A strike of lightning!

Damn, Sehun thought. The chances of redbunnies being Morgan Freeman were decidedly slimmer given this new information.

"When did you join asianfanfics.com?" Sehun cried out, shattering the fourth wall like a chibi adaptation of Attack on Titan.

"September 6, 2014!"

Without warning, a Korean heat wave struck! 

"Last login?"

"January 24, 2016!"

All of a sudden, a passing blizzard! 

"Comment Rep?"

"0 pts!"

"LOL," Sehun thought, but did not say out loud.

Finally, the freak weather gave way to a pleasant, sunny morning. 

"You have saved me," Sehun intoned grandly, waddling out of the water onto the banks of the Han River. "If no one had subscribed I would have had to have been killed."

"Does this mean I'll be a recurring character?" redbunnies asked.

"No, I've saved that spot for Chanyeol. Sorry," Sehun apologised. "Although I can promise you will have more character development than Mikasa."

"pls dont kjd," redbunnies mumbled, unsatisfied, but still more satisfied than readers of Attack on Titan.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," Sehun said, brushing aside redbunnies and putting on a pair of sunglasses, "I have a driving lesson to attend to." 

And so he went to look for a bus stop, because he couldn't drive.

---

Whoa, looks like Sehun really cut it close on that one, huh? Would've been a shame he went and died without even learning to drive.

But Sehun still needs your help! Your subscriptions can stave off his (imminent...?) death for just a little while longer. As J.K. Rowling, acclaimed author of the "For Dummies" guidebooks, once said:

"plz subscribe"