Saturday promised to be lost in half asleep filled daze. Even though the void in TaekWoon’s chest had begun to close, the warmth of HongBin holding him close still swarming around him, he couldn’t force himself to speak. A white mug filled with pitch black and scalding liquid was resting in his hand. His form had moved from the bed to the sofa opposite the grand window, behind which the snowstorm was in full force, threatening to grow into a blizzard in minutes.

    “How are you feeling?” HongBin spoke and TaekWoon looked up from the slowly steaming mug in his hand. The angel’s features were tinted with concern and something pleasantly heavy, something TaekWoon knew was laying on his own shoulders as well, but he feared to give it a name. The name was a crack deep in the void, making it a tad deeper, tad more bottomless and voicing it out would be equal an earthquake that would mercilessly pull HongBin down in the black nothing.

    “Still… dizzy,” TaekWoon admitted and turned his gaze back to the mug in his hand. Every morning, without a mistake, there was this mug in his hand, the same liquid in it, tasting nothing more or less than home, no matter how cheesy it sounded. The beverage he had drank before, countless mugs scattered around the apartment, was muddy water in comparison to this. It might have been his imagination or the fact that someone actually made it for him, or that the someone was HongBin.

    He raised the mug to his lips, taking a satisfying sip, the light before the window blocked by a shadow now. HongBin had sat down in front of the couch indian style, his winged silueth blocking the light. His mere presence alone tugged on TaekWoon’s rusty heartstrings, echoing in the constantly self reminding nothing. His lips itched to name the weight on his shoulders, but he kept it back. It was hard for him to tear his eyes away from HongBin, his skin still feeling the radiant warmth, but at the same time not enough of it; still tingling from the feeling of other’s skin so close.

    “I meant what I said. I will be here ready to listen - to anything. About past, present and future. I will be here, so don’t feel too proud or scared to share or ask whatever you could need,” HongBin smiled and TaekWoon blinked a few times half amazed half dazed. An angel indeed. No more no less.

    “Thank you,” the raven hair replied silently, taking another sip of the aromatic filled coffee. It used to be TaekWoon’s favorite scent - fresh strongly brewed burning hot coffee that invaded his senses and woke him up, kept him awake and, oddly enough, lulled him to sleep, masking the rotten stench of the grey behind the window. Now, he doubted he liked it that much. Something much softer, yet more present had invaded his nostrils from earlier and even though it was only a glimpse in his foggy mind, he couldn’t forget it. But he had to.

    He was determined not to use the wonderful man before him, who was now turned slightly to observe the erratic and mad dance of the snowflakes behind the glass. He couldn’t take his kindness, his above all grey nature to cure his own nothingness, now could he? TaekWoon averted his eyes from the HongBin and looked at his mug. But could he keep himself away now, when he knew how the embrace he actually was curious about felt? The answer was a pride crushing ‘no’.

    The very Monday, following an almost serene, blizzard wrapped Sunday with hot coffee and nothing more than comfortable silence tying TaekWoon even more to HongBin, TaekWoon realized he couldn’t fight back the open invitation. He was offered a sanctuary, a hideout, a place where to restore from and no matter how hard he had tried to fight back the feeling, the tingling on his skin he couldn’t. The selfish human need for self preservation won over.

    That very evening he didn’t even resist his body tiredly dragging itself to the man sitting in front of the window on the floor as per always. He didn’t fight it and allowed his frame to slump down on the floor, a heavy breath leaving his lungs. Even if he wanted he couldn’t resist himself from moving just a bit closer until he could lean his head against the winged man’s broad shoulder. TaekWoon was a weak human who wanted to save himself, who wanted to feel the sparkles of happiness distantly across his skin again but these were the only urges he could give in to.

    He purposely avoided more direct skin to skin contact, not wanting to know how the by the looks smooth, silky skin would feel under his fingertips, against his mere human form. He tried not breath deeply, so the scent he wished to take in deeply and break down into nuances wouldn’t invade his lungs, as the city air afterwards could actually make him sick. TaekWoon quietly dreamed, imagined and wished upon so many things - simple touches, closeness beyond just leaning his head on a sturdy shoulder that kept him from drowning in nothing. All of those things were simple, romantically cliche in most ridiculous ways, but he could never… or could he?

    “TaekWoon?” HongBin’s voice rang close and the bespoken one opened his eyes. His eyes first fell on the man next to him. His expression soft, almost dream like and TaekWoon’s hand twitched in need to rise up and caress other’s cheek, let his fingers to find their way in the russet brown hair and finally feel how they would feel under his touch. He might have had this urge for long, but only now it had surfaced. Yet he didn’t dare.

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