Zitao leaned his back on the wall. Yixing had just been admitted into the hospital. Again. He fell down a few steps of stairs while chatting with him and Yifan.

Zitao was worried but he was told that the injury wasn’t serious, a few days of rest and pills, he’ll be up and dancing like before. That was not what bothered his mind, though.

No, his main concern was Yifan. Because Yifan believed the cause of Yixing’s fall was his right feet, though Tao was sure it was not.

He looked up, meeting Yifan’s side profile hunched on the chair.

“Yifan-ge.” He tested the water.

“Hm?” Yifan’s face came into view, but his eyes were not meeting Zitao’s, they were trained on his palms instead.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Zitao walked towards the leader and sat down beside him. “You can’t always blame yourself.”

Yifan nodded, but his face remained expressionless. Zitao understood, Yifan was blocking him out. He always did that, agreeing and nodding at everything. At times like that, Zitao knew that Yifan always do the opposite of what he’s telling him, that inside Yifan’s head, all sorts of ‘what if’s’ was screaming at him. What if I had caught him? What if his waist condition worsens? What if he blamed me for tripping his feet? What if-?

Zitao had known Yifan too well to read behind those eyes.

Like Zitao had said in interviews, he’d like Yifan to share his burden with him. Zitao wanted to ease the leader, he wanted to help because seeing Yifan walks into the dorm at ungodly hour on nights back from arranging their schedules, or Yifan getting scolded for the member’s fault, made him realize that Yifan had that responsibilities the rest of them didn’t, that Yifan was a leader. But being a leader didn’t mean carrying all the weight yourself, like Zitao had told Yifan a few times too often.

Yifan tried to open up, but up until now he hadn’t succeed. Yifan blamed his awkward anti-social self, but he himself knew that he was not ready. Some invisible wall was shielding his vulnerable self from foreign intrusions, even Zitao. And this time it was no different than any others.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Ge. I can help you. Please.” Zitao whispered the last part. Both men knew he was not only referring to this one accident.

Yifan palmed his stoic face and closed his eyes. “I can’t.” He mumbled. “Not now.”

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, Yifan-ge. I’ll be all ears.” Zitao sighed and place his hand on Yifan’s knees.

Maybe next time.