The sound of my phone alarm rang out loudly, making me wince from the loudness as I felt around the bed for my phone. “Yah, just wake up instead of putting your alarm on snooze.” I heard Jiwon’s voice talking to me, to which I only replied with an unwilling moan. I only heard a snicker from him before I felt my arm being pulled, making me open my eyes unwillingly.

There was Jiwon in an apron and a spatula on his hand; his other hand was pulling my arm up. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought he was a housemaid or something.

“Can’t you give me 5 more minutes, please?” I pleaded cutely; hoping that he would buy my cute act. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work with him this morning, so I finally sat up at the edge of the bed, my feet dangling over it.

“Go take a shower and wear the clothes that Kei took from your house yesterday, you have some explaining to do.” That was the only thing he said before he stepped out from the guest room and towards the kitchen, probably.

I wonder what kind of explaining do I need to do to them; I didn’t do anything weird yesterday, did I?

By the time I arrived at the kitchen wearing my favorite dark blue hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants, Jiwon had already finished cooking breakfast and they were now waiting for me to join them at the table. “Hey, why is my breakfast different from you guys?” I questioned when I saw what Jiwon prepared for me; a simple pancake with maple syrup poured over it, different from the others’ breakfast which was scrambled eggs and sausages.

“Yah, shut up and just eat, we have lots of questions to ask you,” Seolhyun suddenly barked at me before she went back to eat her scrambled eggs. I pouted in defeat as I cut a little portion of the pancake and put it inside my mouth. If I say that I don’t know what kind of question she was going to ask, I would be lying because I completely knew what their questions are going to be.

My head is throbbing slightly from my over-drinking last night; luckily it wasn’t that bad or I would’ve wanted to just stay in bed forever. Maybe my body started adjusting to my current habitual alcohol consumption or something, I don’t really know, I thought as I munched another portion of the pancake.

Before I knew it, my pancake had already finished and I was left with five pairs of eyes staring questioningly at me as if they’re trying to find answers to their question from my face.

I stared back at them with furrowed eyebrows; what is it that they want to know so badly? Did I just kill a person last night? Kei broke the silence as she sighed before saying, “So, Yeoreum. Since we already know about Junhwe and his real age, we’re just curious about one thing.” The other four nodded to her remark, showing their agreement.

 “Okay, so what’s the question?” I asked back as I tapped my spoon on the table impatiently. What is it that they wanted to know so badly? Might as well just ask it in one go instead of pausing here and there.

“I don’t know if you’re just acting or you really don’t remember, Yeoreum.” Yunhyeong rubbed his face frustratingly as he spoke before he continued after seeing my dumbfounded state, “You basically told all of us that you’re dating Taehyung! Do you even see how Junhwe looked like when you said that? You’ve got to stop---“

He stopped talking when I stood up from my seat abruptly; my eyes widened in pure shock. Did I really do that? Oh God, suddenly I felt my head spinning as I tried to rack my brain for the recollection of what actually happened yesterday. “Can you guys please explain to me what happened yesterday, I don’t think I remember any of it?” I asked softly as I rubbed my temples in distress.

“Guys, I don’t think she actually remembers…” Jisoo suddenly spoke up, making everyone at the table stared at me.

“Yes, I don’t remember anything from yesterday, godammit! Don’t come at me like that expecting me to remember or even understand anything because I don’t!” After that outburst, I walked quickly towards the guest room to take my belongings and stormed out from Jiwon’s house in anger without even listening to whatever Yunhyeong was trying to say to me.

When I got inside my car, I leaned my head on the steering wheel before my tears came out in complete frustration as I failed to remember anything that happened last night.

Maybe I should just go home and take a good rest; who knows I could remember what happened when I take a good nap.

*****************************************

     When I got home, my mom was calling me from the kitchen, asking me to help her with something –which I obediently followed. “Yeoreum, help me to cut the vegetables, it’ll only take a while,” My mom instructed while pointing at the vegetables in the small bowl along with a cutting board and a knife. Quietly, I washed my hands at the sink before starting my job.

My head can’t stop thinking about what happened last night; I tried so hard to rack my brains to remember what happened yet nothing comes out.

As I chopped down the carrots, my mom suddenly rambled something about the drama she just watched this morning. “The ahjumma in that drama is so annoying I swear! She should’ve just kissed the young man back but she slapped him and said she didn’t like him when she clearly likes him and I should tell you about how---” Gosh, when my mom starts to ramble, who knows when she can stop; especially when she’s talking about her favorite drama.

But the word ‘kiss’ suddenly triggered something inside my mind as the scenes from yesterday night suddenly played vividly in my mind like a movie.

   The night has ended but somehow I felt like it has just begun. Can I never want this to end? I thought as Junhwe pulled away from our kiss and held my face; his hands on either side of my face as he stared at me longingly, as if he knew that I would be gripping away from his hold soon. I stared back at him; my eyes unfocused after that mind-blowing kiss just then. He’s so young yet he’s a great kisser, is this even possible?

“Yeoreum-noona, I know you’ll probably forget about this when you wake up tomorrow, but I like you, I like you so much,” He confessed again and again as he kept staring at me and leaned towards me once again for one last kiss; which I accepted without any restraint.

It felt unbelievable; this kiss, how this night turned out. Maybe it was all just a dream…

And when he pulled away from the kiss once again, I stared at him once more as I tried to commit this moment to my memory; who knows this might never happen again. All of a sudden at that exact moment, my insecurities started to come up to the surface.

The questions in my head were only “Is he actually sure that he likes me?” “But I’m older, an awkward mess and not as pretty as the other girls out there while he’s handsome, young, and he basically has a long way ahead of him and he could choose any of the younger girls out there.” “Even though he likes me, will those feelings last when he enters college one day? He would have the chance to meet more girls his age while I would be in my junior year, about to finish college.”

All those questions kept haunting my head and by that time, I was sure I made my decision. I won’t let myself be selfish even if he likes me; he may like me now but is he sure he will still like me in many more years to come? I don’t want to be the reason he isn’t able to meet other girls his age or younger that he will come to like sooner or later. Those kinds of feelings… aren’t forever. Heck, nothing is forever.

“Oh, Yeoreum… you’re here,” I heard Taehyung’s voice saying, his tone faltered a bit at the end of his sentence. Did he saw us kissing?

All of a sudden, all of my friends started to walk into the garden one by one and I did the most logical thing I think I should do at the moment.

I stood up from my seat and walked towards Taehyung before saying quite drunkenly, “My boyfriend is finally here! I’ve been waiting for you!” I knew what I did was wrong and completely unthinkable after what that kiss and that confession from Junhwe but I still went along with it.

I just don’t want him to regret liking me later on; he should just give up on me now.

    “Yeoreum! Oh my God, what are you thinking about?” I only heard my mom shrieked as she shuffled around the kitchen to search for the first aid box we always kept in our kitchen before I looked at my hands; there were drops of blood coming out from my index finger. Looks like I accidentally cut my finger while cutting the carrots.

Weirdly, I couldn’t even felt the pain in my finger. The pain wasn’t even comparable to the pain I’m feeling in my heart right now.

**********************************************

     Another replay of a song called ‘Letting Go’ by DAY6 started to play once more from the playlist on my phone as I lied face down on the bed, thinking about my stupid life choices and my stupid heart. Why did I even let myself fall for that boy? I wasn’t supposed to fall for him or even anyone younger than me! This is why I’ve always avoided to fall for younger boys or even to other people in general, I hate the little insecurities inside myself; it always comes up when I’m beginning to like someone. Just like this time.

“I’ve been holding on to you for so long I need to let you go, there isn’t anything I can do for you~”

Whenever that exact part came out, I felt tears coming out from my eyes and I guess I’m a masochist because I didn’t even try to stop the song or anything; I even played it on loop for a few hours now.

I don’t like this feeling; I wanted to throw away my damn heart and be emotionless like I’ve always been for once.

I heard a knock on my door which I ignored and kept staring at the ceiling, wishing I could go to sleep and hoping that this would all end when I wake up. I know it’s not that easy; it never was.

Just then, I heard the door being opened and more than one person’s footsteps walked towards the bed where I’m laying at –which I still ignored because I don’t need anyone to interrupt my little session with myself. “Yeoreum, you know you can tell us anything, right?” I heard Kei said as I felt the bed dipped beside me.

It kept replaying in my mind again and again like a broken record; the way he kissed me, the way he stared at me as if he really meant those words that he said, everything kept haunting my mind over and over again.

“God, she wasn’t even like this when she had a crush on Jinwoo-oppa, this is serious,” Seolhyun remarked as she reached my phone from the bedside table and turned off the song while Jisoo was helping me to sit up from my laying down position.

I felt all three of them enveloped me in a group hug, trying to comfort me.

Just like that, I broke down once again.

I guess I don’t just like him; I actually fell for him after the kiss. It felt so right, yet my rational mind knew better than to follow my feelings. 

A/N: Okay, I know you guys want to kill me for writing this kind of chapter after the last chapter but it needed to happen, you know? Oh, and I decided to update early as a birthday present from me to you readers~ (LOL that sounds a bit twisted but whatever) The next chapter will be in Taehyung's POV and by then we will be nearing the end of this story.... it feels kinda sad to finish this story though because I really love you all T_T 

Expected update: 29/4/2016