10.15.2007

 

I’m in a push and pull thing. The first day, I tell her I love her. The next day, I’m in a complete denial I love her. The day after that, I’m telling myself maybe I do like her. And then the next day, I tell myself I really do love her and proceed to kiss her.

And talking about the kiss, after I did kiss her, Sandara ran back inside their shop. I’m completely and honestly turned down. Or maybe not. It’s hard to know because in the end I am avoiding her.

Avoiding in the same sense I go to school early and go home very late for straight 5 days. Mom’s complaining, but she never voiced out that I should stop. Because just as I’m pushing and pulling with Sandara, I am pushing and pulling with myself, so I’m riding slowly within this area. I don’t want to talk to her just yet and learn I am in the friend zone. Or give myself the presumption that I am utterly trapped in this state forever. Or rush things between the both of us considering we talked like bulls**t partners before. I would love to love, yet I don’t want to lose other things as I overcome this change. I would gladly change, yet there are some things I want to retain.  Furthermore, if I really knew I am in the friend zone, there is nothing harsher than knowing you would love your friend the same way or even greater than a girlfriend. It’s like a heart capsized wrongly. And if I really do end up being friends with Sandara, that will do me no good. I too love her.

It’s already seven in the evening. Taeyang left me already, as he had gone home after practice ended at 5. My brother-in-law decided that keeping the practice until 8 would hinder his husband duties, so he cut it off since yesterday. After taking a short shower, I grab my bag from the locker room and went out.

“Kwon Jiyong.”

Someone calls me. I turn, and saw someone wearing a hood. “Who?” I whisper. I don’t even know why when we’re the only ones in the hallway.

He or she moves down the hood and I’m slightly taken aback by the turn of events. “Taeyang?”

He places his index finger on his lips. “Shh. There’s a fight at the front of the school. Bom Noona’s at it again!”

“What?!”

“She just went berserk when she found her friend lying to her. It’s really bloody!” Taeyang grabs my wrist and starts to drag me away from the Gym. What? Bom Noona’s having a catfight again? Where’s Top Hyung? Doesn’t he always control her actions?

We stop near the gates and in front of us, horrifyingly, two hairs are being pulled at the same time by Bom, whose hair is also being pulled. Suddenly, my frat’s leader intercepts but harshly pushes Bom aside instead of just intercepting. I was about to run to help Bom when Taeyang stops me. “Top’s behind her.” He says, nodding at the scene. Soon enough I see Top behind Bom, his hand shaking from his intense self-deprivation.

“Yah, what are you doing with my girlfriend?” Hyunjin Hyung asks, his arms flexing in his extreme anger. That was a lot of steroid-fueled muscles moved. Bom’s now on the ground, unable to defend herself. And she’s shaking.

“Why won’t she tell them that she saw her friend having an affair with his best friend?”

I look around for the source of the voice, and when I turn to the left, which is unoccupied before, I saw Sandara. She’s wearing her backpack, just a branded one that probably costs around 200-3oo dollars, and her left arm is holding a huge sketching pad—that contains a lot of drafts of houses and buildings. “Sandara?” I ask, half-shocked and half-happy to see her. I didn’t know even avoiding her for five days would brought me happiness still. And my heart is racing too much. Is it competing in the Olympics? She’s just wearing a simple denim overall!

She looks up to me and says blandly, “Oh, Kwon Jiyong.” Just drop the surname damnit. We already kissed. “You’re here? You usually go home by 9.”

“How’d you know?” I ask, and I try to mask the happiness forming inside of me that she’s noticing me.

“I go home at 10. I have drafting homework.” She answers. Crap. So how about my plan avoiding her? I didn’t. I just presumed I avoided her. She saw me.

I sigh heavily, and suddenly red blood comes out of her nostrils, dripping. “Yah! You’re having a nosebleed!”

I was about to wipe it using my hand when she blocked it. “I’ll do it myself.” She says, and using her own handkerchief, wipes the blood off. When it didn’t stop, she presses her handkerchief lightly on her nose. Then she turns back at me, her expression serious. “The last time you cleaned something for me, you kissed me.”

Damn. Not here. Taeyang’s here!

Taeyang moves beside me and I feel him giving me something in my palm. “Ten thousand dollars as promised.” He whispers. “Good luck with the date—“

“YAH!” We turn back hurriedly again at the scene forgotten. Bom’s being kicked by her friend on the stomach. Well, they’re not anymore friends. Why is she so vulnerable to her girl friends? “WHY FIGHT ME? DO YOU WANT TO DIE?”

“Why are they taking so long? I need to go home.” Sandara complains beside me, and then she starts walking to the fight. That girl must be damned in every way.

Taeyang and I walk closer to the gates, to see and hear better.

I suddenly stop in my steps when Sandara continues to walk forward until she’s right in the scene. And even more I’m nervous when she stopped halfway!

“Who are you? Why are you standing there?” Bom’s friend who cheated asked, crossing her arms impatiently.

“She’s Sandara Park, the first in our class.” Second character 2 answers. She really butts in everything. Like Sandara. (Though Sandara’s much softer in trespassing in lives.)

“Oh really? So you’re now acting all mighty because you’re the first in our class?” Cheating friend says. Seriously, I want to punch these girls and pull Sandara out of the way. But Taeyang’s grip on my arm is too tight. To hell with his workout!

Sandara turns to them and then points at Hyunjin Hyung, using her hand that was holding her handkerchief in place. It resulted to an ungodly sight of her blood-stricken nose. “Why are you so blind? Your girlfriend is basically cheating on you with your best friend.”

“W-What??” Cheating girlfriend suddenly stammers. The crowd around, which are mostly sororities and fraternities they belong in, chime in with absurd noises.

“Yah!” Second character shouts. “Do you have proof? You can’t even—“

Before she can finish, Sandara fishes her phone from her pocket, exchanging her handkerchief to her phone, and shows them something. I can’t barely see it, because I’m at the other side. “The other day, at a mart near a subdivision, you and his best friend went inside.” Sandara starts, now moving her thumb to hover on the screen. “And I recorded this video in case.”

How long are you dating? I recognize the voice as the mentally disabled man.
About 2 years? Cheating girlfriend replies. We are keeping it a secret from everyone.

And suddenly everyone viewing the video screams. Cheating girlfriend was shocked beyond words, and I could clear guess she kissed the best friend.

I see Hyunjin Hyung’s face turning flaming red. Unable to control his anger, his frustration and embarrassment, he runs away. Several of the frat members follow him, and Cheating girlfriend was left blatantly shouting his name only in vain.  “You’re going to pay for this.” She warns Sandara, before running off to follow Hyunjin. After they’ve left, we went to Bom, who’s clearly in pain. She can’t stand up from the ground. I offered to carry her, but she dismisses the gesture. “Give me a moment.” She says and screams in pain.

Sandara nonchalantly turns around and kneels beside Bom. She places her drafting pad beside her gingerly along with her phone, and then fishes out her handkerchief. “Don’t move.” She orders. She then takes off her backpack and fishes out a used illustration board. She folds it in half, places it beneath Bom’s leg and ties it with the handkerchief tightly. “You should’ve asked your boyfriend for help.”

Sandara looks up momentarily at Top. “Why didn’t you help her?”

“I’m not her boyfriend.” Top replies, staring at her with equal anger.

“But you wanted to help her.” Sandarac reasons out. “If I didn’t interfere, that frat man could’ve made her bone into a bone stock soup.”

“Yah, he’s my frat’s leader. He wouldn’t do that.”

Sandara nods, mockingly. “Yeah. She’s your friend and you didn’t do that either. Helping her, I mean. And she reprimanded her friend because she was cheating but they still did this to her when they wouldn’t.”

Top was left speechless and he tries to back up. “Aren’t you—“

“Can you stand up?” Sandara cuts him off. She presses her finger against Bom’s wrist, finding her pulse. “Your heart seem to be beating too quick.”

“I-I can’t stand up.” Bom replies, and voice both quivering. “B-But thank you for saving me. I was so scared—“

Sandara smiles at Bom. “It’s okay.”

Suddenly, we hear an ambulance from the distance. Sandara looks up and says, “Oh, they must be here.”

The ambulance did come and stops in front of us. The medics come down with a stretcher, and they carefully put Bom on. Top follows them as they run back to the ambulance to get Bom to the hospital and with them, he simply went off.

“I didn’t know you called them too quickly.” I comment, amazed.

Sandara stands up after gathering all of her things. “I-I called them before I went to the scene.” She stammers and then moves towards me clumsily. Taeyang excuses himself out. “I need to go home. My mother called me.”

Sandara suddenly touches my arm, and I’m brought back to her presence rather than Taeyang’s. “Yah.” She whispers and then her head drops on my arm.

I raise an eyebrow. “What?”

She didn’t reply and remain motionless.

“What?” I ask again, now moving her head away from my arm using my finger and only realizing she’s unconscious! I quickly catch her before she falls hard on the ground, circling my arm around her waist, as well as catching her drafting pad.

“Yah!” I call out again, tapping her cheek with my free hand. But Sandara didn’t reply.

---

First of all, she’s the first girl who’d ever sleep on my bed. I never brought any of my ex-girlfriends here, nor have I brought one-night-stands here. Sandara is the first person ever to sleep on my bed. Just because my sister is already home and my mother caught me as I enter the house carrying Sandara in my arms. The guest room is off-limits, she told me, for unconscious guests.

Her and her drama fangirl mind.

Sandara stirs in her sleep, after two hours from fainting, mutters incoherent words and slowly open her eyes. They widen in shock, slowly, maybe at the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling and she quickly sits up. She looks around, and then sees me beside her, sitting on the bed.

“Good evening.” I slightly bow my head. She returns the favor quickly, and politely asks, “Where am I?”

“In my room.” I answer, straightforwardly. “You fell unconscious.”

“Oh.” She touches her forehead. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why.”

“The doctor said, which is Pierre.” I shrug, sighing. “He said that you fainted from lack of sleep.”

She snorts. “Well, of course, after a certain someone suddenly kissed me two months after telling me he loves me. I’m just completely clueless and didn’t get enough sleep.”

“I was clueless too.” I answer, looking at her in the eyes. But she quickly turns away, so I only stared at her face. “Do I love her? Or I do not love her? Is it worth it? Is she the reason why I’m changing? Is this even love? What am I doing?”

She sighs and frowns. “Why did even Kwon Jiyong kissed me?”

Then she turns to me. “Did he finally found out that I like him?”

I didn’t. But I like you too.

It’s nice knowing she likes me too.

Stupid heart.

I quickly puller her closer to me and give her a kiss again on the lips. It’s rough, too rough I can feel her squirming. Yet since it’s just the second kiss, I try to remain it on the level of peck and not on the French kiss. When I pull out, she breathes out, “Why can’t you kiss normally? Without pulling or making reasons? Why not just kiss?”

“Sorry.” I press my forehead against hers, laughing. And it’s a real laugh. “I was raised by a drama fangirl.”

She laughs, a very hearty beautiful laugh. Damn, I’m so in love with this girl.

“I’ll drive you home.” I offer. “It’s already nine in the evening. Your mom would be worried.”

Sandara nods, yet I could feel she’s half-hesitant.

We both stand up from the bed, and she waits as I collect her things I placed on my desk. Then together, we leave my room. It feels nice, honestly.

She follows me from behind as we go down the stairs and before we can reach the front door, my mom comes rushing out from the kitchen, wearing her newly designed clothes and her Japanese-inspired apron.

“Oh dear, going home already?” She gushes, placing her hand on . “Can’t you introduce me to her? Is she a friend?” The way she mentioned friend doesn’t sound like she’s expecting her to be a friend.

Sandara bows and quickly introduces herself. “I’m Sandara Park. Kwon Jiyong and I are former partners for French class. I go here until two months ago. Nice to meet you.”

Before my mom could react and ask more questions—and be responsible to give us an awkward air—I quickly added, “She’s my girlfriend.”

There are a few seconds of processing in my mom’s brain, as if it had to be rendered. “Really?” Mother shrieks, overjoyed, a high pitch scream that resonates through the air as if she’s part-bat. “Girlfriend? Oh my! For the first time, a girlfriend?”

“Mom, please. Not now.” I stop her from telling more things, holding my hand out. “I need to drive her home.”

“Oh, okay! Please.” She nods eagerly, too eager that I thought her head’s coming off from too nodding. “I’ll invite her next time for dinner. Oh my!”

Before she can put her hands on Sandara and stop her from going home, I quickly grab Sandara’s hand and pull her outside. Pierre had already stepped in and opened the door for us. And he gave us a smirk.

Pierre really moves quickly for his age, because my car’s already waiting by the driveway, started and roaring. Sandara whistles, “Better than Mom’s Cosmo.”

“Cosmo?” I ask. She turns and winks at me. “You’ll meet him someday.”

I shrug, and mentally shake my head. I open the door for her, place her things in the passenger seat and then take my place in the driver’s. Sandara was about to fasten her seatbelt when I beat her into it. She flinches when I was close, and I linger at the position. “Expecting something?” I ask, giving her a sly grin and then fasten her seatbelt. I go back to my seat and fasten mine.

She nods. “Yeah, right. You act like you’re in a Korean drama.”

I chuckle. “I’m going to admit this for the first time.” I look at her. “I’m this kind of man.”

It took her three beats before laughing hard. I start driving, going down the driveway and the gates open before us. Sandara, with much difficulty due to laughing, says, “You’re that kind of man? Oh my, where did I get myself into?”

I shake my head and turn on the stereo. J and Howl starts to sing, and blood suddenly drains out of my face. “Oh my.” Sandara gushes. “This kind of man? You were copying Korean dramas all along. I didn’t know you watch Goong?”

I try to hide the embarrassment. “Of course I do. Where do you learn things like that? It’s from Ju Jihoon!”

“Yah,” She laughs. “Ju Jihoon is a prince.”

“I’m a prince too, you know?” I contradict. She scoffs. “Really?”

“You take me as a prince, don’t you?”

There’s a long period of silence, and I momentarily turn towards her. She’s blushing hard and unable to talk. She’s so cute.

I chuckle. “I’m so glad we’re dating.”

Sher murmurs. “I didn’t even said yes.”

“You didn’t say no, either.” I contradict.

“My house is the road at the left of the shop. Ten blocks away from the corner.” She replies. I reach their flower shop, which is now closed—permanently—and I turn left. “You really did close.”

“It went bankrupt.” She says. “I’m going to start working as tutor during my weekends to help her.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, counting the houses as we pass by. I stop in front of an apartment building. I turn towards Sandara.

“We’re dating, aren’t we?” She smiles at me. “And stop calling me Sandara. Dara would be fine.”

I want to hold her hand but I can’t. I’m too shy. S-Dara nods at me, bids me goodnight, and grabs her things from the back. Then she steps out.

I move the window down and wave at her. “Go inside.”

She nods and turns around. As soon as I see her go inside, I shout inside my car, pulling my hair.

I’ve just got myself a girlfriend.

And it’s no other than Sandara Park.

I can’t breathe. I can’t believe it. I’m over the cloud 9 yet at the same time I’m scared. It’s too fast. It’s too sudden.

“But she still accepted it.” I whisper, now calm. “She accepted it.”

I shout once more in glee.