Yonghwa had only one thought, “Why Hye Su, why?” He ran without thinking of anyone or anything else. “Why” he repeated in his head over and over again.

“Yonghwa.” Min Seo yelled out, the two friends embraced, the pain and worry clearly written on their faces.

“Where is she? What happened? Is she ok? What happened?” The tone of his voice indicated the desperate hurt and fear he felt at the thought of his love hurting. Yonghwa grabbed Min Seo’s arms and pleaded, “Why, why did this happen?” 

“I don’t know. I came home and she had collapsed on the floor. There was blood and pills and empty alcohol bottles. She didn’t have anything to indicate or explain away her reasoning.” Min Seo walked Yonghwa to a chair and they continued to discuss. “All I know is she and JiYong had had a fight earlier in the day.” She pulled out her phone and showed a text to Yonghwa.

“No, I am not ok. You’re always so observant Min Seo. Let’s just say, JiYong, again, as usual, is making me wait and hurting me deeply.”

“What this time?”

“It’s not worth mentioning. But it’ll be the last time, because I won’t do it anymore. I am done. Done. Min Seo, thank you for staying beside me all these years of my stupidly believing that I would be with him forever. I now know that that is not the case and I want to end it all. I know I never would have made it this far without you or Yonghwa. I love you guys. See you later.”

These texts left Yonghwa with the realization that this was Hye Su’s farewell, her goodbye to both of them. Tears began to stream his face and his heart hurt; it hurt to the point that he could hardly breathe. He folded his hands and put his head on them to pray, all while sobbing and attempting to catch his breath. The pain he felt was nearly unbearable.

“Yonghwa. Min Seo. What happened?” JiYong came into the waiting room. Unlike Yonghwa, there was less of a sense of urgency, yet there was still concern in the wavering of his voice. Yonghwa, filled with pain and rage, stood up and attacked JiYong, grabbing his shirt and screaming in his face. “Just what did you do to her make her this way you son of a ?” Yonghwa yelled. “What did you say to her, huh? She tried to kill herself because of you. What did you do to her?”  He pulled JiYong closer to him and looked him straight in the eyes. “If she dies, if she dies…. I’ll kill you.”

JiYong’s face went flat. “What, what do you mean kill herself?” He broke free from the grasp of Yonghwa and his once stoic stance became that of deflation, he looked completely defeated. “She caught me hugging NaNa. We fought because she believes that NaNa is trying to take me away from her. I told her that would never happen, but but….” As JiYong remembered his earlier fight with Hye Su he became haunted by his last words to her. “I can’t keep living like this Hye Su. I know I’ve hurt you in the past and have made you wait, but I am here now is that not enough. Why can’t you trust me?”

“Because, because I don’t trust easily. Do you think it was easy to wait for you for 5 years? I held on to your last words to me, ‘I will be back, just wait a little longer, than lets have our happy future together.’ I hung on to those words to the point that I lost 5 years of my life. I watched you from a damn television screen, every performance, every show, just waiting for you to finally come back to me. In that time, I watched you date other women. In that time I suffered great lost, I became depressed, I was injured in an accident and you were never there. JiYong, you are here now and that should be enough but it’s not, because every time I look at you instead of love, all I feel is resentment. I wanted to overcome that. You walked back into my life and I thought ‘Now is the time, he’s back for you. Finally your first love is back.’ The problem is, I can’t convince myself of that like I thought I could. I wanted to overcome it, I wanted to be with you and grow to love you, as I had, but not anymore. I can’t do that. JiYong, I love you, but not enough to live this kind of life. I have other people in my life that I know I can turn to now, but you, you stopped loving me loud enough. I hear other’s loving me far louder.

“Hye Su. If you won’t let go of the past, then how am I supposed to love you like this? I am not to blame for your depression or your condition. That’s all on you, because you kept waiting.”

“You are the one that told me to wait. Why else would I do that? We had everything going for us we were so in love and I supported your choice to go into this career. This is your fault because you told me to wait.”

“Well now I am telling you not to. I don’t want to live like this either. Go away Hye Su, just leave me, Go.”

JiYong fell to the ground. What he had said in a moment of anger became the last words that Hye Su would ever hear from him. He looked up at Yonghwa, “This is my fault. All of it.” He stood up realizing he’d lost, wiping the tears out of his eyes he looked at Yonghwa. “I don’t deserve to love her.  I blamed her for her condition when I was mad when in reality it was all my fault. I…I…I can’t love her, not the way she needs me to. I can’t be what she needs; I don’t have it in me. I made her wait, only to have her end up like this. “

Yonghwa looked at JiYong as he made his confession. “Are you seriously running away right now?” He asked already knowing the answer. “You selfish son of a . As usual the only person you can think about is yourself. You don’t deserve to love her, you are absolutely right about that. If you can’t love her at her worse then you don’t deserve to love her at her best.”

JiYong hung his head low as tears feel from his eyes. “That’s why I need you to love her. You deserve her, you have never once stopped loving her or being there for her, even when I was with her. Yonghwa, I know that you hate me right now, but I have one thing to say. I believe deep down she loves you far more than she does me, more than she realizes. Every time you are around her I see it in her eyes even if she doesn’t know it herself. So, Yonghwa, love her louder, don’t ever let her go.” JiYong took a deep breath in and turned around, not once looking back. Tears streamed down his face as he did the only right thing he could have done. He let Hye Su go to be happy. Because to him; he had loved her as loudly as he could, but he knew that his love would never be enough. Not for what she needed.

“That bastard.” Yonghwa said. As angry as he was, he knew exactly what JiYong had just done and so he was thankful. Yonghwa turned to Min Seo who just stood shocked. “Min-Seo, don’t breathe a word of what just happened to Hye Su. Ever. She doesn’t need to know that he was ever here, ok?” Min Seo nodded agreeing on the omission. The two both felt it would be best for Hye Su in the long run.

“Are you two friends of Hye Su? I’m the doctor in charge of Miss Kang. I’d like to speak with her family.”

“Her parents passed away, we are the only family she has.” Yonghwa replied. “I’ll take responsibility for her.”

‘Ah, ok. Well I’d like to speak about her condition, please sit.” The three of them sat down as the doctor continued. “As you both probably know, Miss Kang attempted suicide tonight and considering the injuries she sustained I am very concerned for her mental state right now. She went to great extent tonight to end her life, but fortunately for Hye Su her roommate found her in time.  We were able to remove the bottle of pills she took and the cuts on her wrists were not as bad as we had originally thought. She lost a lot of blood and is currently unconscious, but I do expect her to wake up. I have recommended that she have a psychological evaluation once she is awake and also she will be watched very closely.”

“Can, can I go be with her?” Yonghwa asked.

“Yes, of course. She could certainly use some support right now.” The doctor smiled then continued. “I believe with that kind of support this young lady will be able to overcome everything, but she has a long road ahead of her. With the right people around her that’ll help her immensely.” Yonghwa, MinSeo and the doctor stood and all bowed respectfully, the doctor taking his leave after.

“MinSeo, you should go home, I’m going to go be with her.” Yonghwa half smiled and hugged MinSeo, “She’ll be ok.” He said attempting to console her.

“I’ll be going then.” MinSeo said, turning to leave. “You stupid girl.” She whispered as she slowly walked away. “You stupid, stupid girl.” MinSeo headed out to the parking garage, only to find JiYong sobbing. “You haven’t left yet?” MinSeo said, sitting beside him.

“I tried, but when I saw the doctor, I stayed so that I could hear.” JiYong looked at MinSeo, his face showed the toll this had all taken on him. “She’s really hurting isn’t she?”

“Yah. The past five years have been hell for her. First losing you, then her parents in the car accident. That accident really messed her up, losing both parents and having her own wounds from it, it was such a hard time. She puts on a brave face every day, but inside her are wounds and a battle that no one can possibly understand. She’s attempted suicide before, but this time was the worse I’ve seen. She doesn’t deserve any of this. And I hope you take this… no, I hope you hear what I am about to say. “ MinSeo stood up and looked down at JiYong. “I’ve hated you for the past 5 years because of everything she went through waiting for you. She needed you most when her parents passed and you weren’t there. Every time she’d drink herself stupid, she needed you and you weren’t there. The day you walked back in her life I was so mad, because I knew she would run to you, no questions asked. I sincerely hoped you would push her away because I am team YongHwa. He has never once let her down like you have. As far as I am concerned you never showed up tonight…you know nothing of this and you two should not ever talk to her again.” MinSeo took a deep breath and continued. “She deserves 100% better than you. So go away now.” MinSeo walked away without allowing JiYong to retort.

JiYong stood up and looked back at the doors that led into the hospital. “I’ll never be able to love you loud enough, goodbye HyeSu."

 

“Sir, can I get you anything? You’ve been in this same spot two days now.”

“No, thanks, I am ok.” YongHwa lifted his head up from the bed and smiled at Hye Su’s nurse.

“Then. I will take my leave.” Hye Su’s nurse left and Yonghwa looked back at Hye Su, who was still asleep. It’d been two days since the most horrifying night of his life. YongHwa had yet to leave her bedside. Except for the occasional bathroom break, he remained beside her. As he held her left hand tightly in his, he rested his head back down on the bed closing his eyes to try to rest.

“JiYong.” HyeSu whispered as her eyes began to flutter open. “JiYong.” She looked at what she believed to be JiYong’s head and raised her right hand to lightly touch him. “I knew you’d come.” YongHwa felt the touch and lifted his head. “Hye Su.” She looked at him confused, “Yong…Yonghwa, where’s JiYong?” Yonghwa’s heart sank as he realized that once again, JiYong was the focus, but more determined than ever, he wouldn’t allow her back to him. “I…I don’t know.”

“Oh.” She sadly replied.

“We tried to reach him and tell him what happened, but he never came.” YongHwa lied. It was truly best that Hye Su didn’t know.

Hye Su sighed. “That’s too be expected, he did tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore. It’s probably for the best.” Tears streamed down her face, but she smiled anyway. “At least my forever faithful Mr. Lips is here.” She giggled a bit as she used her right hand to wipe away tears. “Thank you YongHwa, for never letting me down.” Yonghwa smiled as he stood and wiped the rest of Hye Su’s tears away.  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else, you know that blue eyes.” Hye Su smiled a bit as Yonghwa stood, caressing her face with his hands.

“Yonghwa, I don’t deserve you.”

“Lies. Are you ok? Do you need anything? I should get your nurse.” Yonghwa went to leave but stopped suddenly at the sound of Hye Su’s pleading.

“Yonghwa!” Hye Su yelled out. “Don’t leave me, please.” She cried as she pleaded. “I am scared to be alone.” Yonghwa turned around and walked back to her, sitting down on the side of her bed taking her hand in his.

“I won’t leave. You get some rest, ok? I’ll be right here with you blue eyes.” Yonghwa took his free hand and her hair. “I’ll love her louder, I’ll be her anchor. Hye Su I love you.” Yonghwa thought to himself as Hye Su drifted off to sleep.