You wonder when it started, when you began to call yourself her number one fan. 

Was it at that one fan meeting, when you received a shirt with her face on it? How proud you were to wear it, you can recall. (But you can clearly remember the bright smile and joyful laughter that matched her name.)

Was it because of how the younger girl carried herself, with an impenetrable aura of all that was cool and holy?

Or perhaps whenever the young Satan manages to protect you and the other three, despite being the second youngest.

When did it start?

Looking back, you realize then. That moment that a majority of celebrities have to deal with. You know it well, for you've experienced it before in your younger years, and being in this industry, you expected it as you stepped foot into the bright world of glitz and glamor. It's happened at least twice now (though of course it doesn't hurt any less each time). It's that moment when you go online to see what your fans are up to, to check up on how your group is doing in the public eye, but you come across articles with some not-so-nice comments and utterly cruel words that make you look down at your stomach, examining every inch of flesh, pinching and prodding. Next thing you know, you're looking at your arms and thighs. Then you check your cheeks. Are they chubby? Looking down at your stomach again, the thought flashes through your mind, Do I have abs?

It's toxic, you know. It's something like this that can kill a person's self-esteem. Crazy how a few words can hurt a person so much. But you know the feeling and you've dealt with it.

But with her, you wonder if she ever has.

Park Sooyoung, Satan's spawn (or possibly even Satan) had the confidence you wish you had. Even just half of it. 

How the younger girl was able to flip her hair and charm every person in the vicinity, you don't even know. And you couldn't forget the girl's sense of humor; she could have you laughing for days. Not to mention, Sooyoung had grown up well. You watched her grow in your short time as a trainee, dancing and singing alongside her, chasing after the same dream. Soon, the young teenager grew into a young woman who radiated this beauty that was a mix of chic and youthfulness. Whatever it is, you're proud.

So when you notice her dark moods (that didn't stem from reasons concerning Satanic sacrifices or anything along that line, thank God), you begin to observe. She looks at her phone more often now, and you guess that she's probably waiting for a call or text. But you discard that guess because she frowns every time she takes even a glance at her phone. Sometimes you find her glaring at the computer that's set up in the living room. What vendetta could Satan have with a piece of technology?

In addition to these findings, the strong air of cool and chic of Miss I'm-Perfect-Bow-Down-To-Me-Peasant was practically nowhere to be found. You haven't heard her compliment herself in a week, and that's saying something considering how much the younger girl likes to look at her selfies and comment on how pretty they are.

But then you see her eating less and less, even forcing herself away from chicken one night. Chicken! She loves chicken!

Throughout all of this, you begin to theorize but by the end you hope and pray that you were wrong. But you weren't.

It's when the younger girl nearly faints during dance practice that you know you can confirm your suspicions.

You wait for Joohyun unnie and your manager to leave to get food, Seulgi and Yerim plopping themselves down near the AC in the far corner of the practice room, before you make your way towards the despondent girl laying on the couch, nursing a bottle of water close to her chest, the same way she's been doing for almost two weeks now. (You know because you counted and each day pained you with the sight of Sooyoung suffering silently for the same reasons you did before.)

All you want is to kidnap the girl and bring her back to the dorm so you can cook her a full course meal fit for a queen, just so the paleness and exhaustion and the misery would just disappear from the girl's face.

But instead you resort to sitting down on the hardwood floor near her head. One of you has to break the ice, and it just happens to be her.

"Are Joohyun unnie and Shosho unnie coming back soon? We can't practice without unnie..." 

"Sooyoung-ah, let's talk about you for a sec, hm?"

You know it'd be best to cut to the chase otherwise you'd never be able to. Aside from Joohyun unnie, Sooyoung was the other member who had a hard time expressing her deepest thoughts. Much like yourself, you think ironically.

The younger girl only avoids your question.

"Forget it, I'll do it by myself."

She moves to get up, but you push her back down gently. You both needed to have this talk, now.

"No, I need you to listen to me."

Your stern tone had her looking back at you slightly confused but she gave you her full attention.

"You've been upset lately, I can tell. I mean, you keep glaring daggers at every computer and cell phone you see. You're pale and tired. You barely eat anymore, not even my baking. And chicken! You love chicken!"

Her eyes move away and you know she knows she's been caught red-handed. You continue.

"Does all of this have to do with what people have been saying online?"

"How did you know that?"

Her face is straight but you can see the tears in the brim of her eyes.

"I've dealt with this before...It hurts, I won't lie to you about that."

It's true, you have. You can remember being twelve and looking at your friends wondering why you couldn't be slim like they were. Seunghee, your older sister, was practically the embodiment of a model daughter that every parent would kill to have, while you were the cute chubby-cheeked younger Son. But back then, looking at your friends and your sister, you didn't want to be cute; you wanted to be beautiful. Then you grew up, became a trainee, worked out and trained vigorously and now you look beautiful. You feel beautiful too, yet a few unkind words from a random person online is capable of turning you back into the chubby twelve year-old who loved to bake but could never portion herself; you feel ugly again. So yeah, you know the feeling.

"Park Sooyoung, do you know how beautiful you are? Because I can list a thousand ways you're beautiful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Besides, it's not like you've ever listened to them before, so why start now? After all, you're Park Sooyoung!"

She's quiet, contemplating your words.

"Nobody said this industry was easy. There'll always be people that we just simply can't please. But don't waste your breath on what they say. You're hurting yourself because of it. We can't please everyone, Sooyoung-ah. You have to know that. And you know what? All of us here, we think you're perfect the way you are. Never change. Unless you want to, of course. But do it for you, not for anybody else. At the end of the day, it's how you see yourself that matters.

So please. Please don't do this to yourself again...Please."

Silence falls between you two. You wonder if she even got your message when she looks at you and opens to speak.

"Unnie...you can only list a thousand ways?"

What?

She's looking you with the face of Satan again and you know she's back. You slap her playfully and that's when Joohyun unnie comes in with Shosho unnie, both carrying bags of snacks. You stand and pull Sooyoung up with you, tugging her along towards the goodies, and you smile proudly when she grabs an armful of chip bags (and a can of Pringles which had Seulgi yelling in protest until Yeri produced another red can from the stash).

You hope that things will be okay from here on out with this issue, but you don't doubt it's appearance in the future. 

The next night, you enter the kitchen after your shower to find the others digging in to boxes of chicken (except Joohyun unnie, of course, for the eldest member chose to eat pizza instead). You seat yourself between Joohyun unnie and Sooyoung, scanning the boxes for some plain chicken, only to find spicy wings in practically every box. A frown makes it's way onto your face before disappearing almost instantly when Sooyoung places a whole box in front of you.

"Here's the original flavored chicken. Unnie can't eat spicy food, so I ordered a plain box for you," she says simply, as if she didn't just touch your heart with her kind gesture.

Your mouth stretches into a smile and you say finally, "Let's just share it."

Sooyoung smiles at you, and you both know you're grateful for the other, even if neither of you express it much.

Now you know when you became her number one fan. But most importantly, the reason why.

Because as her number one fan, you'll be able to make sure she knows just how beautiful she is, inside and out. And if she doesn't, then you'll be there to tell her, donning your fan-given shirt with her face on it.

Park Sooyoung, you're beautiful, and don't you forget it.

a/n: I really hope the members know just how beautiful they are, especially Wendy and Joy. Weight can be a tough thing for some people, but I think they're beautiful, then and now. Thanks for reading! Let's support the girls on their upcoming comeback with The Velvet! Can't wait!