Really? Out of all the people in the school- let alone Korea- and must I leave out the rest of the world? Why did you have to be the one who gets to read it? Is there something bad that I did in my entire lifetime on this planet to deserve this state of utter embarrassment? Cue that vine saying "This is so humiliating!"

“Kim Namjoon, you’re in love with me?” You spoke with great conviction. In fact, you weren't even being shy about it at all. However, I did hear a slight tone of disgust come out of it or maybe it's just me.

This was the day that I'd been dreading about. And get this, the whole scene wasn't even romantic at all like I imagined it to be in my head. But here it is, the day when you finally find it out. “You” meaning my overtly curious best friend who I wasn't supposed to talk to right now, but we’ll get to that. 

How am I supposed to reply? Casually? Cutely? Seriously? Nothing at all was what I had decided to say, but my mouth raced my mind through it. “What? No!” There he goes escaping unwillingly. You managed to reply a little "Oh." I said something in defense along the lines of "I wrote this a long time ago. I was stupid. I have forgotten about it, so you don’t need to be unnecessarily worried at all."

You didn’t look happy, but continued looking at me in the eye. I think you knew that I was lying, but you weren't brave enough to say it to my face. You just said the first thing that came to mind, “You’re still here.”

“Of course I am. We shouldn’t be awkward with each other, right?” I shifted as I tried to get comfortable at this incredulously awkward position.

“Get off me was what I was trying to imply,” you said while I was making a fool out of myself. I immediately got off and apologized. “As a person, I think I felt things down there that shouldn't be felt and you very clearly know what I’m talking about.”

My face flushed. Was I? Did I? Did you just?

“And that exact thing that you’re thinking right now is true,” you said interrupting me from each and every other thoughts I had. "Stupid bear." Damn.

I bowed my head out of humiliation, but you held it back just to look me in the eye again. What else do you have to prove this time? My manly façade was slowly deteriorating from someone I have grown to be quite fond of. This wasn’t how I pictured it to be.

“What’s with that look?” You asked after the tenth time you tried to make me have the littlest attempt for an eye contact.

I shrugged. “Nothing let’s just go back to class,” I said and turned facing away from yourgazes. I'd bet a hundred dollars that you just smirked at me right now.

Class would have taken my mind off things by now and so far it wasn’t really helping at all. Since you're my seatmate, I couldn’t help feeling conscious whenever you tap me to say something or borrow some of my stuff. It ruins my concentration, but it however weirdly brightens up my mood somehow.

You called me when the teacher wasn’t looking. "Psst. Namjoon" I was so bugged about it I couldn’t take notes because of your distraction. 

“What?” I asked without looking.

Just then a blackboard eraser flew across the room and we both luckily dodged. “That’s it. I want you two out now!” The teacher was furiously looking at us and I take it as our cue.

You stood up and stormed out of the room, and I followed behind your trail. You continued walking past the hallways and didn’t even bother to look back. I already had an idea where you were going at this pace. We were going to the abandoned restricted roof. It was cool how you could easily slip through the makeshift doorway that blocks anyone from going further up. I did too, but it sounded so heavily done someone must have heard it.

We sat by the roof with the wind blowing through our faces. You held my hand and I was taken aback. Usually when you hold my hand you want me to be completely honest to whatever important thing you'll say. I wasn'r ready. My hands felt cold that I bet you felt too.

“I figured that we really needed to talk after what I read” You started.

I looked away and gathered all the thoughts and words I could muster before facing you again. “I see your point, but this is long gone,” I said but seeing how you shook your head was enough for me to think that you didn’t believe in me. “I don’t believe you. I know you and I know that you’re a tough nut to crack, but then I know you better and you are definitely lying to me right now.” See?

“Well what do you want me to do?” I ran my hands through my hair. So frustrating.

“I want you- no, I need you to be honest with me, is that okay?” I nodded as an approval of your request. “How long have you had these feelings?” you asked.

I sighed. “Remember that time when you went to my house when I was sick and you lent me your notes for the subjects that I missed. You even stayed and took care of me while mom was out to fetch my little sister,” I confessed seeing that lying won't really do anything at this point.

“And how did it change your views about me?” You were blinking so curiously. Damn. That's so cute.

“You weren’t the same in my eyes anymore.”

“In what way?”

“I felt special.”

The feel of your hands on mine were warm. I 'm still nervous enough for your questions so I wouldn’t wonder if my hands would appear cold and sweaty than yours.

“Why would you say that?”

“You don’t have any other close friends besides me. You literally hang out with me 24/7. You’re fun when you’re supposed to be and you’re serious when you’re supposed to be. You listen to all my complaints. You listen to all my problems. You’ve always been there for me and I hadn’t realized how special you were until you visited my house that time,” I paused to get some air. It was hard to let the truth out in front of your best friend who also happens to be the one you love non-platonically.

You chuckled. “And why did you think that it was something worth having romantic feelings about?”

Really who's more stupid betwen us? I shook my head in disbelief. “I don’t believe in the concept of ‘The One’ and you know that. I’m not one who’s supposed to commit to a relationship, but I still felt it- you know, love?  And if anyone else deserves my love, I think that it would be you more than anyone else. I'm really glad it's you.” I was gonna cover my face with my hands from all that cheesiness but you were already holding it so what can I do? Say no?

“What if I don’t deserve it?” You answered sullenly as if you really meant it. “You know that I could always say ‘no’ and break your heart; say maybe and make you fall for a false hope; or say yes and realize that it wasn’t worth it in the long run." You took a deep breath and sighed. "I have those tendencies and I know you do too. I wouldn’t risk our friendship for it.”

“I know. It’s okay." I smiled. "But you do deserve it just like how you said that I deserve yours,” I said it all too sudden and out of timing. Of course you were so confused.

Out of a sudden, you buried your head on my chest out of embarassment. I could hear you mumble, but not totally enough for me to decipher it properly, “Someone’s been reading someone's private property.” You stay back a bit for me to hear and continue, “You know that I’m not supposed to talk to you after you read my diary before, right?" You looked quite angry. It was so adorable. "So are we even now?” 

“The hell! I’m not supposed to talk to you too because you stole my diary, but I’d say we’re even,” I said. “I guess you know that you wouldn’t know something is a mistake unless you make the mistake itself.”

Confused, you asked, “So you’re saying that we should make the mistake of being together, am I correct?”

“In my defense, it’s not a mistake unless you do it.” I looked over and you just shrugged at me. “You know I was thinking of a fourth answer for you in case you’d say that.”

“What?!" I thought for a bit. "You’d kick me from this roof and never talk to me again?” I joked and you laughed along at my corniness but you turned really serious after a split second that it scared me when a mischievous smile formed on the corners of your lips.

Out of a sudden, you gave me a peck on the lips and ran away back to the stairs. I was startled by the sudden move that I hadn't realized that you left a note on your seat that I forgot to notice since the past hour. It says:

Plans for the day:

Screw him and never call him again.

Take him to the roof. Kiss him. Run away. Make this mistake.

PS. He would definitely say the last one. I swear to my tomb.

I smiled as I took the letter to my heart.