Ding! Dong!

 

Click!

 

“You come. I thought you’ll not…oh! Anyeong Miss Jung. You’re early.”

 

“Really? I thought we are late. I rushed from my drama shooting set to my house to pick up Seohyun. You don’t have any idea how much this kid kept calling me asking when we’ll go to this dorm. Luckily the shooting ended earlier than I thought.”

 

Taeyeon just shook her head when I told her how Seohyun begged me to come to this dorm. The SNSD’s old dorm.

 

“I did it, Taeyeon imo! I made appa come with me.”

 

“Of course you did it. There’s no appa could resist the cutest goguma princess like you. Come in. Let’s get inside. Everyone is waiting for us.”

 

I could not help having a daughter like Seohyun. She is originally an active girl but when it is come to her SNSD’ imos, she become more energetic. She really got excited because she became an unnie one more time. She is a big unnie. It had been a month ago she persuaded me to visit Taeyeon’s house. She wanted to meet her new cousin, Oneol (3 months old baby), Taeyeon’s first born child. The last time she saw him was when he was still red. I don’t have time to send her visit Oneol because I was quite busy lately, preparing my next album and shooting some drama. Besides, Taeyeon never revealed his son to public until last week. It was not like she wanted to hide this good new nut she wanted to prepare herself being a mommy. She wanted to have a personal time with her precious family too. So, she and her husband made a small party to welcome their first child at this dorm since it was also a reunion for SNSD after a long time they had not gathering like this.

_____________________________                                                                                                                                                           

 

“Yah! Yah! Don’t hold him, Hyun-ah. You’ll hurt him. Remember what appa said, you are not big enough to hold a baby.”

 

“But I’m 6 years old and I’m the oldest here. (Mentioning that she is the big unnie)”

 

Speechless. I did not know should I be happy or not. She was really looks like her mommy. Maybe this was I got because I named her after her mommy. She knew how to answer me, just like Joohyun. I admitted, it was hard to win against them.

 

“Yah! Yong Seobang. You’re getting old and sound like ajumma now. You’re too hard to your only daughter. I think ‘Seohyun’ had influenced you her nagging disease…ouch! Yah! Yoona-ah…it’s hurt you know.”

 

“What out your mouth, unnie. We promised that we will never mention her in front of Yong.”

 

Yoona whispered to Sunny but I could clearly hear her. Then, Sunny realized what she did just now.

 

“Sorry Yong…I didn’t mean to…”

 

“Look Sunny, you don’t have to apologize to me. You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s okay. You too Yoona and guys…I’m really okay now.”

 

They knew me well. I closed to them since I dated Seohyun. If someone did not know who I was to them, they might think that I was such a jerk who playing around with the other women but having a kid beside me.

 

After a few minutes, Taeyeon who came from the kitchen approached us with Oneol’s bottle to the main room. I guessed this was the time to feed Oneol.

 

“Can I try to feed him?”

 

Seohyun broke the tenses in the main room with her cute and innocent question. The room finally full of laughter because her action. She was so adorable. I smiled wherever I saw her pouting mouth when she could not get what she wanted. Of course Taeyeon did not give her permission to feed Oneol since Seohyun did not know how to feed him.

 

“Seohyun~ah… don’t be upset. Here, hold the bottle like this.”

 

She lighted up immediately and held the bottle. I could see her amazed with Oneol who the bottle hungrily.

 

I just stayed silent and watched the view. I could see that Seohyun could be a good unnie to her siblings. I really hope that Joohyun here.

 

“Hey~are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine Taeyeon~ah…I just…” I hesitated to say what was in my mind.

 

“I know how you feel right now. Pretending is a good thing sometimes, but it’ll put more burden to you. You can just let it out sometimes.”

 

“I know. I just don’t want Seohyun see me like this. You know what, she keep mentioning about her mommy lately. I don’t have any choice. Besides, I want her to know her mommy as much as possible but don’t worry too much because I am really okay now.”

 

“It’s good then. I know you are strong enough. By the way, I know you a bit awkward her since you are the only man here. Don’t worry. My husband will come two hours later. You can wait at ‘her’ room and take a rest there. You look tired as you just came from your drama filming this morning. We’re all here to take care of your princess. Just trust us. I’ll call you if he comes later.”

 

I just nodded as Taeyeon told me to rest at Hyun’s old room. I stood up and started to leave the girls.

 

_____________________________                                                                                                                                                     

 

I walked slowly towards the room. Then, I stood in front of the door and took a deep breathe. I opened the door slowly. I looked at the big frame of the room. I got myself inside and walked toward the picture that hanging on the fade pink wall. She was so pretty. Like an angel.

 

It had been awhile since I came to this room. The room where I was always sneaking into before the owner became my wife 8 years ago. I smiled when I remembered the ‘caught incident’. It was a truth that Seohyun’s unnies caught me in her room. That day was the day ‘the title of innocent Seohyun’ was dropped off from her unnies’ mind. We had tried to clear up their mind since we were really never tried to do anything aside from kissing each other. But it was too late for that. It would be a lie if I said I never have desire of it but I bear it until our first night as husband and wife 8 years ago.

 

Yes! We got married 8 years ago and she left SNSD. She was a second member who left after Jessica and the first one who got married in SNSD. 2 years later, SNSD disband. I was really big shocked news in the whole country back then. I still remember it and won’t be able forget of what happen.

 

~Flashback~

 

“Hyun~ I can’t find my sock. Where did you put it?”

 

“Have you looks for it at the laundry?”

 

Why was so hard for her to get what I meant? That was not my point. No! I would not give up. I walked to the laundry and pretended to search for it.

 

“Hyun~ I still can’t find it? Why don’t you…”

 

Yes! Yes! She’s coming.  I won again.

 

“See. I told you. It’s here. Why is so hard for you to find it your ow?.”

 

Her flaring nose and hard sigh a bit scary but I love it. I grinned as she passed me the sock.

 

“Aigoo~ What can you do without me? You could not even find your sock by yourself.”

 

She walked on me to the front door after I wore my sock. Then, she gave me 2 second peck on my lip.

 

“You can go now.”

 

“Seriously, Hyun?! Did you just shooing me from my on house? I’ll go if you kiss me. Palli! Kiss me.”

 

“I did kiss you just now. Just go oppa. You’ll be late.”

 

“Is that what you call a kiss? Did you forget how I taught you about ‘our kiss’?”

 

“No! I know what are you thinking and what  do you want now, Mr.Jung. You go now or you’ll be late.”

 

“Is this a command, Mrs. Jung?”

 

“Stop asking any question and g…”

 

“…Go! Ahrasso. I’ll go but after you give me a kiss, not just a touch of your skin.”

 

I cut her nag and stood still, ready for her kiss. I could hear her sigh as her cued that she gave up on the game we were playing now. She then tiptoed and pulled my face forcefully. Wow! I love this wild Hyun.

 

“Aigoo~ Mr. Jung, can’t get enough of my lips after this many years. Even you could not find your own things. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! I wonder what can you do without me?”

 

Then, she crashed her lips on mine. I could not describe how I felt when she kissed me. I love the taste of her lips and the way her tongue dance in my mouth. My hand was naturally slipped to her waist and ready to fight back. When I was about to kiss her back passionately, she suddenly pulled back. What the…? The real game just started and she stopped even before the midway. I did not want to give up.  So, I tried to grab her face but she avoided me.

 

“Wo! Wo! Wo! Stop there Jung Yonghwa. You’ll be out of control. You just got what you want and now please…Don’t forget to say hi from me to your bandmates.”

 

She guided me with her hand to the door. I had no choice but I needed to go. I looked at my watch and I was late for almost ten minutes. Should I regret it?

 

“I go now. Take care. If there’s anything, just call me. Ahrasso?”

 

“Dae, oppa. Drive safe although you’re late now.”

 

“I would not be late if you just do what I told you to do just now and stop pretending that you don’t like it.”

 

“So, you put blame on me now?”

 

“Yes! because you are my temptation. Okay! I go now.”

 

I gave her a peck on her cheek and her bulging belly. I said goodbye for the last time to my wife and of course to my unborn child before walked to the parking lot.

 

~ End Flashback~

 

I shed my tear unconsciously while the memories with her keep playing in my mind. All the remembrances still fresh to me even it had been more than 6 years since she was gone.

 

I remembered her smile and her lovely gaze toward our princess for few seconds before she took her last breathe. She was gone right after giving birth of our princess because of losing a lot of blood. That day should be a blissful day for a new parent but for me, I could not describe it how I felt. She got into accident 2 weeks before the due date and that time, I was at my studio, recording my new single.

 

~Flashback~

 

I dashed to the hospital after I got the phone call. When I got there, she was still in the operation room. I had been allowed to get into the room. I saw Hyun. She was conscious but looked really pale and had a weak on her eyes.

 

“Yong~…”

 

She called me with her weak voice. The fear started running in my body as she said the most hurtful words that I ever heard.

 

“I want to see her eyes Yong... I had told them but they want to wait for you. Please tell them that we want our princess.”

 

I didn’t know what to do. The doctors asked me once more time whether I choose Hyun or my princess as they were running out of time. I’ll lose both of them if I choose both of them. I stood still and closed my eyes. Finally I said those words.

 

 “Just do what Hyun wants”.

 

~End Flashback~

 

The SNSD decided to disband regarding on what had happened to Seohyun. Doing activities as SNSD was hard for them after she was gone although Seohyun had left them after she got married with me. It was not like they gave up, but they wanted to move on for a new fresh started.

 

Sometime I felt regret of what had happened. If I was there with Hyun, drove her to Busan by myself, not the taxi, would she involve into the accident? Would Hyun survive if I told the doctors that I chose her? Did the fate would twist if I did the opposite?

 

One of the most regret thing I did to Hyun was when I forget to say ‘I love you’ to her. I even had not bother to answer her silly question like ‘what can you do without her?’ as I thought it did not matter since she knew how I felt toward her.

 

“You once asked me what will I do without you. So, this is it. Keep missing you, Hyun~. Just these three words, I miss you.”

 

Then I heard a soft knock from the door. I wipe my tear immediately and manage my face. I walked toward the door and opened it. Then, I saw a girl with a quizzical face.

 

I could see her wondering face. I guessed she wonder why my eyes and nose were red. However, she did not say anything. Suddenly, she hopped into my arms and embraced me tightly. She patted my back as she looked like she wanted to comfort me.

 

I tried to control my emotion but it was too late. I wanted to be strong in front of her but my tear bursting out continuously. Maybe I needed to just let it out. She kept patting my back when my body started to tremble. No words could describe how thankful I was when God sent me this angel. My precious girl really made good job to replace Hyun’s role. I smiled and hug my daughter more tight but did not dare to say those words to her.

 

“I love you too, appa.”

 

Oh God! I love her so much. All the things she did and said really moved me.

 

Hyun~ thank you because you gave your life to present me this precious girl. I promise, Hyun~, I would gave her the better love that I once gave to you

 

I said that promise deep inside my heart as I embraced my little, Seohyun.

 

End.

 

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Always under exactly the same sky

Always exactly the same day

Other that you’re not being here

There’s nothing different at all

I just want to smile

Want to forget everything

Just like absolutely nothing has happened

Smiling to live my days

Miss you, Miss you so much

Because I miss you so much

Everyday all by myself

Calling and calling you

Want to see you, want to see you

Because I want to see you so much

Now it’s like I have this habit

Keep calling out your name

It’s the same today

I thought I’d let you go

Not leaving anything behind

No, no, now I still can’t let you go

Miss you, Miss you so much

Because I miss you so much

Everyday all by myself

Calling and calling you

Want to see you, want to see you

Because I want to see you so much

Now it’s like I have this habit

Keep calling out your name

It’s the same today

Everyday, everyday it feels like I’m gonna die

What should I do?

Love you, love you, I love you

Because I love you so much

I hadn’t even spoken the words

I just let you go

Sorry, sorry do you hear my words

My late confession

Can you hear it?

I love you

 

Because I miss you - Jung Yonghwa

 

 

A/N:

 

Note# Jung Seohyun is a daughter of Jung Yonghwa and Seohyun. Yonghwa name her after her wife in this story. I hope it is not weird because I let ‘Seohyun’ became Yonghwa’s daughter.

 

In this story, I want to tell what Yonghwa felt when Hyun is not by his side. I want to show how thankful Yonghwa when he saw his daughter even though deep inside, he was in his broken heart missing Seohyun. No need to explain further because I believe you got it while you look through the story.

 

My own POV# One way to describe how we feel when our precious one gone is keeping missing her/him. It was the thing we can do without him/her. Keep missing him/her is also the best way to keep them alive in our life and remind us that we had been through a lot of thing together.

 

That’s it. I’m sorry for a lot of grammar mistakes maybe? Lol. Please understand because English is not my main language. Please leave some comments and subscribe or upvote maybe. I hope I got positive feedback on this bittersweet story.

 

See you~