jiwon has been friends with jinhwan for four years, four long years, two years in which he realised that jinhwan's probably one of the most important people in his life, one year in which jiwon realised that jinhwan's as dear to him as his family is, and another year for jiwon to know that he'd really, really, really like jinhwan to be his and only his. But despite all those four years of wonder spent with jinhwan, jiwon never had the courage to confess. a conflicted heart, an uncertain mind, a guilty soul, jiwon was. besides, he's not even sure if his feelings will be reciprocated. 

but then again, when he thinks of all the moments that jinhwan and him have shared, the touches, the gazes, the smiles, the laughter, it's clear to jiwon that jinhwan likes him almost as much as jiwon does to jinhwan. almost, but not more, because jiwon is sure that there won't be another love in this world that can beat his feelings for jinhwan, not even jinhwan himself.

he will confess, jiwon decides as he lies on his bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, and it needs to be perfect. nothing too extravagant, because jiwon is a simple man, nothing too plain, because jinhwan deserves the absolute best, it needs to be just, perfect.

"jiwon-ah, i like you."

it's in the middle of a study session with jinhwan at a cafe they frequent that jinhwan confesses, and jiwon's in disbelief.

"...you stole my confession hyung."

"it's your fault for taking so long."

"i know hyung, sorry. i like you too."

jinhwan just gives a soft laugh, eyes crinkling at the edges as he knocks jiwon's head lightly. jiwon grins back, embarrassed, but his reply to jinhwan's confession falls easily from his lips, as if he's meant to say it ever since they've met, and the warmth spreading in his heart is enough to fill his whole body.

"what's this? 'like'? only?"

"well hyung, you said 'like' only too!"

jinhwan jokes, pouting cutely in a way that has jiwon clenching his fists because all he wants to do now is to swoop in and kiss the pout away. he replies cheekily instead and breaks into a laugh, with jinhwan joining him, their laughter blending in nicely with together. and jiwon takes this opportunity to reach out and hold jinhwan's hand in his, a soft expression spreading across his face.

"i can do this now then, right hyung?"

"you say that like you don't already do that, jiwon-ah."

"yes, but you see, now i have an excuse to do it more often."

jiwon runs his thumb over jinhwan's knuckles, feeling the dips and arches of the soft, smooth hand beneath his, feeling a shiver of happiness when jinhwan brushes his thumb back and forth over his fingers, once, twice, thrice.

"let's get back to work."

jinhwan's hand slips from his grip all too soon and before jiwon can even protest, jinhwan's already has his headphones over his ears, head bent as he continues flipping through the pages of his notes. making a face, jiwon jams in his earphones as well, sighing deeply as he follows suit and buries his head deep into the mountain of reference books. he can't believe he's spending their first official date studying, but he certainly appreciates that surprise kiss jinhwan presses to the crown of his head.

the confession is nothing extraordinary, it's very simple, it's not even from him. but, jiwon thinks as he stares at his beauty of a boyfriend in front of him, it's beyond perfect.

0.

jiwon hears singing as he slowly draws himself out of his nap, a soft, melodious voice singing so softly jiwon can barely make out the words, but he savours it for a moment, eyes still closed as he continues resting his head in the nest he made with his hoodie. it's jinhwan, jiwon thinks blearily, but a sudden thought pops up in his hazy mind and jiwon realises that the voice is too light and too airy to be that of jinhwan's. so it can only be-

"donghyuk?"

jiwon's voice is husky and low since he has just woken up and it shouldn't matter much, but jiwon knows that it has affected donghyuk more than it should when the younger greets him after a beat too long, breath hitching so softly jiwon wouldn't even have noticed if not for the silence in the library.

"ah hyung! did i disturb you? sorry..."

"no, no. it's fine."

jiwon sits up then, yawning and stretching his arms high into the air, waving away donghyuk's apologies and he belatedly notices the jacket that has fallen off his shoulders to pool at his bottom of his chair. muttering apologies, jiwon bends over to pick it up, dusting it lightly before handing it to donghyuk, who only looks at him with a confused expression. and that's when jiwon realises it's his own jacket, the dark blue one that kept jinhwan warm earlier.

"oh, this is mine."

and donghyuk smiles, or at least, tries to hide his giggles behind his smile as he watches jiwon mumble to himself. and jiwon moves to pack when donghyuk tells him it's late in the evening, only to find his stationery all tidied and zipped up in his pencil case, the stray pieces of papers he has used stacked together in a small pile under the pencil case. and a smile spreads across jiwon's face, jinhwan takes care of him too well.

"donghyuk-yah, do you want to get dinner together?"

"sure!"

a quick answer, and the orange shine of the sun masks the blush on donghyuk's face well, but also serves to accentuate the wide smile on his face. jiwon swallows down the apologetic feeling rising from his chest, and turns away to lead donghyuk to a nearby small restaurant. he wonders briefly if jinhwan has had his dinner, and a quick message and reply tells jiwon that jinhwan's having his dinner at the moment, with jinhyeong. jiwon feels a muscle twitch. huh.

it's a small old shop they've arrived at, and jiwon and donghyuk chat mindlessly as they eat their respective bowls of ramen, about the tiring courses, mean teachers, competitive school mates. it's nothing special to jiwon, not too awkward nor too comfortable, none too surprising, considering the fact that they are friends afterall.

"donghyuk-yah, you're a precious friend to me, you know that right?"

and jiwon pretends to not notice the slightly frozen expression on donghyuk's face, and wonders inwardly, whether he's being too cruel to him. donghyuk's a smart kid, and jiwon knows that donghyuk can recognise a line drawn when he sees, or hears, one.

"i know, hyung."

open resignation, suppressed sorrow, masked hurt, all lingering beneath the fake sweet smile and jiwon switches his gaze downwards, willing the guilt at the pit of his stomach to go away.

it stays.

-1.

jiwon watches as hanbin lays an arm round jinhwan's shoulders from the back of the bus and he feels an ugly monster snarling inside him, but he tries his best to quieten it because it's hanbin for heaven's sake, his best friend, his buddy to the moon and beyond, his family. what's the point of being jealous of hanbin?

and it's his fault for taking it for granted that jinhwan will sit next to him when he boarded the bus, heading straight for the back seats only to find jinhwan seating himself a row in front of him, with hanbin planting himself right by jinhwan's side as junhoe and chanwoo filled up the seats beside jiwon while donghyuk and yunhyeong occupied the seats at the other side of the bus.

he gets a very good view of hanbin though, and jiwon sees that the sparkles in hanbin's eyes is uncommonly bright as he listens attentively to every word falling from jinhwan's lips, and the expression on hanbin's face is so similar to the expression he gives to hanbyul, only with a tinge of something more. and jiwon hates the fact that he's stuck in a love triangle, with hanbin no less.

but there's a smile playing on hanbin's lips specially reserved for jinhwan and jiwon has never seen hanbin so happy, walking around the aquarium with jinhwan as jinhwan marvels at the wonder in the tanks, that jiwon figures he should let hanbin have his day with jinhwan because he's his best friend after all. 

still, jiwon can't help but gravitate towards jinhwan as he slings a casual arm around the smaller male, leaning over towards hanbin as he teases his best friend of having a fish look-a-like while hanbin protests vehemently. but hanbin doesn't seem as put out as the other times when he got teased by jiwon, maybe it's due to the fact that jinhwan's laughing along prettily as well.

"hanbin-ah, do have someone you like?"

jiwon asks when they're alone in the observation wheel carriage. while both of them would rather be with jinhwan, they were a step too late when junhoe slid up to jinhwan and entered the carriage with jinhwan tugging on his hand. it'll be nice if chanwoo was to be with hanbin and jiwon too, jiwon thinks, but yunhyeong's vice-like grip on him and donghyuk required too much effort to pry off, and chanwoo has long since given up on trying before they got into the second carriage, leaving behind jiwon and hanbin for the third.

"yea i do. what about you hyung?"

"me too."

"hmm... i'm not going to wish you luck."

"yah! brat!"

jiwon's offended, truly, while hanbin sniggers at him teasingly, before turning his head to look out at the scenery beneath them, the green dots of trees and toy cars speeding across highways, a wistful look with a dash of sadness in his eyes. jiwon wonders how much does hanbin know about his feelings.

and how much truth is imbued in hanbin's words.

-2.

"guys, we have a performance tonight at ten, do you want to come?"

minho, seungyoon and taehyun are with them today for lunch, the ten of them taking up two tables in the canteen. minho's expectant, and taehyun and seungyoon are too, but hanbin, chanwoo, yunhyeong, donghyuk and junhoe all shakes their head, murmuring apologetic reasons of back-to-back extra lessons, work and more. chanwoo's reason of his mother not allowing him to be out so late draws laughter from the table, but there's no mistakening the disappointed expressions on their friends' faces.

"i'll be there."

jinhwan says then, smiling at minho as his expression brightens up like a child.

"me too. hyung, text us the location later!"

jiwon adds in too, and he wonders how minho can be his hyung when minho hooks an arm around his neck, shouting and claiming that jinhwan and jiwon are the "best-est" friends ever, much to the chagrin of seungyoon, who protests loudly whilst the others, including jiwon, laugh at their antics. but he sees taehyun dipping his head towards jinhwan's ear from the corner of his eye, lips moving to form silent words, a concerned expression on his face.

"it's fine, we're still friends you know."

jiwon's ears catches the soft and low tone of jinhwan's whisper with ease, and albeit curious, jiwon pushes it back down because jinhwan has already said that it's fine, so there's nothing to worry about, right?

the performance, it turns out, is at a small cafe, tucked in a hidden alleyway that jinhwan seems all to familiar with. jiwon finds out that jinhwan's been here before with minho and taehyun when he came to stay them for a year or so five years back. nothing has really changed, according to jinhwan, and jiwon's glad that minho and taehyun get to perform at one of their favourite places. "it's a good new addition to the memories we have here." is what jinhwan said before they entered the cafe, pushing past the wooden door to reveal a warm interior, flowers and vines and photographs decorating cream-coloured walls, lightbulbs hidden in white translucent spheres, emitting a soft orange glow, and lit candles in small bulbs atop white-painted tables, all lending a hand to create a cozy ambience. and further in the cafe is a small wooden stage, prepared already with five high stools with a microphone positioned at waist level by one of them.

"seungyoon-hyung's playing the guitar? oh man, this is going to be good."

jiwon claps gleefully, heart already filling with anticipation as he takes a seat opposite jinhwan near the stage, but his jaw drops when he sees jinwoo and seunghoon walking up the stage behind seungyoon, minho and taehyun. jiwon all but shrieks at seeing his two hyungs, because heck, it's been at least three years since he last saw them, and the only reason he's not jumping up from his seat is the calming hand on his arm. the hand that stays on throughout as their friends performed some self-composed songs and covers. it's distracting, the warm weight on his arm, but jiwon enjoys it nonetheless, the warmth and the performance of course. he's only slightly disappointed when the warmth disappears as jinhwan claps feverently for their friends when the performance has ended.

the first of his friends he sees coming out from the backstage is jinwoo, and before jinhwan can even move, jiwon has already rushed towards him, tackling jinwoo with a hug that emits years of missing him, and the hand patting jiwon's head is something jiwon still remembers since three years ago. he's just about to hold on tighter when he hears a thin voice calling out "jinhwan-ah.". jinhwan-ah?

and jiwon turns his head just in time to see seunghoon stretching out his long arms to wrap around jinhwan's small frame, with jinhwan's face buried into the chest of the other as his arms come up to squeeze the older back, before he slowly pulls away to smile up at seunghoon, eyes shining with a dazzling smile playing on his lips.

"seunghoon-hyung, you did great today."

"of course i did. i'm glad you came, jinhwan-ah."

it's a typical reply, save the part where seunghoon calls jinhwan so intimately, but jiwon can't stop staring at the hand lingering on jinhwan's waist even after they've broken the hug, nor can he stop thinking about the fondness in seunghoon's voice directed at jinhwan.

"you know seunghoon-hyung?"

the words come tumbling out before jiwon can stop them, surprise and a pinch of something unknown colouring his tone. a conflicted expression passes through jinhwan's features, but before jinhwan even manages to part his lips to answer, jinwoo does it for him.

"of course they do! they've dated before, so i would really be surprised if jinhwan doesn't know him."

jinwoo laughs at his own words, and jiwon feels as if someone has poured a bucket of iced water down his back, as if someone has stolen all his air to distribute to the wind, and plucked out his heart to throw it down a sinkhole. but the worst part is, jiwon doesn't know why he's feeling this way.

"ahh that was in the past though, we're just friends now."

seunghoon adds on quickly, and finally, finally removes his hand from jinhwan's waist and jiwon feels his lungs filling up and heart beating again. he doesn't know why he's feeling like this, so uncomfortable, so angry, so upset, so jealous, so- oh. oh.

jiwon meets seunghoon's gaze then, and he's utterly thrown off with the knowing look in his eyes. his hyung always has the disconcerting ability to grasp the situation immediately, but this time, really, this time he has outdone himself, for seunghoon managed to realise it the minute jiwon turned away from jinwoo, his precious hyung he hasn't seen in ages, to stare at jinhwan in his embrace. seunghoon realised it before jiwon himself even realised it.

the fact that jiwon is, hopelessly and utterly, in love with kim jinhwan.

late update but i hope you'll like this chapter!

comments and feedback will be appreciated, thanks for reading~

i'm not sure if and how i'll continue this fic, but if you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to tell me (: