3.

jiwon's misses his family so much, his mother especially. he's lying in his bed and he wonders if his mother is eating well, is her hand still aching from all the housework she's doing, he wonders if his father is sleeping well, is he continuing his healthy diet that the doctors recommended, he wonders if his brother is working well, is he still being repressed by higher-ups. he wonders how it'll be when he can see them again, if he can see them again soon. it's a far dream for him, because what can a mere college student, still struggling with his tuition fees and apartment rental, do to save for such expensive airplane tickets to travel halfway across the world? it's frustrating, so so frustrating because he can't feel his mother's warmth, his father's care, his brother's jokes well enough through the cold screen of his computer. he wishes time would slow down, slow down enough for jiwon to be able to walk swim run towards his home back in america, where the time taken would just be mere seconds. 

jiwon curls up in his blankets, twisting and turning to find a comfortable position for him to fall asleep, or lie awake thinking of his family still, when jinhwan enters their room, slipping in so silently that jiwon didn't even realise that jinhwan's there until the older starts to untangle the blankets around his limbs. jiwon doesn't feel like talking, so he stays lying on the bed, rolling slightly off center when jinhwan enters the bed, pulling the blanket up to their shoulders. then jinhwan's gentle hands comes up to his head, and he leans forward forward forward until his lips touch jiwon's forehead, before pulling back to offer him a soft, understanding smile. jiwon's hands come to rest on jinhwan's hips instinctively as jinhwan jiwon's cheeks, and jiwon falls into easy sleep that was just so difficult moments ago.

the next morning, jiwon wakes up to find a piece of paper lying across his eyes, and as he holds the piece of paper in his hands, glancing through it with bleary eyes, jiwon realises that it's a ticket. a flight ticket to ia, his home, with the departure date a week from now. wide awake and shocked, jiwon can only jump out of his bed, run out of the room, pull jinhwan from the dining table chair and engulf him in a tight hug.

"i take it that you've seen your gift then?"

stated more than asked, jinhwan smiles into jiwon's chest as jiwon splutters whats and hows into his hair. and with a cheerful reply of "saved 'em!" after jinhwan's released from the hug, jiwon falls onto the chair, legs weaks, heart bursting with so much emotion, delight, shock, gratefulness, love, and his tears just fell. jinhwan sits before him, hand patting his head as he lets jiwon cry himself into a mess. and jiwon gathers jinhwan into his arms again, gentler this time, murmuring "thank you, jinhwan-hyung, thank you, i love you, hyung, thank you" over and over again.

2.

"you don't have to buy such an expensive gift, jiwon-ah."

if anything, that wasn't the reaction that jiwon expected, not the creased eyebrows and down-turned lips, jiwon had expected crinkles by the side of his eyes and a lovely smile on jinhwan's face, or maybe a soft "wow" or something, but not this.

"why? jinhwan-hyung, don't you like it?"

"no, it's just... it's so expensive jiwon-ah, it looks expensive. you're saving up for your family right? you don't have to spend them on me."

and now it's jiwon's turn to frown when jinhwan's voice take on a reproving tone. he's only trying to show his love for jinhwan, to pamper jinhwan once in awhile, so why isn't jinhwan happy?

"i was just trying to make you happy."

jiwon answers quietly, setting the box of branded watch onto the table in front of jinhwan, murmuring something about going to his room before he stands up and leaves the table, eyes downcast and not meeting jinhwan's gaze. honestly, he's upset, because why couldn't jinhwan appreciate his efforts and accept his gift? he can't let jinhwan pamper him all the time, and it's just a way of showing his care. he thinks of the skipped meals and the extra lessons taught to save up not just for his family, but for jinhwan as well. jiwon recalls the day he spent a whole afternoon browsing through stores and shops in different malls, just to find something that fits jinhwan's style. but, jiwon thinks as he kicks around the room in his revolving chair, maybe jinhwan's right, he doesn't have to spend so much money on jinhwan, there are other ways to show that he cares, moreover jinhwan isn't the type of materialistic person. 

"jiwon?"

"hyung."

"i'm sorry, for not accepting your gift. i really appreciate it, i didn't mean to scold but i-"

"it's okay jinhwan-hyung, i know. i'm sorry too, for not understanding you."

and when jiwon sees the smile that love so, jiwon knows that everything's going to be alright. but needless to say, jiwon's absolutely pleased when he spots jinhwan wearing his watch for years to come.

1.

"for the last time, jiwon-ah, hanbin is just a friend."

"then why do you let him rest his hand on your neck all the time?"

"but junhoe does it too! so does donghyuk, yunhyeong and even chanwoo, everybody does it and i don't see you complaining about them."

"it's different, jinhwan-hyung!"

"what is? and how is it different from you letting donghyuk keep his hands on your shoulders every single time!"

"there's nothing between us, hyung."

"and that's what i'm trying to tell you too, there's nothing between hanbin and i."

"oh really."

"jiwon, why don't you trust me! i'm your boyfriend!"

"because you look so happy and relaxed with him all the damn time!"

"is there something wrong with me being happy?"

"it is when it's not because of me."

"...how can you say that? i'm my own person too, jiwon, i can be happy about whatever makes me happy!"

"whatever."

"jiwon! i didn't know you were so spiteful and selfish."

"me? well, at least it's better than letting someone cling onto you right in front of your boyfriend."

"you know what, this is going nowhere. i'm going."

"sure, whatever you want. go away, go to hanbin, see if i care. i'd probably be better off with donghyuk."

"and i'd probably be better off with hanbin too."

maybe it's that sentence, said quietly after the series of shouts and screams, or maybe it's the soft tud of the door behind his back, or maybe it's the sudden chill in the room that when jiwon turns around, he realises that jinhwan's gone. jinhwan left, he really left. well whatever, he'll back by the night, jiwon thinks.

except jinhwan isn't back by the night, even as the clock blinks a harsh red 2:32, jinhwan isn't back. the apartment is cold and empty, and that's when he realises that he had screwed up, real bad. and he's so so angry, angry at himself, at shouting those words aimed to harm jinhwan, his insignificant jealousy that blew out of proportions when jinhwan didn't even do anything. in his anger fit, jiwon managed to thrash the apartment, thrown pillows, torn books, broken cups, until he finally slips and fall onto the ground, tears escaping freely from his eyes as he cries his throat hoarse in agony. 

and the next day jiwon's woken up by loud bangings to the door, so loud and harsh that's anything unlike jinhwan and jiwon knows that whoever's waiting for him behind the door isn't the one he wants to see. and he's right, of course, because junhoe throws a fist at him once the door's open, face scrunched up and eyes lit up in fury. jiwon's thrown onto the floor by the force of the punch and when junhoe grabs him by the collar, ready to punch him again, jiwon does nothing to defend himself because he knows junhoe's punching him on jinhwan's behalf. but the punch doesn't come, and when he opens his eyes after being dropped to the floor, jiwon sees junhoe, none less angry than before, but with an awkward look which clashes with his strong features as he takes in the thrashed apartment and the look of utter hopelessness and sorrow on jiwon's face. junhoe clenches his jaw once more, and with a "you've really hurt him, bobby-hyung.", junhoe leaves the apartment with a loud bang, as enraged as when he came in, but much more merciful. jiwon's tears start to fall again. 

the next day jiwon wakes up to a single insistent tapping to his door, but opens it to find three faces, two being which friends whom he really doesn't want to see at the moment, two who were the cause of the fight. so jiwon slams the door right in their faces, too fast for the three of them to react, only feeling slightly guilty for turning away yunhyeong. the sound of knuckles on hard wood continues then, now accompanied by shouts from hanbin and soft voices from yunhyeong and donghyuk but he can't, he can't stand to face them right now when all he wants is jinhwan. 

he's fully awake when he hears low knocks, and his hope rises because maybe it's jinhwan. but that single stray of light's crushed when yunhyeong and chanwoo greets him instead. he lets them in this time, because yunhyeong has learnt from experience and steps in straight away when the door so much as opened a gap large enough for his shoe to stick in. jiwon sees yunhyeong grimacing at the sight of his face, partly swollen from junhoe's punch, one that jiwon couldn't bother to clean up because the dull ache on his jaw is nothing compared to the raging pain in his heart. but yunhyeong has already tasked chanwoo with bringing the first aid kit and maybe tidy up the apartment while yunhyeong cleans up jiwon. sweet chanwoo just nods and follows his instructions, doing his part as much as he can to help jiwon as much as possible. and the large growl from jiwon's stomach after yunhyeong had him cleaned up would have elicited a laugh from anyone if it were under any other circumstances, but chanwoo and yunhyeong can only smile in sympathy. yunhyeong then cooked him some fried rice, and even though it's not the same taste as jinhwan's, jiwon is grateful for yunhyeong's and chanwoo's presence. a cracked "thank you" is the most of what he has spoken the past three days as he shuts the door when the two went back in the evening with promises to come check up on him again soon. jiwon slumps down onto the couch and closes his eyes, trying hard not to choke at the image of jinhwan behind his eyelids, drifting off the sleep once again amidst tears and breaking heart.

he's drained, physically and emotionally, even if he's awake, jiwon feels as if he's dead, and now there's no jinhwan to pull him out of his misery and keep him in peace and it's all jiwon's fault. he has not left the apartment, in fear that he might miss jinhwan when he's out, because jinhwan has no way to enter the apartment, having left his keys in his moment of anger the day of the fight. he almost misses the doorbell, sinking into his pool of regret and pity, when another ring pulls him out of it. jiwon thinks that maybe it's yunhyeong again, keeping his promise, only to find jinhwan staring at him, looking none for the better, with tears swimming in his eyes already. thank god. jiwon's hands find jinhwan in a rushed movement to pull him into an embrace. thank god. jiwon inhales deeply to breathe in the familiar scent of jinhwan. thank god. jiwon tightens his embrace when he feels jinhwan shaking uncontrollably in his arms. thank god. and his own tears start to fall. 

"i'm sorry."

"i love you."

it got a little angsty at the end, i'm sorry

please leave comments and thoughts! thank you (: