OST: 내 말 을 표시

 

 

Kyungsoo life used to be so dark. 

 

And he always wondered why until suddenly his life was so full with colours and of rainbow.

 

Though, he knew. 

 

Byun Baekhyun was the reason why.

 

But we all know it didn't last that long, don't we?

 

---

 

"Wow," Baekhyun's eyes goes wide. "I thought I would never see you again, Kyungsoo." 

 

Kyungsoo strained a smile, and he hopes it would go unnoticed by the elder.

 

"I travelled," he looks up from his mug fixed in his hands, "A lot. I rarely came home, and decided to move back to America."

 

His gaze bore onto Baekhyun's left hand, he sees the glint of silver wrapped around his fourth finger and immediately tears his gaze away from it. His heart aches at the thought of Baekhyun finally settling down with someone. Someone who's not him.

 

Kyungsoo's mask almost fell off his face.

 

Baekhyun nods his head in acknowledgement, tilting his head towards Ryung. The boy has been eating his treats so quietly, seldomly stealing a glance or two towards the adults. Baekhyun smiles fondly, as his gaze trails over the boy's features. He couldn't shake off how similar Do Ryung is to Kyungsoo, like a carbon copy. The boy has Kyungsoo's eyes, big brown round orbs that he inherited. So full of life and love, like his father, Baekhyun thought. 

 

But, Kyungsoo's eyes aren't like how he used to remember. The gazes are indifferent, sad even. Baekhyun on the other hand, craves for it. He craves to see how those eyes used to be so beautiful when he fluttered those eyelashes to him. Now, all he gets are penetrating gazes of Kyungsoo's emptiness.

 

"The boy totally looks like a mini you, Kyungsoo. Though there are some features that seems familiar to me but not yours. He's so cute, Jesus, I want one right now." 

 

"Ofcourse, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo pats his son's hair, fixing the strands before glancing towards Baekhyun, "He can't have all my features. I say, his personality is just like him."

 

Kyungsoo stops patting, dragging his hand away to rest on the table. 

 

Baekhyun eyebrows shot up, "Him? Who…–Ah, his other daddy. Right, yes." Baekhyun chuckles, his eyes crescent.

 

"You know, Do Ryung, I thought your dad here is the most beautiful person I've seen in my life, but I think I might have to reconsider after meeting you," Baekhyun winks towards the boy, and patting slowly on the shoulder. 

 

Pain. Pain. Pain. 

 

The most beautiful person? Right, sure. If he was that beautiful to Baekhyun, he wouldn't have to wake up alone in the mornings, he wouldn't have to wake up and worry about leaving Do Ryung alone if he ever dies some day, and surely he wouldn't have to wake up realizing that he's not loved, not ever.

 

Kyungsoo clears his throat, "So, how are you, Baekhyun? You didn't tell me anything about you yet."

 

Baekhyun stiffens at the voice, Kyungsoo notices and he puts on his famous smile of assurance. "I'm always good, Kyungsoo." He flashes a smile, "I'm getting married next month."

 

Kyungsoo slowly curls his fingers inside his palm, feeling uncomfortable at the sudden news. He's so sure that something is crumbling inside him. Something unexplainable, unknown to his world. The cycle seems to be repeating over and over again.

 

Kyungsoo couldn't help but to feel a tinge of sadness creeping into his heart. He swallows the lump in his throat, "Congratulations, Baek. I know you would settle down someday somehow. So who's this lucky guy?" He fakes a laugh.

 

It doesn't reach his eyes, Kyungsoo knows but that is the only things he's capable of.

 

Upon hearing the question, Baekhyun seems to falter a bit but Kyungsoo can see how Baekhyun's eyes glistens with something, something he hadn't see since Baekhyun had stopped loving him or so he thinks. The eyes screams love, and Kyungsoo somehow believes in it.

 

"My co-worker, Park Chanyeol. I'm not sure if you know him though." I know.

 

"We've been dating for four years now," I know that too.

 

"He's amazing, Kyungsoo. You should meet him someday, he made me feel so loved and happy," Something I can't make you feel.

 

Words after that goes unfocused in Kyungsoo's mind. What he sees is a totally different person, a totally different Baekhyun. Baekhyun he used to know is someone he couldn't even get a hold of, always fidgeting on his feet just because Kyungsoo said no to midnight snacks on a movie night or Baekhyun running around the house half causing him to chase him down to give a smack behind his head. 

 

The new Baekhyun is wary, so careful in every words he put on his mouth. Every actions are taken care of, not the clumsy attempts like how Kyungsoo used to remember. An unpredictable Baekhyun becomes an open book, someone whose gestures are anticipated by the people surrounding him. Kyungsoo thinks, Chanyeol really grow Baekhyun up and he doesn't even think twice to change for the man. 

 

He remembers something.

 

Baekhyun never changed for him.

 

---

 

The first time he met Baekhyun was something totally uncalled-for. 

 

Baekhyun was twenty-two, still hot from raging hormones in his body. He wasn't like any other people, Kyungsoo remembered, he was a total kid. The type that have hyperactivity disorders, someone that need to be grabbed from running around too much, and maybe someone who would annoy people to the point where the victim would cry for days just because Baekhyun thought it was cool to tease people about their insecurities. Baekhyun was a jerk, yes.

 

Kyungsoo was a transfer student from America majoring in contemporary writing and production while Baekhyun was dual majoring in music performance and songwriting so their class would clash together. 

 

So, Baekhyun being brazen as always, decided to crash beside Kyungsoo the whole semester. Baekhyun wouldn't stop talking to him, and given no reactions, Baekhyun was more eager to play with Kyungsoo. 

 

Right, Kyungsoo was the introvert dude, always with his earphones on and the face which shown no mercy to smile at all. He was slowly getting annoyed with Baekhyun but he wasn't the type to shoo people off just because he hated them and he wasn't the type to give people what they want.

 

He had always known that Baekhyun wanted his attention, and letting him in into his life was like giving raw meat to wolves. 

 

So, he didn't give any of it.

 

Baekhyun on the other hand was slowly being aggresive and more aggresive with his plans on getting to Kyungsoo's good side but to no avail. 

 

Suddenly, Kyungsoo became his center of universe. 

 

But Baekhyun hated how he felt so affected just by Kyungsoo's presence.

 

Everything seemed to feel better, and beautiful, and unicorns to him when Kyungsoo was around him. 

 

So he wrote a song about how does it feels to fall in love with unicorns and how his stomach feels there are so many bugs inside it instead of butterflies. He sang it on the pavillion in the middle of their university with his pastel purple hair, Yixing playing the guitar and him singing like a lovesick person. Everyone woo-ed but not Kyungsoo. 

 

Kyungsoo thought Baekhyun had lost his mind when Baekhyun suddenly raised his fist up in the air and shouted at Kyungsoo.

 

"You, Do Kyungsoo, over there!" Baekhyun frowned, "You ignorant prick who think he's all prince-y inside."

 

Kyungsoo pointed at himself, flustered by all the sudden attention, "M–Me?"

 

"Yes, you. I'm not sure if you really don't have feelings or you're just a Satan but you are getting on my nerves these days, I feel all warm and giddy everytime you're around and I hate these kind of feels," He touched his left chest, and red suddenly became the colour of Baekhyun's face.

 

"So, Kyungsoo, can you just please go out with me now?" 

 

Kyungsoo frowned, face full of confusion and resentment. Baekhyun blinked, suddenly feeling regret of confessing to the man in the middle of the crowd. His mouth was about to open when a voice suddenly filled in the silence.

 

Baekhyun thought maybe his idea of confessing in the middle of the crowd wasn't really a bad idea afterall.

 

"…I'll go. I–I'll go out with you if you s–stop calling me Satan,"

 

Kyungsoo ran off the scene, leaving behind Byun Baekhyun with a flustered smile plastered on his face. 

 

Kyungsoo thought he had lost his marbles when he accepted Baekhyun. Baekhyun was all ears a bad news, he thought and he had made a bad decision when he said yes. 

 

But what came after that was nothing like a bad decision but instead days full of love and two hearts became one, the pieces of Kyungsoo started to engrave into Baekhyun's pieces. 

 

Somehow, fate gave no mercy toward the lovebirds. Sunny days came to an end when the first storm hit them, then things became bigger.

 

The tornado finally hit them.

 

And just like that, days of bliss and happiness came crushing down on the ground and what was left was the ashes after the burn.

 

---

 

Into the fourth year of their relationship and constant reminders to meet a different Baekhyun seemed to be hopeless. Kyungsoo stopped hoping and trying, altogether. All immature remarks, Baekhyun's tantrums and the continuous forgiveness to Kyungsoo, he grown to accept his flaws, loving every piece of Byun Baekhyun. 

 

He fell in love with him because of his flaws.

 

While Baekhyun seemed to be completely opposite.

 

---

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"Sure. What is it Baek?"

 

"That night…," Baekhyun put his mug down, staring to the ground. "When I came home, you weren't there anymore…–You vanished out of the blue… Like a ghost."

 

"…What actually happened to us, Kyungsoo?"

 

Kyungsoo holds his breath, he never saw that coming. 

 

Kyungsoo gulps, his heart almost wavered when Baekhyun gives him the look, eyes hooded and shimmers with what he thinks is despair. He sighs. What's the point anyway, after all these years?

 

He smirks, gazing up to meet Baekhyun's eyes, "Took you long enough to ask that question to me, Baek. You could've asked me the question years ago, but you didn't." 

 

Baekhyun frowns, staring at him. Kyungsoo is not joking, the smirk he flashes, there isn't anything different underlying his words, it is sincere but somehow are able to penetrate the deepest part in his guts.

 

Kyungsoo continues when he sees that Baekhyun isn't going to speak any words, "You… didn't even came to find for me, Baek."

 

"We both know that's true. You don't have to deny it. I know you so well, Baekhyun."

 

Kyungsoo clenches his fists and pulls a sad smile, "However, I don't blame you. Everything happens for a reason, right? I've always wondered why. Was it because I don't give you enough of me or was it because I gave you all of me? Which one was it? What was it that I've done for making you changed, or how things could've been different if I didn't made certain decisions. Questions like these, Baek."

 

"Questions like these had been constantly on my mind. I was becoming tired of it, my mind spent, my heart is sick and leaving you was probably the best decision. So, I left."

 

"…S–Soo," Baekhyun trembling fingers thread across the table, pulling Kyungsoo's thumb, "I'm, I'm sorr—"

 

Kyungsoo shakes his head, it wasn't that easy. To forgive and forget, he becomes tired of it. "—Don't. Don't apologize, please."

 

The pleas in Kyungsoo's voice begin to take over his emotions. Baekhyun's irises falter for a moment as Kyungsoo moves his hands away from him. So slowly that it pains Baekhyun in his chest, he swallows the lump in his throat.

 

As they both meet with each others eyes, Kyungsoo moves away first, laying it on his son. Baekhyun follows his gaze, staring at the boy in complete silence. 

 

It is a deafening silence for both of them. No words are exchanged as the two of them keep their gaze upon the boy who apparently trying to mash the bananas. Every gestures seem to feed their souls with his cuteness though just minutes ago their conversation was so intense.

 

A weak smile stretches across Kyungsoo's face, "I just hope he doesn't get sad just because I'm his only parent he have," His thumb wiping a smudge at the corner of Do Ryung's face.

 

Baekhyun glances over to Kyungsoo, "You're a single parent? So, where is his father?"

 

Baekhyun swears he can see a twitch of smile on Kyungsoo's face until he exhales heavily, "Somewhere, here and there. Somewhere I don't know of,"

 

"I'm a single father for four years, and still going strong." He chuckles as he sees how dumbfounded Baekhyun looks.

 

"I was alone, and terrified. I'm still young, nonetheless. But, I never blamed him. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met this precious angel that I can call my own."

 

Not that Baekhyun know what had he gone through to just have Do Ryung on his arms. It was a long and a painful journey, a broken heart and a life on the line. It was one of the terrifying moments in his life. 

 

It was painful enough to be broken about Baekhyun, and having to go through it all alone made everything worse. He still remembers precisely of what had happened.

 

---

 

It was one of his days on the last term of pregnancy. That day was nothing but cold, and Kyungsoo was exhausted from working overnight on the drafting table. It was his final project before he could go on a maternal leave. 

 

He snuggled in closer into the comforter, feeling very cold. Trickles of sweat started to form on his forehead, and the pain from his lower back was shooting. He felt helpless, he had no one to call and he was too tired to move his heavy body to the telephone asking for help.

 

He'd cried for hours and the half the bed was tainted with blood from Kyungsoo's body and it occured to Kyungsoo that it wouldn't stop anytime soon. It was painful and there was nothing he could do about it. He fisted the bed sheets, and he almost swore that the baby and him wouldn't survive at all. He was so sure about it, and at that moment, he didn't even care anymore. All he wanted was the pain to go away, at the very last, he wouldn't have to go through all of these again.

 

Suddenly, darkness took over him without any mercy. 

 

He thought he was dead, buried six feet under the ground. 

 

He knew he wasn't dead when he'd met with a pair of eyes, and a familiar white ceiling hung up high above him. His surroundings were all very familiar, it smelt like dying people and tons of tears. 

 

Kyungsoo hated it, but he knew he just had gone through the pain. 

 

The baby whom once was in his womb, now in his arms. His little happiness and sunshine laid asleep, and everything felt so beautiful to him. The baby was carved so beautifully into his cradle in his arms, sleeping and oblivious to the unknown world he gotten out since 19 hours ago. Tears were slowly dripping, falling onto the baby's cheeks and Kyungsoo quickly wiped it with muffled noises coming out from his mouth.

 

The person sitting at the corner of his bed spoke, "You're lucky that the doctors save you from your five minutes death, Kyungsoo."

 

His eyes widen slightly, before he formed a weak smile, "I guess, I was really dead…"

 

---

 

"You know, Ryung is a really beautiful kid." Kyungsoo slowly brushes Ryung's hair. 

 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, throwing a glance towards the toddler. "He is beautiful! Have you take a clear look on his face? The boy gonna grow up being a heartbreaker!" he had replied, earning chuckles from Kyungsoo.

 

Feeling insulted, Baekhyun looks away. Damn, he is still weak when the single father laughs, it is like his entire weakpoint and he feels reassured that the mood has once again, lifted. "No, you dummy," Kyungsoo slowly taking his breath and then suddenly a beat of silence, "Ryung. He grown up the way I wished it to be. He is such a quiet kid, always keeping it to himself." 

 

Getting teary, Kyungsoo continues, "He's only four years old and it seems as if he's outgrown than the rest of his playmates, he is always there trying to help and never asks too many questions. It is as if he had known all along and it hurts to think that this is maybe all my fault." 

 

Baekhyun gets up and moves closer to Kyungsoo, reaching for his back before slowly rubbing it up and down. Kyungsoo had been struggling so much and there's him with nothing on his mind but a hand to comfort Kyungsoo with. "You know that's not true right? It's not your fault and Ryung will always love you even without another figure of a parent."

 

Kyungsoo smiles, quickly wiping the corner of his eyes. Kyungsoo had always love this part of Baekhyun, always so supportive yet he didn't even know what is going on. Kyungsoo sighs, "I think maybe this is the right age for me to start praying for my son to stop growing or else, I'm seriously going to die alone." Baekhyun laughs again. Kyungsoo has always that timing to be serious and then break the jokes in one moment.

 

Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun, smiling so warmly Baekhyun thinks he missed the summer. This is nice, Baekhyun thinks as he stare into eyes that was earlier so empty now alive again. They both look into each others' eyes before Kyungsoo turns away before glacing again at him, "This has been fun. It has been so long since I've actually talked to human beings. It is so nice to finally meeting you, Baek." 

 

"Y–yes," Baekhyun pretends to rub his face while just trying to cover his blushing face, "The feeling is mutual, Kyungsoo. It is actually nice to talk to you again."

 

The moment then suddenly sounds like it is sunked by a loop hole as they both avoid each other's eyes, the air becomes quiet. It was only until Ryung beams at Baekhyun that has Baekhyun grinning, "You still actually look kind of familiar. Kyungsoo, is his father an acquaintance of us?"

 

Right at the moment was when Kyungsoo panics.

 

"I better get going now," Kyungsoo stands up from his seat, taking a grip on Do Ryung's wrist, "We still have a flight to catch on."

 

"Flight?"

 

"It's my last day here in Korea," He curtly smiles towards the platinum haired boy, "I just came back to just get few things from my apartment."

 

Baekhyun gazes over the boy and Kyungsoo, "Ah, is that so? When are you planning to come back? Perhaps…, would you come to my wedding? I would like for you to be there, you know, for old times' sake?" He breathes heavily. 

 

His face drops at the word wedding, and his stance almost wavered, "Baekhyun… I'm—I'm not coming back. It's my last visit,"

 

"I—I guess this is our final meeting, yeah?"

 

"I guess so," He grins, "Don't worry, you know I'm always there, somewhere out there."

 

Baekhyun lets out a chuckle, "Sure, you are Do Kyungsoo after all."

 

Kyungsoo slowly walks away before turning around and makes a run into Baekhyun's arms, "I will miss you, my pretty boy. Always do and always will." he whispers.

 

He slowly paths his way to the store front door again and turns his body around for the last time,

 

"Oh, and tell Park Chanyeol that he's a lucky man. No one can tame the wild Byun Baekhyun but him." He winks at Baekhyun who seems to have his mouth gapes open. He shrugs and bend down low to match his son's level.

 

He waves his son's hand along, "Say goodbye, Do Ryung."

 

Do Ryung obeys and falters a small smile, bowing, "Goodbye, Baek ahjussi."

 

 

 

---

 

They are walking away on the pavement, Kyungsoo goes dazed from earlier and his son whines goes oblivious into his head. 

 

"Appa."

 

"Appa!"

 

"Appa!!!" 

 

Kyungsoo quickly glances over his son, "Y—Yes? What is it? I'm sorry." In his thick accent of English.

 

"Carry me." His son replies back in his pure English, maybe even better than Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo slowly lifts his son from the ground and continues their walk towards the nearest bus station.

 

"Who is that, Daddy?"

 

"Who is that who, Ryung?"

 

"Baek ahjussi!"

 

"Ah…"

 

"The most beautiful person in my whole world,"

 

I am still so in love with you, Byun Baekhyun. 

 

---

[IMPORTANT NOTES HERE]

Author's Note:

1. I'm sorry if this is a failure :( I was writing this in my worst state, and suddenly I couldn't make good sentences :((((

2. This is my last update for the rest of the year until I'm back in either November or December.

3. If you're a Kaisoo uhum, shipper, I have a story for you guys [It's Midnight (I'm Waiting)]. Enjoy reading it, it's another angst btw ;;

4. THIS IS IMPORTANT. This chapter, I didn't intend to do it as angst, however, it is clarification between the two of them. Slice of life? Uhm, maybe. So please, don't misunderstand! I hope you won't feel disappointed, I'm not that much of a good writer :).

5. I love every single one of you!

6. I'll be back, so for now, goodbye!