Memory

      Zico watched silently as Suzy walked slightly ahead of him.

     She hadn't spoken a single word since the encounter with Joohyuk, and he figured she didn't want to. He glanced at her hands that were stained with dry blood, and the side of her cheeks also had spots of dry blood scattered over her skin. This side of Suzy was unfamiliar but unfamiliar Suzy was what they needed to get through this game. 

Zico looked at the sky and the sun was slowly going down and the sky was deep orange. 

"It's getting dark," Zico stopped in his tracks and looked around. "We should set shelter here for the night."

Suzy turned and nodded silently. 

     Zico carried Suzy on his back and climbed up a tree again, making the same shelter from last time. The sky became light purple and Suzy leaned against the branch, quietly staring at the sky.

There were a million thoughts running through her head, but there was not a single one that she could talk about. 

     "Good job today," Zico glanced at her and passed her a bottle of water and a canned soup. Zico ped Joohyuk's backpack and searched through, laying out all the food in his bag. He held the bag upside down and shook out everything to search for anything he had missed earlier. 

A small locket bounced off and landed in front of Suzy's foot.

     She looked down at the locket, her eyes fixed on it. She picked it up and ran her fingers across the golden lining, looping her fingers inside the locket string. She opened the locket and stared at the picture inside, her eyes filled with an unknown emotion. 

Zico stared at her then at the locket.

     Inside the locket was a small picture of Joohyuk and Suzy, presumably at her high school graduation. Suzy, dressed in a black gown and a graduation cap, held a large flower bouquet in her hands. She smiled brightly as Joohyuk had his arms around her and grinned, both of them looking right at the camera.

"He was my first love," she forced a smile, her eyes still on the picture.

     Zico glanced at her silently. Her eyes were filled with sadness, but she was still smiling. He was sure she didn't need any words of comfort; she just needed an ear that would listen to her.

     "When I was 15, my Dad got appointed as a Supreme court judge and our entire family had to move to Seoul. I was born and raised in Daejeon, so moving to Seoul was like moving to the other side of the world. I left my friends, my entire life behind for Seoul because my Dad promised me one thing."

"What?"

"I wanted to study Culinary Arts," she shrugged. "He said if... I just followed through with him at Seoul until graduation, he would send me to Italy to pursue my dream. I trusted his word and I worked so hard and even got accepted to Cordon Bleu. But after the entrance exams, he apparently rejected their offer behind my back and enrolled me into Medical school at Seoul National University."

"But I thought you had no interest in the medical field. Why did you apply to Medical school?"

"I didn't. My dad put in an application behind my back and had everything his way." 

Suzy sighed and turned her head, staring at the sky that turned dark now.

"In that neverending hell, Joohyuk was like the light at the end of the tunnel."

-2017-

     "You promised me that you would send me to Italy!" Suzy screamed at the top of her lungs, glaring at her father. "How could you apply me to a Medical school?! I can't even look at blood let alone touch it, Dad."

"WHAT LIVING WILL YOU MAKE FROM COOKING?!" her dad roared and slammed the Seoul National University acceptance letter on the floor. "You want to waste your money on learning to feed mouths that won't even benefit you in the future?! You want to end up like her?!" her dad pointed at the housekeeper lady in the kitchen who only looked down at the floor. 

"I worked really hard," Suzy's voice trembled. "I got all As and sacrificed my youth memories just so I could achieve my dreams. How can you betray me like this?"

"Betray?" her dad hissed. "I just set a successful path for you and what?"

"What successful path?" Suzy's eyes watered up. "It's the path you want, not me." 

Her dad stared at her, lost for words. His eyes were filled with anger but there was nothing he could say because there was nothing wrong with Suzy's words. 

"You sacrificed your youth?" Her dad snorted. "Other kids study day and night just so they can get into Seoul National University. There are thousands of kids who are dying to get accepted to SNU's medical program. Do you not realize all the benefits you will receive from this opportunity?! The life you will live?!"

"Don't you mean the life you wanted to live?" 

Her dad stuttered.

     "Joohyuk's father got into the Medical program at Seoul National University but you were just a few points short and went to Law school at Seoul University School. You always told me that Mr. Nam and you were good College friends but the way I see it Dad, I don't think he was your friend. I think he was your worst rival. Because he got into the Medical school that you wanted to go to badly, you're trying so hard to force your never-accomplished dream on me-"

Her dad slapped Suzy across the face and the sound echoed across the house.

"Suzy!" her mom rushed toward her and carefully touched her cheeks.

Suzy stared at her father who glared right back at her with his vile eyes. 

She slapped her mother's hands off and glared at her parents.

     "You or Mom, you guys are both the same." Suzy spat and ran out of the door, trying her best not to cry. 

     She got on the elevator and ran out as soon as the door opened, running away to wherever her feet would take her. She hated this, she hated her life. She felt like she had been cheated on, and she wasn't sure what to do with her life anymore. The one thing that she had run toward in her life was utterly shattered within seconds, in the hands of someone she was supposed to call her father.

She glanced at her phone; her Mother was calling her.

She turned off her phone and walked toward the small playground in the apartment complex, sitting on the swing. 

If she was feeling down, a push on the swing would cheer her up.

She tried to push herself on the swing but she had no energy; she just knew even a swing wouldn't fix any of this.

She looked down at her feet and the tears came pouring out of her eyes. 

It felt like someone had drilled a hole in her heart, and nothing could fill it up again. 

     "Suzy?" A voice called from behind. She wiped the tears off her face and looked back to see Joohyuk looking at her in concern. He rushed over to her and knelt in front of her, grabbing her face with his two hands. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot and there were tear streams on her cheek.

Suzy tried so hard to hold her tears back but each time Joohyuk looked into her eyes, she couldn't help but cry.

Without a word, Joohyuk wiped the tears off her face and pulled her into his chest, patting her gently on the back. 

She leaned against his chest, crying her heart out.

Her cries were muffled in his jacket; she could cry out loud.

"I..I'm sorry," Joohyuk sat on the swing beside her after having heard the full story. "I know how much you wanted to cook.."

Suzy forced a smile and looked down again.

"You don't have to smile," he said gently as he looked at her. "It's okay to feel sad."

"What do I do now..?" she asked. "I've never thought about becoming a doctor."

     "You know why I wanted to become a doctor?" he said. "When I was younger, I was at a hospital for my vaccine. I fell over when I was waiting in line because a doctor pushed me. I got angry and was about to scream until I saw the doctor climb on the patient bed and perform CPR on the patient whose face was unrecognizable because of the blood. That scene never left my head. "

Suzy glanced at him.

"Then for the first time, I wondered if that person made it out alive. Then I began to wish that that person did make it out alive."

"Did that person live?"

     "I don't know," he paused. "but it was from that day I wanted to save people. Life is so precious, you know?" He glanced at Suzy and smiled, patting her head lightly. He stood up from the swing and stood before her, holding out his hand.

"It's your choice," he said softly. "But studying to save people is also worthwhile."

Suzy grinned weakly and took his hand, standing up. 

     "He was like.. the brother I never had," Suzy said quietly. "What happened earlier still feels like a dream."

     A tear rolled off Suzy's cheeks and she wiped it off, refusing to let herself cry. She didn't want to feel weak; she realized how she needed to face the reality if she wanted to make it out alive. She wished she was void of feelings so that she didn't have to feel dragged back like this. 

"Just let it out," Zico said as he looked at her. 

Tears exploded from her eyes the moment Zico said those words. 

     He shifted beside her and watched her cry silently, the locket tightly clutched in her hand. He sighed and awkwardly stuck his arm out, patting her on the back. Her sobs were buried in her arms as her cries became louder and louder until it died down. 

Watching her cry reminded Zico of him crying for Se-young.

     The moments of locking himself in the bathroom and crying for hours on end flashed through his heart. He knew there was no other way but to cry it out because he cried so much that when he thought of Se-young, the grief was enough for him to handle.

It didn't disappear; just became bearable. 

He glanced at Suzy again and the image of Se-young continued flicking back and forth. 

It was hard to admit that... watching Suzy cry ached his heart. 

Suzy's cries died down and she was silent as she stared into the darkness. 

"I'm scared," she croaked. "I don't know who to trust anymore." 

Zico hesitated for a second but looked into Suzy's eyes.

"What about me?" he asked carefully. "Trust me."

     Suzy forced a grin and continued staring into the darkness. It was understandable that nothing would come through her, but he really wanted her to trust him. He wanted to protect her, and he wanted to get out of there alive with her. 

"I'm serious," he grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Don't be scared. I'll protect you."

Suzy looked into Zico's eyes; it was different. For the first time, it was filled with sincerity and his eyes had softened every time he looked at her.

Zico looked at her face and his eyes were fixed on her lips. 

     A silence wrapped over them as Zico slowly got closer to Suzy's face. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it could bounce out of his chest, but he wasn't going to let that show. He felt a soft tingle in his heart when he noticed Suzy wasn't backing away either as she looked right into his face.

Zico got closer and closer to her face until his lips touched hers, softly.

The silence was deafening, but it was the sweetest silence he had ever heard.