A few things changed after I became the drama club’s screenwriter. I was now in direct contact with its president, the infamous Bae Irene. Secondly, more than half the school now knows my name. For some reason, Irene sunbaenim wouldn’t shut up about it. And thirdly yet unfortunately, half of them disliked me -and you can take a few guesses who most of them were. They were my seniors and peers from the Literature club. I was down in the dumps. The safe heaven I had after school turned 180 degrees; a personal hell. Nobody talked to me, acknowledged me nor notices me anymore. I had to turn my back and find peace elsewhere. I ended up on the rooftop.

The rooftop brought me further away from the commotion of the school and nearer to the sky and thoughts of my brother. They knew him. They idolised him. But I guess, that doesn’t mean they will like me. I heard whispers that Irene took a liking towards him and thus a rumour is going around that the only reason she requited me was because she still fancied him thus fancying me. I don’t know how to feel about that.

“Kim Myungsoo is a terrible human being,” Taehyung said, snapping my gaze from the school grounds. I was about to open my mouth but he continued, “He should’ve had said yes to Irene sunbaenim and not turned her down.”

I was muttering something incomprehensive. I knew of it. “Wh -wh-what?! Irene sunbaenim had a crush on my brother?” I almost shouted at him. This was definitely shocking for me. And a big betrayal. I wanted to drop everything now.

“Your brother would definitely make a good actor,” he said.

My head snapped back at him again with a confused look. “Actor?”

“Yeah. Irene sunbaenim wanted him to be an actor. He was her inspiration for the drama club,” he was clearly teasing me by the way he was looking at me. “You were thinking something salty, weren’t you, Kim Jiyeon?”

I never felt the urge to hit someone so badly than I did for Kim Taehyung in my life before. But I also have never smiled so sincere before in a while then I did that time because of him.

*            *            *

Therefore, I spent my Spring break focusing on the task at hand -being the Drama Club’s scriptwriter. My parents found it odd but a bit nostalgic. It was when I was working on writing deep into the night with my loyal night lamp dimly lit onto my papers that my mother came to check up on me, I had a chance to ask of what I remind them of. The answer was dreadful.

“Your brother,” she said with a tremble in her voice and left the cup of tea on my table.

She said nothing afterward which I was silently thanking her for because I couldn’t phantom to listen to her dispirited voice of a mother who misses her only son. It had only got harder for me to write with those lingering emotions.

A week before the school term starts, the drama club was going to hold a meeting to meet the director, cast the roles and divide the responsibilities for the Spring drama. After a scrutinizing month of writing and rewriting the script with Irene’s guidance, the script was finished and was ready to be read by the other drama club members. I made my way to the school’s auditorium on that cold air day in winter where the club meeting was held and I already could hear Bae Irene’s voice from the auditorium door. It was loud and authoritative; speaking of actions and motions. The members all responded and pitched in – no wonder she is the club president. I would vote for a person with a voice like that too. It was different with the Writing Club’s president whereby we were contrasting in energy and focus. I tried to slip in the building like a mouse but that failed when Irene caught me like a hawk.

“Kim Jiyeon!” she called in her director’s voice. “You managed to come. Please join us.”

I’d be lying if I wasn’t nervous. I knew of no one else besides Irene but the smiles of the drama club members were encouraging so I took a seat within their circle. Apparently, they were saving a seat for me. It was comforting welcome.

“Now that our beautiful scriptwriter is here, why don’t we have her introduce and say a few words about the play we will be holding this upcoming Spring term,” announced Irene. My first thought was to laugh at the word beautiful but I couldn’t and kept a stoic face. Secondly, everyone in the circle turned to me which I had to quickly loosen my face muscles and smile at them. I was internally screaming because I didn’t plan on speaking in front of the crowd. “Kim Jiyeon, would you please do the honours?”

I was dead; being dragged onto an unwanted stage. I was a writer, not a speaker. I felt a lump in my throat trying to block all sound I haven’t used in awhile. When my voice cracked in a tremble of loose strings, I knew I was pressured but the air was still as the members of floor waited for a speech. As an alternative, I took out the script which made the other club members sat on their seats even more. I turned my body to look at Irene who took her seat when I exchanged it with her spot in the middle. Just say what you told me, she mouthed to me. I guess I should. I was being silly of being a statue.

“Hi. My name’s Kim Jiyeon, sophomore,” I said, wanting to hit myself. Nobody needed to know that. “The play I decided we should play this Spring is Seopyonjae.” When I stated the name of the drama, the circle of drama members started to buzz with commotion; expressing either dissatisfaction or confusion for choosing an old drama and I wasn’t the focus of their attention anymore. I couldn’t tell if it was a good response or a bad sign but looking into Irene’s eyes again who was the only person in the room whose focus was still only me, encouraged me to continue. “It will a play of great symbolic beginnings for our school’s Spring term and musicality will be the highlight of the drama. Therefore, the potential actors and actresses to be cast must have high musical talents. That is all, thank you.”

With that, Irene got up again and I took my seat at her place again. I was ready to disappear. “Like Jiyeon said, it’s a great musical for the drama club and within the past few years, we haven’t done this in ages. If you need an explanation why both Jiyeon and I chose to have this musical as a part of our school’s production; that’s because this year, we have fresh young talents in music and performance. As your director in charge of the Spring musical, I expect great singing and dancing to those interested in taking charge of the stage this Spring term. Good luck,” she said in a light-hearted tone. Even so, that wouldn’t satisfy some of the drama club members. Duly noting on their non-existing musical talents in drama.

Without further a due, I was brought to in front of the stage with the other drama club members, notably the production crew for prepping the casting process of the drama club. As readily as I could possibly be for the event, I passed extra drama scripts for the casting to the potential actors of the club. I didn’t notice it at first but the number of people in the auditorium doubled. How did I not notice them before?

I timidly took a seat beside Irene which she didn’t seem to mind and watched her directing her drama club members into order. There was a table set in front of her with documents with the members’ details who were being auditioned. The club members were given a few scenes to choose from to act from and each highlighted a different aspect of acting. As a few couple of people managed to audition for a part in the musical, I quietly noted that most of them were trying to avoid the scene that needed to perform musically. As my eyes met Irene in an interval between auditions, we were having the same thought and sighed. Nobody was going to fit as the main cast.

“Excuse me?!” her voiced boomed into the auditorium. “Isn’t there anyone is this damn hall who can dance or sing?” she huffed at the end of her sentence, voicing her dissatisfaction.  Out of the blue and to most of our surprise she made a call. “Hello, Kai? Yes, this is Irene. Do you have a moment? I need you to come to school.” She paused in her conversation as if she was listening to the other end’s explanation. “Really? Thank goodness. I know I can count on you. See you soon, babe.”

I didn’t bother to ask even though I was curious because I feel like I would be intruding so I focused on a couple of club members’ auditions. It seems this ‘Kai’ will be dropping by later. However, when it was almost the end of the auditions and the last of the drama members finish their auditions, a stranger tapped my shoulder causing me to turn my head around; a very charming smile he had which caught me off guard.

“May I have the script, please?” he asked with a bit of an affirmation. I can only guess I wasn’t listening the first time he asked.”

“I’m sorry,” I said and handed him the audition script and turned my head back to the stage. I could only head grunted and the slight curve of Irene’s forehead which wished this was over. But I heard a sort of a ring to her voice in exclaim when she acknowledges the stranger’s presence behind us. So, he was Kai. Irene’s babe. Something within me throbbed but quickly sank.

“Kai, have you finished reading the script?” asked Irene, snapping my attention back to reality.

“Yes, noona. I’m ready,” he said without further ado and went up to the stage.

For some magical reason, the stage he claimed had everyone around it gathered in their seats to watch. I started to think if every one of the drama club had already known Kai from Irene or somewhere. I certainly haven’t.

I could’ve sworn that Kai arrived no more than 10 minutes ago, but the time lapse I was experiencing just wondering about him must’ve tricked me. When he took the stage and recited the lines of the chosen scene, I have fallen in a trance.

“Isn’t there anything you wish to do here?” he started, the tone in his voice dropped an octave and I could hear a squeak from a female club member. “Don’t you wish to be somewhere else instead?!” he exclaimed. Was it anger that had us gasping or was it the tremble through his fingertips that made me longing to hold them wished I was no longer in my seat but holding him in my arms.

A sudden chill not from the winter cold run through my spine as I looked at him. “There is somewhere,” I barely said in an audible whisper. Instead of Irene who was beside me who turned to me, Kai lifted his head and stared back at me; meeting my eyes. He smiled. It hit me like Titanic hit the ice-berg that I knew how dangerous this was. He was speaking to me and I replied to him.

“I can take you there.”

Something invisible like a string, suddenly pulled me towards him. I found myself stuttering the words I’ve been longing to speak. All day, all week; all this time.

“Please.”

Dear oppa,

Kai reminds me of you. And I’m scared. I miss you. Where are you?