It has been a good six month since Myungsoo left us. My family and I are slowly accepting the fact that he won't come home anymore. The first two months were the hardest. My father will sometimes ask me where my brother was or ask, "Have you see Myungsoo?" The answer had always been, “No.” Some curse words will also slip from his lips. It shocked me coming from him. He noticed how scared I was a tried not to do that anymore. As for my mother, sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and catch her crying at the dining table, clutching onto Myungsoo's possessions by herself. I didn't know what to do. Seeing her breakdown by herself meant she wanted to be alone, no? And to see her cry had me crying too. I was helpless.

Six months now since I received his letter and not a single letter was addressed back to us ever again. No phone calls and no emails from Kim Myungsoo. I stared blankly at my computer screen sometimes at how many emailed I have written to him; how many unreplied emailed stacked up in my outbox. I was frustrated and depressed.

I did what I can only do at that time. Busy myself with school and to not think about him. It was the only place I could manage to keep my pain at bay before returning to the chambers of my memories of him.

*          *          *

It was almost the end of my first year and a few notable accomplishments I had done throughout this year would be my leadership in my homeroom as I was the elected class rep. I had never been class rep as this was my first year in high school after leaving it for so long. But my peers had told me many times I was friendly and approachable. Thus, I become someone important in the class and even teachers trust me with the homeroom responsibilities.

Aside from that, I joined the Writers’ Club at my school. It was an after school club that kept me occupied before returning… home, I was thrilled. I enjoyed writing as much as my brother did. Even though sadness overwhelmed me at that thought, it was better to indulge into those feelings at school than at home. It was bearable.

At our school, there will be two annual musicals and my club in conjunction to this annual play will have member selected to be borrowed by the drama club to become their screenwriter. Usually, a senior member with lots of screenwriting experience or a very talented second-year student will be selected which I would be by next semester which puts me in the running. However, I look the least interested in the screenwriting selection at our end of the year meeting. It was my first but the other club members in my year were being ecstatic!

“Why look so solemn, Jiyeon?” Yooyoung nudged my side as we sat together in the circle as we waited for the other committee members to take their places and most importantly the arrival of both of the club presidents from the Writers’ and Drama club.

I smiled a bit and shook my head, hoping the day would end quickly so I could say goodbye to a school year. I was surprised that I wanted it to end so fast for being away from it for so long.

“Being selected as the drama club’s screenwriter is a big deal, you know?” she said more enthusiastically under her breath. She clearly was interested in this more than I did. And she was whispering so the seniors wouldn’t see her as a threat to this game.

“I will vote for you,” I said to her, smiling a bit more convincingly so she could not bug me anymore. I was being mean but I was tired. Then, came along another pesky student sitting on my other side. Kim Taehyung.

Taehyung or V most people call him was in my literature class. He was known to be a lyricist and girls from all years seemed to swoon over him for that. Being in the same year, same class and same club made us chingus. He turned his chair around and sat on it with his arms on the backrest like he always did. “Kim Jiyeon,” he called me by my full name so seriously. “Are you oblivious? They will definitely choose you.”

I tilted my head towards him. “Waeyo?” I asked almost in sync with Yooyoung who sounded curious.

Taehyung hit my head lightly with his pen which made my scrunch my face a little which he found amusing for some reason before telling us the reason. “Well, for one: Obviously, your poems stand out.”

Every week, our school’s website will have students’ publications of poetry, reviews and shorts stories. The best among them will be featured on the homepage of the website. I wasn’t one to brag but getting a lot of attention a love for my poetry from the school made me feel good about myself. So, Taehyung was right there.

“Secondly: You didn’t hear this from me, but the seniors want you on the club’s committee line-up,” added Taehyung. That had me and Yooyoung’s mouths hung open.

“N-no… you are making this up,” I said in denial. Yooyoung sounded flustered as well. Even though Yooyoung was a friend, I was a bit wary of her. She had always been a bit jealous of me. This information only made things worse.

Taehyung only shook his head before the whole Writers’ club filled up the seats and the presidents entered the club room shortly.

Firstly, the Writers’ club had a short brief opening speech about how sad he was to say goodbye to the seniors of the club who will be graduating and said a few encouraging words for those future committee members and I secretly hope Taehyung was wrong about my confirmed spot in the line-up. But for now, I try to push it to the back of my head. There was an important discussion about the musical theatre at stake that I’m not running for. I just want to spend the spring break for myself.

After our club’s president finished his speech, it was the drama club’s president’s turn to speak. Her name was Bae Joohyun or Irene most people call her. The school’s beauty. I could only watch her from afar since she was a senior and hear people talk about her because I’ve only return to school this year and in this small neighbourhood where this was the only school in the district, everybody seemed to know everyone, except for me. And that was ok. I’m not pushing my luck.

It could probably be me alone but Irene stood beside him proudly as her eyes scanned us like a hawk searching for its next victim for lunch. I sat uneasily in my seat. I hoped it wasn't obvious but when my eyes met with Irene's, I felt myself getting into her gaze. Was she really looking into my direction? She couldn't be, could she? Ah, this is nerve wrecking. I wanted it to end quickly. "I want Kim Jiyeon to become our screenwriter this year," she said which caught me off guard completely.

"W-what?" I was obviously baffled. I could hear Taehyung saying "I knew it" beside me, completely proud of his prediction. And in an instant, I knew another was unhappy.

I was having mixed feelings and I wasn't the only one. The whole club was murmuring in a mixed of shock and disbelief because news flash, I was the least anticipated member to screenwrite for the Theater Club in this whole circle! I was flustered; scared in fact for what's to come. I couldn't speak and I was still in the blur between fantasy and reality. I felt my side being nudged and my whole body was shaken by Yooyoung to pull me back to Earth. There was the goddess herself, Irene standing right before me, smiling. Quite the opposite I thought she was before, she was definitely beautiful like an angel. I probably looked silly by now for not speaking a word since her announcement. I had to say something. Anything at all.

"W-why me, sunbaenim?" I managed to say.

Her smile couldn't get any wider when I asked. "I always have been a fan of your writing, Jiyeon ssi," she started it. "I want your voice in our drama so I dearly hope you say yes."

I paused and so did the club. Was she for real? I thought. I never had anyone telling me that they were a fan of my writing nor liking it. I've only been writing for the school for a year and it was difficult for freshmen to be noticed by the school unless you were close with the seniors and I do not fulfil that criteria at all. "I-I... it's an honour," I said and before I could tell her I'd reject the offer, she intercepted me quickly.

"It's agreed then! Kim Jiyeon ssi will be the drama club's screenwriter for the Spring Musical this year. Pleased to be working with you soon, Jiyeon ah," she smiled before strutting her heels out and away from our club's meeting.

"Now, I see why Irene sunbaenim has her way all the time," Taehyung managed to say quietly with a smirk towards me. I didn't like it for one second. "She's dauntless."

Dauntless. I'm a complete opposite of just that and want to hide in my corner so bad but I was quickly approached by my seniors who half of them were baffled, another half were eager. One thing is for sure, they were angry; upset. They flooded me with so many questions that made me felt sick that I could breakdown but one senior, our club president broke up the whole fiasco. I internally thank him for that. So thankful.

"What do you mean she is the screenwriter?" one senior retorted. "She is only a freshman, writing only poetry for our weekly web page and she gets to write the whole screenplay of a drama for our school? You can't be serious right now!?"

"Kim Jiyeon has raw talent and you know it! She's his sister. I'm sure that's why Irene wants her," Wonshik said sternly.

Something was off and I stood up; all eyes were drawn to me when I asked, "What do you mean by that? About me being my brother's sister... Do you know my brother?"

Taehyung made a drumroll sound effect out of nowhere for humour and stood up as well, "We all knew, Jiyeon ssi, about Myungsoo sunbaenim. He's an idol, really."

My eyes widen in disbelief. "My brother, an idol?" I chuckled nervously. "Stop joking around, Taehyung ah." But everyone fell silent and I knew it wasn't a joke.

Apparently, when my brother went to this school, he was the school's idol; famous for his screenwriting skills and was a huge romantic in his beautiful lyrics he self-composed. So, not only the girls of the school were head over heels for him but the males looked up to him as a public figure. An extremely humble persona they described him with a few words but a big soul for many. Without me knowing what I have put myself in, I already have more than half the school having the same expectations of me being the second Kim Myungsoo.

I can't believe it.

Who is this Kim Myungsoo?

Dear oppa,

            At this school where I live the life of the normal school girl I always wished for, I always followed the flow. And it seems this time; it wants me to play a part of something big. I have been led through somewhere you paved the way before me and never told anyone before how thrilled I actually was. I wished you were here. Because not only I am shaken up by the fact you were a legend; I'm being expected to follow your footsteps. More memories of you. 

Oppa, I wished you knew that I miss you. Do you miss me?

Sincerely,

Jiyeon.