"Will you show me what you truly need?"

 

//EDITED 

"Friendship."

How long has it been since I've experience something like that? Such a fragile yet strong thing that seemed so foreign to me. I've stumbled upon many people who are 'friends' to me but the loneliness that's in my heart never leaves. There's something wrong with me, I'd tell myself because this feeling, it isn't normal, it isn't suppose to hold my heart in its grasp at all. But I could never remember what it felt to be alive, to not feel as though living was an obligation.

It was all surreal to actually think I used to enjoy being me, being happy as the person I was. What happened to being able to confide in someone whom I trusted dearly, or share smiles with someone genuine, I'm not sure. It just happened as I grew up and I realized one day that everybody grew up way too fast, all except me because I'm just a child. I was, I still am and still looking for someone who understands me, to fix me and to show me the colors of life again. What happened to my happy memories, and why are they fading the more I look for them?

 

"Lonely."

That's what I truly feel but I hide it, always expecting it to go away on its own. Truly, deep down, I am merely a big fool to believe in such a thing and at the same time, I hopelessly wish it would end. Perhaps the loss of happiness made me who I am today and how this feeling captures me, leaving me a dead corpse with no feelings whatsoever. Night falls but it feels as though nothing has changed, it's the same everyday and it is boring.

Just like people, I always think.

I am liked, loved and even idolized because of how I look and it disgusts me, it bores me. How they seem to care because they think it's her, because I'm beautiful and never have I ever been so angry and hateful in my entire life. Ever since puberty came, nothing was the same. People changed but they became worse in my eyes, they let themselves be monsters and I never wanted to be like them so I tried to hide who I was but it never worked because they just pay more attention to who I was even more. I'm afraid, but what?

I lay in bed, thinking about the answer and find my mind going towards what tomorrow might bring and whether there'll be happiness for me. I lie there, thinking and thinking, then falling asleep only to wake up in about an hour later, two hours tops. In the morning, when the maids softly knock on my door and shake me awake, I still lay there. Just feeling tired of everything, feeling sad and always questioning why do I live if I have no reason or purpose. I'd get dressed while ignoring the sounds of laughter from downstairs, of how I would never join them again. Looking into the mirror felt like torture for me, seeing the sharp cheekbones, tiny wrists and legs, curves and bust just right and my face. It looked so perfect yet I feel as though I am broken. 
I would always think, 'I am beautiful but I don't feel that way.'
 

They say follow your heart, but if yours had a million pieces, 
which one do you have to follow?

 

The music was blaring loud to the point she where she couldn't hear her own thoughts, with bodies pressed up so tightly against each other and drinks, lots of them, being passed around the room till she didn't know whether it was safe or not to actually drink it. She was lost, terribly lost, and couldn't find any of her friends at all. This was all her fault, she shouldn't have insisted that they came, shouldn't have been so hell bent on coming to this party to prove to them that she could handle herself.

You've done it now, Yoobin.

But she didn't want to be called a baby anymore, hated that they were so damn protective over her. So, she made a bet that she could loosen up in a party. Five minutes before entering, Jimin had given her a choice to whether she would like stop now because he probably had seen the nervous look on her face that was caked with make-up that didn't match her innocent face. Her body was hugged by a long-sleeved black tube top dress paired with black pumps.

But she refused and walked in with her head held high. Minutes after, she knew that this had to be her biggest regret ever but when she turned around, the rest of her friends had disappeared and it sent panic through her system. Just as she walked down the stairs after no luck in finding them, she bumps into some guy who wouldn't let her go. He pestered her to no end and when he was about to grab her hand and probably pull her away, she stopped him. The girl was taller than her by half a head, but only because Yoobin was shorter than most girls anyway. Compared to her more covered up dress, this girl was wearing a lacy midnight blue dress that seemed elegant yet proactive and hugged her petite body so perfectly ​ that Yoobin is suddenly way more self-conscious than she ever was in her life.

​Her hand was gently taken by her savior and soon, they ended up in a more sophisticated room with a high chandelier and a bar that kept expensive looking liquor in its shelves. The girl who had saved her was pulling out the bottles from the said shelves and mixing them into a glass. Then, she waved Yoobin over who hesitantly obeyed and sat down into one of the seats by the bar.

​"Drink up." The girl says before passing the glass to her and turning around to make something for herself.
​
​"Bae Yoobin." she says while her finger gently moves around the glass's rim absentmindedly before downing her entire drink in one shot. The other chuckles in response and copies her, emptying her cup entirely too.

 "I'm Nara." Is all she says before she drags the shorter girl out of the room while explaining to Yoobin who was giving her curious looks and questions about the room they were in,"Let's just say I know my way around here and get free expensive drinks." Playfully winking, she brings her to the kitchen where the two grab more bottles of tequila,beer,vodka and probably whiskey. At least, that's what they think it is after downing each bottle. They sat on the steps by the backdoor where nobody bothered to check on them even when they laughed and laughed so loud till their tummies hurt and their cheeks sore from all the smiles they shared. 

By the time Yoobin nearly passed out, Nara had already requested that her driver send her new friend home as well after getting a slurred (but correct) address from her and Bogum gladly does so, even though he is surprised to actually see the young girl having brought an actual friend instead of having to pick her up alone as usual.

​They bid goodbye drunkenly, but by Monday morning, Nara does not see her new friend anymore. She wonders if Yoobin isn't from the same school.

Tuesday comes by but she still does not meet the weird girl who seemed to understand Nara's heart a little. She feels a little disappointed that Yoobin didn't leave any contact with her.  

Wednesday passes with no luck either. 'Maybe if I go to a party this weekend, I'll get to meet her.'

On Thursday, Yoobin is nearly forgotten. Nearly, until Nara sees someone with the same hairstyle as her and gets disappointed that it wasn't her.

When Friday ends, Nara is determined to meet her again, thus chooses her dress really ​carefully in order to really stand out with hopes that Yoobin notices her.

​Saturday is the day where she gets heartbroken when everyone is dead drunk yet she has no sign of Yoobin at all and she doesn't know why.

In the family gathering she attends on Sunday, all Nara thinks that it was just a one time thing and that life plays her like that, giving her a glimmer of hope and then leaves her wanting more yet hating it at the same time.

Needless to say, what Nara only remembers the most no matter how she tells herself to forget was how Yoobin's eyes always seem to brighten up with such emotions swirling in them, making her feel some sort of stir deep within her unfeeling heart.

​And without her knowledge, Yoobin remembers how she felt safe whenever Nara was around to the point where she forgot her own misery. She doesn't forget the girl who made her feel like she is actually appreciated.

Separated, they were broken in their o