It was a clear day. Sitting on the white and crinkled sheets of the bed she shared with her boyfriend had overtime grown cold, the constant wishing for his touch and cuddles were becoming something Iseul couldn't take any longer. The loneliness that radiated in the cold and lonely ambiance taunted and mocked her constantly, making her doubt herself much more than she does on a daily basis. Her hair had been thinning recently, all from the chemo treatment and radiation. Surprisingly, she still had enough hair to salvage her unmistakeable and beautiful visage, but her pessimistic and icy cold stare made others think differently. She had lost the spark that lit in her eyes, the harmonious laugh that comforted and brought smiles to everyone, the courage and bravery that got her through the toughest challenges, and the will to fight any longer.

A few months before, she had scornfully told her oncologists that she would no longer be taking the chemo or radiation treatments. Despite the doctor's intensive and stubborn attempts to convince her otherwise, Iseul had lost all fight. She knew the tumor was inoperable and that no doctor could ever resect it, and she accepted this with numb eyes and fixed emotions. The fighting, chemo, and radiation had became too tiring for someone like her, and she finally acknowledged her inevitable end. She painfully laughed at how pathetic she sounded, but what could she do? She was dying, and her boyfriend was no where to be found or even had the knowledge of her illness.

Despite being quite weak at this point, Iseul gathered herself and struggled to get up from the bed. She carefully used the nightstand to help prop herself up on two feet, and made her way to the kitchen. Wanting to ensure that Baekhyun had no knowledge of her terminal illness, she made sure to clean up daily, keep up with the plants that grew on their windowsills, and attentively took care of their puppy, Snow. After feeding Snow with the appropriate amount of food, she made herself some breakfast and sat on the dinner table.

Silence filled the room after Snow had fallen asleep again, along with the sound of her munching on the oatmeal she made. She hadn't made a large meal in such a while, and when she did it was only when Baekhyun was in town. Baekhyun had told her he was going to be out for a week on a business trip but what else screamed "bull" as much as that did? Iseul knew he had other plans, and painfully smiled his way before kissing him goodbye. She stubbornly pretended that everything was okay, when everything obviously wasn't.

It had been well-over 8 months since she was diagnosed with end-stage glioblastoma and the cancer was no where near treatable. Although common in older adults, Iseul had contracted them to her disfavor. Being one of the most aggressive and fast-spreading types of brain cancer, Iseul had already begun doubts of fighting for too long. Her personality skewed, and Baekhyun didn't fail to notice this. Her forgetfullness was quite frustrating to him, and her unpredictable moodswings a little too much for one. He tried to cope with this, wondering as to why his beloved and treasured girlfriend had gone from an angel who adored much about the little things in life to a scornful and pessimistic woman.

She noticed this change in her behavior as well, and she was just as frustrated Baekhyun was. Iseul battled through the futureless and bleak treatments of chemo that left no improvement whatsoever. Surgery had become an option, but the cancer had spread much further the last time she had dropped by with her oncologists. The amount of doctors she saw in a period of 8 months disgusted her, all giving her the same pitiful face that screamed of her impending death. She knew she had little time left, and eventually gave into the tumor. Every neurosurgeon, oncologist, radiology oncologist; every doctor you could imagine had promised her that this cancer would spread unless she became more aggressive with the treatment. She saw this as another way to slow her death that would eventually come anyways. "What's the point?" she'd think.

She dimly remembered the day she had found Baekhyun with another woman. Iseul had come home from work quite late, and had to take the subway home due to the impassable traffic that was brought before her that day. It was raining, and without umbrella she desperately tried to stay in some place with a roof over her head. That was when she had turned around a corner, meeting face to face with the bakery that had served her favorite batch of mango cream cheese suffles. As the scent of baked goods and wonderfully made delicacies tempted her to enter the shop, she couldn't help but resist to buy some for herself. She smiled, walking in to purchase a slice to share later with Baekhyun. Once she had the plastic bag in her hand and a growling stomach poking at her to hurry home, she had left her wallet on the cashier's counter; much at the tumor's fault.

Noticing this, Iseul hurried to the bakery but before she could ask the cashier if she had found a wallet, there stood Baekhyun with his arm wrapped quite tightly around another girl's waist. She was quite pretty, prettier than her Iseul thought. She had this glowing aura that made Iseul drown in self-hate, and the brightest smile anyone could pull off. Baekhyun had been looking at the menu with her, that hung from the ceiling just above their heads and smiled with each joke she managed to jest.

Without any plans to grab her wallet anytime soon, she painfully walked home with tears streaming down her face as quickly as the rain poured from the skies. That night, Baekhyun hadn't returned home leaving Iseul to pool with tears and a shot glass filled all the way to the brim in her hand. She laughed at herself, drinking while having a brain cancer but she obviously couldn't care less—if her boyfriend was happy, she'd drink herself all the way past the point of no return. And as the lights in the room flickered, she felt her eyes slowly closing; red and puffy from the amount of tears she had shed in a day. And as quiet as her sobs were, so was the night that quickly drowned her into a light comatose-like sleep.

It had been months since the last time she's lovingly exchanged a kiss with Baekhyun. Sure, he'd peck her cheeks and lips once in a while, but Iseul obviously noticed his dwindling and diminishing love for her. She became colder, the icy cold stare she had frightened her co-workers and wondered what had gotten into her. She bickered quite bitterly, nagged at the interns, and repeatedly shut herself from the rest of the office to coddle herself into tears. She was beyond frustrated with herself, and wished for the glioblastoma to take over and "finish her off once and for all". The nausea, constant migraines, and vomiting was beginning to take a toll on her overall health and she finally resigned from her job. Despite not being in quite of a sane mind, she knew either way this was for sure the best for everyone else around her.

Baekhyun had no knowledge of this, and didn't have time to find out either way because of how much time he was spending with Hyeyeon. Hyeyeon had brought him the happiness he had been craving for quite a long time ever since he noticed Iseul's changing behavior. He was beyond concerned for her, but soon felt no need to care as much as long as he was with her. Hyeyeon smiled, brightly illuminating which ever room they were in in ways Iseul could've done but better. Guilt slowly washed away with her sweet promises of getting away and starting anew, but little did he know the reason of why his girlfriend was acting the way she was.

Taking a sip from her cup of coffee, Iseul struggled to make her way to the wooden rocking chair that stood just behind the sliding door that lead to their balcony. It was a clear day, and not a single cloud in the sky to be found. The birds were chirping harmoniously, the sounds of car engines roaring through the busy streets in the heart of Seoul was definitely something she found peace in. Her thin, white plain shirt just above her knees slightly as she quietly stood up to get a better view of the towering skyscrapers that dominated the city. And as she ran her fingers through her hair, she found some just hanging loosely intertwined through her fingers. Sighing, she walked back into her room to change and get ready for her last appointment with her oncologists.

Silently slipping through the hospital's winding and endless hallways and corridors, she finally found her oncologist's door and opened it quietly. There, she was greeted by her secretary, Jongin, who had been working quite closely with Iseul's case and had been giving her support ever since. Jongin knew one of Baekhyun's closest friends, Kyungsoo, and that's how the two have grown quite close ever since. After Jongin gave her a clipboard and a couple of papers to sign in, she took her seat adjacent of where he was sitting and filled it in quickly.

"Done?" Jongin asked, taking the seat next to her. Iseul nodded her head, rolling up the sleeves of her sweater and handed over the clipboard to him before resting her elbows on the armrests. He sighed, placing his hand tenderly over hers."You know, keeping this from Baekhyun is going to kill him once you're gone." He reminded, as Iseul scoffed and sat up properly in her seat while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Baekhyun is with that girl, Hyeyeon, I believe is her name?" She stated nonchalantly. "Besides, he seems happy. I wouldn't want to ruin that using my condition." She finished, as Jongin shook his head in disapprovement. He obviously didn't want Iseul doing this, especially since Iseul was teetering near the point of no return.

"Iseul, how are you planning to even tell him?" He said, before he shook his head. "Scratch that, are you even planning to tell him?" He asked, as she diligently shook her head no before sighing and closing her eyes for a second and opening them again to refresh herself. The room had quickly distorted into shapes, and she tried her best to retain her composure by closing her eyes.

"I am. But I'm going to be dead before I tell him." She stated simply, as Jongin painted a pitiful look that Iseul always despised. Iseul utterly hated when people flashed a pitiful look, especially if that person knew she was under such excruciating conditions. "Don't give me that look Jongin. Is Junmyeon ready for me?" She asked, getting up from her chair and sliding on the straps of her handbag onto her shoulder.

"I'll check. Stay put Iseul." He warned, as Iseul was known to run away from Junmyeon due to his pestering and stubborn nature to get Iseul to continue to chemotherapy and radiation. She fortunately obeyed, and was answered when Jongin walked back into the waiting room with an arm extended to gesture her to walk in. Smiling quite gently, she passed him and slowly walked into Junmyeon's room with quite a grim face once she met his angered eyes.

"Jung Iseul." He said through gritted teeth, as she rolled her eyes and took the seat just in front of his desk that was towered with piles of patients' files and charts. Crossing her legs, she casually rested her arms on the armrests and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Why did you feel the need to bring me in today? You know I stopped the treatments and that I'm just going to let this cancer kill me." She reminded quite disrespectfully, which was very much unlike her.

"The labs we ran about a week ago showed more of the cells spreading to other parts of your brain. Have you had more mood swings, headaches and persistent vomiting these past days?" He asked, holding up her scans and labs in the air. She did recall nearly throwing up blood last night, her vomit turning into a very dark color of distorted hues of orange, brown and yellow. Nodding, he sighed and leaned back harshly in his chair. "Your cancer is getting worse." He stated, fear quite evident in his face as Iseul scoffed.

"Doesn't it always?" She added, not bothering to establish eye contact with the very enraged and concerned doctor in front of her. He stood up on his two feet, walking over to her and taking the seat next to her before sighing.

"This is the last stage. Your headaches are completely stronger than migraines, and Tylenol barely does the trick now. The constant nausea and vomiting is the result of cerebral edema building up in your brain cavity and pressing up against your brain." He stated, quite darkly with fear quivering his voice as she slowly felt herself getting nervous.

"So.. do I have to be admitted?" She asked, as he sadly nodded his head and placed a gentle hand over hers in an attempt to calm her nerves. Although this was what she wanted, the thought of death did scare her more than she had originally thought.

"You can go home, pack up some clothes and come to the hospital by at least tomorrow. I'll have Jongin pick you up at your apartment if that's okay with you." He smiled as she nodded her head, tears beginning to well in her eyes much quicker than she wanted them to. As Junmyeon noticed the increasing volume of tears in her eyes, he brought her into a gentle embrace as she let out a loud sob.

"This is it, isn't it?" She croaked, her voice cracking as he sadly nodded his head while rubbing her back to comfort her. Letting out another cry, he felt a slight pain deep within him, knowing that Iseul truly was an amazing woman who unfortunately had to be faced with unfavorable circumstances. He pulled away, and flashed a reassuring smile.

"Iseul.. you're going to have to prepare yourself for the inevitable. Every step of the way doctors will be with you and-"

"Oh God." Iseul interrupted, finally realizing something she had completely forgotten about.

"What is it?"

"Baekhyun. He's coming back home, tonight." She whispered.

Iseul rushed home, repeatedly ignoring Junmyeon's warnings of driving in her condition. She could honestly care less, worrying as to how she was going to tell Baekhyun about her upcoming hospital stay. The constant and enormous amount of pain she was in was becoming unbearable, the stop-lights and signs distorting into images that made her brain twist into shapes and confusion. She luckily managed to make it home, just before Baekhyun did. Iseul quickly shoved her labs and patient admission papers into her bag and walked over to the kitchen trying her best not to stumble over Snow who was noticing her frantic behavior.

"Hi Snow.." She greeted quite quickly, tip-toeing to reach the bag of dog food on top of the refrigerator and pouring some into his bowl. Snow happily let out a content sound, chewing on his food quite diligently as she struggled to get her apron on to get dinner started. Her face was turning pallor, sweat rushing down the sides of her face as she constantly battled the pain that was pounding and screaming at her to stop.

Iseul managed to get some meat cooked, serving them onto two plates with hot rice just beneath and quickly placed them onto the dinner table. Just then, she heard the door begin to unlock and her heart began to race. The door slowly opened, revealing a tired and exhausted Baekhyun who struggled to not collapse onto the floor and doze off. Noticing this, she swallowed down her pain and kept her composure by walking over to him and placing a slight kiss on the check. She didn't fail to notice the quite obvious hickey that was growing on the side of his neck either.

"Welcome home Baekhyun-ah." She croaked, her voice sounding a little more strained than she intended it to be. He smiled her way, placing his jacket onto the set of hooks just to the right of them and immediately noticed the food before them.

"Iseul.. you really didn't have to.." He gasped, walking over to the dinner table with awe at the delicious looking food. She shyly chuckled, placing a strand of hair just behind her earlobe with a gentle smile. Iseul had really missed this, the look on the face he'd have whenever there was food waiting for him once he got back home. She adored how grateful he was, taking in such appreciation to help ease her nerves.

"You must've been busy.. How was your trip?" She asked quite genuinely, making him believe that she didn't quite know anything when she in fact did. He let out a long sigh before groaning and complaining about how tough and tiring his job was.

"My co-workers are idiots. Some of them don't even know how to properly mount circuits and fiber optic cables into the right places." He shook his head, as she let out a quiet laugh. Just then, a sudden jab of pain overwhelmed her, causing a light gasp to escape her lips as she lightly clutched her head. "Iseul! Are you okay?" He asked, walking over to her with his arm gently wrapping itself around her. Although it still pained her, she nodded her head to keep him from asking questions and he frowned.

"Y-yes.. I have a little headache that's all." She smiled weakly, as he let out a small pout.

"Did you take Tylenol before cooking at least?" He asked, as she nodded her head and faced back to her food.

"Yeah.. Don't worry about me, let's just finish our meal." She said, warmly thanking him for the concern and gesturing for him to sit back down in his chair. "I'll be fine." She lied, knowing that she absolutely wasn't going to be "just fine".

The living room soon filled with silence. Baekhyun was diligently and quietly finishing his last piece of bulgogi as Iseul stared at him painfully, the sharp pain in her head becoming worse and worse by the second. Her face was turning even more pale and her breaths becoming sharper and sharper as she struggled to intake oxygen from her nostrils. The nervousness was eating her up, and she didn't know how much longer she could take staring at his happy face while he ate her home-cooked meal. Swallowing hard, she took one last gulp of the water she had left in her glass before calling out to him.

"Baekhyun-ah." She croaked, as he kept his eyes on the piece of meat before him and nodded his head allowing her to speak. "I have a trip my co-workers and I was assigned to go. I have all my clothes packed so I just thought I'd let you know." She smiled weakly, as he nodded his head and smiled quite cheekily. Her guts were turning inside out at this, his smile making the pain in her head worsen and worsen with each passing second.

"Without me, though?" He pouted, as she chuckled lightly before reaching over to gently caress his hand.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter