Wonwoo didn’t want it to end.

If Wonwoo had a time machine, he would go back to the day he first met Mingyu. Not to start over or to rewrite their story, but to walk away from him. If he knew this was the outcome of their relationship, he would’ve never let Mingyu break down his walls. He would’ve pushed Mingyu away.

Wonwoo would be lying if he said he didn’t have the time of his life while dating Mingyu. The truth is, he did. Because of Mingyu, he had made special and meaningful memories. Because of Mingyu, he had learned to open up and let himself go. Because of Mingyu, he was able to be himself without worrying about being judged. The younger had played such a huge role in his life but now that he was gone, Wonwoo felt abit empty and lost.

Wonwoo knew it was better this way. He knew it was better to just separate ways because the more they held on, the more miserable they’d get. But even so, it didn’t hurt less. It seemed a little unfair because why does letting go have to hurt so much when we never learned how to hold on? He knew it would hurt, but he didn’t think it would hurt this much. It was painful to the point he wished he never met Kim Mingyu.

It was around their second anniversary, when Mingyu started to change. He was always busy with who-knows-what and he barely had time Wonwoo. It was tolerable at first, as it was Mingyu’s last year of high school. Maybe he was busy and had to catch up to all his overdue projects and assignments. That’s what Wonwoo had reasoned at first but nothing had changed even after his graduation. Slowly, it got out of hand. Mingyu came up with all kinds of excuses to bail out on their date. Even then, Wonwoo lets Mingyu off the hook.

It was Wonwoo’s birthday and Mingyu had promised to meet him in the park to celebrate. So Wonwoo waited and waited and waited. He waited for almost three hours in the windy night, but Mingyu never showed up. Not too long after, he received a call from the latter, saying he couldn’t make it as he had something urgent to attend. And even then, Wonwoo tried to understand.

Wonwoo was crushed. Standing across the street was the person who claimed he had to attend urgent matters and in his embrace, was Yoon Jeonghan. To make things worse, it wasn’t just any Yoon Jeonghan. It was the same Jeonghan Mingyu was close to in school, the same Jeonghan who recently confessed his love for Mingyu. Slowly, the pieces started to fall into place as realization dawns on him. Yoon Jeonghan was the reason why Mingyu had no time for him anymore. And maybe even worse, he was probably seeing Yoon Jeonghan.

From then on, their relationship went downhill. More weeks had passed but Wonwoo doesn’t bring it up. Wonwoo doesn’t mention it and whenever Mingyu cancels their date or has to leave for ‘urgent matters’, Wonwoo doesn’t question him and lets him go. Wonwoo knew sooner or later, they would have to end it, they would have to say goodbye.

So when Mingyu said he wanted to break up, Wonwoo doesn’t protest. He simply accepted it.

Mingyu looked at Wonwoo as if he was expecting something. But there wasn’t anything left for him to say. Because honestly, what more could be said anyway? Wonwoo knew Mingyu didn’t love him. So when silence filled the room, Wonwoo didn’t try to fight it. He took in the fact of not being loved like he deserved and allowed Mingyu to walk away. Wonwoo didn’t try to fix things. He doesn’t waste time being hopeful. He doesn’t ask to be friends. He sets Mingyu free as all the high hopes for their future crashed to the ground.

That night, Wonwoo wrote in his diary;

We broke too easily. As if it was nothing, as if we were nothing. Did that mean we were never meant to be in the first place? Were we just an accident of fate? Because if we were meant to be, how could we both let this happen? How could we both walk away just like that? I suppose the answer is, we weren’t. We weren’t meant to be. And sometimes, things feel true to us, even if they’re not. I guess our relationship only felt true to me, but not to you.

Six months later, Wonwoo found himself in the smoothie bar Mingyu and him used to stop by frequently. He ordered his usual and sat at his usual seat, which was next to the window. He searched his bag and took out his diary and pen before he began writing;

I miss you a lot. I know there's not enough space for me in your life and that’s okay. It’s not something you have to apologize for because I love you too much to ever want you to do anything that makes you unhappy. So I hope you’re happy and I hope that wherever you are, you find yourself smiling even after a bad day. I hope you have friends who never let you forget that you are loved. You are loved and will always be. I think you deserve to know that.

I don’t know if I’ll meet you again someday but until then, I hope everything goes well for you. Until then, I wish you happiness. I know I haven’t been the greatest boyfriend ever and I want to apologize for that. I’m sorry I couldn’t offer you anything. I’m sorry I wasn’t as good as Jeonghan. I’m sorry if I was the reason we ended up like this.

I know it’s very selfish of me, but I hope someday we’ll be given another chance. I’ve always believed in second chances and maybe someday we could try again but if we can’t, then I want you to know that even though I was never good at expressing myself, I have loved you with all my heart. I have loved you since day one and I always will. Even if someday I find someone of my own, in a different way, I’ll still love you.