Yurin’s face dropped. “If he comes.”

“He will.” I smiled as encouragingly as I could. Of course he would come. He had to. If not, my plan would be in shreds. Before she said anything else, I added, “Trust me.”

snapped shut.

{ s i x . t w o }

What did you say?

I was about to ask her something—anything, I didn’t know exactly what, it could be just anything that didn’t have any relation to her party tomorrow or Jeonghan—when suddenly I felt my phone vibrated. It said I got a message from Seungkwan; one of Chan’s best buddies and thus became mine as well. I opened our conversation and my brows furrowed almost immediately when I realized there were three unanswered messages that had been read minutes ago. I jerked my head up. Yurin’s brilliant eyes met mine in an instant. It was like she had been waiting for me to do that.

I bit my bottom lip, completely aware the damned atmosphere from before was back with full force. It shocked me how things could change in the blink of an eye or it was just good things always came in short for me. “You read my messages?”

“No, I didn’t,” stated Yurin calmly. Her shoulders went back to the stiff position from before, her hands were there folded neatly on her lap in an illusion of a comfortable posture. “Chan did. He read them for me. He also told me something interesting about Mingyu and my dear brother. And him. And it’s not your usual ‘project’. It’s almost sounded like a bet.”

From when I was younger, I really loved seeing different reactions on different people for certain things. It always amazed me how they varied and took me by surprise. It was addicting. I started looking closely to people around me and learnt them.

What caused them to be like this? What would they do if something like this happened? Why they didn’t be like this when others did? Why is this one different from the other one? What varied them? What would they do next?

Ever so slowly I realized, to get the answers I needed, I should make certain scenarios happened.

Thus, that’s what Yurin and Chan called project. One time, my project included Chan and Seokmin and from then on, Yurin started calling me ‘matchmaker’ and Chan didn’t stop claiming every project I made as ‘insane project’. I didn’t blame him.

Being the ones that knew me the most, Yurin and Chan always had a part on every project I could think through. Yurin might not be directly involved ever since she started her career, but she always did her part whenever we exchanged words via phone. This time though, I excluded her because I knew Yurin wouldn’t want to do anything with this… project—this bet that included me as one of the subjects instead of being only the… scenarist. Or actually, she didn’t want to do anything that related to him; the guy who made her brother’s life miserable and incredible almost equally. Chan should have had known that too.

So, why the hell did he still do that?!

“What? Wh—why?! Why did he—”

Yurin gave me a calculating look before saying softly, “Because he asked for help he knew you wouldn’t make.”

Yurin and Chan sort of having the same position and role in my life. They both were the ones who understand me the most, even without words. They both cared for me just as deeply as I cared for them. Even so, there were differences like Yurin knew me the longest and she was older than both of us as well. Therefore meant, Chan’s decision; needing Yurin’s help to help me with the project because the three of us always do the project together to ensure the success, was understandable.

Although, that didn’t stop me from thinking; he should have had told me first. Not only Yurin wouldn’t want to do anything with this project—or bet—she could ruin it too.

Chan should have known better than to tell her everything.

Damn.

I clenched my fists under the table. “He shouldn’t.”

“He shouldn’t,” Yurin nodded. “You should, but you didn’t. Now, tell me why. Why you didn’t tell me and why you are this… foolhardy.”

I stared at her hard, trying to decode what could be bouncing on the usual terrifying maze of her mind that she built up whenever we had to discuss something as complicated as this. But I wasn’t prepared to face that gaze; the one that were soft and hard at the same time. It was open. Sincere. Full of her unveiled determination to help me get out of whatever kind of hell I was trapped inside.

There was anger too, actually. Not really the brightest one, but still there. Seemingly come from the knowledge of needing to deal with him again. With the past. But that was still the same kind of gaze I received from Chan a moment after he realized what would I do to the possibility of Mingyu… had feelings left for Jeonghan. It was overwhelming. Again, it made me realized;

There are people who simply want to see me happy and will do anything for that.

Like Yurin did. She chose me as her first priority. She put away her hatred; her grudge, and decided she would lay me a hand.

I was wrong. Yurin wouldn’t ruin anything. She would help.

Oh, how much I love her. And Chan.

I am not alone.                                       

Even if I lose, I will live.

Not that I wanted to, though. It was just good to know, somehow, everything wouldn’t end so easily even if it would continue barely as easily.

Victory still sounded better in the end. To achieve that, Yurin deserved her answer.

“It isn’t foolhardy. I have been thinking about this for years and I am not mental enough to be suicidal.” I said with a hint of exasperation, but my words held their own grateful smiles. “It just, ever since that day, everything changed. Not only with Jeonghan-hyung and him, noona. Mingyu too.” And me.

Yurin frowned. “Aren’t you and Mingyu already boyfriends when that happened?”

Mingyu and I met when we were child. Things happened since then and somehow, when we were in high school, I ended up as his boyfriend.

I gave Yurin a small smile that must have looked as bad as I thought it would. “Yes, and that’s the problem. I realized things I missed before like how my boyfriend couldn’t stop reaching for the past.”

“Mingyu… I can’t believe he could do that to you. How can you be so sure?” Yurin eyes went wide at that and she looked like she could cry right there. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

Ever since she couldn’t see me directly, the information she got about me was restricted to the things I said to her, or Chan said to her, or maybe, Mingyu said to her. Meaning, if I didn’t say anything to Chan and didn’t want her to know it, she wouldn’t know a thing. I doubted Mingyu would say it himself. She couldn’t use her knowledge of my habit to see if I hid things from her and lying to Chan was easier. It was a little victory, knowing I could save something to myself only. But sometimes, I knew I needed to talk to her. Like right now.

“Because I wasn’t so sure for quite some time. Or maybe, I was afraid.” I swallowed thickly before closing my eyes slowly. “I love him so much, noona. I couldn’t face the fact I might lose him. I was trying to be selfish, yes. I don’t care if he said he loved me just because I always am the one to be there for him. I prayed that time could make him forget; could make him see me standing beside him, not on looking for someone who turned his back on him, but no. Instead, he went further and further away from me. He didn’t act like it or say anything about it, but I could see everything in his eyes. Like how his eyes twinkled whenever someone talked about Jeonghan-hyung. Like how his eyes brightening the slightest bit if he heard news about him. Like… that; like how I see him, but not like how he sees me.”

I let my eyes open, but everything was a blur and air was slicing the insides of my lungs.  

“The longer I keep things like this, the more I realize I don’t want to keep pretending to be like this anymore; like I am blind, like I don’t know anything, like Mingyu could fool me forever, like Jeonghan-hyung could play dumb forever, and like Seungcheol-hyung...” could keep on hurting himself and Jeonghan-hyung and me and Mingyu forever. I gulped down those words and took a deep breath. It wasn’t hyung’s fault, but Yurin didn’t understand that, or she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“It’s killing me and I don’t think I want to be killed that way. Being selfish and let this… this chaos continues isn’t an option. Someone has to give up on something and if that leads to a greater good for everyone, I’m willing to be that someone even if that means I have to give up on Mingyu.” The smile I gave Yurin hurt. “That’s why I think this bet is necessary, but I also think this wouldn’t be something you’d approve.” And I was right, judging from the way she spat the word bet before.

I inhaled deeply before breathing the next words out. My eyes still felt warm, but there was no tears there. “Now, with what you said three days ago—“

“Jun signed a new contract that says I will be working under an agency in China.”