[Kwangmin]

Why is it so hard for you to see my heart? I’m longing to see your childish behavior, I ‘m longing to hear your lively laughter…. Don’t you miss me like I do?

I sigh as I go through all the messages in my inbox. It’s been awhile since she sent her last message to me; I bet she's busy trying to win Jeongmin’s heart. Yeah… I know how much she likes that guy, though I haven’t personally meet him but I kind of know a lot of thing about him, well that’s due to Jungmi’s endless questions and whining about their relationship. Okay, it’s not that they’re having a relationship or what but still they like each other so much…

Maybe not as much as I like her…

“Kwangmin-ah… what do you think about my clothes today, is it okay? Or do I need to fix it? Maybe make it fitter or something?” she continuously shooting questions to me. She stands in front of me, asking me to study her appearance.

“Mwoh?? Making it fitter?? Yah! Its suit you just perfect, don’t you dare trying to fix it or something. It’s looks perfect, arasso?” I said as we both walk together. I heard her laughs when I kind of scold her for asking those questions.

“Okay… I’m just worried that Jeongmin might not like it…” I sighed. It’s Jeongmin again… I wish we have a one day outing without his name being said.

“No… he will LIKE it. Trust me, it’s good.”

I always ended up become your love counselor, it’s tiring and it’s hurt me though because my heart will always belong with you.

Can I be a bit selfish this time? I want to have you all by myself, loving you all by myself but still… the words are still left unspoken. I’m just too afraid to tell you the truth, I was afraid of losing you because of this. You’re my soul Jungmi, I can’t afford to lose you… but then, will I leave my feeling unspoken until the day I die?

No…

I want you to know it by then…

_________________________________________________________

“The weather is so nice today, isn’t it?” Suddenly she breaks the silent as we both walk together in the park.

It’s been like forever since we last met each other and I'm deeply missing her so I decided to meet her. During those times we are apart, I’ve been thinking about us a lot. Maybe it’s time for her to know what has been treasured in my heart for her…

“Ya… a perfect weather for us…” We laugh a little as I said that.

“So, how’s your relationship with Jeongmin?” I asked out of curiousity.

“We don’t have any relationship Kwangmin, you know that aren’t you? I guess, it’s been quite okay… We go out once in awhile and I’m just happy with that…” She smiles as she explains it to me. I smile back to her and ruffle her hair gently.

“Well, one day you’ll be together with him. No worries okay darl?” I said, she chuckles when she heard me calling her ‘darl’. It’s a short form for darling and I usually call her that when I’m teasing her.

“Kwangmin-ah… how come I never know anything about your love life?” There she goes again, asking question that sometime I wish she didn’t.

“Huh? Why so sudden?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious about it since you never tell me anything about the girl that you like.” She explains herself.

“Ohh…”

“So, are you going to tell me something about it?” She asked again, obviously showing how much she wants to hear it. Her small eyes somehow sparkling as she pouts, looking deeply at me.

“You won’t let me go until I say something about it, don’t you…?” I guessed. She nodded her head a few times as her puppy eyes looking at mine.

“Tell me something about her, I mean what kind of person she is?” 

“Ermmm… She is just a normal girl, living her life happily and lively because she likes to laugh a lot. The way she smiles always make my heart fluttered, it’s just her magic that she always had me questioning myself, ‘Could life get any better than this?’ that’s just the way she makes me feel every time we met. Her face… she’s just as cute as you…” I pinch both of her cheeks, she pouts when I do that. Somehow, her eyes were looking at me differently. It’s not as warm as before…

“and her small eyes will looks like it’s close when she smile sincerely, it makes her looks so damn pretty when she does that…” I added.

“Ahh… So I guess she is just so perfect, isn’t she?” She commented with a low voice.

“Nahh… nobody is perfect Jungmi…” I told her.

“Nobody is perfect but she definitely just perfect for me…” I continued, we both walk continuously until we reach the bridge.

We stop walking and just standing on the bridge, enjoying the beautiful scene ahead of us. I sense her mood slowly dropping as I saw her gloomy face.

“Are you okay Jungmi?” She nodded and try to put a smile but it’s a failure.

“Come on, you know that you can tell me anything…”

“Hurmm…So, you and this girl are having a relationship now?” finally, she spoke after a moment of silence greets us.

“Nope…”

“Why?” I look at her, there’s no smile stuck on my lips like usual. I failed to do so every time she asked me ‘why’.

You know the reason why I don’t have a relationship with her, my dear.

“Because she likes someone else, someone that maybe is way better than me.” I told her. Her face frowns a bit as she looks at me.

“How can someone be better than you? You’re just so perfect Kwangmin, it’s such a waste that she didn’t see that.” She exclaimed.

If only you know that ‘she’ is you…

“Just forget about her, she’s not worth it. If she’s good enough, she’ll appreciate you and forget about that guy that she likes so much.” She said again.

Jungmi-ah… do you know how much it’s hurt me to hear that? It’s not because you said she’s not worth the waits but because until now, you still haven’t realize that the only one in my heart is YOU…

“I can’t… I can’t afford to lose her, Jungmi. She’s just so important for me.”

“More important than me?” Suddenly that unexpected question comes out from .

Why did you ever ask that Jungmi? Why…?

I turned my head and face the front, avoiding her gaze.

“She’s more important than me, isn’t she?” She assumed that when I refuse to answer that question. Her lively smiles have gone as she looks deeply at the lake.

“Yah, did I said that? I didn’t, right? So don’t assume it like that… You’re special to me Jungmi, we’ve been friend for more than five years. It means more than anything to me…” I said as I hold her shoulders, bringing her to face me.

She looks down on her feet, not willing to lift it up and look at my eyes.

“But still, she meant more…” She said, somehow her voice sound like she’s sulking. Is she??

“Look… Jungmi, there’s something that you need to know…”

Maybe it’s time for her to know the truth… It’s been five years already, how long do I want to keep this secret from her? She needs to know it… even if we won’t ended up together but I want her to acknowledge my feelings so it won’t hurt enough when she leaves me…

“What is it?” She lift her face, curious to know what I’m about to say.

“We’ve been friend for five years aren’t we?” She nodded.

“And for the past five years we’re together, there’s something that I never tell you. A secret that only me, myself know it.”

“I… I…” I’m stuttering like I always do when I’m nervous. Damn, I don’t know how I am going to settle whatever that I have started off this time.

“Hmmm…?” She waits patiently for me to finish my sentence.

Suddenly, a guy appears in front of us. There’s a knife on his hand and his fierce looking eyes were looking straight to both of us. I quickly drag Jungmi to my back, making myself a shield for her. No, I won’t let anything bad happen to her. Even if it took my life, I will protect her.

“Give me everything that you have, now!!!” He shouts as he shoves his knife to us, threatening us to obey him but we stood there in silence, not willing to give him anything that he wants.

“I said give it to me now or else…!” he yelled again. I was afraid that he will do anything that might harm Jungmi so I take out my wallet and toss it to him. He takes the wallet and checks it, a smile pasted on his fierce face.

“Good boy…” He said with an evil smile stuck on his lips, he puts my wallet inside his jeans pocket.

Then, without any warning he runs forward to us with knife on his hand. I was surprised by his sudden action. I heard Jungmi screams behind my back, she sound so scared, I never seen her like this.

That time, the only thing in my mind is protecting her. I won’t let even a scratch touch her body. I don’t want to lose her.

I don’t want to.

Unconsciouly, I took a step ahead with my hands wide open as I saw that guy coming toward us, which was the last thing I saw before I feel a sudden pain sting my stomach. The pains are so strong that suddenly my sight turns blurry. I hold my stomach as I feel a hot liquid flowing continuously from it…

that liquid is my blood…

“KWANGMIN!!!!” I heard she scream as I let myself fall on the ground, bloods were dripping from my wound.

“Yah!! What are you doing?!!” I heard a random shout from someone; maybe they’re one of the passerbies that happen to be here. The thief drop his knife and run away, leaving us alone.

I heard her footsteps coming closer to me before her soft hands wrap around my back and my neck. She is crying her heart out as she looks hopelessly to me.

She is crying because of me?

Stupid me, I’ve promised myself that I won’t let her cry because of me.

I’m totally a jerk, aren’t I?

“Please, please call the ambulance!! OMG, someone PLEASE… HELP ME!!” She shouted as she put my head on her laps, her right hand is caressing my right cheek.

I lift my hand weakly, placing my finger on her wet cheek and wipe away the tears. She stops and holds my hand, putting it on her right cheek.

“D-don’t cr-cry…” I told her. I could feel that my eyes become heavier than before, I feel sleepy…

“Kwangmin… Kwangmin stays with me; you’re going to be okay! We’ll take you to the hospital!” Jungmi cries out as we interlocked our gaze. I shook my head weakly, telling her that it’s okay… everything will be okay…

“Kwangmin please… please don’t close your eyes…! Keep looking at me, please… don’t go!!” She said half shouting as she put her hands on my face.

“I.. I n-need to-to tell you som-something… Ju-jungmi…” I’m stuttering again… not because I’m nervous but because I’m losing my energy… It’s so hard to even keep my eyes open.

”What is it? Tell me… tell me now Kwangmin, I’ll listen to you… I'll always will…” She said, tears still flowing through her cheeks…

“I-I lo-love you, Ju-jungmi…” She cries harder when I said those words.

Jungmi, did I said it wrong?

“Kwangmin….” She called out my name in between her sobbing.

“That-that gir-girl is you… you… pa-pabo yah…” I said as I try to put a smile on my face.

She leans closer to me, closer enough for me to hear her breathing. She kisses my forehead and stares deep into my eyes.

“Pabo… Do you know how long have I been waiting for you to say that?” She said softly as she my cheek.

 “I love you too…” She confesses to me. God, only you know how much that mean to me.

She loves me too.

I smile weakly to her; I couldn’t show her how happy I am to hear those words from her.

“Jung-jungmi-ah… I-I fe-feel so sleepy…” I told her as my eyes start to close by their own.

“Kwangmin, no!! Please, stay with me… stay… Please…” I hear her soft voice cracking up as she continuously begging me but I can’t… my eyes were just too heavy…

I don’t have the energy left to keep it open now…

I feel so tired right now…

Jungmi-ah… I want to sleep…. Can I?

Don’t worry about me…

I will have a very sweet dream today…

A dream that only have you and me…

I love you Song Jungmi…

I love you…

I closed my eyes slowly, sinking myself into a deep sleep as I listen to her voice chanting softly in my ears. Finally, the words are not left unspoken…

“I love you Jo Kwangmin… I love you so much…”