Is this really how he is? He changes the topic whenever something important comes up? I might as well try to ride his wave.

khunster: why is it like that?

armadillo: everything else was taken. even my name!! T_T so i flipped through the dictionary and saw that word. ^^

He’s weird… so weird.

armadillo: i’m going away for a while…

khunster: what?? +_+

I just had to react.

armadillo: the tour and stuff… i wonder when i can see you again… T_T

Pause. Rewind. Play in slow motion.

khunster: was that a typo? o_O

armadillo: if it was i’d have to be blind and stupid. ^^

Pause. Rewind. Play in slow motion times ten.

armadillo: i miss you…

How do I respond to that?!?! What kind of sick message is that?! ‘I miss you’… And I’m getting even more jitters and shivers. WHAT DO I SAY?!

khunster: thanks?? +_+

armadillo: why not ‘i miss you too’? o_O

khunster: too soon to tell.

Why in the heck am I lying to him?

khunster: do you really want to see me again?

armadillo: YES~

khunster: hahaha… ^^

Automatic response. That was the first thing my nervous system came up with… one lame ‘hahaha’.

armadillo: when can i see you again?

khunster: it’s highly unlikely. i doubt it…

armadillo: i’ll make it happen ^^

Right about now I’m just holding myself back before I squirm about in my bed. I’ll scream into a pillow if I could but Jaebeom hyung is sound asleep down below this bunk bed.

“Nichkhun ah… shut up. Stop… shaking… the bed.” Jaebeom hyung murmured.

“Yeh…” I replied.

This is wrong. This is very very wrong. I can’t feel this way. Not that I don’t want to… I just can’t. I’ve never felt this way for anybody. Not for a girl. Not for a boy. Nobody. And now that I am feeling this way, I want it to stop. I want it to go away. I want it to go before I go crazy. This just isn’t right. This is against my nature. I don’t feel this way for guys. I can’t feel this way for guys: especially for somebody like Choi Minho.

armadillo: i’d fly straight to wherever you are if i could

khunster: i—

My phone rang before I could enter my reply. It was ‘armadillo’.

.

“Yobasaeyo?” I whispered so as not to disturb Jaebeom hyung.

“Hey.” Replied a faint, weak voice.

“Why are you calling?” I asked… stupid as I was.

“I just wanted to hear your voice.” Armadillo said.

I can’t lie. It’s only been a few hours since we met… and I already wanted to hear his voice again. ‘Too soon to tell.’ I told him. I don’t want to give this feeling a name. Giving it one makes it too official… too final. Right now, it’s this unexplainable feeling in my stomach, heart and head. I’m not sick. I’m not high. I’m not drunk. It doesn’t have a name because no word has ever been created to describe it.

“Nichkhun. When can I see you again.” Minho’s voice lighted up.

What should I tell him? My head is screaming for me to say this ‘relationship’ can never happen. My heart is whispering me to invite him to the talent show next week. My eyes don’t want to see him anymore. My ears are telling me they’ve heard enough. But my heart says I needed him. My soul tells me I should keep him.

“Hwang SiMin High School. Open fields. 8:35pm, this upcoming Friday. I’ll be performing. I’ll look for you in the crowd. Bye.” With that said, I ended the call and logged out of the IM chatroom.

My heart was beating so fast, I couldn’t breathe. My stomach was churning and my hands were shaking. I tucked my phone under my pillow, praying this never happened. I wished this was all just a dream. I’ve never liked complicated situations. I like adventure… not mind games. I like the thrill… not the disappointment.

I was just so drawn to him. For some odd reason, I just was. And now I can’t let him go. He was like the sweetest sin. I can’t help but give in to him. I’ve finally let myself let loose and get bruised. He was complicated, but in a good way. He was like an addictive mind game. He was a disappointment waiting to happen but I didn’t mind. This is an adventure. The greatest thrill of my life.

Courtesy of Choi Minho.

~*~*~

“You’ve had that phone in your hand since I got in the room, Nichkhun-sshi! Keep that or I’ll confiscate it.” Our social studies teacher warned me.

I shoved the phone in my pocket and tried to focus my attention on the board. The phone vibrated. ‘Minho. That could be Minho! Get it! It’s just a text. Read it now!’ I told myself. ‘No! No, you can’t! It’s better to ignore it than have it confiscated. Just switch it off. He’ll understand.’

I quickly felt for my cell in my pocket and switched it off. It didn’t help at all. I felt more and more anxious and paranoid.

I’ve constantly been texting, IMing and calling Minho. It’s a wonder how he can find the time to all this. I’ve grown to like him more and more and more each day. We have so much in common! He’s fun to talk to. His voice just cheers me up. He told me he felt the same way. I’ve never felt so great ion my life. I guess a few complications can’t drive one to insanity.

The guys have been bugging me about my ‘phone mate’. I told them it was a girl I met at the SHINee concert. The other SHINee members have been bugging Minho too. He said it was an old childhood friend. It was secret between the two of us. It was lie that bought us time and the rest of the world’s understanding.

Today was the day before the Talent Show. He hasn’t texted, called or IMed since that last night. He’d tell me if he was going. He’d contact me. He should. He will. Therefore, that must be him texting me and telling me if he was going or not. If he can’t come, it’d be like riding a rollercoaster, falling off your seat and getting run over by the entire train. That’s what it might be like if he doesn’t show up for the performance. It will feel that bad.

I concluded that I was the most indecisive person in the Universe. First I’m head on no and then I’m right on yes. I guess the pros and cons technique is wearing on me.

I stuck my hand in my pocket and felt for the on button. Yes! It’s back on! Now all I have to do is take a quick peek. Alright. The teacher is facing the board now slowly… ever so slowly gently slip the phone out of—dammit—I dropped it! The teacher didn’t turn! Okay now pick it up, Nichkhun. Got it! Close call! Ms. Social Studies did not catch you. I could see Jaebeom hyung and Taecyeon out of the corner of my eye laughing their faces off. I didn’t care. I have to read this message.

Ms. Social Studies turned back to the board. Now’s my chance! The message read: ‘Nichkhun yah! I’ll be there for your performance! Look for me in the crowd. I’ll be wearing a blue ski hat so you could see me right away. ^_^’

I slammed bit my blazer’s cuff to hold in a shout for joy. I am so happy; I could kiss Ms. Social Studies right now! I am so happy; I could do a back flip ten times over like Jaebeom hyung. I was just so freaking happy.

Then the bell rang. As the teacher announced some stuff I wouldn’t want to care about right now, I replied to Minho. ‘ALRIGHT! I’ll see you!’ I said. I didn’t want to seem too excited. I followed the message with ‘I have practice. I’ll meet you, okay?’ Minho was quick to reply with a ton of emoticons. I smiled and kissed my cellphone’s screen.

“Nichkhun ah. Public display of phone affection is illegal in Korea. Stop making out with your phone and get to practice.” Jaebeom hyung called from the door.

“Hurry up! Chansung sunbae will kill us.” Taecyeon warned.

“Yeah!” I replied as I kept my phone in my pocket and I scrabbled to the door.

Tonight could be the turning point of my life.

~*~*~

“Whoa! There are a ton of people out there! I think I’m gonna be sick!” Wooyoung covered his mouth as if he was going to hurl over his lunch.

“Watch it! I borrowed these off of the basketball team captain. If you throw up on these, it’ll be the end of me.” Jaebeom hyung slightly pushed Taecyeon from him.

“It’s like the SHINee concert all over again only that… we’re SHINee.” Junho said weakly.

“I CAN’T DO THIS! WHAT IF I MESS UP?!? I’LL DIE OF HUMILIATION!” Taecyeon screamed.

As we waited backstage, all that rang in my head was where Choi Minho could be in that crowd. I tried to spot a blue ski hat but there were just so many people. What if someone recognized him and he backed out? What if he had to be pulled out for work? It was killing me.

“Alright! You guys are up next! Good luck! If you mess up, the entire high school will immortalize it.” Junsu hyung ‘encouraged’ us.

“Steps, presence of mind and charisma!” Chansung sunbae cheered for us.

“Steps, presence of mind and charisma!” We followed.

“Alright! Here they are! Double J W T N!!!!” the MCs announced over the booming speakers.

We went to our positions and waited for the music. As soon as it played and as soon as we started to move, I searched the crowd for Minho.

Blue ski hat…

Blue… ski… hat…

Blue ski hat! There! Over there! I see him!

‘Nuna neomu yeppo~’ I smiled and danced. I could see him smiling too. I could almost hear him cheering. I couldn’t believe it. He is here. He is really here. A great feeling of joy and relief came over me. I couldn’t explain it. This unexpected feeling took over me and turned me into something I never thought I could be.

‘AMIGO!’

I moved and danced like there was no tomorrow. Like I was doing this for him. For Choi Minho. I kept my eyes on him, still wondering if I was dreaming. I wasn’t. This was real. He was real. And when the song ended and the lights dimmed, time stopped. After this, I could run to him and thank him for being here. Words started to crowd my mind. I wasn’t the best in speaking Hangul but right now, I felt that I was. I was willing to use all the words I know to thank him or maybe say something even more. Words overflowed until I couldn’t choose the right one anymore. The lights came back on and I jumped off the stage.

Jaebeom hyung, Taecyeon, Junho and Wooyoung panicked but still went on their way backstage. I ran through the crowd and ignored the stares and greetings. All I cared about was seeing Minho. I got to the spot where I last saw him…

He wasn’t there.

I turned in every direction…

I saw him at a far distance, walking with his back turned against me. He was heading to the school garden. I ran after him. I got to the garden and tried to see him from the soft mist and the darkness of the night. The music from the show proper seemed to have faded.

“That was amazing.” I heard a familiar voice.

“Minho ah.” I said as soon as I caught sight of him.

“You looked awesome up on that stage.” He complimented as he neared me. I was engulfed in his charming smile and his breath-taking eyes.

I chuckled as a response. That was the best I could ‘come up’ with. And I was at a major loss for words. I just had so many things to say to him yet I was tongue-tied.

“Don’t worry. You can say anything.” Minho continued the one-man conversation. “Call me stupid. Call me dumb. Call me awesome. I don’t know.”

This is it. Be strong Nichkhun Horvejkul! You can do it.
Let us start with a simple ‘thank you.’

I breathed in a lung full of air and gathered all my courage, “Thanks for coming. I’m really glad you made it.” I said. Hey. Look at me. I’m being stupid.

What to say next?

“Yes, I wanted to see you before I go.” He uttered which brought me confusion.

“Huh?”

That statement has a lot of meanings. It’s either, before he goes home or before he leaves my school or before he goes to rehearsals and so on. What did he mean by seeing me before he goes? I can’t help but frown. It meant he was going to leave my sight.

“Nichkhun, Khun, Khunnie, Khunster, Khunbabe. I have to tell you something.” He started.

He’s going to confess? Is this what I think it is? I noticed him searching for something in one of his pockets. Minho suddenly brought out a rectangular box covered with red velvet.

What on earth…

He flashed me a grin then opened the box. I was greeted by two silver rings. This was more than I expected. I was caught off guard.

“Uh~” I shot him a muddled face. “What’s that… those…? What are they for? What’s going--”

“Khunnie. I’ll be going on tour for the upcoming months but I will come back for you. I swear, promise me you’ll do the same thing too.” He cut me off.

I couldn’t reply. He took my left hand and slid the ring on my finger. I paid no mind to the ring at first. The feeling of his hand in mine distracted me. It wasn’t how I pictured it to feel… it was better. And it wasn’t just the physical feeling I liked. Not just the softness of his hand and how gently he held it. I liked the feeling of my heart jumping, stomach tumbling, my hands trembling. It was one of those feelings you rarely get in a lifetime.

It’s one of those feelings you more than had to like….

you had to love it.

I looked down on the rings. The silver shone against the soft moonlight. I could see the words ‘armadillo’ engraved on it. That made me smile. He just wouldn’t let me forget him…

then again…

how could I?

“Nichkhun. This is more than just a ring. And more than just a promise. This is us.” Choi Minho gripped on my hand tighter. “I will be back. The wait is going to be long. And I will be very far. But whenever you see me…” Minho held our hands up to my face so I could see his hand clasping mine. “And I’m wearing this. It means you’re in my mind.”

I nodded, forced a smile and looked him in the eyes. I wanted to hold him in my arms. He looked so sad… desperate… wasted… tired. I felt like I’ve been running from him and I’m the reason for his exhaustion. I wanted to show how I really felt. But how could I when I couldn’t move?

“Minho. I can’t tell you how--” He cut off short yet again. This time I was in his arms. My heart was beating even faster.

“Just tell me you understand. Just tell me you’ll keep our promise. Just tell me you will always think of me. I’ve never broken a promise and I’m sure I will always be thinking of you.” Choi Minho said. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I held him closer. This moment was going to end soon. The least I could do was hold on to it and take in every detail. This was one of those moments when words would just get in the way but I just had to say…

“I promise.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++