He wakes up from his nightmare. Cold sweats run down his face and he’s trembling from the aftershock. It’s the same nightmare, Jaehwan’s marriage. He rubs his face with his trembling hands. He tries to calm down his racing heartbeat. It takes him minutes until his racing heartbeat calms down. He looks up, trying to suppress his tears but, usual, he lost the battle. He cries silently while clenching his hurting heart. He curls up into a ball and cries silently. He doesn’t want to disturb his relatives with his cry.

He reaches for the drawer next to his bed. He opens the upper drawer and takes his journal out. He opens the first page to look at a specific photo he treasures so much. He looks at the photo with mixed feelings, love, longing, sadness, regret, etc. He caresses the photo lovingly. God, he misses him so much.

If only he could turn back time.

He returns his journal into the drawer. He positions himself to sleep again, if he can. He closes his eyes, wishing he can sleep without getting a nightmare. And maybe, maybe, just maybe, he can finally meet the person he longs and loves so much. Maybe… Maybe…

*****

“Good morning, Taekwoon-ah.” Auntie Jung greets him. She tries not to show her sadness.

“Good morning, Auntie.” Taekwoon greets him back.

“I made your favorite bulgogi for breakfast. Come eat with us.” Auntie Jung offers him with smile on her face.

“Thank you, Auntie. But I think I’ll skip it.” Taekwoon says apologetically.

“Oh… It’s okay. When will you come home?” Auntie Jung tries to suppress her disappointment. It’s not something new but still it hurts her heart.

“I don’t know, Auntie. But I’ll try to come home faster.” Taekwoon gives her smile to ensure her.

“Okay then. We’re going to have bossam for the dinner since Haneul’s Dad has been craving it for quite some time now.” Auntie Jung tries to tempt him. Meat is Taekwoon’s favorite after all.

“Okay. I’ll try to come home early then. I’ll get going then, Auntie.” Taekwoon laces his shoes and then walks outside the house. He takes out his wallet and glances at the photo, caressing it carefully before starting his search. He looks up to the sky and pumps his fist upward.

“I’m going to find you, Lee Jaehwan. Just wait for me.”

He starts the search of his everything aka Lee Jaehwan.

*****

Taekwoon’s legs are starting to give up since he has been walking for 3 hours. He takes a break at the nearest bench since he’s at a park right now. He takes a look at his surroundings. He understands why Jaehwan wanted to spend his time here. Jeju is a nice place to spend your time in. He can feel light breeze blowing his face and the peacefulness feels heals him. It really suits Jaehwan when he’s not in his hyper mood, but in his calm mood. When he’s not sun Jaehwan, but moon Jaehwan.

The peacefulness makes Taekwoon misses Jaehwan more. If only he didn’t hold back his feelings. If only he didn’t deceive himself. If only he was more honest to himself. If only he had courage to confess. There’re a lot of if only, but then again there’re just if only, not the reality.

The reality is he was such a liar. He was a liar for telling himself he didn’t love Jaehwan. He was a stupid for telling himself that it was not love. He was such a coward for not confessing. He was a stupid coward liar.

So here he is.

Trying to tell the truth behind those lies. Trying to gather the courage to say those words. Trying to right the wrong. Trying to win the love of his life.

But sadly, he still can’t find the said person.

How can he tell the truth when the person he lied to is not here?

How can he say those words when reason of those words is missing?

How can he right the wrong when the damaged person is gone?

How can he proclaim long-hidden love when his loved one is nowhere to be seen?

How Taekwoon be Taekwoon when Jaehwan is not here?

Taekwoon looks down to the picture he’s been holding. He can see wrinkles at the edges of the photo. It’s his sixth copy of Jaehwan photo. He decided to make some copies of Jaehwan photo in case it wrinkles or discolored.

He caresses the photo so dearly. Oh how he miss that moment. When there’re just two of them and nothing else is matter.

When there was Jaehwan who made him smile. When there was Jaehwan made him happy. When there was Jaehwan who made him felt alive. When there was Jaehwan who made him stronger. When there was Jaehwan who understood him. When there was Jaehwan who comforted him. When there was Jaehwan who supported him. When there was Jaehwan who cherished him.

When there was Jaehwan who was his true love.

But there is no Jaehwan.

There is no Jaehwan who makes him smile. There is no Jaehwan who makes him happy. There is no Jaehwan who makes him feel alive. There is no Jaehwan who makes him stronger. There is no Jaehwan who understands him. There is no Jaehwan who comforts him. There is no Jaehwan who supports him. There is no Jaehwan who cherishes him.

There is no Jaehwan who is his true love.

Unknown to him, tears running down his cheeks. It’s nothing new to him honestly, it something he deals with everyday. So he just lets it out.

He cries silently, but it doesn’t mean he’s less hurt, he’s just lessen the scream. He’s still in pain, so much pain.

He cries for a couple minutes until he finally stops crying. He wipes the stain from his cheeks. The upper part of his shirt is wet from the tears, but he could careless. He then looks up to the sky, silently hoping for an answer he’s been looking for.

He doesn’t ask for something big, like Jaehwan coming back to him, or Jaehwan accepting his love, or Jaehwan marrying him.

He just hopes that he can finally meet him and resolve the “misunderstanding”, if he has to put it into words.

He doesn’t care whether Jaehwan coming back to him, or Jaehwan accepting his love, or Jaehwan marrying him, no of course not.

He’s more than happy with seeing him from afar. He’s more than happy with it. At least he can see him, alive. It’s been three years since last time he saw him and he misses him so bad it kills him.

He gathers himself and continuous his search. He decides to take a subway since they finally built a subway in Jeju. He walks to the subway with a hope that he would find Jaehwan, or at least glimpse of him.

He looks around the subway. The subway is not really crowded since it’s not busy hours. He steps in to the subway and takes a sit near the entrance so he can see faces who enter the subway. He lets out a sighs and waits for the door to close.

****

“! I’m gonna be late! ! ! !”

A man in his twenties runs to his maximum to catch a subway. He has to meet someone outside in 20 minutes so he has to take subway since it’s faster. Usually he will take bus since it’s cheaper, but he overslept so he has to take subway.

He grips his backpack tighter and runs. He will be a dead meat if he late. He can already imagine the person he will meet later giving him a long lecture.

“Excuse me, I’m in hurry now. Excuse me. I’m sorry. Excuse me but I have to hurry.”

He sprints down the stairs and runs towards the entrance. He runs through some people who walk toward the subway. He slides his card and runs again. He can see the door staring to close from afar.

“Holy ! No! Wait!”

He runs faster since he doesn’t want to miss the subway. He gathers all his might to run. Fortunately, he can enter the subway before the door closes. He lowers his body, trying to catch his breath. What a great thing to start his day!

He walks to find an empty seat when a hand grabs his right arm.

****

Taekwoon hears someone shouting from afar. He looks up to the source of the voice and sees someone running as if his life depends on it. He ignores the person and scans the passengers, hoping one of them is Jaehwan. Much to his dismay, no one of them is. He lets out a sad sigh. He will try to look for him again once he get off the subway.

Taekwoon can hear someone running closer. The said person jumps in right before the door closes and lowers his body to catch his breath. He watches the person trying to catch his breath and then gasps in realization. No way!

He sees the “familiar stranger” walks to find a seat. Taekwoon abruptly grabs his arm, surprising the owner. The “familiar stranger” turns his head to see who grabs his right arm. Taekwoon eyes widen seeing the face.

“Jaehwan-ah…”

*****************************************

A/N Hello there. And yeah I'm not dead. Lol. Sorry for taking it so long since I keep on changing the plot and the ending, I dunno why but I have a lot of ideas in my head so I keep on changing it. Sorry. Anyway, I still take a request for the ending, happy or sad one. And trust me when it comes to sad one. Lol. And do you guys like it if I add some dramas? Like triangel or plot twist? I'm being generous right now so I ask you guys. Lol. Of course it will be a long chapter story if you guys want some dramas. I'm okay with both simple and complicated story, just that it will take me some time to write it. Write down your choice in the comment section okay. And yeah you guys can talk to me on twitter or tumblr. Just add me (keoimnida) freely and I'll follow you back~~ Anyway, have a nice day everyone~~