Taekwoon wakes up from his dream- nightmare. He’s been getting this kind of nightmare ever since Jaehwan left him. At first, it was just a dream about Jaehwan walking slowly, and then he was running and running far away from Taekwoon and Taekwon couldn’t reach him, no matter how fast Taekwoon ran. Sometimes, he could move his legs, sometimes he couldn’t move them. Sometimes he could run fast, but not fast enough to reach Jaehwan. He was always inch apart from reaching Jaehwan. The worst was Jaehwan left with a happy smile before it turned into sad smile and then he cried. Taekwoon would wake up feeling empty and hurt in his chest, like he’s being shot by a bullet, but it’s not just an ordinary bullet, but poisonous bullet which hurts him slowly and makes him cries out in agony. He thought his dream wouldn’t get any worse, until recently, or more like months ago.

He’s starting to get different dream, and it’s worst of all. He dreams about Jaehwan having his marriage, and it’s not him whom he married to. And the most important thing is, Jaehwan looks so happy, he’s glowing and everything. He feels like killing himself every time he wakes up from his nightmare. He would have killed himself if it was not because of Hakyeon telling himself to not doing such foolish act and told him it’s not over yet.

Not when they haven’t gotten the real “invitation” from Jaehwan. Hakyeon told him to look for him, to tell him his real feelings, although he didn’t know whether it was too late or not, but hey at least he had to try it, right?

So here Taekwoon is, in Jeju Island. Jaehwan once told him that he wanted to live here. The air was fresh and he liked the idea of spending the rest of his live far from the crowd. He told him he wanted to build beach house near Hyeopjae Beach. He said he’s been saving his money for this, his dream.

At first, Taekwoon spent his time agonizing over Jaehwan’s departure. He had a lot of questions and scenarios inside his mind. What if he hates me so much? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me again? What if he doesn’t want to meet me again? What if he has met his love?

There were a lot of “What if…” running in his mind, but the most important “What if” was “What if… What if… Jaehwan doesn’t want to acknowledge his presence? What if he chooses to forget everything about him?” Taekwoon can deal with Jaehwan refusing to meet him, he still can observe him from afar. It’s more than enough for him, as long as he can see him, his smile. He’s more than happy with it. But what if Jaehwan chooses to forget him, erases him from his memory? He can’t deal with it, being forgotten, no he can’t deal with it.

There were a lot of scenarios inside his mind. Most of them were sad ones. He imagined them spending their lives together, again. He imagined them met in some place, telling each other how much they missed each other. Taekwoon would say sorry to him and told him how much he loved him and Jaehwan would cry and forgive him and told him he still loved him too. And everything’s going to be wonderful.

He imagined them spending their lives apart from each other.

He imagined them spending their lives hating on each other, or more like Jaehwan.

He imagined them spending their lives differently.

Jaehwan lived to his fullest while Taekwoon lived his darkest times of his life.

His hero has fallen. His mentor was gone. The man to whom he was supposed to be able to turn for the answers to life’s many challenges was no longer available for that much-needed counsel and advice. Suddenly the abstract concept of a broken heart becomes painfully real.

It’s been almost 3 years since Jaehwan’s gone. Taekwoon spent almost one year to mourn over his gone, 3 months to finally gather his courage to look for Jaehwan, and more than 1 year to look for Jaehwan in Jeju Island. He almost gave up in the 9th month, until he saw his silhouette, Jaehwan’s. He tried to chase him but to no avail, he’s already gone. He almost gave up since he’s searched him everywhere, everywhere include the outskirts. He’s asked a lot of people, maybe even everyone, about someone name Lee Jaehwan with a picture of him.

Smiling for the camera with Taekwoon’s hand casually slings over his shoulder and they make couple V poses.

But he always got the same answer.

“Sorry, I don’t know him.”

Taekwoon is grateful that he has close relatives here and they’re more than willing to provide him shelter and foods. They feels pity for him because Taekwoon will come back home with sad face and gloomy aura surrounding him. Sometimes, he skips dinner, even when they serve his favorite dish. Sometimes he eats his dinner even though he won’t finish it, but at least he eats something. Sometimes he eats breakfast, and sometimes he will go straight outside to continue his search.

It breaks their hearts seeing Taekwoon looking all blue. He looks like a walking zombie, or maybe he is because he barely has meat on him and has energy to walk. He used to accompany his nephew to play football with him, which he gladly said yes to. Taekwoon’s quiet and calm, but not to this extend. After he eats his dinner, when he decides not to skip it, he always goes straight to his room and shutting himself inside. He never interacts with their neighbors even though he still greets them.

In other words, Taekwoon is miserable and broken and maybe, maybe beyond repair.

They know who Jaehwan is. They’ve met him several times when they visited Taekwoon’s house in Yangjae-dong. And sadly, ironically, painfully they know how much Jaehwan meant to Taekwoon from the first time they met.

Taekwoon’s eyes told them everything.

Taekwon told them he was his best friend, so they just shrugged it off. But the second time they visited them, they knew Jaehwan was more than best friend, more than what Taekwoon had told them, friend, colleague, partner in crime, counselor, best friend, etc.

Jaehwan was his heart that kept him alive. Jaehwan was his mind that kept him sane. Jaehwan was his energy that kept him moves. Jaehwan was his home that kept him save. Jaehwan was his gravity that kept him ground. Jaehwan was his sun that kept him warm. Jaehwan was his universe that kept him believed that live was wonderful. Jaehwan was everything that kept Taekwoon, Taekwoon. But sadly, the said person was gone.

So Taekwoon is not Taekwoon again. He lost his heart that kept him alive. He lost his mind that kept him sane. He lost his energy that kept him move. He lost his home that kept him save. He lost his gravity that kept him ground. He lost his sun that kept him warm. He lost his universe that kept him believed that live was wonderful.

And Taekwoon realized it- admitted it way too late.

Or maybe not…

***

A/N: I decided to make it into some chapters. I don't know how many, maybe 2 to 3. And I haven't decided the ending yet, sad one or happy one. Let's hope my angel wins this battle so I won't make it more angsty than it already.