A/N:

Last chapter :(

Hope you liked the story ^^"

Until the next one *waves*

Chapter 4 - Admitting

“Why are we meeting here? I thought you’ve said something about a movie you wanted to watch?”

I asked while looking around. Junho was only wearing a rather thin jacket, despite the already cold weather outside.

“I do want to watch it. But last time we went to the cinema you had to leave in the middle of the film.” He pouted but stopped my complaint before I could voice it out. “I know you can’t decide on your own when to leave for a job. It was a joke.” He smiled, grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a house on our right.

“I thought we could spend a night watching a movie at home. And since I figured you don’t have a home,” He looked back at me grinning. “I thought we could spend it at my place.” He ended, not seeing my surprised and shocked expression.

I’ve never been invited to a humans’ house. Not since I worked as a Grim Reaper. But I guessed it was not at all surprising since Junho was one of those few people who could actually see me and my kind.

Stepping into the small apartment a delicious smell hit my nose. Excitedly Junho got rid of his thin jacket and further pulled me into the kitchen, pushing me towards the counter where two barstools were located. He then ordered me to sit while he stepped towards the cooker.

“I’ve cooked something for us. It’s nothing special and I know you usually don’t eat. But I figured since there is only the two of us it would be alright?” He asked hopefully and I slowly nodded.

It smelled delicious and the hopeful glint in Junho’s eyes made me agree.

“Great! I really hope you’ll like it.” He hummed happily while offering me a plate.

We ate in silence, expect from appreciating sounds coming from my mouth. The food was really good, delicious even. But it was partly to blame on the fact that Junho had especially cooked it for me.

While I sat there and chewed, my thoughts swirled around like crazy. It was as if I was human again. Sitting here enjoying a meal with someone I liked on a normal night after work.

Just that it wasn’t a regular night and my work was certainly not classified as ordinary either.

“…another portion?” I was ripped from my thoughts as a gentle hand tapped my shoulder.

“Huh?” I asked confused, looking down on those elegant fingers that still ley on my shoulder.

“I asked if you want another portion.” Junho laughed when he went around the counter again and towards the steaming pot.

“N-No it’s okay. I think I should leave…” I hummed, jumped up and followed him.

I nearly bumped into Junho who stopped abruptly before he could reach the said pot.

“Why would you leave? It’s only been half an hour since you’ve arrived…” Junho pouted looking up at me.

I wanted to protest. Really. I wanted to tell him that I had to leave for a mission. That it would be best not to meet again. Ever. I wanted to tell him that whatever we had; had to stop, that it was not ‘normal’.

But I couldn’t.

I just stared down at him. When I caught myself looking at his lips I halted immediately. Eyes wide and equally surprised ones staring back at me.

A smug smile appeared on the young man’s lips. He then turned and I was sure that he would just offer me another full plate, ignoring my previous intention to leave.

However, when he turned around again, no plate in hand, I had the feeling he was up to no good.

I was more than right as the brightly smiling man stepped closer towards me.

“You don’t need to leave, do you?” He asked, pressing a finger accusingly to my chest. “You want to escape me, Mr Grim Reaper. But I’m not having it, not today.” He then invitingly over his lips and again all I could do was stare at him.

“If you are so absorbed with my lips, why don’t you try them? I’m sure both of us would like that…” He whispered while getting on his toes, his head slightly falling back as he angled his head, his breath ghosting over my lips.

Nothing. For a second there was nothing. No noise was reaching my ears; no fragrant seemed to pass my nose. My body went stiff and all I could feel were those incredibly soft lips on mine.

And I caved. I just couldn’t help myself.

If felt like being into another dimension. Everything went dull around us. Only Junho was there, the only important thing in this strange universe. Him and his incredibly sinful lips that were eagerly trying to get a reaction from me.

A soft moan left the smaller man’s lips as I slung my arms around his body, kissing him back with the same amount of passion.

Only when we separated in order to catch out breaths, did I realise what had happened.

“That’s not right, Junho…” I hummed, still breathless from the intense kiss we’ve shared.

He simply looked at me, puzzled. His lips were slightly swollen and parted and I had a hard time holding back and not ravishing his lips once more.

“I-I mean. I’m a damn Grim Reaper! I’m supposed to be dead and you are human. We are from two different worlds and this is just so wrong in all aspects…” I rambled, leaning back and holding tight onto the counter that pressed into my lower back. It was as if the world was spinning around me, laughing at me because of my wicked fate. My knuckles turned white, holding desperately onto the counter, as Junho was moving towards me again, the softest smile on his lips.

“You are a Grim Reaper, yes. But you are definitely not dead, Chansung. I’ve felt your heartbeat and you can’t tell me that dead people are supposed to have one.” He reasoned with me.

“I only have a heartbeat around you…” I muttered, looking to my right side, avoiding his reaction.

His slender fingers gently run over my neck and a soft peck on this sweet spot of mine let me gasp.

“That’s good. I already feared I was the only one who got a racing heart when we are together.” He chuckled, slipping his arms around my waist while resting his head on my chest.

“It’s not good, Junho. It’s dangerous and something that shouldn’t happen.”

„But I want it to happen. And I know you feel the same way.” He sounded demanding as he lifted his head from my chest and grabbed my head, pulling me lower in order to kiss me once more.

His movement was so unexpected that I was completely stumped by his actions and soon I found myself in another heated kiss. A kiss that turned even hotter as he let his finger vanish beneath my shirt, gently exploring my chest and abdomen. Goosebumps spread all over my body as it was enjoying this intimate treatment too much for my liking. But my rational mind was shut down once I felt an eager hand stopping directly on my belt.

Junho gasped in surprise, eyes wide as he found himself in a completely different position. Now I was the one in command, as I pressed him to the counter with my full body weight.

A wicked chuckle left his lips as he caressed my cheek, the other hand resting over my heart.

“You are definitely not dead. Dead people don’t get a …” He purred as he rubbed his thigh against my . “Let’s get rid of that one, alright?” He then pecked my lips, pushed me away and dragged me towards a closed door which I presumed led to his bedroom.

I knew I should behave and act like a responsible Grim Reaper, but I just couldn’t. And while watching that perfect man walking in front of me, his hips and moving oh so ily, I decided that now it was my time to laugh at fate and the universe.

His hand was big, but not as big as mine, our fingers intertwining perfectly with each other. The soft shimmer of the moon fell through the curtains, transforming his beautifully shaped features into a piece of art. He looked calm following the movements of our fingers as they played with each other.

“I have to tell you something.”

His voice was soft, but determined and I couldn’t deny that it made my heart stop for a second.

I had the bad feeling that whatever he wanted to tell me wasn’t something necessarily good.

“You know…” He started but stopped, trying to figure out how to explain this to me.

“A few weeks ago we were talking about the reason why you became a Grim Reaper, remember?”

I nodded slowly, recalling that day we had spent together in an amusement park.

“You’ve told me about that weird talent of yours. The one you had when you were human?”

Once again I nodded, snorting slightly to myself. Junho had been the first and the only person I’ve told about this ‘gift’. When I’ve been human it’s always been a secret and I’ve never dared to tell anyone. They would’ve thought I was crazy.

But now that I was no longer human, and Junho knew things not many people knew about, I mustered up my courage and told him. Back then I’ve realised with surprise that he hadn’t been shocked at all. As if he couldn’t be shaken by anything the world hid from humans.

“Please don’t be mad at me. I know I’ve should’ve told you back then. But I was scared that you would get angry or upset and would refuse to meet up with me again.” He started rambling as he looked up at me. As he saw my neutral face he seemed to note that I was waiting for the blow of his news.

“I-I can see things before they happen. I do have the same ability you had when you were still human.” He admitted silently, placing his now free hand on my chest as mine fell to my side, shocked about those news.

He had the same gift? That was…surprising. And it was terrifying at the same time as something doomed on me.

Suddenly I sat up and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him up with me, looking him deeply into his gentle eyes.

“Have you saved someone’s life?! Please tell me your visions haven’t gone so far…” I pleaded, but as soon as I noticed the uncertainty in his eyes I knew the answer.

My arms fell down, horror showing in my eyes.

“I had my first vision two days ago. But I was too late to save him…” He mumbled and I couldn’t help myself but turn to the side. I knew how he felt. I knew too well how it had felt to receive such a vision, and not succeeding to save the person.

But I couldn’t deny that I was happy that he hadn’t been able to save that human, as cruel as it sounded.

Because, if he had succeeded, he would soon save more. And I also knew what would happen if he did that. He would change fate, and if you dared to do that, something bad would happen.

“Don’t.” I whispered. „Please don’t save them…“ I pleaded while facing him again, hurt written all over his face. I grabbed him by his shoulders once again.

“Please Junho. I beg of you. Don’t save them. You’ll mess with fate and this is the most dangerous thing to do. Please, listen to me…” I begged him and I was certain that I’ve never in my life, and my afterlife, had sounded as desperate as right now.

“I-I can’t. You know that.” He sadly whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek.

I shook my head, not getting why he could be this stubborn. I’ve told him everything. All master death and Enn had told me. What I’ve damaged, how many lives I’ve ended with my actions.

But he still refused to listen to me.

“Why?” Was all I could ask, my arms crossing over my chest, refusing any contact with him.

“Tell me. If you were given the chance to change everything. Would you stay still while seeing those people die in front of your eyes, knowing you have the chance to save them?” He asked sadly, hurt about my reaction. I knew he had wished for me to understand him. And I did. But I was too scared of losing him. I was too selfish. I wanted him to stay pure and alive.

I fell silent, thinking over his question and just when I was about to answer, grey fog appeared and a pitch black hole opened up next to the closed door.

Instead of answering I stood up and grabbed my clothes, not daring to look at him.

“Seems like death never sleeps, huh?” He asked, looking at me when I walked past the bed. Right before I stepped through the portal that would bring me to a dying person’s side, I glanced back at him.

“I’ll give you my answer when I’m back. Take care, love.”

My body was present, but my mind was still in bed with Junho.

I couldn’t stop my mind from wrapping around his words.

Would I act the same way if I was given the chance to change my human life? Would I let those people drown in their fate while I shut my eyes, not reacting to their misery? Or would I do just the same, go and save them even if I knew I would regret it later?

I was more than confused and my head started hurting, getting annoyed while I did my job.

However, my eyes softened as I saw the little girl hugging her mother, telling her what she’d learnt in school today.

And then I realised it. It was clear as fresh water, now that I watched the little girl dancing around her mother.

She would die, and there was nobody there to save her. Back then I had been one of those people who would’ve and could’ve saved her. And right now, I realised that if I had the chance to change something about my previous life, I would refuse.

Because I couldn’t live with the knowledge that someone died just because I was afraid what could happen to me afterwards.

My heart was beating loudly against my ribs, something I’ve accepted along with my decision to tell Junho how I really felt about him.

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten nervous or emotional or have felt any other wave of emotion. But with Junho I felt like living again. And I didn’t care about anything else, because feeling alive was like a drug to me.

I slipped into the coffee shop with a tall man, pressing passed him and earning a confused huff as he wanted to nag at the person shoving him aside, but seeing no one.

A sigh of relief slipped passed my lips as I noticed Junho sitting on our usual table, his earpiece lay in front of him. He was probably waiting for me, I told myself.

Hoping he wouldn’t be too angry at me for leaving him alone in bed.

When I walked closer, his eyes automatically found me, as if he was feeling my presence meters away.

A smile spread over his lips as soon as he noticed me, hurriedly plugging the earpiece into his ear while waiting for me to arrive on our table.

I let my hand brush over his shoulders as I walked past him, greeting him with a whispered ‘Hello’.

For a second I was thinking about just rushing on and telling him everything. That I’ve thought about his words and that I’ve realised he was right and that I was in no position to tell him to stop.

But I decided to wait patiently for him to speak up.

“So, how was work?” He asked sincerely and I just couldn’t help but snort in amusement.

“Like always. Very dramatic and exhausting.” I said, looking at him with a soft smile. “How about you?”

He just shook his head. “Nothing interesting happened. The only productive thing I did today was thinking about you.” He grinned and I grinned back, knowing what he was referring to.

But I got serious as I remembered what I wanted to tell him.

“Listen, Junho. I’ve thought about what you’ve said to me yesterday. And you were right. I mean, I know what it feels to have such an ability. It’s not easy and it is definitely not easy making the right decision. But I do think that saving people is the right choice.” I started, Junho listening silently, only nodding his head slightly.

“I would do the same again. I mean, if I had the chance to do so. I know you are doing the right thing when you intend to save those people; however, I am scared that something might happen to you one day. And as much as I want to protect you from anything bad, I know I can’t.”

 I was just about to tell him how I felt about us and our relationship, as I noticed his empty gaze.

I knew that look all too well.

It was weird seeing someone other having those black outs, those creepy visions. It was as if I was watching a mirror.

And just as I was about to touch his hand, ask him what he was seeing, I blinked in surprise as he suddenly jumped up, running as if his life depended on it.

For a second I set there, staring at the door that had closed behind him. His words ringing in my ears.

‘I need to save her…’

Jumping up from my own seat I followed him out the door, looking right and left I asked myself where the hell he had run to.

Concentrating I followed my instincts and simply started running. I sighed in relief as I saw him vanishing around a corner, following him immediately.

Just when I was about to pass said corner a terrifying sound made me halt in my tracks.

My heart sped up as I felt pain rushing through my body. It was as if something had hit my heart and it made fear crawl up my spine.

I knew everything was alright with me, but I also knew that something had happened to Junho.

I had no idea how I had moved so fast, but when I blinked again I was standing in front of a kneeling Junho, a shocked woman cowering in front of him.

His eyes were sparkling with hope as he raised his head to look at her, asking her how she was doing.

But all the woman could do was whimper her response as suddenly someone screamed: ‘We need an ambulance! He got shot!’

With slow steps I walked passed the woman, kneeling in between her and Junho. I then grabbed his shoulders as he started swaying from right to left.

“What have you done, Junho?“ I asked sadly, starring into the apologetic eyes of my lover.

“I’m sorry. I just had to save her. I’m really sorry, Channie.” He whispered, tears running down his cheeks as he flopped forward and into my embrace.

“Saving someone is one thing, but sacrificing yourself is something completely different. Now how are we supposed to meet in the coffee shop when you are a white winged angel and I’m still working for master death?” I asked, my voice quivering as I sat down, pulling Junho against my chest, looking down his back to see his blood soaked jacket.

“So you wanted to keep on meeting?“ He asked, his voice faint, just like the first time he was supposed to die.

“Of course. I love you, Junho. You’ve turned me human once more and I love you even more for that.”

“That’s…that’s great to know. Because, I love you too.” He hummed, his body getting colder by the second, and I knew there were only a few minutes left till his last sand corn would leave the upper half of his hourglass. Just like mine years ago.

It felt like as if I was trapped in my hourglass. The upper half was empty, but here I was sitting, my beloved Junho in my arms and watching him die. I was still breathing and he was fighting to breath properly.

“Hope I’ll see you again, one day, Mr Grim Reaper.” He chuckled, coughing blood as he did so.

“I’ll find you, no worries, love.” I hummed, pecking his lips as he took his last shaky breath.