a/n: no pairing (suho-centred), au, humour, ~3000 words.

based on the song 'i run ny' by the lonely island. this fic came about a long time ago, after i'd decided to challenge myself by writing a songfic. i set my largest playlist on shuffle and of course the first song to appear had to be a jokey song bc my life is a joke. looking back i'm kinda happy it turned out that way bc this was pretty fun to write. if you haven't heard the song before the lyrics are here, but i'd recommend you read them after you've read this fic if you don't want to spoil the ending (also, if you know the lonely island you'll be aware the lyrics contain a lot of profanities that i haven't used in this. lol). enjoy!

For Kim Junmyun, mayor of Seoul, the best time of the day is in the early morning, when he’s just woken up in his luxury apartment in Gangnam and spends a few minutes simply staying in his bed. Those few minutes of relaxation are truly invaluable, as a moderately rich and powerful man he knows they’re not something that can be bought with money. Living alone, he has the large, soft bed all to himself and the apartment is dead quiet. It might sound lonely, but Junmyun is a busy man and barely has any time to himself, so these moments feel like the most luxurious of all.

Anyway, when he finally gets out of bed it’s with a slight feeling of dread in his stomach; he knows he has a long, exhausting day in front of him. But it’s what he signed up for back when he ran for mayor. And look at him now. Living his life-long dream of making an impact, serving his country and protecting the people of the capital. At least that’s what he likes to think. Junmyun is the father of the city, its guardian. Of course it’s a tough job; after all, Seoul is the 16th largest city in the world population-wise. He is in charge of managing an annual budget of 23 trillion won, so it is not for the sloppy or lazy. With great power comes great responsibility, Junmyun knows that, and it’s something that’s been etched in his mind ever since he was a child and read his favourite comics about superheroes. Of course, superheroes like Spiderman and Batman do not exist for real but Junmyun likes to think that as a mayor he’s the closest thing to one as a person could be.
 

After having some quick breakfast and making himself look presentable, Junmyun leaves his building and meets with his two tall and handsome bodyguards who are already waiting for him next to a snazzy, black Mercedes with tinted windows. Once Junmyun’s placed himself in the passenger seat, Oh Sehun, one of the bodyguards, asks him, “Have you already eaten breakfast, or should we stop on the way, Mr. Mayor?”

“Oh, no, I’ve already had breakfast. Just drive me straight to the office, please”, Junmyun replies. Sehun nods, and Kim Jongin, Junmyun’s other bodyguard, starts driving. It might seem like having two bodyguards fussing over him is a privilege, but Junmyun wishes he didn’t have to be accompanied by them every time he leaves his house. It’s one of the bad sides of being famous and powerful; you’ll never know what will happen if you’re by yourself, all vulnerable. Besides, Junmyun knows they only care about him because they’re obligated to, it’s their job after all, and not because they have any bond to him. Heck, they even have to use his title when speaking to him instead of his name. Mayors don’t have any business being friends with people anyway, they have an important job to do and can’t fully trust anyone else. Oh, but this is not a complaint from Junmyun’s side, just an observation. Yeah. He knows that life isn't a golf course.
 

One of the things Junmyun dreads the most is entering the office floor of the City Hall and seeing the employees talking and laughing with each other, only to turn quiet when they spot their boss. They standardly bow in greeting, maybe some of the bold ones shout “Good morning, Mr. Mayor!”, and it’s painfully obvious the atmosphere changes drastically whenever he walks into a room.

…Whatever, he has more important business to attend. Such as almost literally being knocked over by a huge pile of paperwork carried by his personal secretary, Kim Minseok.

“Mr. Mayor, I’ve assembled all the documents related to the Hanok conservation policy we’re implementing”, Minseok greets him by talking business as usual, “and I just need your signature on the contracts at the top of the pile.”

Junmyun puts on his thoughtful face and nods, eyeing the papers in front of him.

“A hundred million won in financial support per hanok?! Did we end up agreeing to this?” he exclaims, barely remembering anything from the meeting they’d had a few weeks ago, and even less of the actual agreement they’d reached. It can be difficult to keep track of every decision he makes every day, thankfully Junmyun has someone like Minseok to do it for him.

“Yes, you know, it’s all important for the preservation of cultural heritage, and you know how the cityscape is looking nowadays, no one lives traditionally anymore and we need to reduce the inevitable loss of hanok by covering the costs of construction and repair-”

“Yes, yes, I understand”, Junmyun waves him off, remembering the meeting with the conservationists clearly by now. Once he starts signing, he realises there are quite a few papers that need his signature, more than he expected. It’s okay though, he’s trained in the skill of signing hundreds of papers a day without developing tendinitis (it’s all about stretching and taking short breaks).
 

After a particularly bone-crushing meeting with the labour union (or, like Junmyun sometimes calls them, the mob), he hears the talk before he even enters his department. In naïve curiosity, he stays just on the other side of the wall dividing the offices from the main corridor of the floor, in a way that makes him able to hear and glance at the people talking without them spotting him.

Of course, it turns out to be department jokester Byun Baekhyun who’s at it again, making fun of him when he’s not around. This time it seems to be an imitation of how he looked like while running the yearly city marathon; an obstacle he hoped they would forget about quickly. Since Junmyun is the one arranging the marathon he’s also participating in it (so he runs the marathon in two ways; Junmyun likes a good pun), just to set a good example to the citizens, but also to make him seem like a sympathetic down-to-earth mayor who’s just like any of the other people of the city. The problem was that he couldn’t fully blend in with the crowd; as the mayor he always has to be guarded, and therefore his two lifeguards had to run alongside him, one on each side. It was a bit humiliating seeing as they had to slow down and jog to follow Junmyun’s somewhat untrained pace.

Whatever, it’s not like Baekhyun is in much better shape anyway, so that imitation is totally uncalled for. At least it’s not as bad as that time they made fun of his favourite necktie.

One thing that surprises Junmyun is that he after a while recognises one of Baekhyun’s onlookers as Kim Jongdae, an employee he considered to be one of the nice ones. Jongdae used to bring him coffee when he started out at the office, and always completes every task effectively and with a smile on his face. But here he is, laughing heartily at Baekhyun’s attempts to defame his boss. Junmyun knows there’s nothing he can really do about Baekhyun (he’s tried his best), but perhaps he should have a talk with Jongdae.

After bracing himself, Junmyun enters the office area, once again feeling everyone quiet down and stare at him. This time the atmosphere might be even more bothersome than usual, with the employees anxiously wondering whether Junmyun saw Baekhyun’s disrespectful imitation or not.

Jongdae flinches when Junmyun gives him a pressing glance.

“Kim Jongdae, would you please follow me to my office”, Junmyun requests and Jongdae, knowing he can’t refuse, shoots him a “sure, Mr. Mayor” and catches up with him quickly.

When they’ve reached the large office and Junmyun has placed himself on his chair behind the decision-making desk, Jongdae flashes him an ingratiating but nervous smile.

“Why did you call me, Mr. Mayor?” he asks politely, and Junmyun raises an eyebrow. So he laughs at him when he’s not there, but when they are alone he up to him. Jongdae did not seem like the two faced type but Junmyun is not afraid of admitting being wrong, though the employee’s behaviour has actually hurt him a little.

“I witnessed some… concerning behaviour just now that I was not aware of”, he starts, and Jongdae’s smile falters.

“Oh, that was… Erm, you know, Mr. Mayor, that Baekh- Byun Baekhyun usually likes acting funny in front of us, we can’t really do much else than laugh at him. The last thing I’d want to do is insult you, but I don’t want to create a bad atmosphere amongst my coworkers either. I need to be polite to them as well”, Jongdae says and it’s a mouthful, but Junmyun nods.

“I understand”, he replies sweetly, because above all Junmyun is a nice and likeable boss. “You only laugh to be polite.”

“Yes”, Jongdae confirms relievedly, “besides… he does have a point. You can be pretty silly sometimes, Mr. Mayor.”

He says that with a teasing smile and Junmyun is honestly taken aback by that particularly daring statement. Who even has the guts to call their boss silly to their face? Kim Jongdae, apparently.

Well, perhaps he should show Jongdae just how silly he could be.

“I am?” Junmyun says with a smile, and when Jongdae opens his mouth to speak he interrupts him with a flat, “You’re fired.”

Technically, Junmyun is not the one who makes those decisions but that is not something Jongdae seems to be aware of, seeing as his face completely drains of colour.

“I- I’m-” Jongdae stammers but does not complete his sentence. Instead he stares at Junmyun for a few seconds, mouth slightly open in shock. Junmyun has to admit he enjoys this just a little. But only a little. He is first and foremost a nice and compassionate man, after all.

He therefore smiles widely at Jongdae.

“Just kidding!” Junmyun then exclaims and wonders whether or not he has a close enough relationship to Jongdae to be able to nudge him playfully without it seeming weird. He eventually decides against it.

“It was just a joke! You said it yourself, I am pretty silly sometimes, am I not?”

Jongdae finally breathes out a heavy sigh.

“So am I not fired?” he asks, just to clarify. Junmyun shakes his head.

“No, you’re not fired. Thank you for your time, you’re free to leave my office.”

Jongdae, who is still looking very shaken, nods and makes a movement to leave, but not before exasperatedly mumbling,

“You know, you’re only funny when you’re not trying to be…”

The day goes on excruciatingly slowly, and Junmyun realises that the most fun he’s had was when he played that prank on Jongdae (which in retrospect did seem a bit irresponsible of a man of his degree). Things get even more boring when Minseok’s lunch break is over and he once again enters Junmyun’s office to drown him in paperwork.

“We’ve received complaints about the decision to make design-based selections of building firms instead of choosing the ones with the lowest construction cost. They say the budget might not be enough. But, hear me out Mr. Mayor, we’ll perhaps lose some money at first, but look at it from a long term perspective! The focus on quality will save us money on repairs and renovations in the long run! Right?” Minseok explains quickly, waving a few papers passionately in the air. “We still have to address these complaints, I’ll write out an email for you, is that good?”

Junmyun nods, as long as Minseok takes care of it he’s calm. He himself has other things to do, such as tend to the massive pile of paperwork that’s been laid down in front of him.

“Oh, yeah, and we also need to assemble a consultative group of representatives from Seoul City and district-related organisations for systematic reporting management”, Minseok adds, and Junmyun stares at him. He’s not thick, but when his brain is filled to the brim with work related subjects a lot of them have the tendency to spill over and escape from his memory.

“Systematic reporting management… of what?” he asks, feeling stupid and, for just a second, inadequate for the job.

“Paving blocks”, Minseok replies and nods towards the wall where Seoul’s 10 Commandments for Paving Blocks are conveniently hanging, “commandment number 10.”

“Ah”, Junmyun acknowledges, and scribbles down a note for himself to memorise all ten so he won’t have to have them framed on the wall like the world’s most boring piece of artwork.

The thing about tiring and completely monotonous hours of work like these is that it really makes Junmyun feel like quitting. Especially what with the poor treatment he gets from some of his employees and other sources (the mob). But whenever he feels that way, Junmyun always reminds himself of how important his job really is, that it’s a position he can’t properly trust to anyone else. He has to do this. For his own pride, but most importantly, for all the citizens of Seoul.

You see, when the evening arrives and the sun goes down, shrouding the ever so vibrant city in darkness, Junmyun has perhaps the most vital task of all to complete. After a day full of bureaucracy and his office workers making fun of him, he finally gets to do some real hands-on, action-filled work. As Junmyun would like to explain it, he’s Clark Kent by day, and Superman by night. Sort of.

He waits in his office for the late evening and the eventual obscurity of the night to arrive, and also for the rest of the employees to leave. Unfortunately, they tend to follow the office worker 101 code that says they can’t leave until their boss has left, so Junmyun basically has to chase them away. His midnight mission is not something he can let them know. Of course, it would probably make them respect him more (and not laugh at him behind his back), but this operation is highly classified. Only a few people can know. Or actually, the only one who truly knows is Minseok.

Junmyun’s two bodyguards therefore him and Minseok to the City Hall metro station, but do not follow them through the secret entrance on Junmyun’s orders. He can always spot the disappointment mixed with curiosity on their faces, but he has to wave them off. After that, Junmyun prepares to enter the Line 1 underground tracks on his own.

Minseok gives him a concerned look while handing him his bulletproof vest and other protective gear. It’s not like his enemies have bullets and guns, but since the gear is also fireproof it is the best means of keeping his most vital parts from getting hurt.

“You know you can always call me if you need help, right? I’m not sure what I’ll be able to do, but I will definitely do something”, Minseok says out of the blue, well not completely, he has said similar things before. Many times. Junmyun is just as touched every time but that does not mean he is ready to risk the life of such a loyal and hardworking secretary as Minseok.

“I know”, Junmyun therefore replies, “but you also know that this is something I have to do alone.”

Minseok nods.

“Just take care.”

As he’s handed his gun and a hose (for the inevitable fire), Junmyun flashes Minseok a reassuring smile.

“I will.”

Then, he heads deeper into the underground facilities, his mind set on the sewers just below the train tracks of the station.
 

What most people don’t know is that the city has a rat problem. A huge rat problem. Quite literally, since these rats have, after years and years of thriving where they for the normal citizens can’t be seen, mutated into creatures that are much larger in size than the average rat. And manage to breathe fire (Junmyun is not really sure how that came about, but it is too late to care about that now). As the mayor, Junmyun’s primary task is to get rid of as many of these as possible without letting the people of city know about their existence and the threat they pose. For this long, they haven’t shown themselves to the 2 billion annual travellers of the Seoul metro but as the creatures procreate they will need bigger spaces to live and might sooner or later find their way to the heavily populated underground stations. Not to mention the fires they can cause.

This is why Junmyun, as much as he sometimes wants to, cannot quit his job. Who else would do this? Who else could do this?

Junmyun sighs as he hears a sound he recognises well coming from a tunnel a couple of metres away from him. When he’s done with this, he knows he’ll only get a couple hours of sleep before he has to wake up again and repeat the same procedure as today. But at least he’ll get to spend those few minutes in the morning just staying in his bed before getting up, finally being able to relax. Those sweet, sweet minutes.

a/n: a hanok is basically a traditional korean house. i got a lot of facts about seoul and its policies (such as the ten commandments for paving blocks, which aren't really as interesting as they sound) from the seoul metropolitan government's site. hope you liked this! ^^