"Taemin, there's something you need to know," he says.
Taemin sits up straighter at the stern words, looking up at his father's eyes.
"It's about Jinki," he pauses and Taemin stiffens.
His father looked vexed, pained, and empathetic; it scares Taemin somehow.
 

Taemin can't remember when Jinki came to be.
He never exactly gave it thought.
It was as if Jinki had simply always been there,
sitting by the low coffee table with his back against the light

that streamed in from the drawing glass window.

Jinki was always there,
back propped up straight and upright,
and legs crossed under the table.
His hands were always busy either from holding a book or scribbling down on paper.
His vast shadows would cast across the room,
and Taemin had simply come to expect that unchanging image when they were home.

Jinki has always been stoic and quiet.
Emotionless even.
And the only time he would respond to anything at all,
would be times when Taemin referred to him directly.

"Jinki had a bad past, you see," he proceeds.
Taemin jerks intensely at the ambiguous words, awaiting more.
"Before he came to us, Jinki had been abused," he continues.
"What?" Taemin blurted in disbelief.  
 

So Taemin pestered the seemingly ice cold heart.
"What does this mean?" or "play cards with me, man!"
Jinki would heed every of the other's command without question or complaint.
Taemin never thought of what the other had to give up for his meager requests.

Taemin came to grow used to Jinki's compliance,
and he went full on to take advantage of it.
He would take up all of Jinki's time

away from that table the quiet one would always be found at.
Taemin doesn't think of how Jinki is making up for lost time

way after the previous is already asleep.

It felt almost like Jinki wasn't human at all,
not with the way how he'd never lose his temper,
not with the way how he never shows his emotions,
and definitely not with the way he could remain so quiet

had it not been for Taemin's command.
 

"But he has always been here, what are you talking about?"
"No, Taemin," his father responds. "Jinki's parents were arrested for child abuse and we took him in only after."
"What?" Taemin asks again, though this time it was more of an exclamation than a question.

Then Taemin started a game,
a game to see if he could truly command Jinki into anything;
well, not exactly, for you see Taemin names the game
The make-Jinki-show-emotions game.

When he commands Jinki to smile, he smiles,
but they were really pulling of muscles and Taemin can't see the true happiness behind it.

When he commands Jinki to cry, he tries
but even as he spoke apologies when he couldn't, Taemin could not feel the true remorse behind it.

When he commands Jinki to be furious, he blows up
but even as he lectures Taemin on his bad habits, Taemin could not feel the anger from within.

"He came to us when he was six," his father explains.
"But he had already gone through so much."
"Like what?" Taemin dares to ask, as if the latter word was his only vocabulary.
 

The innocent game takes a turn for the worst when it bore no fruit.
Taemin tried new methods, physical methods,
simply because of that selfish desire to see Jinki's emotions.

He would beat Jinki up even when the latter was bigger than him, in hopes of seeing some tears or hurt.
Jinki does cry eventually, but the eyes behind the tears held no pain.
Jinki does hurt after, but only physically.

He would scream into Jinki's ear every few moments, in hopes of seeing irritation set in the other's skins.
But it was either Jinki had the patience of a thousand monks,
or the irritation never did set in.

He would kiss Jinki on the lips, in hopes of seeing some form of disgust,
but Jinki takes it all as if it were a silent command, and he kisses back.
Still, there was no sign of bliss either.

"He was beaten, and ually assaulted," his father answers.
"Taemin," his father looks at him. "Jinki had been as a child."
Taemin feels he could only gap at the revelation, not even the word "What?" could come out anymore.

But the first time he stranded Jinki on the bed,
Taemin saw the first flicker of a frown,

although it looked more like Jinki was concentrating hard on something
rather than getting upset.

He pushed harder at that indication, forcing messy kisses that Jinki accepted,
tightening fingers around limbs, when the clothes were made undone.
It seemed like the answer to his game, for it happened to dawn on Jinki.
Taemin watched the slow tear fall, and though Jinki did not push him away, Jinki does pull his eyes away from Taemin.

In a little voice, Jinki whispers,
"I am not a game nor toy for you to play," he pauses.
"But for I am lesser than you, if it so desires you to, I am yours to dictate."

"When he first came here," his father added when there had been no response.
"He had nightmares every night; he wouldn't speak to us, nor look at us straight.
He was in so much pain and turmoil, and that was something we couldn't change."
'But I never knew...' Taemin thinks, his jaw still hanging and eyes quivering.

That was the first time he saw even a tint of emotion from Jinki,
But Taemin quickly realizes that if that were the only way to see it,
He'd rather Jinki be emotionless as he was before.

The choked voice behind resigned fate,
Seemed to tighten so in Taemin's heart.
The slow tear that fall, seem to suffocate Taemin entirely.

Taemin backs away hurriedly, and watches as Jinki seizes the opportunity.
He watches the other roll away and gather his clothes,
Pulling them on and then sitting himself back at the table.
Taemin doesn't have courage to bother the other for the rest of the day.

Maybe it was not the fact that Jinki got upset that got to Taemin.
Maybe it was not the fact that Jinki expressed a negative emotion that got to Taemin.
Maybe it was more the fact that Jinki was upset at him that hit home.
The fact that Jinki was disappointed in him.

Taemin woke up in the middle of the night that same date,

for sounds of flipping and tossing of blankets echoed the room.

Taemin squinted against the dark, and caught the sight of Jinki fumbling in bed, stricken with nightmares.
 

Taemin has never seen Jinki express so much in years added across,

So for a long while he could only sit and watch as Jinki writhed in despair.

Unknowingly, Taemin finds himself out of bed, but rather kneeling beside Jinki's,

Watching as all the expressions flashed across Jinki's face.

Common sense only returned to him when Jinki curled up into a fetal position,

With wretched sobs shaking his body.

"Jinki," Taemin calls out, shaking Jinki's shoulder lightly.

Jinki startled awake and jumps back from the contact,

And for the first time, Taemin saw the fear deeply embedded in Jinki's watery eyes.

Haggard breaths slowed, and as Jinki's eyelids close shut, it was like a transformation took place;

For when he opened his eyes again, they were once again bored and cold.

"You okay?" Taemin asks, and somehow he feels like he had never fathomed to ask this before.

Jinki nods stiffly, and Taemin doesn't push it.

"Well, um," Taemin said lamely. "Hope you have better dreams then."

Jinki nods again, and Taemin returns to bed awkwardly.

He can still hear Jinki's uneven breathing as he laid there pondering.

And then Jinki was out of bed, back to the table, scribbling softly into his journal.

Taemin falls asleep, but he wonders if Jinki had stayed up all night from then on.

For when he awakes, there wasn't Jinki's comforting shadow painting the room.

"But you were a child, and children have unique perspectives," his father pushed on.
"It was as if you could tell despite his distance, that Jinki was a good boy
and that he would be a good brother to you."

"Where's Jinki?" Taemin asks his father,

For he can't seem to remember not seeing Jinki sitting by the table, were it not his command.

His father only smiled forlornly, and answered vaguely,

"Jinki's feeling a little sick, so mamma brought him to the doctor."

But when Jinki came home, wrapped in an arm of his mother, he seemed like a different person altogether.

His eyes were glued to the ground that his feet shuffled across,

His lips were sealed shut and he stopped heeding Taemin as if his hearing snapped too.

Taemin doesn't know what illness it is, but Jinki must have been very sick.

But Taemin was persistent, for he couldn't let the last words he heard Jinki speak,

Be the ones that they were.

He pestered the other, tried getting back on his good graces,

He wrote notes to Jinki on days when the other didn't seem to hear.

All was for naught, when Taemin finds out that Jinki was moving out.

"He's going to college, and the scholarship provides a room," his parents explained.

They had always been home-schooled and Jinki has never been away.

Taemin didn't want Jinki to be away, especially not in their current circumstances.

He threw a fit, threw a tantrum.

He reverted his old ways, commanding that Jinki was to stay.

But Jinki wasn't listening, wasn't responding.

He wasn't cold and emotionless now, Jinki was just not present at all.

"You kept right on clammering for his attention,

and it was like watching Jinki just fall in love," his father depicted.

"You were the first person he spoke to after the incident,

And you were also the only one who Jinki was willing to do just about anything for."

But when the day comes when Jinki pulls his luggage out the door,

When the day comes when Jinki looks back at the nest he is leaving,

He finally looks to Taemin straight in the eye.

Nothing has changed, they were still bored and cold,

But there must be something behind them for Jinki jerks a hand afore,

Clumsy and stiff, the palm lands on Taemin's hair

Then soft whispers spoke, and they sounded like bells.

"I'm not mad at you, for it is not your fault.

But I have to go now, so do be well."

Taemin stared at Jinki with longing and gave him a hug

Jinki didn't return it but it was alright.

The months went by, and there was no word from the other.

Taemin still woke up expecting the warm shadows

But they weren't there any longer.

Then one day, his father sits him down and tells him this:

Taemin, Jinki had been abused as a child.

Taemin, Jinki found salvation in you who seeked for him.

Taemin, Jinki may not be good at it, but there was one thing that was clear in his behavior.

Taemin, Jinki definitely needed you.

He definitely missed you.

He definitely loved you.

Taemin, I know how close you were to Jinki,

Jinki would only heed your command, would only look at you.

But the reason, Taemin, why I'm telling you all of these now,

Is because there is one more thing you need to know.

Taemin, it's going to be very hard to accept this,

for me as a father and for you as his only friend and brother.

But Taemin, Jinki is gone.

No, not to college, Taemin

He's gone even from college.

Jinki isn't coming back.

Jinki is gone.

He’s free.

A/N:

Urg, I typed this really long A/N explaining everything earlier but my computer trolled me and it did not save. T_T

Anyway, so much happened in this fic that idek how it came about exactly. Like I said in my foreword, I just wanted something that was not prose/story form - I wanted to try something new. But as I reread what I wrote, edited and reread it again, I realized that it had more meanings than I had originally planned for. (I mindblew myself if that makes any sense).

What I mean is, when I wrote this, it was originally made to be taken literally - Jinki could not express emotions, Jinki possibly could not feel emotions even, Jinki was adopted into a family, Jinki was Taemin’s step-brother, etc.

But as I read and read this again and again, I felt like Taemin himself was not all there. Taemin could be the cause of why Jinki is the way he is. Taemin was overly domineering, he was violent at times, he had abnormal ways of solving his problems. What if he was the one who could not read emotions? What if the “house” was actually an asylum?

If you follow my original intention, the last line “He’s free” was meant to represent that Jinki was free from the cruelties of life.

But if you think of it the second way, what if Jinki was getting better? What if Jinki was pulled to another department in preparation of him leaving the asylum? What if “he’s free” actually meant that he was finally free from the confines of the place?

The colors, of course, represents something as well. Jinki’s name was colored throughout the piece, and when something bad happens to him, he fades a little (except the times he fell in love with Taemin, which was represented by the bright vibrant green). The other colors represented the emotions that were stripped from him one by one, when he was abused, when he was , when he had nightmares, etc. And in the last few paragraphs, Taemin gave Jinki his emotions back, one by one. But the colors go back to black as colors are stripped from Taemin this time, as Jinki fades away from Taemin’s life. Jinki is gone. Gone forever.

What did I just write? What did you just read?

P/s: I did think of writing this as a full fic as in story form after I finished writing this, but as always, idk when that is going to happen or if it is going to happen.