Sometime even when you still breathing and your heart beat still be your body soulmate there are something more worst than dead,when you are dying slowly but you still alive and fate forced you to face it every single day.somehow i'm really wish i'm the one who face all of those sorrow,how i really wish i'm the one that get all those destiny and fate punishment.so i could end it more quickly and say goodbye for this life without hurt anyone.as long it wasn't him that feel those pain,as long it wasn't him that face this cruel destiny.it just a wish that never come true.what kind of sin that we did? But why he is the one that get the punishment? Why not me? And all those questions haunted me every single night.it just my nightmare is nothing if i could feel his nightmare.

Those pair of eyes that always shining like warm sunshine now just drown them self in sorrow.tears that wet pair of his eyes make me feel guilty more and more.yet he still affraid i know it and he hide all those tears in his sleep.he still worry i will blame my self more and he always wipes away those tears before i walk into his bedroom.i really miss his voice when he calling me,but now even i'm begging on my knees i won't hear his precious voice anymore.the worst punishment that i'm deserve,i never could hear him calling out my name anymore.but no matter what destiny write for us,he still my precious one until my last heart beat.

Day and night i never let the room around him stay in dark no matter what happen,the light and bedpost lamps always stay on to bright inside the room especially his bedroom even when he still sleeping.he afraid of the dark,and i'm really wish i Could take way those darkness even realize now it was impossible to fix the broken one.tonight the rain storm hit the city and the thunder light sound crash enough to wake me up from my sleep and rush to his room in panic just because i know he will trembling in panic try to find me and crying in mess grab everything around him while scream and crying in trauma. "Argh!! Argh!!" His voice screaming is enough to make me rush to his bed and pull him in my embrace and i could feel him shaking while hugging me tight in his embrace,i let him hide and crying in my embrace while soothing down him and keep whispering is ok near his ears and kissing lightly his forehead that he tried to hide in my chest.that accident happen in rainy storm night like tonight and our nightmare start since that night.we dying slowly in our desperate fate try to awake and hope this real life just a dream that will end when morning come.but both of us already know well,this is life that we have to face until our last breath and until our heart stop beating.

We life in hell while we still alive,we face the most worst nightmare even when we still stay awake.Both of us decide to leave our life just to hide in our sorrow,i decide to leave everything behind because for me,he is my precious one.that day if i could choose,that i will choose to die instead of life and saw him suffer because of me.that rainy storm night that make our car got hit by that heavy truck and threw our car into the side road,that night when both of us bleeding and  dying hope someone will come to save us as soon as possible but then my nightmare start when i saw him bleeding with something like our car window pieces of glasses that stuck on his neck side.he crying in pain couldn't move from his seat and choking to breath.i wipes away blood from his face in panic and i feel more scared when saw thick blood start wet my hands when i hugging his head on my chest before both of us lost our conscious.we though we are dead,but maybe dead is better for us that night so he didn't need to life in this hell with me.he is an angel and its my fault to make him life in this hell.when everyone blame the destiny and fate,i blame my self.

I'm awake in the light white room,hospital.they told me i'm already sleep for 3 days straight.i saw our friends and our brothers in Bigbang,Youngbae,TOP and Daesung.i saw our ssajangnim and our families worriedly try to calm me down because i'm awake in panic and the only thing that i remember is i have to find him.i'm alive,so he must be alive too,that time that is my only wish.but then i'm really regret that i'm still alive.i'm really regret why only him have to face those pain alone while i'm stay alive perfectly.i'm the one that should take those punishment,if there are sin then that was mine not him.he is too nice and too innocent to take all those punishment and i saw him dying when actually he still alive and breathing. "He lost his voice because of that piece of glass stuck in his neck and break his vocal chord,his head bleeding too much and now he lost his eyes sight too,blind and couldn't see anything except black shadow when the bright light get into his eyes.he just awake this morning and we have to sedate him back to sleep because he got panic attack and try to hurt him self." Doctor explain those words and i feel my knees lost the strenght a