Music : Ai no Uta by Fukui Mai

Chapter 4 - Ai no Uta

It was 2AM and Kyungsoo was still running endlessly in the cold weather while listening to his favorite song What’s Going on?  by 4 non blondes. When he suffered from insomnia, it usually happened quite often because of his dreams, he had to run to clear his mind. The streets were still slightly enlightened by tall lamps. His mind was restless with worries of the past and the present. He breathed  heavily but he didn’t care for the least. Everything needed to be gone. Kyungsoo needed to feel as empty as the street before him.

‘’ Kyungsoo my love, your music teacher told me about the composition you did in class. He said you were a little Mozart. Mom is so proud of you.’’

At this thought, He couldn’t help but smile about the memory of the first time his mother complimented him on his musical talent.

‘’Thanks mother.’’, was all he said back then with a cute giggle.

Oh how did he regret those moments. Maybe he should have stopped a long time ago and only contented himself with the precious compliments of his parents like a normal kid. But sadly Kyungsoo liked music, no he loved music too much to just stop at that. How foolish of him.

‘’Soosoo here is the new artist I am taking care of at the moment; Kim Hyorin. She will debut really soon.’’, said another cheerful voice in his head, Do Jiyong.

Those were the exact words his brother said to him 5 years ago before stealing his song to give it to this same rookie idol named Kim Hyorin and now she was still at the top of the charts even after all those years. But no one could ever forget her debut ''self-composed'' song, Kyungsoo’s song. But no one cared, it had Hyorin’s name on it. It wasn’t his anymore.

‘’ Why do you worry so much brother? They’re just melodies might as well use them since you won’t .Because you don’t even have the courage to talk to anyone that isn’t from our family or that friend of yours Jongin. We both know you were made to stay a mere shadow Kyungsoo, face it. I am doing you a favor.’’

‘’You are.’’, Kyungsoo said coldly as a matter of fact to respond to the brusque remarks of his sibling.

But why did he feel so upset and betrayed? Even after all those years he still couldn’t get over the torturing feeling of simply giving away another one of his songs, another part of his soul like it was nothing. He pitied what he became, a ghostwriter. Some said he was one of the best in the industry but was that really a compliment? He wanted to revolt and tell his brother he couldn’t just accept this misery anymore. Yet no one knew how to live misery better than him. Why would he stop Jiyong now that he was immune to it? What a nice life he lived has someone’s shadow.

‘’Urgh!’’, he grunted violently and then sat down on the freezing street, face in his hands. ‘’ get a hold of yourself, don’t let yourself sink.’’

Kyungsoo then stood up quickly. He continued to run for a little while when suddenly he stopped breathless and more frustrated than ever a couple houses down from the library. This run wasn’t as productive as he would have expected it to be. He hold onto his ribs to breathe in more easily. Kyungsoo saw the back of a petite girl entering the library slowly. After all, he didn’t close the library because he knew he would be coming back soon. He then wondered if it was his fellow mermaid lover again. Finally, his mind was empty again just at the sight of this adorable woman, she had a great impact on him. He smirked and turned back running with only one thing in mind; Sweet.  He entered the closest convenience store in the neighbourhood and looked around hastily. He found what he was looking for in a matter of seconds.

‘’ So it will be 10.40 $ for two strawberry milks. Are you sure it will be everything sir?’’

Kyungsoo nodded uncomfortable trying his best to not look into the eyes of the female cashier. ‘’Are you okay sir?’’ asked the concerned employee. But he just continued to nod without saying anything else. His heart was beating animatedly in his chest. He took out his credit card and paid in a hurry. He didn’t even let her put them in bags, he could carry them. Excited, he arrived in front of the library but then something hit him. How could he ever face her? Just now it was impossible for him to simply look in the eyes of this cashier. How could he face this girl?

‘’Just a mere shadow, looks like you were right brother…’’, muttered Kyungsoo under his breath.

He looked at the cute little strawberry milk box in his hand complexed.  Kyungsoo didn’t even have the time to think about what he would be doing because he heard silent sobs from within the library and without a second thought he entered the place. She was still where he saw her the last time, he approached her carefully. Today, he still couldn’t see her face but he saw a portion of her eyes and they were closed. She was crying in her sleep. Kyungsoo felt his heart tug at this picture. Straightaway,he wrote a little note that he stuck on the box of milk and he put it right next to her. Careful to not wake her up, he sat in front of her and watched her curiously.

‘’ Why would you cry? ’’, he wondered saddened by the small sobs of the girl in front of him. ‘’Don’t cry little mermaid.’’

Hello, I know it is a bit cheesy but the moment I saw this at the convenience store I couldn’t help the thought of you, something sweet and comforting. Please don’t let the world tear you down like it did me. Be strong, keep smiling and have a good day.

PS; Sleeping out isn’t a good habit to have even if I do enjoy seeing you.

A Friend

She smiled sadly remembering why she ended up here yesterday. After the fight of her parents, she quickly exited the house to wander, to get lost and maybe never comeback. A couple of days passed, probably. During that time she fell asleep in odd café’s that were open 24/7 and to kill time she read one of the books she borrowed. Hours of wandering around went by and without even noticing; her feet’s lead her again strangely to the small library. Hayi swung her legs and got up ready to go but before that she had to make sure to give him a proper response. She wrote something with great care on the pad she found on the table and she put the small note on the cover of the book she finished reading. Hayi made her way to the door , unlocking it like she always did but she turned around hesitantly to look behind her.

‘’ When will I get to meet you? ’’, she whispered looking at the staircase in the library.

She felt tempted to go upstairs but she knew better. She would have to wait until she could meet this new friend. A friend, he said, Hayi felt warm at this thought. Following this event, Hayi came back multiple times at night and she still found the place completely empty. She fell asleep every time and every morning she would found a cute little strawberry milk box next to her.Not to mention, he always made sure to cover her up with a blanket. Hayi noticed that he changed the blanket to a light pink one that was even more warmer than the previous one. Furthermore, he still didn’t respond to her last note, so naturally she kept coming to know when he finally would. Also, she still didn’t go back home therefore it helped her do something with all the time in her hands. Kyungsoo didn’t like change but he started to change his habits unknowingly since Hayi came into his life. For example, he now made sure to always keep the library open until very late at night, which never was something he did before. He also went to the convenience store and bought a whole box of strawberry milk cartons to keep in his refrigerator.

‘’What the soo, why did you buy so much strawberry milk? You hate sweet anything.’’

‘’Who knows…’’, said Kyungsoo simply after shrugging lightly.

Jongin looked at him as if he was a total stranger.

‘’Who are you and what did you do to my grumpy cat midget friend?’’

‘’Ugh.’’

Even if the antics of his best friend were a bit exaggerated, Kyungsoo couldn’t deny that he did start to change… That word again, change. He use to hate change, now he’s not so sure what were his position about the topic. His world has been upside down since the last note she wrote him.

Hi, thank you for cheering me up. I just finished this book, The Odyssey. It was an amazing adventure. I honestly never thought I would ever have appreciated such a book before. But I do have a question…How do you think it would be possible for someone to still love the same individual even after 20 years separated from one another? Do you believe in a love that requires such an intense dedication. Does it truly exist? A love like the one Penelope had for Odysseus? I wonder, I’ve been coming here quite often now. I don’t even know why or maybe I do. Maybe I should just go straight to the point, fellow mermaid lover and now friend, would you like to meet? Give me a sign and I will come running.

A New Friend

‘’Shut up’’, exclaimed Kyungsoo from the other side of the library.

Jongin giggled, he sat down looking at his friend arranging the new books they got from the mail. Bored, he looked around and he saw one of the old books Kyungsoo always read, The Odyssey. How weird for it to just be there on the table. Kyungsoo wasn’t one to let his books anywhere. But then he saw a note on top of it, Jongin frowned. He took the book in his hands with the note and started to read it.

‘’What are you doing?’’, muttered Kyungsoo clearly angry.

He snatched the book and the note from the hands of Jongin.

‘’What is that note for...?’’, asked Jongin curiously.

His friend became embarrassed. ‘’ It’s a note I wrote for myself. Stop putting your nose where it doesn’t belong Kim Jongin.’’ He lied. Why did he lie was the question. Jongin didn’t get the chance to read the whole note but he could tell it wasn’t the handwriting of his best friend for certain.

‘’I didn’t know you started to write your ‘i’s and ‘j’s with little flowers on them.’’, he started to walk upstairs but he stopped to say one last thing ‘’ you’ve been acting really strange lately…really strange’’

Let’s meet, I will wait for you in the abandoned amusement park down the street. Where it will be the darkest, I will be.

A Friend

She screamed out of happiness but she had to put her hand on to control herself. She exited quickly the library, running for her life. I will come running, she thought just like she promised. Exhausted, she finally arrived in front of the obscure and now closed amusement park. As a little kid she used to always pass next to it on her way to school and she felt jealous of all the other kids. Because their parents took them every week while her parents didn’t even bother. Sometimes as a kid she would just stay put in front of the park imagining about being there with her dad and maybe even her mom. Having fun and laughing without a single worry like a normal and functional family, it never happened. She entered the run down park and walked around hesitantly. There were some lights still open here and there.

‘’The darkest location…’’ she said aloud while thinking.

She saw from the corner of her eyes the gigantic ‘’Tunnel of Love’’ with the dysfunctional lights of the title still slightly blinking . Where else could it be darker than in the tunnel? She ran all the way to it and unsure she walked in the extremely gloomy tunnel. There wasn’t any water left obviously since the park closed at least 5 years ago. She tripped on something but strong arms held her before she could fell on the ground. ‘’ Mermaid lover..?’’. She tried to touch his face because she couldn’t see anything at all. Her hands touched something moist; it had to be his lips. Shyly, she put her hand away from his face.

‘’Hi, Friend.’’, Said a mellow and smooth voice.

His voice definitely hit her because it was so melodious and vigorous.

‘’Hi,  Friend. ’’ She said happily to finally meet him or rather talk to him because she couldn’t even see him.

He took her hand in his and helped her to sit down somewhere in the cold tunnel. He handled her with a lot of care because she seemed highly fragile. After some time in silence he covered her with the same warm blanket, he bought her.

‘’It’s cold, sorry for asking you to meet me in such conditions.’’

She had little butterflies in her stomach after the gesture. Hayi didn’t see him but all her other senses were now fully awake. His scent was strong but fresh; something like a mix of dark chocolate and mint. She loved it. When he touched her earlier she noticed how smooth his hands were. It felt like a million of tiny little feathers touched her skin.

‘’It’s fine, thank you…may I ask how long you’ve been waiting?’’

‘’Not too long.’’, he lied.

Kyungsoo had been there for at least 4 hours. Thinking about whether he should stay or go. But now it was too late to go back in time.

‘’ Now that I think about it, you still didn’t answer my question.’’

‘’ Which one? ’’

‘’ Does a love like the one in The Odyssey truly exist?’’

Kyungsoo fell silent at the question. He knew a lot of things but love was one thing he just couldn’t grasp. He never could.

‘’ Honestly, I’m not sure, I’ll think about it and tell you next time.’’

The question of love came multiple times in his mind when he composed music before. He never once composed a love song and that even if his brother was dying for him to do so. Kyungsoo on the other hand just kept composing dark and soothing melodies like he always did. Why would he get out of his comfort zone? But now finally he had an interest for this unknown feeling, Love.

‘’I’m glad, there’s going to be a next time.’’ Said Hayi enchanted with a giggle. ‘’ Sometimes I look at my parents and I know they are the answer to my question but I can’t help to feel resentful every time.’’

It felt like a confession and it probably was. Kyungsoo was contented; they were already so comfortable around each other.

‘’ Anger, why? Shouldn’t you be happy… they love each other.’’, he questioned

‘’But is it worth feeling like an outsider in your own family every day? I’m not sure.’’

‘’I’ve never experienced love myself but I’ve read multiple books about it. Love is just something that can’t be questioned sometimes; you’re not an outsider they’re just trying to figure how to include you into their world.’’, said Kyungsoo

‘’Right, sadly they’ve been trying and failing for 19 years.’’, she then laughed but he knew she was profoundly damaged.

He shrugged with a heavy sigh.

‘’No one is perfect.’’

The living room of the Choi’s was packed and there was a tense atmosphere going around. Hanbin coughed awkwardly after playing for the 10^th time the last voicemail Hayi sent him before disappearing.

‘’ If I may say I personally think you should be searching the house of this young gentleman over here. I am sure we could find some very interesting things like for example my daughter.’’, accused Seunghyung bitterly with his arms crossed over his chest.

‘’ Mr. Choi I am saying it one last time. Hayi is not hiding at my crib, I swear.’’ Said Hanbin frustrated. ‘’but if she was, I certainly wouldn’t say it to you.’’

‘’You see he definitely has her somewhere in his filthy teenage boy ‘crib’ ’’, exclaimed Seunghyung outraged while standing up and pointing him accusingly.

Hanbin giggled at the indignation of Seunghyung. ‘’ Mr. Choi please let us do our job. I am sure we will find her soon.’’, explained softly the young police officer, Lim Sungbin.

‘’I have done just that for the past few days and still nothing came out of It.’’, said Seunghyung a bit louder and clearly on the edge of bursting with anger.

Bom tried to calm him down by touching is forearm like she always did but he shifted immediately away from her touch. He would not stay still while his daughter was still out in the freezing streets of Seoul all alone. Hanbin was swinging nonchalantly on his chair. Sure, he was certainly scared for his friend. When he heard about her disappearance, he felt like everything was his fault. But it wasn’t his fault, Hayi made that decision for herself and he didn’t have any impact in that.

‘’ But she did comeback right? You said that she came a day after but then she disappeared again. What happened for her to go?’’

‘’I don’t know officer. She came in and…oh.’’, choked Seunghyung. ’’I think I might know why she ran away.’’

He finally looked at his wife uncomfortably and she did the same.

‘’Me and my husband had a small disagreement the other day. She might have heard a portion of It.’’, explained the sweet voice of Bom.

Seunghyung coughed a bit troubled by the idea of Hayi hearing everything he said to Bom a couple of days ago. Bom didn’t seem so comfortable either with this new perspective.

‘’Small ? So small that you guys are sitting at least a meter away from each other on the same sofa? I doubt that.’’, noted Hanbin cynic ‘’I don’t know what the is wrong with the both of you. But If I was her I would’ve ran away from this hell house years ago.’’

Seunghyung was about to get up but Sungbin warn him to sit back down. Annoyed, he sat down glaring in the direction of Hanbin.

‘’I see now that there was more to it after all. Would you mind to share with us what you said to your wife that day? ’’, muttered Sungbin while taking out a small pad to take notes.

‘’Yes, I do mind officer. My private business doesn’t have anything to do with this case. ‘’, retorted Seunghyung with an ice cold stare.

He surely wasn’t going to expose this whole situation in front of so many people.

‘’It surely do since she disappeared because of this small disagreement.’’, persisted Sungbin seriously.

‘’ Get out, NOW!’’ Screamed Seunghyung heated. ‘’ I am not going to have anyone disrespect me in my house when I clearly called you to find my still missing daughter. I can assure you that what I said to my wife won’t help you find her.’’

The whole room fell silent once again.

‘’Isn’t it bad for us to try them after all this time?’’

‘’My grandma has candies that have been there since 1991 and she still eats them. This won’t hurt me.’’, defended Kyungsoo with a slight giggle. ‘’Just give me your hand.’’

Hayi still couldn’t see him clearly because everything around her was dark and he also wore black from head to toe with a scarf that hid half of his face. What also didn’t help was that he had a cap on his head. She hand him out her tiny palm, he put a small lollipop in her right palm.

‘’Thanks. ’’

‘’Your welcome, Friend’’

She laughed. ’’Maybe I should tell you my name?’’

‘’No, let’s stay anonymous for now. It has some fun to it don’t you think?’’

‘’I completely agree, actually I could really do with a night where I can just escape every reality attached to this bloody name of mine.’’, she said satisfied.

‘’ Me three.’’ Sighed Kyungsoo ‘’ All of this feel seriously surreal.’’

‘’What does?’’, asked Hayi while on her hard lollipop, it tasted like strawberries.

‘’I mean if I’d have to be completely honest. The only reason why I’m able to talk with you right now is because I can’t see you and you can’t see me.’’ He grimaced at his own brutal honesty ‘’But trust me I’m dying just at the thought of seeing you.’’

Hayi didn’t quite understand why he felt this way but she didn’t ask questions. Because she knew that right now she should just listen quietly. But his sudden confession did make her blush a bit. She wasn’t the only embarrassed one, Kyungsoo couldn’t believe what he just told her either.

‘’ I mean you know as a friend, it’ll be great to finally see you.’’ He explained slowly.

‘’Then let’s make this something more frequent shall we?’’

‘’I’m not sure…’’ he uttered. ’’It’s not that I don’t want to see you.’’

‘’But you feel uncomfortable right? It’s okay, I get it, seriously.’’

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if she totally understood his views but he could sense the sincerity in her tone. She didn’t judge him and he felt at home with her.

‘’What about if we met on my terms a bit like in the book ‘Là où la mer commence’ ?’’ , he suggested

‘’Wait what book?’’, questioned Hayi disoriented.

‘’It’s a foreign French book adaptation of the beauty and the beast, in this novel the beast gets to meet with belle only when he rises his red scarf so she knew it was time for another one of their dates. Maybe I could give you a sign and we could meet on my terms?’’

‘’Sure, would it also be considered a date?’’

Kyungsoo almost choked on his lollipop at her question.

‘’I was kidding, don’t worry lover boy!’’, she laughed wholeheartedly.

She patted his back tenderly. His face was flushed but he continued. ‘’ Secret’s treasure hunt.’’

‘’ Secret’s treasure hunt? What is that ’’

‘’ My first secret…’’ He took a few minutes to think. ‘’ I speak 5 languages fluently.’’

‘’Yah! Are you sure you’re not just showing off?’’ complained Hi after rolling her eyes.

She pushed him brutally making him laugh.

‘’Maybe just a little.’’ He chuckled. ‘’So interested?’’

‘’ I guess, if I get to know you better by the end of this hunt why not?’’

‘’ Second secret… I am sorry.’’, he said bitterly

Suddenly, a couple of police cars appeared rushing in front of them and one officer came out of his car.

‘’What is happening?’’ exclaimed Hayi troubled looking around hysterically.

The officer took her ruthlessly by the arm. But Kyungsoo immediately intervened bothered by the brusque manners of the man.

‘’ Be gentle, you promised.’’, he snapped.

Kyungsoo was actually on his way to meet Hayi at the park.

‘’Meet a friend.’’, he said hesitantly without meeting eye to eye with him.

His heart was pounding loudly in his chest.

‘’Right, well if you see a young girl with honey blonde hair and around 4 foot 11 call us, Goodnight young man’’, dismissed the officer. But Kyungsoo wasn’t ready to get dismissed just yet.

‘’Why? ’’

‘’She’s been missing from home for at least a week now.’’

‘’A week…’’muttered Kyungsoo absently.

It has been already 2 weeks since he met his friend for the first time. The description did also match her strangely.

‘’ By the way do you know if there’s any library around the corner? ’’, asked the police man.

At that moment, Kyungsoo knew he had to say something.

‘’I think I know who you’re looking for.’’

End of Flashback

Author's note: Still working on 'Checkmate' but I wanted to update this first since i've been writing this chapter for the past last 3 days. Anyways, I hope you guy's enjoyed it and I am so happppyyyy with the beautiful feedback i'm getting in the comments section please don't hold back it makes me want to write even more !