Just read it with the POV you prefer :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah!

 

I think, I made up my mind now. Thank you Instagram, you made me take a decision.

 

After a lot of thinkin, I finally made up my mind to "break up" with you though it hurts a lot but it's for the better.

 

My feeling for you has grown again for the last weeks we were "together" but there are a lot of hinderances that made this "thing" impossible. The situation is too risky and complicated. You got your own issues with your ex that until now it isn't solve and my parents don't like you, because you have a daughter already. How did I put myself into this?

 

Did I love you that much?

 

Like you said, we're running too fast and we need to take things slowly. But you are the one who doesn't have autocontrol when it comes to your feelings. I tried to be understanding and to endure everything but I don't know how long I still can do it. I just wanted you to understand my part too. 

 

Honestly, there were times when I felt like I was a mistress, when actually I am not because you aren't even married.

 

When I asked you to stop this hidden relationship of ours you said NO. I did respect your decision and tried to go on like nothing happened. But I can't help being jealous everytime you say her name, everytime you go to her house to take care of the baby and everytime you reply late to the texts.

 

What made me insecure to the maximum level is when you told me that you GAVE EVERYTHING TO HER. It did hurt, I did try to endure the jealousy but I think I can't anymore.

 

Now, after saying things that we can overcome this problem, you're telling me that you're not ready. Yes, I understand, because I am not ready either.

 

I did believe in your words and in you but I don't know if I trust myself enough. I am always penny of my thought, what I know now is that my feelings for you are growing everyday that pass but everytime it grows my heart also hurts more than it should be, know the situation we are in. WHY?

 

Many tears were already shed and sleepless nights made me look like a panda because of my thoughts. My heart is hurting and my mind is trying to be strong.

 

You said once that maybe we are the will of God. Then why are we like this? I know we are going to face a lot of struggles and the only thing we can do in to follow the guidance of the Lord because He will help us. One teaching in the church made me think again, " How do you know that one person is the will of God for you?" one of the answers was "That person will bring you closer to God. you will fell Joy and Peace in your heart and it will never bring Sorrow". What are you doing to me? I do feel happy, contented and all my negative thoughts go away when I'm with you but (yeah, there's always a BUT) I also feel my heart pierced and shattered when you are down, when you are thinking about her and when you tell me that you are not affected about the freaking situation but from what I see on your posts on Facebook is the contrary of what you are saying to me.

 

Darn it. I am torn.

 

Maybe if we stop this now it's for the better and we won't need to hide our relationship anymore. It will also be easier for me to take my decision to leave the country.

 

You're asking me now to be just bestfriends (again, like we used to be) and to kill the feelings we have for each other since it's not the right time. Did you seriouslythought about it? Or you thought about it for a night then made your decision? Were you thnking about you or us? Think twice.

 

You know I can do that perfectly, the killing the feelings thingy but I don't think I can handle being just a bestfriend after what we've been through.

 

Would you also respect my decision if I tell you that I don't want us to seperate? I don't want us to be just bestfriends? What would you do?

 

You me remember our past again. Those memories were already buried at the back of my head, locked not being opened anymore. But then you suddenly came again in to my life and digged in, making me replay on my mind what my heart didn't forget. A few days ago I was searching for a bracelet when I saw the necklace you gave me at my 18th, then my mind say that maybe my heart really never forget you and it did just throw you away to the deepest and darkest part of it because if my heart totally did forgot you then it wouldn't be beaitng for you again.

 

I don't know. I hope I will never regret taking this decision in my life.

 

I've been hurt once, and I'm being hurt twice now. There's no third anymore.

 

I don't want to leave you or to let you go but it's better to FORGET YOU.

 

Thank You for the past months together. Have better days ahead of you.

 

I Love You, GOODBYE.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wrote it without re-reading. Sorry for the Grammar mistakes ^_^