Jonghyun

The list is out, and I'll be meeting my new members today. The company says this is one of the smallest groups they've pushed out in a while, and that they have high hopes for us. I'm not too sure about that. Still, when someone looks at you and tells you that they have high hopes for you, what else can you do but nod and say that you'll try your best?

I must say that I never ever expected to be in the same group as Kibum, despite the fact that we're only about a year apart in age. I'm not too sure how to put it in a nice way, but he doesn't seen ready, not skills-wise, but more mentally and emotionally ready. Idols take on a lot of pressure, and he has problems even communicating with others. I don't want him to get hurt by cruel words and comments simply because the public is unable to see what goes on behind the scenes. 

I tap my toes on the hardwood floor. There's no one else here yet. Guess that's what I get for being excited. 

I'm debating whether or not to pull out my phone and reread old texts to kill time when the door opens and someone slips in. It's Jinki hyung! I stand up to greet him, for the sake of first impressions and all that. We've never really talked to each other much, but he's known for being sweet and kind. 

We've gotten past the awkward small talk and introductions, and moved on to things a bit more personal. He's someone easy to talk to, and I'm glad. People often tell me I'm too noisy. Way too noisy. It's always, Jonghyun-ah, you talk too much, Jonghyun-ah, enough, give others a turn to open their mouths or the worst, no one needs to know that Jonghyun, do you have any control over your mouth at all? I do, it's hard to believe and rarely appears, but I do have some self restraint. 

I don't have it often though, and sometimes that hurts. Not just me but others around me as well.

"You know Kibum, right?" Jinki hyung's question is abrupt and catches me off guard. "What?"

"Kibum. I've seen you talking to him sometimes. Do you know each other? I've never talked to him much."

Oh. I'm not sure how to respond to that question. You can't really call a monologue a conversation, right? I don't think Kibum even really listens to me when I talk. More than half of what I say is rubbish anyway. Not worth listening to. 

"We don't really know each other.." I trail off, a bit uncertain. "I've spoken sometimes but he...never really responds. I'm a boring conversationalist." 

Jinki hyung smiles a little. "I think as a conversationalist goes you're doing just fine. Don't worry about that." His smile dies a little. "I was told...by the trainers and our managers to be that Kibum has issues talking with people and such, I was hoping you'd know more about him to help me out there."

So I'm not the only one who has noticed? Well, then why isn't anyone doing anything about it?  

"...so will you?" Hyung is looking at me inqusitively. I think he just asked me a question. I'd spaced out, missed it. "Sorry?"

"I was saying, I've never had much of a leadership role. I think I'll be really confused and such at the start, and I don't really know any of the other members well but I'd like to do a good job. Since you've spoken to Kibum before I'd like to ask you if you could help me watch out for him? Just in case he needs some support or anything, and I miss out on it. Of course, if you need someone to talk to I'd love to be there for you as well." He looks at me humbly, hopefully. I'd like this chance, and he has a point. How could I say no?

"Of course."

Kibum

Insecurities.

They wrap around me like a cocoon wraps around a developing butterfly. Protection, but also confinement. Safe from the teasing and bantering of others, because how can they laugh at me if I don't say anything for them to laugh at? Yet, at the same time, I am kept from socializing, from laughing and having fun.

Living in a dorm with four other people...it's not easy. But that's what I'll be doing, starting from today. 
Today is the day in which I'll be formally introduced to the rest of my members. I don't know why the company bothers doing this since as trainees, we all kind of know each other already. Not personally, I don't know any of my members well, actually, but we do know their