Jonghyun

I’m packing.

Never thought I’d be doing this, actually. We’re moving in tomorrow and characteristically, I’ve left all my packing to the last minute. I fold away clothes slightly wistfully, rather sadly. I’m not too sure why either. It’s not like I’m leaving home forever or anything, nor was I ever absolutely happy here. But what makes up a place are the memories, right? As I stack things into paper boxes, it feels as if I’m taking the bad memories with me and leaving the good ones behind.

I’m being ridiculous, I know. This is what I’ve been waiting and working years for. I know people that would kill to be in the place I am in now. I’m curious, though, as to whether or not the other members are feeling the same way. I don’t think any of us have stayed together like this before. It’s pretty unnerving, I guess.

And as I think of how strange this whole experience will be, I find myself starting to get self conscious. I have several strange personal habits that I’ve never allowed to come to light while training but when staying with 4 others, won’t they all be discovered? The members have been sweet enough thus far but won’t they find me weird and creepy?

Then, there is the issue of speech. I talk way too much for one person. It’s not really something I can control. I hate silence and once it arises I find myself trying to fill it up, shut it out, and cover the area with noise. It’s as if noise is a blanket you can spread over silence as you would a messy area to cover up what is underneath.

But Kibum hates noise.

I can tell, from the way he pretty much never creates any by himself, from how he barely speaks. He shies away from noise the way I shy away from silence. And now we’ll be staying in a dorm together. Can we even get along this way? I think he hates me, with perfect reason. Why would you not hate the one that manufactures that which you hate most?

Still, something in me wishes to hear him speak, to provoke him until he shrieks and screams, even just for the sake of proving that he is a human and capable of making noise.

I push that thought out of my head as I tape up a box. That’s a terrible thought. I’m cruel.

Kibum

I feel sick to my stomach as the car pulls into a parking lot.

I can’t do this. This did not come into play in any of my dreams of becoming a singer.

Staying, sle