a/n: this really was supposed to be a oneshot

warning reallllly long rant up ahead

He didn't like Hyukjae...

No...

Hyukjae was just a friend.

That's it.

Right?

Right?

Donghae was really confused about that now.

"C'mon boys! Ten more laps! Let's go!"

Hyukjae panted as the sweat dripped down his forehead and soaked through his shirt. It stuck to his back as the harsh wind blew across them.

They were all tired, but rest was the last thing they'd be getting. More importantly, it was the last thing on Hyukjae's mind.

"Hey Donghae!"

"Oh, Kibum, what's up?" Donghae turned around to see the younger male running towards him, bag hitting his back repeatedly as his steps advanced.

When he got close to Donghae, he stopped and took a few breaths before smiling widely.

"You wanna come over today? My mom just bought me Final Fantasy 7 Remake yesterday, so we could play it!"

"...Final Fantasy 7 Remake?"

"Yeah! Didn't you say you wanted to play it when it came out? I know it's been out for a while, but I got it and unless you have it too we can just play it at my house for the time being."

Donghae smiled uneasily at Kibum. Yes, he had wanted to play it, but as of now, that wasn't of his greatest needs. Still, he didn't want something like last time to happen again.

He didn't need something like that to happen again.

"S-sure, umm, I can come over right now if you want?"

"Yeah! That'd be great! Come on!"

Donghae smiled at the turned back of the younger. Would this make up for all of the pain he put Hyukjae through? Could he forgive him?

Was he so selfish to want to keep a friend?

 "Donghae, are you okay? You don't seem that interested in the game... Are you sure you want to play? We can take a break, we have been playing for an awfully long time..."

Donghae seemed to wake up from some sort of stupor as he listened to what Kibum said.

"N-no, it's fine. Let's keep going."

"Are you sure? You look pretty tired, and besides, we can always do this tomorrow or something. It's not like I'm just gonna disappear when you wake up."

Donghae stiffened.

"Y-you know what? I th-think I am gonna go. I just remembered that I need to help Hyukjae's mom move some things and uh, I should probably get to it. See you tomorrow, Kibum."

Kibum watched  as Donghae turned to leave the room, and right before he stepped out, a question occurred to him.

"Hey Donghae, do you know what happened to Hyukjae? I haven't seen him in a while, but I haven't heard anything about him being hospitalized or whatever. Is he okay? Because you guys are pretty close, right? I don't know why you'd hang out with someone like him though... Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since... that night. You don't think... You don't think he was angry enough to, I dunno, steal a car or something? Do you think they arrested him? With the way he acts at school, they totally could have arrested him-"

"Shut up!"

"W-what, Donghae what h-happened-"

"Can you just shut up? Just, stop talking for a bit? Hyukjae wouldn't do that, okay? I don't know how well you knew him, but he was and still is one of the kindest, nicest and smartest people I've ever met, and I would do anything just to see him again! Do you know how much he tries to protect the things he loves? Do you know how hard he trains when he thinks nobody's looking just to make sure that the next time they are, he'll get it perfect? That maybe they'll give him some sort of recognition, some sort of compliment and that maybe he won't have to act like it doesn't bother him when they don't? Do you know how much it hurt to realize that he just left without so much as an inkling of a warning because I was too busy hanging out with somebody else, and he didn't want to stop me from having that? Do you know these things? Do you know how much he cares? Have you ever even tried to understand him, tried to have a conversation with him? He's so sweet and funny and perfect in so many ways, but people don't know that because they can't seem to look past the way he dresses, the front he puts up when he's at school, the way he jokes around with his friends. They say things about him, pick on him when they don't think he's listening and they just berate him behind his back, and it hurts! It doesn't just hurt him, but it hurts me too because I know the real Hyukjae, and they don't! They don't even try to get who he is, and when they say those rude, disgusting things about him they rip him from the inside but he just pretends that it doesn't bother him. He's so strong and he shouldn't need to try to protect himself from the brutality of the words we speak today, but he breaks down sometimes too. Nobody's infinitely strong, and the walls he's built around himself started crumbling a long time ago. Everybody always thinks that he's some kind of druggie, meandering his way through high school just so that he can say he finished. But that's not true. He's trying for a dancing scholarship, and judging by the way he dances, he's going to get one, if not be scouted into some entertainment company where he'll be one of their biggest stars along the way. He excels in all of his schoolwork, and if he doesn't think it's worth it, it isn't that he just doesn't do it, no, he does it and makes sure that it's good enough to get a passing grade but bad enough that his teachers have low expectations for him because he doesn't want people to think he's some mathematical genius who know the answers to the universe and all that . He knows what works for him and he sticks with it. When something new comes along to him, he goes for it. He tries it out, and if it isn't worth it in his opinion, he wouldn't waste his time on it. Hyukjae is so much more than he seems, and, and, and I just let him go. I let him go like the idiot I am because I'm too scared to admit the fact that I might like Hyukjae, and I never thought that I would fall for one of my friends, and it's just so much at once for me and I... I don't know what I'm doing anymore. He's spent so much time trying to make sure that I have what I need, what I want, and I just shut him down so quickly. I didn't even wait to hear his whole explanation or anything, I just thought that it wouldn't work and said no. Now, I just want to see him again but I think I ruined that for myself and... and I don't even know if he'll keep his promise on seeing me again in two years. I ruined one of the best friendships I had because I was afraid it would go too far and ruin it anyways... God! What is wrong with me?" 

Donghae slammed closed the door and made his way to his house.

A flurry of emotions were running through him. It took him so much to say those things to Kibum, and even more to admit some of those things to himself. All he felt when he was, admittedly, yelling at Kibum was anger, sadness and frustration.

Nobody understood Hyukjae the way he did.

Actually, no. He didn't even understand Hyukjae. Though he tried, he only knew the side of Hyukjae that he wanted, and not the side of Hyukjae he had yet to discover.

Who was he to Hyukjae?

And who was Hyukjae to him now?

A stranger? Somebody who he used to know?

Whatever it was, it was anything but a friend at this point.

"Hey Hyukjae, what are you doing?"

Hyukjae looked up from his phone. He saw Youngwoon and Sungmin and quickly turned off his phone. He had been contemplating the younger brunet whilst looking at a photo of him (much less creepy than it sounds) when they walked in. The last thing these guys needed to know was that he was gay. He wouldn't stop hearing about it for the rest of his time in the military. If they did somehow figure it out, he would hope that they would still talk to him.

Why did people think that being gay was such a bad thing?

Hyukjae shook his head. It didn't matter right now.

"Uh, nothing much. I was just thinking about calling my mom and asking her how she's doing. Haven't seen her in a while."

Youngwoon and Sungmin looked at each other. Neither of them were ever good with sentimental topics, and it was evident by the nervous looks on their faces. Then, Sungmin slowly started backing up and then fled out of the room. Youngwoon stared at the empty spot where the strawberry blond male had previously stood, to the door, to Hyukjae, back to the door, back to Hyukjae, smiled one of those awkward smiles we all know all too well and chased after the shorter man.

The blond just shrugged as he looked back at his phone. He had made it clear last time that Donghae shouldn't attempt to contact him, and now he was seriously regretting it. He couldn't just go back on his word so easily though, so he sighed and threw his phone onto the bed.

Donghae picked up his phone and looked at it. Then he threw it down. He picked it up again and threw it back down.

.

He wanted to call Hyukjae so badly, but he didn't know if he should, because the blond was really quite pissed off at him the last time they spoke, and he really did not want that to happen again.

You know what?

It's good to face your fears.

Donghae picked up the phone for the 79th time that day and dialed Hyukjae's number.

.

Crap.

.

Damn.

Donghae was calling him.

.

...

.

"H-Hello?"

"D-Donghae?"

"Yeah uhh, hi."

"... Hi."

Donghae laughed a little bit, and that made Hyukjae's heart soar higher than the clouds. He fanned his ever blushing face and listened as Donghae continued to speak.

"This is very reminiscent of the phone call we had when you first left, isn't it?"

"...Yeah, yeah it really is."

Nobody said anything for a minute, and the two of them just sat there in silence. Until they, you know, started talking again.

"Look Dongha-"

"Hyukjae I-"

"..."

"..."

"You go."

"Hyukjae, I... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm absolutely so, so sorry. You spent so much time with me and you took care of me. You did so much for me and I never gave you anything in return. When you asked for one thing, I couldn't give it to you, and instead I just brought your hopes up only to bring them all crashing back down on yourself. But truth be told, I was so scared. You were and if I dare say, still are one of my best friends. I didn't want to lose that, and I thought that becoming something more than friends would rip that from us. I wanted things to stay exactly the way they were because it was good enough for me, but I never knew, never even thought about how badly that must have affected you. People are always talking about how coldhearted you are and how you don't care for anybody or anything, but I know that's not true. I like to tell them that it's because I know you better than they do, but I don't know you at all. I just pretend to know you, because the you that I know is one that I made up to just be a friend. I never wanted to admit to myself that yeah, maybe we could be more than friends, that I don't exactly mind being called your boyfriend, and that the bad boy style makes you seem really really hot sometimes. I didn't want these things to be true because I didn't want people to hate me and I don't know why I thought that other people's opinions were so much more important than how you thought of me, but that's really what was running through my head and I- I don't even know anymore! I just miss you so badly and I know you said not to call you anymore but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to see you so badly and, and... will I still get to see you in two years?"

Hyukjae just smiled and laughed.

"H-Hyukjae?"

"Donghae, even if I was mad at you, you know that I couldn't stay that way for too long. You mean way too much to me for me to ever hate you, and though it isn't very good, I would probably come running back to you in the blink of an eye. Also, just a random question, is that what you call a confession? That you wouldn't mind being my boyfriend? And the bad boy style makes me look really really hot?"

It was Donghae's turn for his face to change a multitude of shades of red.

"..."

"Yeah."

That got Hyukjae to sit straight up in his bed.

"Wh-what?"

"...I really like you too, Hyukjae, and I'm stupid because I wouldn't admit it to myself earlier no matter how sweet you were to me, and it took you to leave for a while for me to realize that, and now I just feel really bad because I put you through so much and-"

"Donghae, Donghae please stop. I understand, and it's totally fine. I forgive you."

Donghae smiled again. He and Hyukjae talked for a bit more on the phone, and in the midst of it, they officially started dating.

Hyukjae's boyfriend...

Donghae thought that had a nice ring to it.

"Hey Hyuk?"

"Yes Hae?"

"... See you in two years?"

Hyukjae smiled a relaxed closed lipped smile.

"Yeah. See you in two years."

a/n: haha.

haha.

ahh.

its over.

please dont ask for more it was literally supposed to be a oneshot but now its three chapters and idk anymore ;_;

and to all of you people who wanted them to get together, i wanted a story where they dont get together but you know what here you go theyre together now and butterflies and rainbows and

okay

bye