Growing up next to someone who is always better at something than you is tough, in fact, it's terrible. Especially when the thing they're better at than you is the thing that you love doing the most.

That's why Donghae hates Hyukjae.

No matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, Hyukjae just always seemed to be better than him at dancing. He knew that Hyukjae was good, and he would have been fine with him just being better, but it was the fact that it seemed like Hyukjae didn't even try, that people kept comparing them, that Hyukjae was so damn nice when he was always so rude.

He couldn't help but feel, well, small. Belittled.

He saw Hyukjae in the halls. He was always wearing the classic leather jacket and tight pants with the black combat boots, a smirk on his face as he walked with his little posse, but whenever Hyukjae saw him, he would always smile that stupid ing gummy smile.

And it warmed him up no matter how much he hated it.

He hated it.

He hated Hyukjae.

Hyukjae had an affinity for Donghae.

He just thought that the brunet was the cutest thing that he had ever seen, and it didn't help much that they grew up together and took dance lessons together.

He really liked Donghae, but it seemed as though the brunet avoided him at all costs, that he didn't want anything to do with him, and that didn't please him.

He knew he didn't appear as the most friendly person, but he really tried for Donghae.

The blond will admit, he had a bit of a temper, however it just seemed to disappear around Donghae. That boy was an absolute angel and he was the best thing that has ever happened to him. That's why he tried so hard.

He really wanted Donghae to like him.

He really does. 

The bell rang, signifying the beginning of the school day. Donghae was sprinting towards the gates, and just as he got through them, he smashed right into someone, spilling his books and papers all over the ground.

"..." He muttered under his breath as he slowly bent down to pick up his books, but unfortunately the person he ran into picked him up by his collar and shoved him against the wall.

Donghae looked up in surprise, and pinning him to the wall was none other than Kim Youngwoon, better known as Kangin.

"..."

"You got that ing right. ing , who the hell do you think you are, running into me? Do you wanna get hit?" Kangin snarled it into his face, and Donghae could feel his entire being shiver.

"N-no, well, p-please I-"

"Hey Kangin, why don't you put the kid down and titter along to class, yeah? I don't appreciate it that much that you're being so handsy with him. Remember, the kid's mine."

Kangin turned his head towards the voice, snarled once he saw who it was, and slowly let Donghae down, making sure not to have him injured.

He whispered harshly into Donghae's ear before he turned and left.

"You're lucky you got your personal bodyguard lookin' out for you."

Donghae, slightly taken aback by that, just thanked the gods for not having him mutilated today. He didn't even need to turn around to see who it was that had stood up for him, he knew.

It was Hyukjae.

It was always Hyukjae.

He had to admit, it was annoying to know that the blond was constantly watching him and making sure that nothing happened to him, but it was also nice to know that someone was watching out for him. Hyukjae wasn't his most favourite person in the world, no, but he wasn't sure what he would do if the older wasn't around to protect him from the numerous people waiting to take advantage of him.

Donghae wasn't weak, no, far from it, but he did not enjoy hurting people. If push came to shove, of course he would stand up for himself, however he always tried to see a way out of it.

He just thought that fighting was useless and didn't solve any problems as it did make more of them.

That was another thing that he and Hyukjae didn't see eye to eye on.

Hyukjae was the school's badboy that all the teachers hated and all the girl's (and some boys) wanted to be with. He was the bully of the bullies, the most popular of the populars. The tough guys wanted to be him, and the weak ones just tried to stay out of his way. But there seemed to be an exception for Donghae. For Donghae, he was the sweetest; sweeter than caramel. He would risk an arm and a leg for the brunet.

It pissed Donghae off in just the slightest.

He did have to admit though, Hyukjae could be sweet as . 

Like last week, it was colder than usual one day, and all Donghae had was a measly t-shirt that did nothing to protect him from the harsh breeze. He was standing in the main lobby of the school and stared out of the doors, feeling cold already as he gazed upon the leaves being blown about wildly from the wind. He rubbed his arms as he shivered in a poor attempt to warm himself up, when suddenly he felt something land on him. He picked it off of his head, and when he got a good look at it, it was a very familiar leather jacket.

He turned around quickly to try to catch a glimpse of the blond, and he successfully did so as he saw Hyukjae turn the corner out of his sight.

Then he left and went back home.

When he went to Hyukjae's house to give back the jacket, Hyukjae claimed that he didn't know anything about it and that Donghae should just keep it, because, you know, it was a really good jacket.

So he did.

In fact, it's sitting in his closet right now.

And just a few days ago, Donghae was late getting home, and it had already turned dark outside.

Now, their neighbourhood isn't anywhere like the ghetto, but it wasn't the safest place in the world. It got pretty scary at night, so Donghae was walking very cautiously when he heard rustling come from the nearby bush. Suddenly stiff, he turned to stare at the bush with wide open eyes, when out popped Hyukjae.

"Boo!"

Donghae screamed.

It was girly.

He expected that to be the end of it, when after a while he realized that Hyukjae was still keeping up pace with him. When he slowed down, Hyukjae slowed down, and when he sped up, so did the blond.

"Why are you walking home with me?"

"Why not?"

"I mean, weren't you already out of school a while ago? Why are you still here?"

Hyukjae just shrugged his shoulders as he popped a tic tac into his mouth.

"Want one?"

"Sure."

Hyukjae quickly poured one out for Donghae and then they kept walking.

"I was just passing after I just bought some gum when I saw you and decided that it'd be funny to scare you, and now it's convenient to walk you home because, wow, what a surprise, I live right beside you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say."

Donghae didn't see any gum anywhere that day.

It was tiny things like this that made Donghae question whether Hyukjae really was a bad person or not, and so their friendship slowly grew as Hyukjae kept being sweet and Donghae let him.

When it came to dancing though, Donghae was still relentless and wanted nothing more than to be better.

But he thought he could handle being worse sometimes if it was Hyukjae he was losing to.

Wait, what? 

it.

Hyukjae was definitely winning Donghae over in his book.

However, do you know how sometimes just one thing can break down an entire relationship? That the tiniest or the biggest mistake can ruin your life and perhaps others' around you? It's not that difficult to do.

And unfortunately, self control isn't a thing that Hyukjae has great control over.

"Hey Donghae! Wanna come over today? I bought Final Fantasy 7 Remake, so we can play it!"

Hyukjae excitedly jogged over to where Donghae was talking to Kibum, his best friend. Unfortunately, the only visible emotion on Donghae's face was guilt.

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I already agreed to let Kibum over today so that he could help me with my science homework. We can do it tomorrow, yeah?"

Hyukjae hesitated before he nodded his head.

"Can I still come over later though? You left your jacket at my house and I want to give it back. I'll be really quick, so you don't need to worry. I'll just pop on over."

Donghae agreed and then he and Kibum walked in front of Hyukjae towards their houses.

Hyukjae was just a tiny bit bitter, but he followed behind nonetheless. After all, Kibum was Donghae's very good friend, and he was no one to be trying to break that friendship apart.

He watched them both walk into Donghae's house, and soon after, he entered his own.

Hyukjae lay down onto his bed, and his hand landed on something slick.

He picked it up and looked at it.

Ahh, it's the jacket. 

It was the jacket that Donghae had left at Hyukjae's house. Truthfully, it was Hyukjae's jacket, but he had pretended that it wasn't because he wanted the brunet to keep it. He wondered if Donghae even remembered about it.

Probably not.

He got up from his bed and went downstairs. He warmed up some leftover pizza and watched an episode of Running Man before he went back to his room and picked up the jacket.

He had given Kibum and Donghae a good little while, and thought it'd be appropriate to drop by now.

He left the house, and knocked on Donghae's door. No one answered. Confused and worried, he lifted the flower pot by the door up and used the spare key under it to unlock the door.

When be opened the door, at first, he didn't hear anything. But after listening for a while, it sounded as though there was faint... coming from Donghae's room.

Suddenly infuriated, the blond ran up the stairs, and when he reached the top step, the sound was now much more distinct.

"Ahh, yes, Kibum... Right there! Ahh..."

Hyukjae felt himself grow weak.

Then he felt himself get pissed off. 

He bursted open the door, and had he not been so angry, maybe he would have seen that Kibum was fully clothed, that his hands were on Donghae's shoulders, that there was nothing going on, but he had been angry, and nothing was making sense to him.

He didn't notice when he threw Kibum off of the bed. He didn't notice when the boy ran out of the room with one final scared look towards Donghae. He definitely didn't notice when Donghae started talking to him but eventually gave up and backed up towards the wall. All he did notice was Donghae's oiled up tan upper body that seemed to be calling to him. 

He pounced on the brunet and soon had him pinned beneath him with his wrists held high above his head. He saw Donghae's mouth move, but he didn't hear anything.

"H-Hyuk, Hyukjae! P-please, H-Hyuk!"

Hyukjae attacked Donghae's lips in a vicious manner. Teeth clashed against each other and their lips were a wet mess. Hyukjae was in control, but mainly since it seemed that Donghae was still trying to talk to him while he continued to push him away.

"Hyukjae, p-please listen t-to me! Hyuk!"

Donghae had managed to push Hyukjae's face away from his, however he had only managed to push it down. Almost immediately, Hyukjae started peppering Donghae's chest in butterfly kisses that left a tingling feeling on his skin.

"Hyukjae!"

The tears were streaming down the brunet's face, and his attempts to push the blond away were growing futile.

Donghae's loud cries had been reduced to soft whimpers as he finally realized that this was happening. Hyukjae was there and was taking advantage of him.

Was this all the blond had wanted from him in the first place?

His voice was a soft whisper while his tear-stucken face stared straight to the ceiling.

"Hyukjae..."

It was like a sudden revelation. Hyukjae stopped, frozen, and looked up slowly. He saw Donghae lying there, in so much pain, and it dawned upon him what he had done.

He picked himself up off of Donghae and slumped unto himself.

"..."

That shook Donghae out of the numb state he had put himself into, and when he saw the now resigned Hyukjae, he got up, grabbed his shirt and sprinted out of his room, the tears still flowing strong.

Hyukjae moved like a zombie out of the house. He didn't know where he was going, but anywhere besides there was good for him.

He was hoping to sort some things out with Donghae, so as he sat on a swing in the park, staring at his name in his phone, he contemplated calling him, but knew that right now, all the brunet needed was space.

He just really wished that he hadn't let his anger take over him and just told Donghae that he was leaving for 21 months.

That he wouldn't be back for a while.

But hey, they all had to leave at one point or another, right?

Hyukjae had already talked to his family and teachers, so everyone knew the situation. He would pick up his studies when he returned. He would be a year behind everyone else, so he wouldn't know anyone in his year.

That was okay though.

He was leaving early tomorrow morning, so he had really wanted to spend the night playing games with Donghae, but the brunet already had plans and he didn't want to ruin that.

It was fine.

He'd just miss him.

It was about five in the morning, and Hyukjae had a duffel bag filled with some clothes and books to read on his way there and to help him sleep on the tough nights.

He walked out of his house, and with a slip of paper, he looked up to Donghae's window, and thankfully, the curtains were drawn, signifying that the younger had indeed returned home.

He knew Donghae's mother would be up at the time, so he knocked very lightly on the door so as to not wake any of the other residents in the house.

Thankfully, Donghae's mother answered and looked quite surprised to see Hyukjae there.

"Hyukjae! Darling, where are you going this early with such a large bag?"

Hyukjae just smiled bitterly and handed her the note.

"Can you make sure that Donghae gets that? Please, just, even if he doesn't want it, can you make sure he reads it? I... I don't think I'll be able to see you for about two years. I'm leaving, and, yeah. Donghae doesn't know yet. So, it would really mean a lot... Thanks." He smiled once again afterwards, and Donghae's mother just smiled sadly and hugged him.

"Be safe. I'll make sure he gets it."

Then Hyukjae left.

"Donghae! It's already 6:30! You need to get up now!"

Donghae groggily sat up in his bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was still dark outside, but he knew it was because they were already halfway through October. His birthday was in two days, and he couldn't wait.

He looked into his room, and on the ground he saw a leather jacket. He remembered what had happened last night. He hadn't seen it there because he had run straight out of the room, and when he came back, he just went right to his bed.

He gently lifted it off the ground and held it close to himself.

It smelled like Hyukjae.

He quickly brushed that thought off and quickly grabbed his clothes and hopped into the shower. When he got downstairs, he couldn't find his mother, but there was a note on the counter he assumed was from her.

How wrong he was.

Uh, hi Donghae.

I'm so, so sorry. 

I mean it.

I can't believe I actually did that to you, and if you can't find it in you to forgive me, I understand. I can't say it's fine, because it would break me, but I understand why you would do that. I just can't control myself around you.

I would have told you this in person, but I kinda can't.

If you're reading this when you typically wake up, then I've already left. I'll be back in 21 months, so hopefully that'll be enough time for you to maybe forgive me. Sorry I broke my promise. Guess we're not playing Final Fantasy 7 Remake today.

I'll miss you, fish, but I'm so sorry.

Please take care of yourself while I'm gone, and don't let anybody take advantage of you. You're so smart, and I know you don't like fighting, but please, if anyone tries to hurt you, don't let them. 

Even if we aren't the absolute best of friends, you mean so much to me, and I wouldn't be able to stand it if anything happened to you. That's why I kinda hate myself right now.

I love you, Donghae, and I can't wait to see you again.

See you in two years.

Hyukjae.

Donghae was crying.

Really hard.

The trip was long. Hyukjae had woken up very early, so he was really tired. He really wanted to take a nap.

He picked up his phone and decided to play a song. After looking over his music for a while, he settled on one of his old favourites, Growing Pains.

Donghae had calmed down some, so, feeling a sudden burst of courage mixed with how much he cared for Hyukjae, he picked up his phone and called Hyukjae.

His phone suddenly rang a minute into the song, and when he picked it up to see who it was, he almost dropped his phone. He cautiously pressed 'accept' and brought the device towards his ear.

"...Hello?"

"...Hello?"

Donghae's breath caught in his throat as he took in a sharp inhale. The feelings came flooding back to him, and he let out a shaky breath.

"Hyukjae?"

"Donghae, yeah, uh, hey. What's uh... What's wrong?"

Donghae could hear the nervousness in his voice and it made him smile a bit through the tears.

"..."

"..."

"Y-you're really a-an idiot, you know that?"

Hyukjae laughed a little. Unbeknownst to Donghae, the blond was crying too.

"Yeah, Donghae. I know. I know."

There was silence for a while, neither of them wanting to break it. They stayed like that, listening to the rhythmic breathing of the other.

"I'll see you in two years?"

The question startled Hyukjae, but he answered it nonetheless.

"Yeah... Yeah, of course you will."

Donghae smiled. 

"Okay, then... bye, Hyuk. I'll m-miss you. Oh, and, I forgive you."

Those words meant more to Hyukjae than Donghae could have ever imagined. He took a deep breath and the corners of his lips turned up just the slightest.

"I'll miss you too, Hae. Thank you, for everything, really. Bye now."

a/n: mental breakdowns in the middle of french class are not funnnn

sm for posting that tweet

donghae legitimately donghae for posting that goddamn picture of him and hyuk and that ing description

i was crying in my french class mother of god my teacher thought i was crazy

LEE HYUKJAE FOR THOSE PICTURES ON HIS INSTAGRAM

im gonna go cry in a corner now bye

sorrrrry to everyone for not updating perf. match in about a month as you can see i was clearly not okay

(yes i know they havent actually released ff7 remake yet)