On the way to Kyungsoo’s hotel apartment, the boy was so lost in thought he didn’t even notice how Jongin’s fingers smoothly made their way between his own, a gentle squeeze there to reassure him that whatever was going on wasn’t-maybe- as bad as he thought.

Kyungsoo’s never been an overthinker. He was always sure of what to do, and calm when needing to take decisions. Always sure of himself and of his wishes and intentions, so how did everything become so doubtful? How did he end up overthinking about this whole thing that happened tonight? He had so many questions an no answers, and it only made him anxious because, for the first time ever, he wasn’t sure of what to do.

“You know, tonight wasn’t supposed to be like this.”  The taller’s voice startled Kyungsoo, Jongin’s tone soft, almost hesitant. When Kyungsoo turned his head to look at the other, he noticed the crease between Jongin’s brows. “It was supposed to be fun, and maybe romantic. But now it’s all ruined.”  He sighed, still not looking at Kyungsoo.

The smaller felt a small smile creeping on his face for a second, but then took in the rest of the sentence and let out a sigh of his own, realising just how weird the situation was. He didn’t have an answer, but instead just ran his thumb across Jongin’s knuckles in reassurment. He didn’t know if the word ruined was  the right one- maybe he’ll decide on that after hearing Jongin’s explanation.

They found themselves, almost too soon, face to face on Kyungsoo’s small couch, both of them quiet for a few moments. They made themselves comfortable between the soft pillows on the couch, and Kyungsoo decided to not invade Jongin’s space- it seemed as if the other needed it.

-but it seemed that Jongin didn’t know how to start, or didn’t find his words because he kept sighing and playing with the hem of his V-neck, avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes at all costs.

“You know” Kyungsoo started after 5 minutes of complete silence, “back at the hounted house, when I told you to search for a good explanation..I didn’t mean to be so harsh. It’s just..you’re the misterious guy, and I like that, and although I admit that I have tons of questions I want to ask you, if you don’t want to tell me then it’s perfectly—“

“-no, I want you to know. I really do, and I would have told you earlier to be honest, but a small part of me hoped that we wouldn’t have to have this discussion.”  He said softly, finally raising his eyes and giving Kyungsoo a sad smile. “ I just- I don’t know how to start, and I feel like I just ruined everything because I really like you and I wanted tonight  to be more than just us two hanging out like we usually do, but how can I hope for something like that when there’s this..thing-- ”

Even though seeing Jongin sad and struggling to find his words was hard for Kyungsoo, the small confession the younger just said was so cute that it made Kyungsoo smile for real this time.

“—and I didn’t even know I’ll feel like this towards you and I kinda think you feel that way about me too but now that this happened you’ll just realise I’m not worth the effort beause it’s really, really messed up-“

In a moment of pure craziness, Kyungsoo streched over towards the younger and pressed his lips against his to reduce him to silence, receiving the cutest surprised noise from the taller. The younger’s lips were so warm and soft, it took all of Kyungsoo’s self control to not take Jongin’s bottom lip between his own, but then reminded himself that the purpose of this was to reassure Jongin that he didn’t hate him, not to start making out with him. It ended just as quickly as it started though, much to Kyungsoo’s dismay. He softly let go of Jongin’s face, looking him in the eyes, smiling reassuringly as he watched how Jongin’s eyes shifted from his eyes to his lips a couple of times, a bit out of breath. His confused face was so adorable it made Kyungsoo giggle softly, wondering just what he did to deserve such a precious human being.

The smaller realised he was almost on Jongin’s lap only when the other’s hand softly landed on his waist, apllying small pressure there to push him away.

“ I-if I want to be able to explain everything coherently, you should give me a bit of space or I- I won’t be able to form proper words.” He meekly let out, his breath hitting Kyungsoo’s cheek teasingly.

And maybe he was right, because Kyungsoo also became aware of how muscular Jongin’s thigs felt under him, and how warm his palm were on his waist. And let’s not even start with how badly he wanted to lean down and kiss the boy again- this time propely.

So he nodded softly, separating himself from the boy’s warm body, but not before adding one more thing.

“I swear I’ll listen to you, and I won’t judge you, and I most definitely won’t tell you that you don’t deserve the effort- because you really do deserve it, Jongin.”

The other offered him a warm hearted smile, nodding to himself before taking one deep breath.

“ To put it plainly, Kyungsoo, I should tell you I have a girlfriend. Or, at least, that’s what she wants me to say.”  He started, waiting for Kyungsoo to have some kind of reaction. The other only blinked a few times, confusion taking over him. If Jongin indeed had a girlfriend, then why-

“-but that’s actually not the truth.”  He then added, almost laughing because of how Kyungsoo’s shoulders relaxed visibly. “The truth is, I hate her, and everything that she is and that she does. I hate her so much that I don’t even really care about what she does or what she says about me. This has been going on for a few years now, but it’s the first time this actually bothers me. Before, I didn’t really give her too much attention,but now it’s different because you’re in the picture.” He offered a weak smile.

“I..don’t really understand. Are you biual?”  Kyungsoo asked, frowning.

“No way.” Jongin laughed softly, the crease between his brows disappearing. “You see, this girl I’m talking about –the one we just avoided tonight- is the daughter of one of my grandmother’s good friends. She, along with her mother, comes here every year for a whole month, and unfortunately they both stay at my house, since there’s plently of room and my grandmother doesn’t want them to spend money on hotels. They’ve been coming here for almost 8  years now, so we both know each other ever since we were little. It was okay at first, since we were too young to notice the differences between us, and thing were just fine. I’ve never had too many friends, Sehun being the only one actually, so she used to be almost like a breath of fresh air whenever she came here.  We would play all day long, and I would show her around the island and have a lot of fun. I thought I liked her, and we would sometimes hold hands or kiss each other on the cheek. I remember asking myself “Is this what I’m supposed to feel? Do I really like her?” I really didn’t know. She was really sweet, and while I was showing her what my life of the island was like, she would tell me about her life back in New York. Those were the good times..”  He said, an almost melancholic tone in his voice. He seemed so hesitant to speak, though, almost as if he was afraid of Kyungsoo’s reaction, so the other laced his fingers with his. He was so happy that Jongin was finally sharing parts of himself with him, and even though it was obvious that the boy was slightly struggling, the fact that he wanted to make that effort for Kyungsoo made his heart beat ten times faster.

“What’s her name?”

“Krystal.” He asnwered meekly.

 “So ..what happened?” he asked gently.

Jongin exhaled loudly.

“We grew up to be different, I think.” He started. “As my love for my little island grew bigger and stronger –  given the fact that, with my parents gone in Florida and with almost no friends, it was basically everything I had- her character grew to match the lifestyle she had back where she lived. I think I was 17 during the summer that opened my eyes, and made me realise a lot of things, not only about her, but about me aswell.”

“What things?”

“Well, for starters, I started realising that girls weren’t for me. Sure, they were pretty and all, but I realised that boys were the ones that caught my attention, not girls.  Sehun used to set me on dates with all kinds of girls, but I wasn’t attracted to them, even though they were fun to be around. So we both realised that I was, in fact, gay.” He said, offering Kyungsoo a shy smile. “ And then, that summer, the Krystal that I used to know came here as a totally different person.There was small things that I would notice, like the fact that she suddenly didn’t want to spend time on the beach or wander around the coast, but in clubs. Or that “the weather was too hot”, and made her face look greasy. She didn’t like walking barefoot in the hot sand, or swim because her hair would get curly, and she would have to straighten it again.”

He then took a pause, taking another deep inhale before continuing.

“She also contributed to my hatred for tourists. You see, she would befriend all these people that come here not to see the real Hawaii, but to hang out in clubs, take a few pictures to brag to their friends and drink and get drunk. Those kind of tourists that don’t even care where they are as long as they have a luxurious hotel room and a pool.  But she still liked me, and still wanted me to give her my attention. She would kiss me in front of the people she hanged out with here, bragging that her boyfriend was a local and that she was basically the luckiest person. But behind the curtain, we were always fighting. It felt weird fighting with her after so many years of being close, but I couldn’t take it anymore. And then, one night, I completely lost control over myself and told her that I don’t want to be with her anymore, because I like guys. “

Kyungsoo’s eyes doubled in size. “Just like that?”

“Yep, just like that.” He chuckled bitterly. “She was shocked, of course, and told me that it didn’t matter anyway, because I was hers. She told me that her mother and my granmother want us to be together, and that I can’t do anything about it. She also started threatening me, telling me that if I don’t continue to give her the attention that she wants, she’ll tell my granmother about me being gay.”  He trailed, his tone now so soft it was barely audible. He kept avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes, his whole posture making him seem small, like a lost child.  

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Jongin..” Kyungsoo said, too afraid of saying the wrong thing. There was so much sadness in the other’s voice, so much regret and self-hatred that it made him want to scream at everyone that mistreated him. His heart was swelling with so many emotions that it made him think that talking would be useless right now. Jongin needed comfort and reassurance, and maybe some guts to really put that girl in her place. Kyungsoo wanted Jongin to look at him, so that he could see how much care and –it was too early to say love- he had for him, but he didn’t want to force the younger. Those seemed to be almost painful memories, so much that even talking about them made the other sad.

So Kyungsoo only leaned his head on Jongin’s shoulder, squeezing his hand in reassurance and hugging his arm, waiting for the other to speak up whenever he felt okay doing it.  Kyungso wanted to be pacient. Only a few minutes passed before Jongin also shifted a bit, throwing his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist, hugging him and nudging his head in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, finding shelter and breathing in his scent. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, while Jongin’s body seemd to relax steadily.

“I hate her, Kyungsoo.”  He whispered, his warm breath hitting Kyungsoo’s sensitive neck, making him shiver softly. “I hate her and everyone like her, that thinks they can just take advantage of something of someone just because they feel like it. And I’m sorry if I’ve been a jerk to you at first, but I really hate people so much, that I somehow thought that if people see me as this cold idiot, they would avoid me and leave me alone.”

Kyungsoo listened to his every words carefully, humming sometines and rubbing small cirlces on the younger’s back, cuddling him.

“I think that’s what made me so intrigued by you, you know. How you seemed so cold and arrogant to me, but so happy when you were alone surfing or just looking around you, being in your most comfortable place. I kept thinking how can someone be like that, so cold to people but exuding so much warmth when being alone. You have this certain light in your eyes whenever you talk about what you love, Jongin. You could never be cold.” He mumbled in the other’s hair.

“You really intrigued me too.” Jongin said, trying to hide his face in Kyungsoo’s neck even more to hide his slight blush. “You were always alone, always on the beach just doing nothing. No fancy drinks around, no selfies. Just looking around in genuine curiosity. And you seemed to like listening to me talk about the sea, or about surfing, which was so new to me. I genuinely appreciate the fact that you’re someone who looks around and really wants to know things, and learn about this place. You’re not selfish and self-absorbed.And your obsession with sea animals is really cute. And you’re really, really gorgeous.” He added shyly, almost reluctantly leaning away from Kyungsoo’s neck to look him in the eyes.

Kyungsoo let out a small breath, feeling himself getting hot just by seeing Jongin’s passion in his eyes. He let his hand comb through Jongin’s hair, something he’s wanted to do for so long, feeling the sligtly rough texture –probably from the salty water- through his fingers.

“You’re realy gorgeous too. You have no idea..” He breather out in return, letting his hand massage the younger’s nape-nail gently scratching there, unconciously his bottom lip at the little sound the younger let out, making the other drop his eyes at the movement.

“Kyungsoo..”

“Mm?” he hummed, working his way up to the younger’s bangs. There was just something so satisfying about running his fingers through the younger’s blonde strands.

“I’m finished with the explanation, and I really don’t want to think about it anymore.” He said softly.

“Mm, so?” Kyungsoo asked slightly confused, his hand stopping in his movements. He realised what was Jongin trying to imply only when the younger shyly took both his hands into his own, slowly pulling Kyungsoo back in his lap. He adjusted his posture a bit, leaning back on the couch so that Kyungsoo could also sit comfortably, his hands finding their way, again, on Kyungsoo’s waist, as the other’s circled around Jongin’s neck.

And while Jongin seemed relaxed and with a better mood now, Kyungsoo was having a mini panick attack because sitting on someone’s lap was one of his biggest turn ons, and Jongin looked really good with his back resting against the couch, his eyes turning just a tad bit darker, and he really wanted to kiss him but didn’t know if it was the right moment to do so, and he felt warm all over and-

“-so it’s okay if I stay here tonight? I’m really sorry if it bothers you, but Sehun’s not in town tonight, so I can’t go to his place and I don’t really want to go home and see her either..” he trailed, a soft smile on his lips as his hands now caressed Kyungsoo’s waist, fleeting touches making the other sigh in pleasure.

“You know you’re not bothering me. I’m actually happy you’re here.” He admited, biting his lip. If Jongin wanted to play the teasing game, then so be it. He wasn’t the only one who could do that, so Kyungsoo casually started playing with the hairs on Jongin’s nape again, acting as if he didn’t noice the shaky breath the taller let out. He wanted to press his body against Jongin’s so badly, but he took pleasure in seeing the other’s brown irises swallowed by his blown pupils, his eyes so full of passion it made Kyungsoo his lips over and over again.

“You know what, I actually take back what I said earlier. I don’t regret the way tonight turned out at all.” Jongin stated, his hands dragging Kyungsoo closer to his body, resulting in his lips being at the same lever with Kyungsoo’s neck. And even though pressing his lips on Kyungsoo’s neck was beyond tempting, he had a better idea in mind.

So, raising his chin a little, he said:

“Kiss me?” 

A/N

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