Daesung woke up the next day with a major headache. He sat up from his bed and let out a mighty yawn. He really did not want to go to work because of what happened yesterday. He really almost got the monster inside of him unleashed. He couldn't even sleep properly last night as he was tossing and turning in his bed sheet if he was the one who was wronged or if it was Taeyeon who was wronged because she was almost the victim of domestic abuse that was about to be commit. So, that explains the 3 bottles of soju on his nightstand and his opened pill bottles.

He looked at his alarm clock and it was about to turn 6 AM. It's a crime to wake up this early. 

Daesung hesitantly got out of his bed and went to his bathroom and looked at himself in cabinet mirror. His expression to his face unreadable. With his cheeky grin, and his dead, soulless eyes staring straight at himself, he didn't know what he was trying to tell himself. He the faucet of the sink and splashed cold water on his face to wake him up and tried his face with his what tank top. 

He opened the cabinet door open and grabbed one of the pill bottles and shook two pills out and swallowed both of them dry, without drinking any water. He then grabbed a case of Marlboro cigarettes.

Daesung has always questioned himself on why he wants takes the pills to get better, yet he smokes cigarettes like there's no tomorrow. It was like he didn't know what to choose. It was like a game of life or death to him. Sometimes he wonders why he did all the things that go against everything he stands for. Was it out of curiosity? Idiocy? Self-loathe that he created or someone else did? He doesn't know. All he knows is that he was confused about where he wanted to be, Heaven or Hell.

As soon as he left the bathroom, he walked out of his balcony and sat on the ground. He has to sit on the ground because many of his fans and paparazzi know where he lives and if either of them finds out he smokes, his career is a goner. 

He smoked one cigarette, two cigarettes, three cigarettes, soon it was the whole pack. All of them were smoked and burnt into the ground as soon as Daesung finished each and every one of them.  As soon as he was finished he just sat there. He was there an hour later smoking his lungs out, and just thinking. Then his hand starts to rapidly shake. That always happened after he finished a pack of cigarettes. It was like a message to him from the past and him now was trying to send him. It was like the old he was trying to save him by scaring him that the next cigarette could kill him, but it was like him now was telling that he wants more.

Tiffany knew about his smoking - habit. She found out after she used his bathroom once and found an empty cigarette box, and ever since then she promised to help him stop and become healthier. She even tried to take all his cigarettes away and dispose of them, but he told her that if she gets caught with any traces of them, she'd be jeopardizing not just her own career, but the rest of the girl's career. Even though he didn't know them that well, he knew that they worked too hard to get a big scandal like that ruin it for them.

So, he still kept the cigarettes and tries to smoke less each day, but as you can tell it's not going so well.

Sometimes he wonders how he let himself become this way and sometimes he wonders if stopping is really possible. He has gotten himself too deep into this mess, and once you're in, it's hard to get yourself out. 

With his hand rapidly shaking, his breath quickens and soon he furiously threw the empty box away from him.

"What am I doing to myself?"

Daesung finally left his room and headed downstairs. Once he was entirely on the first floor, he heard a knock on his door and when he looked through the peephole and saw that it was no other than Taeyeon. 

"Why does she keep coming here?" He asked himself and decides to just leave her be and not answer. But the knocking returned as soon as he took one step away from the door. 

"Yah! Jung Daesung, I know that you're in there!" She yelled through the door and continued to bang on the door and he immediately turned back to the door to find a smiling Taeyeon in front of his doorstep. 

I think that Welcome mat is misleading...

"What are you doing here? What would happen if you and I get caught and we end having a -" Daesing was giving Taeyeon a lecture about how someone might've followed her and they would have another scandal. But Taeyeon had caught him off.

"This guy really likes to nag. I thought I was the older one."  Taeyeon wondered to herself and walked into his apartment, which earned a glare from Daesung. 

"Didn't anyone tell you that you shouldn't a person's house unless given permission?" Daesung asked the wondering female figure as she looked around the living room. I'm pretty sure you were here a couple days ago. I don't know why you're walking in here like you never did...

"Oh! By the way, your manager told me that he's sick today and told me to drive you to the company today." Taeyeon informed me. But soon she started to sniff the air in the living room. . 

"What's that smell? Are you smoking something in the kitchen?" She asked, but she actually already had an idea of why ever since she saw his bathroom cabinet.

"Oh, that? I had some leftover smoked salmon last night." Daesung explained to Taeyeon. But of course, she didn't buy it. "Let's just go."

They were in the recording booth, waiting for the producer to get there. It was just dead awkward silence. Mostly because Daesung was pretty angry at Taeyeon because of the incident that occurred yesterday. Taeyeon really wanted to start a conversation with him, but knowing his temper she doesn't know what to do since she never saw him get angry.

Taeyeon just stared at him as he was just on his phone, probably texting somebody. She wonders what had ever had happen to them. After the day he left the country she had so many questions about him. Maybe he wasn't the person she thought he was. Maybe she didn't take good care of him. She doesn't know if it was her fault, but maybe it was. Maybe something happened to her in her past life that she deserved to be treated like that. 

She knows that Baekhyun disapproves of her relationship - or whatever they had because he has a right to. She's not dumb, she knows that he can be violent at times, but no one knows Daesung like she does.

Can it be a bit over the top? Maybe. 

Yet, knowing him for almost all her life, she's confident that if anyone were to deny it, she would always prove them wrong. 

Finally, the producer came into the room and they both politely greeted him. Of course, when Taeyeon took a glance at Daesung she could see that he just painted a smile on his face. 

"Okay, so I today we're going to try and get as much done as we can today." The producer told them as he handed out the lyrics to the both of them. "So, Daesung will be singing the first half of the verses and Taeyeon will sing the second half. Then for the hooks for the choruses and the actual chorus, you both will harmonize together. Then for the bridge, Taeyeon will sing first, then Daesung will join in and you both have to make sure that your voices are together as one, okay?" He asked them, but in the end, Daesung knew that having chemistry with Taeyeon will be difficult because if he has to look into her eyes there's no telling of what he could do.

"Also, you'll both be recording at the same time because we are really behind on Taeyeon's album recordings." The producer added as he smiled at Taeyeon, showing his obvious favoritism towards her. Uhm, how about me? You know the guy who debuted almost 6 months ago, promotions stopped after 3 months, kind of needs a comeback here. Daesung was very much trying to not to roll his eyes. 

The situation wasn't helping Daesung either. Their microphones were placed in front of each other, which means that they have to stand in front of each other. The only way he can get himself out of there without looking like a total in front of people is to just look at the pictures. 

The producer already gave them the demo/guide version of the song, so they know how the rhythm and melody were supposed to go. 

"Without even knowing, I was holding the phone
It's me, it's been a long time
Because it was so hard, because I felt bad if I held you back
Because I regret letting you go, I just let out a sigh~"

Right after the first part of Daesung's first verse the track was caught off. "Daesung-ah, you sound insincere, maybe you should look at Taeyeon to make it more meaningful." Well, I'm screwed.

"Let's try it again." The producer told him and the music track started again, and he looked into Taeyeon's eyes and he knew that he lost himself. To Taeyeon his expression was unreadable.

He sang the verse again and it was like he wasn't himself again. But whoever he was at that time, he was very vulnerable.

But if one thing is for sure, is that maybe, just maybe, the old Daesung was present. Because if anyone that knows Daesung is that he hates seeing people crying because it only reminds how weak people can be.

"Let's do it one-"

"Sorry, but can I be excused I need to go." He said and without any answer, he bolted out of the recording booth and made his way to the rooftop. Only to have memories come back in to head.

*Flashback*

August 5th, 2008

It was a year after everything happened. Daesung left Jeonju and Taeyeon back in South Korea and moved to America. Girls Generation debuted. Daesung found a new side to him and he wasn't sure if he liked it or was scared of it.

But once Daesung moved to America, besides his mom and little sister he was lonely. He didn't fit in with the other kids and the timing  couldn't have been worse because it was high school. 

You know how hard it is when you get to high school, right? Peer pressure is the devil that follows every kid around. 

But because it was summer, Daesung had the time to get used to the idea of probably becoming an outcast as he walked around the school grounds that he will be attending the next month.  

As he was walking around the school's football field, imagining if he would witness an actual homecoming game. His train of thought was interrupted when he was invited to sit with a couple of kids, who didn't look like the nicest or the brightest people, they looked a bit shadier than the other kids. Daesung who was like every shadow in the hallways that blended in with everyone and are just forgotten. 

"Yo, Daesung! Come here, we want to talk to you!" One kid in a black hoodie sitting in the bleachers on the football field who was surrounded by 3 more guys who looked almost like him.

Being a desperate kid that Daesung is, he didn't mind their attire and went ahead and sat with them. 

"You're new here, right? The name's Damian. That's Jre, Anthony, and Michael. I know that you don't seem to have a lot of friends, and I can see why." Damian gestured towards Daesung's attire. Yup, the classic sweater vest on top of a white shirt, wearing black jeans, and slacks. "What he means is, slacks man? We're in the 21st century." Jre scolded, which made Daesung look down at himself. Yeah, he could use a good makeover session. 

"Tell you what, we'll make you look like you're actually a part of this century. Step one, have one of these." Anthony told me as he gestured to  Jre who was holding out a cigarette to him. He knew that if he took that one thing in his hand, he would fit in. If he didn't, the loser status continues. 

"Sorry. But I can't." He told them and escaped the group people. 

At the end of the day, he went back home and did his daily night time routine. The meeting between him and the group of guys who were trying to make him a part of something kept replaying inside his head. He was about to take the death in wraps but held his hand back knowing that he could end up dying.

Now, he was just laying down on his bed trying to get some sleep, but as soon as he finally got into a comfortable position after tossing and turning almost all night, his phone started to ring. 

Without much thought, he answered the call, without looking at the Caller ID because he was too tired to check. 

"Yah, Daesung-ah you finally picked up..." The faint voice of the reminder of why he's miles away from "home". He just stayed silent as the phone conversation still went on.

"I guess that you don't feel like talking today? I guess that's okay since it's the first time that you picked up your phone after a year you disappeared from here." Daesung could immediatley notice the strain in her voice. It was almost like that she trying her best to not cry or show any sign of pain she was feeling. "How have you been? Aren't you starting high school? I wouldn't know, but I graduated high school recently. Didn't you promise me that you would've been there for me? You promise me that you will treat me to Sundaeguk*, but you didn't." At this point, Taeyeon's voice was cracking, showing her true emotions.

"Daesung aren't here by my side?! Why did you leave me, why?!" She shouted through the phone. Then in the background of her side of the phone Daesung could hear multtple voices of female voices telling her to stop talking and to hang up and the sruggle to get the phone out of her hand.

"Sorry whoever this is. Taeyeon is just not... sane at the moment." And at that, the person hung up the phone.

Daesung put his phone on the already cluttered desk in his room and only momentarily, Daesung's chest started to hurt again. He pulled out a drawer from his desk with a bunch of pill bottle searching for the right one. He finally found the right bottle after whacking each and everyone of them down. He immidetely shook 2 pills and popped it in his mouth and swallowed it. 

The next day, he went back to the school's footbal field and it wasn't long after he found the scent of smoke that led him to the same group of guys that he met yesterday. Damian spotted him and gestured him to come over to them.

"Daesung was your name right? Did you think about our offer?" He asked him, but Daesung stayed quiet hoping that the guy would just move on to another topic. "Dude, it's not a hard question. Yes or no?" Still, Daesung said nothing and looked at his slacks. 

Michael let out a sigh which turned all the attention to him. He looked at Daesung, the other members can tell that Michael was giving Daesung some sympathy since each and everyone of them was an outcast before and they know what it feels like.

"Look man, we know how it feels like to be an outsider looking in, but none of us ever thought that we'll be the ones that made some people from the inside look out. Just because we wear baggy pants, wear hoods to cover our heads, smoke whenever we're alone, doesn't mean we're members of some crackhouse or a gang. It doesn't mean that we can't be our own safe place." The words of what Michael was saying made Daesung look up for the first time in their conversation, and made eye contact with him and he could tell that they boy practice what he preached.
 
"But you just came here and I don't know how things run in your school, but it's best to be an outsider. We're the people who can just do what we want and sure people can judge us, but we have each other to know that they have our back through thick and thin. It's hard to find those people. We barely talk to anyone that's not us, but we saw how you'll became a victim of what we call the living Hell." As he pointed to the doors of their living Hell. "It's okay to walk away and ignore what they'll do to you, but it's better to have people who can be there for you. But hey, the choice is all on you." Daesung noticed that the other guys were looking at their shoes this time. 

At that moment he made his decision.

The boys looked up again after they heard sudden coughing. They saw Daesung coughing after lighting a cigarette and smoking it for the first time. The boys broke into laughter after they saw the Daesung almost coughing out his lungs after one measly puff.

"Don't worry man. You'll get used to it." Damian smacked his back which made him cough more. 

"Sorry... my bad." 

*Flashback Over*

"Yah! Daesung, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be reco-" He interrupted her again, but this time with a hug.

"Can you answer me properly?" He asked her and she nodded her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rubbing his bag, trying to soothe him from his distress aura. "What happened to me? Am I really a monster now?" He asked. All he did was blink and tears were already cascading down his face.

"You are and never will be a monster. You are Daesung, my love and life. You are you, and I can't change that, and that's a good thing because I would never change anything about you." She said to him and held his head with her two hands and wiped some of his tears.

"Now, stop crying. You hate it when you cry - and you don't look good either ." She laughed to herself and Daesung couldn't help, but she let out a small chuckle too. He held one of her hands and gave it a soft peck. "How did I end up with you?" He questioned her. "Oh, be quiet." She told him and have him a nice long kiss on his lips.

Little did they know that their safe place was being infiltrated by someone.

Tiffany and Daesung are dating?!

Hi, guys! Sorry, I've been going through some tough times these past few months and I just want to aplogize and give you guys a chapter which is way overdue. I hope you liked it and I understand if you guys don't like it because I literally wrote this today. So like it, dislike it and comment!

Love you guys!

Until the next chapter!