Behind Closed Eyes

by GreenGardenPop

Language : 13/15

For language, I can't really point out the technical errors because I'm far from being good. Yet, I liked the way your words gives readers a dreamy feeling whenever Jiyeon is alone. How the sky felt different from the atmosphere when Jiyeon's father enters the room. It shows how much she enjoy being alone in her thoughts. You did not use very extended vocabulary but your writing is not repetitive as well. Except for this part in chapter 2: "She nodded. She frequently heard Jieun talking bad about someone behind their back. Jiyeon even once caught Jieun talking about her behind her back. "

Did you write the "beard" poem by your own? Because it's so on point. It portrays the extend of people makes fun of her and the degree of embarrassment she has to bear with. I have to give an extra point for that! One thing I have to point out is the usage of the word "" in Jiyeon's thoughts. She seems a religious person, I'm not sure if this extend of vulgarity suits her character. 

Paragraphing and font is great. I'm particular with that area, but it seems very neat and very easy for the eyes. A suggestion for this part, consider using italics for flashbacks and dreams, because it happened almost in every chapter. It may look less confusing to readers.

Plot : 16/20

This is a plot that we are familiar with not just because we have seen it in stories but in real life as well. So far till the chapter given, there was not much of an evident event yet. I was actually hoping for something to happen. Like an outburst when her mother feeds her or her father lost his temper so she will move on. However I'm glad we are finally seeing a progress in the story. Hopefully it's not another dream, or else I will have to knock you, just as Jiyeon says "it's time to move on". Apart from that, I have to say you did a great job in unveiling the past that matches the present problems Jiyeon faced.

There is alot to talk about the characters. Firstly, thumbs up for all the main characters. They all have very evident roles. It's a clear cut that the protagonist is someone who prefers being alone due to several traumatized events in her past. Whilst Chen and mother has a very loving character that keeps her alive.

But the character of Jieun seemed a bit vague to me. Yes, she plays "the " role in this story, yet I was hoping to see was how a she is. I need to know how bad she. Jiyeon mentioned that "She's a fussy who