Wonderwall

by overexosed

Language : 12/15

For the language , I must say , I was impressed. You took the time to put some vocabulary without making it too difficult to understand. I am far from being someone who’s good with grammar so I won’t be too hard on you about that. Anyway I practically didn’t found any mistake. What really made you win points in this section is that you really put yourself into the story so that every world count. What I mean by that is that it was easy for me , and I guess everyone who read your story, to understand that each word might have a double meaning. Like for example the word “ Silence” that you used to at first indicate that there was no sound but this words meant a lot more when you read the chapter you made specially to explain everything. I liked that part and also the one where you explained the title on the forward. I know you are not the first to have done so , but I really appreciated it. The reason why you don’t have the perfect note is because nothing is perfect in this world but you are honestly close to it. There was simply missing something about the language that I am sorry I can’t really identify. If I would have to tell you exactly I think I would say that the length of the story was maybe a problem for me. Maybe you could have given more detail and , then, make longer paragraphs because I unfortunately felt pushed and pulled out of the story really quickly.

Plot : 17/20

Here , I must say , you fell directly into my cup of tea. Maybe the score would been different if Emily would have reviewed it but I can’t help but being biased by this type of story. Out of every style possible ,psychological is my favorite. I tried to stay neutral even despite that so I still judged the plot of your story in hope to help you , even if I already quite liked it.

The first thing you did that I really appreciated was that it was clear that you knew about your subject. I can’t help but praise people who take the time to make some researches to write something coherent and I can clearly see that you did. You did a great job about a rather difficult subject. Writing about psychology is never quite easy but you came out with a really interesting yet intriguing story. I must say that , out of all the stories that I read in the past two years on the site , I never read something quite like that. The fact that the story started as Jongin is already quite ill exposed the fact that you clearly wanted to focus on the illness instead of the background of why he was there. Some people might like it and some people not but I found it really interesting none on the less. As I said , I can’t really give the perfect note unless I really feel like the story is 100% perfect and I am truly sorry to say that it was not. Even if I appreciated each sentence , I must share with you the only thing I think you could do in improve the plot of your story. I think you should do more chapters. I am not asking you this as a desperate reader but as a reviewer there. Let me explain the difference. Rather or not I liked it , the story was quite short and , as I said , I felt directly pushed and pulled out of the story. Maybe it was just a slice of life from Jongin but I am pretty certain that some people might have been confused by that. I think  your story could only get better by that because it would also give more space for your characters to show their real personalities. It was quite easy to understand Jongin’s one because of his illness and his passion for Iseul but the character of Iseul seemed a bit vague to me. She was just a mirage to Jongin and it was disturbing at one point to know so little about her.

Maybe you already planned it or maybe not but let me tell you that I am pretty sure your readers think the same way that I do. Having more chapters would be more logical because I don’t think Schizophrenia is a topic even the best writers could really cover in a simple one shot and your plot as the potential to lead a real long story so I must say it was one of the only thing I found disappointing about it.

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